Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

To piggy-back on @Ol Dirty Fatso, the PfizerBiotech is approved for ages 5-11 at a reduced concentration.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Tesa is still shilling Instagram vibrators that she could never use, given that she cannot lift her own gunt. Why would you chose an all pink and frilly set to promote a rubber duck yellow toy? This is what they get when a company trusts Tess to chose an appropriate photo shoot to promote their product (as long as she pays for it herself).

Either choose a pink toy for the shoot, or switch your concept to match the product, moron. Go with all black lingerie, a black background, and a neon lighting setup. As a bonus, it'll be easier to shoop your fat off. You're welcome.
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So this trashy prop house is exactly Tess’ style of “posh,” which is to say it’s a trailer trash idea of posh. Tess previously posted photos from this shoot in which she’s not even holding the vibrator…just posing “seductively” on the bed with her arm hanging over her fupa to hide it, per the usual.

Her photog posted separately that she “came through with the budget” for this shoot.

Let me tell you exactly what’s going on, using a perspective of experience that I won’t powerlevel from: Tess booked this shoot herself and paid for it, possibly on credit, maybe with cakejohn money. She booked it to do multiple things…get more BOO-DWAR photos to try and lure johns with, project the image to her fans that she’s still getting work and oh yeah, maybe shill a sex toy.

Her outfit and the location are all wrong for the toy because she didn’t book this with the toy in mind. Her top priority was getting more photos of herself in this Marie Guntoinette concept to use as feeder bait or try and lure in actual paid gigs by proving She Still Gots It. This was a vanity/spec shoot first and foremost, entirely out of her own pocket.

But she decided to kill two birds with one stone and shoot the toy here too, possibly to make it look like the toy company paid for this shoot. They absolutely did not, because the costume and staging make no sense for the product, and anyway this is some Fabletics shite where the influencer comes up with the location and outfit, not the company. Tess wants ppl to believe she’s on someone’s payroll to do this, but she might as well be holding a Coldest water bottle.

The toy doesn’t look good in any of the surroundings and Tess looks like she can’t be bothered with it, because this shoot was booked with Tess’ ego and desperation for a paying john in mind. But since she had the photog and hair booked for the hour, might as well squeeze the shoot for all it was worth by shooting the next instagram shill post.

Fun fact: this particular sponsor shill is all over instagram and totally cut and paste. Demi Lovato is doing it too:

Practically word for word from Tess’ post. But Demi didn’t waste personal money on a photo shoot at least.

 

[gampboonerisms]

So this trashy prop house is exactly Tess’ style of “posh,” which is to say it’s a trailer trash idea of posh. Tess previously posted photos from this shoot in which she’s not even holding the vibrator…just posing “seductively” on the bed with her arm hanging over her fupa to hide it, per the usual.

Her photog posted separately that she “came through with the budget” for this shoot.

Let me tell you exactly what’s going on, using a perspective of experience that I won’t powerlevel from: Tess booked this shoot herself and paid for it, possibly on credit, maybe with cakejohn money. She booked it to do multiple things…get more BOO-DWAR photos to try and lure johns with, project the image to her fans that she’s still getting work and oh yeah, maybe shill a sex toy.

Her outfit and the location are all wrong for the toy because she didn’t book this with the toy in mind. Her top priority was getting more photos of herself in this Marie Guntoinette concept to use as feeder bait or try and lure in actual paid gigs by proving She Still Gots It. This was a vanity/spec shoot first and foremost, entirely out of her own pocket.

But she decided to kill two birds with one stone and shoot the toy here too, possibly to make it look like the toy company paid for this shoot. They absolutely did not, because the costume and staging make no sense for the product, and anyway this is some Fabletics shite where the influencer comes up with the location and outfit, not the company. Tess wants ppl to believe she’s on someone’s payroll to do this, but she might as well be holding a Coldest water bottle.

The toy doesn’t look good in any of the surroundings and Tess looks like she can’t be bothered with it, because this shoot was booked with Tess’ ego and desperation for a paying john in mind. But since she had the photog and hair booked for the hour, might as well squeeze the shoot for all it was worth by shooting the next instagram shill post.

