I was addicted to gaming, no joke. I was probably among the most epic of gamers. I gamed night and day, levelling up and calling other people niggers. While my gaming became increasingly more epic my mindset took a more serious approach. "This is now for realz Epic Fail Man, you are an epic gamer of the highest caliber now" I thought to myself. This wasn't fun and games for me any more, gaming became a way of life for me. But what I hadn't realized is that I had neglected everything else, I was living off ramen and fast food because I would I waste precious gaming moments on cooking. Exercise was also out of the question, however I did not get fat because of all the rockstar energy drinks I drank as rations were making me run to the toilet and piss. But what really hit was that I neglected my showering. For days my smegma would grow and grow, until it grew so much that it turned into some sort of homunculus that looked like me but was cooler and had more muscles. "I will game more epically than you" my homunculus said. I was powerless, it was stronger than me and took over my Steam account and eventually replaced me and threw me out of the house.
I was homeless for 6 month because I gamed so much that I grew a homunculus clone of me that managed to replace me in every way. When I was homeless I had no desire to game, my life was like a video game and I would sometimes pretend to be mario jumping on shrooms and stuff, until someone recommended me a bottle of gin. "Wow" I said. "This feels like an E-tank from the Mega Man series". I could not believe how fucking cool it felt to drink alcohol, this was way better than playing video games. So I drank and drank and people noticed I became more of an Epic Drinker than an Epic Gamer. My drunken genius mind had an idea, a hunch. I ran back to my old house and went into my room where I saw my smegma homunculus clone playing my video games. I opened a bottle of Jameson and splashed it on him. He quickly dissolved, alcohol kills smegma pretty fast. So now every night I drink a bottle of 40s and spill a bit on my foreskin just so I don't become homeless again.