Fun fact: this particular sponsor shill is all over instagram and totally cut and paste. Demi Lovato is doing it too:

View attachment 2804842
Practically word for word from Tess’ post. But Demi didn’t waste personal money on a photo shoot at least.

Nor waste time with a smile

 

[NoReturn]

More Tess videos, gotta get your money's worth out of that makeup.

It's so weird that she has a portrait of herself there. Like, I understand having framed fanart of yourself because it's legitimately a cute image and the artist did a good job, but then having it in an ad or placing it on the table like a little shrine is bizarre.

Dude weed lol

So this trashy prop house is exactly Tess’ style of “posh,” which is to say it’s a trailer trash idea of posh. Tess previously posted photos from this shoot in which she’s not even holding the vibrator…just posing “seductively” on the bed with her arm hanging over her fupa to hide it, per the usual.

Her photog posted separately that she “came through with the budget” for this shoot.

Let me tell you exactly what’s going on, using a perspective of experience that I won’t powerlevel from: Tess booked this shoot herself and paid for it, possibly on credit, maybe with cakejohn money. She booked it to do multiple things…get more BOO-DWAR photos to try and lure johns with, project the image to her fans that she’s still getting work and oh yeah, maybe shill a sex toy.

Her outfit and the location are all wrong for the toy because she didn’t book this with the toy in mind. Her top priority was getting more photos of herself in this Marie Guntoinette concept to use as feeder bait or try and lure in actual paid gigs by proving She Still Gots It. This was a vanity/spec shoot first and foremost, entirely out of her own pocket.

But she decided to kill two birds with one stone and shoot the toy here too, possibly to make it look like the toy company paid for this shoot. They absolutely did not, because the costume and staging make no sense for the product, and anyway this is some Fabletics shite where the influencer comes up with the location and outfit, not the company. Tess wants ppl to believe she’s on someone’s payroll to do this, but she might as well be holding a Coldest water bottle.

The toy doesn’t look good in any of the surroundings and Tess looks like she can’t be bothered with it, because this shoot was booked with Tess’ ego and desperation for a paying john in mind. But since she had the photog and hair booked for the hour, might as well squeeze the shoot for all it was worth by shooting the next instagram shill post.

Fun fact: this particular sponsor shill is all over instagram and totally cut and paste. Demi Lovato is doing it too:

View attachment 2804842
Practically word for word from Tess’ post. But Demi didn’t waste personal money on a photo shoot at least.

GUYS!
THE THING TESS HAS IS THE DEMI WAND!
It's literally named for Demi Lovato!

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Lol, it’s what, one fourth of a magic wand? True labour of love, suuure

 

[Water-T]

Marie Guntoinette

Best Tess insult since "butter golem"

I do agree with you that Tess paid for this but wants everyone to think it's a paid sponsorship program. This is similar to when she did that awkward ad for skin creme where she nearly tripped and you could barely identify the product. No product would want to be advertised so terribly, and IIRC, it was revealed that Tess bankrolled that travesty herself in order to drum up new sponsors.

 

[Slurm Queen]

My god, that Tula sponcon video is so unbearably awkward. Even without dialogue, you can sense Tess’ awkwardness on camera, down to the way she picks up the products or how she dots them onto her skin.

Speaking of, the texture on her cheeks caught me off guard. I’m so used to her skin looking like she slathered on crisco — I suspect all that “dewiness” is to distract from the redness and the closed comedones all over her skin.

Spoiler: “Skin sperging”

(Side note: a lot of obese women have tons of closed comedones all over their cheeks and jawline, which is typically a sign of hormonal imbalance or conditions like PCOS that cause an increase in testosterone. Besides prescription medication, one of the first things a dermatologist will recommend is elimination of sugar and refined carbs.)

 

[Haesindang Park]

More Tess videos, gotta get your money's worth out of that makeup.
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It's so weird that she has a portrait of herself there. Like, I understand having framed fanart of yourself because it's legitimately a cute image and the artist did a good job, but then having it in an ad or placing it on the table like a little shrine is bizarre.
View attachment 2806319
Dude weed lol
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View attachment 2806324
View attachment 2806325

GUYS!
THE THING TESS HAS IS THE DEMI WAND!
It's literally named for Demi Lovato!
View attachment 2806330
View attachment 2806331

That vibrator will get lost under her FUPA.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

More Tess videos, gotta get your money's worth out of that makeup.
View attachment 2806286

View attachment 2806289

View attachment 2806291
It's so weird that she has a portrait of herself there. Like, I understand having framed fanart of yourself because it's legitimately a cute image and the artist did a good job, but then having it in an ad or placing it on the table like a little shrine is bizarre.
View attachment 2806319
Dude weed lol
View attachment 2806322
View attachment 2806324
View attachment 2806325

GUYS!
THE THING TESS HAS IS THE DEMI WAND!
It's literally named for Demi Lovato!
View attachment 2806330
View attachment 2806331

Jesus Christ! I didn't think she could be any worse on camera but today's vibrator ad was a new low. Its no wonder she doesn't have very many repeat clients, she's been doing this supamodel thing for how many years now and still does the same faces and poses she's done since 2011. She should have more mainstream clients and she claims that its because she's too fat, but that disgusting creature Glitter and Lazers has worked with quite a few notable retailers, so its obviously not Ryann's weight that is holding her back.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

It's so weird that she has a portrait of herself there. Like, I understand having framed fanart of yourself because it's legitimately a cute image and the artist did a good job, but then having it in an ad or placing it on the table like a little shrine is bizarre.

I am absolutely not surprised that Tubbers would have a shrine of herself or that she features it in advertisements apropos of nothing. She’s always believed that she is the final product and not the clothes, makeup, and vibrators she shills. She believes that she is so interesting as a person that people should be beating down the doors to book her, date her, etc. that she can’t comprehend why a narcissistic black hole like herself has to bankroll her own advertisements. Must be fatphobia of course. The only sponsorships she gets are from those who sponsor everyone who asks like Flabletics or businesses that are dumb enough to give sponsorships based on Instagram followers alone. Fortunately the latter group figures it out right away; the average duration of a sponsorship with Tubbers is about the average duration of her friendships with her BFFs.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

I am absolutely not surprised that Tubbers would have a shrine of herself or that she features it in advertisements apropos of nothing. She’s always believed that she is the final product and not the clothes, makeup, and vibrators she shills. She believes that she is so interesting as a person that people should be beating down the doors to book her, date her, etc. that she can’t comprehend why a narcissistic black hole like herself has to bankroll her own advertisements. Must be fatphobia of course. The only sponsorships she gets are from those who sponsor everyone who asks like Flabletics or businesses that are dumb enough to give sponsorships based on Instagram followers alone. Fortunately the latter group figures it out right away; the average duration of a sponsorship with Tubbers is about the average duration of her friendships with her BFFs.

It’s worth to mention her Life Dream Comes True Podcast, that literally had mountains of sweets and propped All About Tess — weirdly standing Parent journal, book, year old cosmo, etc.

 

[Ben Lurkin']

Jesus Christ! I didn't think she could be any worse on camera but today's vibrator ad was a new low. Its no wonder she doesn't have very many repeat clients....

Clock me with clocks, and rate me late...but, considering her dearth of sponsors, is there a reason Ryann doesn't mooch via a line of her own merch? Does she think flogging her own tat is beneath a "big" souppa-muddle (but a cake beneath her for farting is not?)

Would she be violating some "non-compete" with (now nearly non-existent) sponsors by peddling her own line of crap?

She's selling her used/abused clothes on consignment...so, how would merch mooching be that different? Due to past scams did she somehow burn the grift-bridge down and salt the ground so she dare not set up a self-run storefront?

Or, is it just because Hooves is too unimaginative, uncreative, or simply too pig-lazy and stupid to manage a few personal "on-brand" designs? Even though almost all of the work is done for one by companies that drop-ship cheap swag via the Shopping-Cart Side-Hustle for Dummies set-up?

I'm baffled as to why she doesn't even try to make a bit of bank (especially now, during the December - Christmas revenue season) with some silly-ass merch with a "Happy 'Holliday'!" theme, or generic fatspo swag with smug sayings like "#fukurbootystandards," or reproductions of her repulsive tats on a line of "size-inclusive" t-shirt tents?​

Apparently no "moddling agency" will touch her with a 10 ft. tape measure...her only "sugar-daddy" these days is Lawd Beetus...she's shilling sex toys, yet she's shelling-out for the shoots...is at approximately 1.5 barely remunerative sponsorships while rapidly counting down to zero...and seems to be in full financial free-fall.

BigBish is obv busted. She's been forced to the Rodeo Drive off-ramp and onto the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Even Moar Broke Bankruptcy."

Could a kind Kiwi plz enlighten me as to the "Why?" this heifer no-hustles da merch?

 

[multiverse]

Clock me with clocks, and rate me late...but, considering her dearth of sponsors, is there a reason Ryann doesn't mooch via a line of her own merch? Does she think flogging her own tat is beneath a "big" souppa-muddle (but a cake beneath her for farting is not?)

Would she be violating some "non-compete" with (now nearly non-existent) sponsors by peddling her own line of crap?

She's selling her used/abused clothes on consignment...so, how would merch mooching be that different? Due to past scams did she somehow burn the grift-bridge down and salt the ground so she dare not set up a self-run storefront?

Or, is it just because Hooves is too unimaginative, uncreative, or simply too pig-lazy and stupid to manage a few personal "on-brand" designs? Even though almost all of the work is done for one by companies that drop-ship cheap swag via the Shopping-Cart Side-Hustle for Dummies set-up?

I'm baffled as to why she doesn't even try to make a bit of bank (especially now, during the December - Christmas revenue season) with some silly-ass merch with a "Happy 'Holliday'!" theme, or generic fatspo swag with smug sayings like "#fukurbootystandards," or reproductions of her repulsive tats on a line of "size-inclusive" t-shirt tents?​

BigBish is obv busted. She's been forced to the Rodeo Drive off-ramp and onto the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Even Moar Broke Bankruptcy."

Apparently no "moddling agency" will touch her with a 10 ft. tape measure...shills sex toys, yet she's shelling-out for the shoots...is at approximately 1.5 barely remunerative sponsorships and rapidly counting down to zero, and seems to be in full financial free-fall.

Could a kind Kiwi plz enlighten me as to the "Why?" this heifer no-hustles da merch?

She did hustle merch, it was her first big break - and her first epic failure. She sold cheap t-shirts with an "Eff Your Beauty Standards" patch ironed on them. She sold them pre-sale three times; she sold out each time; and she failed to deliver most of them, keeping the cash instead and blocking anyone who asked where their $40 t-shirts went. It was a massive scandal, and her agency had to hire a crisis manager to resolve open orders and refunds. But her original audience still remembers, and they hate her for it.

So she stopped selling merch, but she still beleived that anything she was involved in would be adored.. wrong.

From that point on, any collaborations she did - a one year contract where she "designed" a Penningtons collection; that stupid EYBS capsule collection; that one style of clog named after her - flopped completely. She just isn't talented or even knowledgeable about fashion.

So there you are. She's tried and failed to do merch, and is too lazy to try again, plus all that lighting in a bottle from her circa 2012 hashtag is long over. Other collabs failed because she lacks that j'ne sais pas.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

The EYBS capsule hit clearance pricing within a month. It was a big fat bomb. Bigger and fatter than her FUPA. This was when she was trying to get pee oh cee models to wear her trash. I think some did but didn’t help her crappy capsule. Furthermore, FTF, who was partners on the capsule, do tons of them; they’re the Flabletics of fashion designers. Dear Feeder can probably ink a deal with them.

Little wonder why she is shilling vibrators now. There’s Demi Lovato but she’s known first and foremost as a train wreck.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

More Tess videos, gotta get your money's worth out of that makeup.
View attachment 2806286

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View attachment 2806291
It's so weird that she has a portrait of herself there. Like, I understand having framed fanart of yourself because it's legitimately a cute image and the artist did a good job, but then having it in an ad or placing it on the table like a little shrine is bizarre.
View attachment 2806319
Dude weed lol
View attachment 2806322
View attachment 2806324
View attachment 2806325

GUYS!
THE THING TESS HAS IS THE DEMI WAND!
It's literally named for Demi Lovato!
View attachment 2806330
View attachment 2806331

I call shenanigans. There is no way Tess only ate that portion of Oreos.

 

[Water-T]

She did hustle merch, it was her first big break - and her first epic failure. She sold cheap t-shirts with an "Eff Your Beauty Standards" patch ironed on them. She sold them pre-sale three times; she sold out each time; and she failed to deliver most of them, keeping the cash instead and blocking anyone who asked where their $40 t-shirts went. It was a massive scandal, and her agency had to hire a crisis manager to resolve open orders and refunds. But her original audience still remembers, and they hate her for it.

So she stopped selling merch, but she still beleived that anything she was involved in would be adored.. wrong.

From that point on, any collaborations she did - a one year contract where she "designed" a Penningtons collection; that stupid EYBS capsule collection; that one style of clog named after her - flopped completely. She just isn't talented or even knowledgeable about fashion.

So there you are. She's tried and failed to do merch, and is too lazy to try again, plus all that lighting in a bottle from her circa 2012 hashtag is long over. Other collabs failed because she lacks that j'ne sais pas.

In a nutshell, Tess has been handed one sweet opportunity after another, and she screwed them all up.

The shirt mess torpedoed the public's trust in her, ruining her later efforts to shill crap. If she had thought out the logistics first and hired someone competent to handle the shipping/creation orders, Tess could still have had more opportunities to shill her own stuff.

When she got that gig with E! (or some other channel), instead of brushing up on her fashion history and theory, and working on improving her stage presence. she mostly ate on camera, blathered like a child, or stood around looking like a moron. JVN swiped the opportunity from Tess, and now he's famous on Queer Eye.

Tess's "collections" are terrible eyesores that even her most ardent fans didn't buy. She SHOULD have brought aboard a collaborator with more fashion sense to help her design much better looking clothes, but Tess hates sharing the spotlight.

Plus we already know all the bridges she burned by lying about her size at photo shoots/model gigs, acting like a bitch and/or white trash.

 

[Gay Mouth]

She's just a big lazy slob, you can find websites where all you do is upload your designs, and they handle production, orders, shipping, even advertisement, and just give you your cut afterwards. She could hire a competent graphic designer to produce a line of designs for like $1000, or ask her fawning fan who make her fan art for permission to print their designs basically for free. She could even get a site designed with her sickly pink aesthetic plastered all over it that has an outsourced shopping tab. She could rake in passive income this way, but she's an idiot. Since she's set on just eye rolling her way out of every mention of the T-shirt debacle, she could just plow through with a "SORRY I EFFED YOUR FULFILLMENT STANDARDS, LETS TRY AGAIN" but she's not bright enough to manage multiple streams of income. She's creeping towards her 40's, this is prime time to transition from "SOOPERWADDLE ACTIVIST" to "BOSS BITCH ENTREPRENEUR CEO". But she's allergic to good decisions

 

[NoReturn]

"Public bashing is what you guys get for not taking my youngest child!"

She's just a big lazy slob, you can find websites where all you do is upload your designs, and they handle production, orders, shipping, even advertisement, and just give you your cut afterwards.

Do you think she can even design anything?

 

[Catto Gatto]

My friend just sent me this meme featuring Tess. I don’t think he even knows who she is, but it made my day. Happy fat shame Friday everyone!

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

My friend just sent me this meme featuring Tess. I don’t think he even knows who she is, but it made my day. Happy fat shame Friday everyone!

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r/fatpeoplehate lives on!

Do you think she can even design anything?

On her failed EYBS x FTF capsule, all she really did was slap “EYBS” on a few things and called it a day. I think there was also a jacket that could fit her hulking arm hocks but that takes no thought whatsoever. Her shitty clogs also looked like something put together while she was waiting on Postmates to deliver her a tub of Jeni’s ice cream and some weed. Same goes for her failed podcast. Tess is allergic to effort…and exercise.

She could hire a competent graphic designer to produce a line of designs for like $1000,

Not when there’s champagne cakes that are being uneaten! She just doesn’t have the wherewithal to work on this either. My assumption with those designs she made is that she just waddled in, half assed some designs, spent the rest of the time bitching and eating, waddled out, and couldn’t be assed to put in any further effort. Not that they wanted to spend any time with her.

She puts in minimal effort because she truly believes it’s all about her. Time spent on designs is time not spent eyefucking herself. We saw this in Alaska where beautiful country landscapes were wasted on her because all she wanted to do was eyefuck herself. Her narcissism levels are so high that she doesn’t want to invest any effort on something others might enjoy…even if it’s clothes she’s designing.