Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[George Floyd Sneed]

The only plan Tess has is nonstop indulgence. Mostly food but her ego as well. She doesn’t really have any forward planning - she lives life one tub of Jeni’s ice cream at a time.

 

[Angry New Ager]

It may be the actual plan though, circling back to her having no job skills and her days as a moddle are done. She is not about to get a Real Job or lose weight, so might as well go the 600lb life route to get them disability bux.

Them disability bux is a miserably small amount of money, and while she can continue to earn/receive a small income, if she exceeds a certain amount her disability check will be reduced accordingly. You've got to be a rock-bottom loser to use getting on disability your backup strategy for when your grifting fails and you don't want to get a job. The people who actually need it, and have no other options to survive, would rather not be on it.

Given that Ryann hasn't picked up any useful skills that she can use to earn a living during all her years as a moddle, it's obvious that Tess doesn't think about the future at all. That she had another kid; that she thought she could keep lying about her actual size and still have a career; that she's continued to gain weight—this is not a woman who thinks about the future the way a healthy, functional adult does.

So I doubt she's given any thought at all to what she's going to do if she ends up disabled, because her ego can't allow that. I honestly suspect she believes there will always be another client, another contract, or another sugar daddy that will come to her rescue and take care of her. Ending up with no other recourse but disability will come as a massive shock to her when it finally happens, because in her head she's Tess Holliday, Superwaddle, and things just have to work out for her.

 

[Gay Mouth]

I doubt she's given any thought at all to what she's going to do if she ends up disabled, because her ego can't allow that. I honestly suspect she believes there will always be another client, another contract, or another sugar daddy that will come to her rescue and take care of her.

Tess’ life has been characterized by self delusion so deep and unshakable it has literally gaslit our society at large into playing along. If she can convince herself that with makeup, hair and wardrobe she can make her tallow sack of a body appealing, why shouldn’t she believe aging and time itself isn’t a plaything in her hands? Despite getting the aesthetician to inject the counter into her face, she seems unlikely to acknowledge the ravages good old Father Time is waging against her extra crispy applewood smokehouse pork butt skin

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Tess’ life has been characterized by self delusion so deep and unshakable it has literally gaslit our society at large into playing along. If she can convince herself that with makeup, hair and wardrobe she can make her tallow sack of a body appealing, why shouldn’t she believe aging and time itself isn’t a plaything in her hands? Despite getting the aesthetician to inject the counter into her face, she seems unlikely to acknowledge the ravages good old Father Time is waging against her extra crispy applewood smokehouse pork butt skin

In a normal functioning society, Tubbers never would have received a single modeling contract or sugar daddy. Society has more or less rewarded Tess for being morbidly obese but while there is a “point and laugh at the freak” aspect to her “success”, that novelty is temporary whereas Ryann thinks it’s permanent. Her London experience, whatever it was, shook her but she is so delusional that she thinks it was a one off experience (likely due to fatphobia, she figures) and that she will continue to have success. Nadia still indulges Tess for whatever reason, even if it’s just pity work, but that’s enough for the Tubbster to think she still has a bright future in modeling. If she loses income from feeder work, she’s screwed because as @Angry New Ager points out, Uncle Sam is not much of a sugar daddy to accommodate Tess’s oversized and unsustainable lifestyle.

 

[Constellationzero]

Them disability bux is a miserably small amount of money, and while she can continue to earn/receive a small income, if she exceeds a certain amount her disability check will be reduced accordingly. You've got to be a rock-bottom loser to use getting on disability your backup strategy for when your grifting fails and you don't want to get a job. The people who actually need it, and have no other options to survive, would rather not be on it.

Given that Ryann hasn't picked up any useful skills that she can use to earn a living during all her years as a moddle, it's obvious that Tess doesn't think about the future at all. That she had another kid; that she thought she could keep lying about her actual size and still have a career; that she's continued to gain weight—this is not a woman who thinks about the future the way a healthy, functional adult does.

So I doubt she's given any thought at all to what she's going to do if she ends up disabled, because her ego can't allow that. I honestly suspect she believes there will always be another client, another contract, or another sugar daddy that will come to her rescue and take care of her. Ending up with no other recourse but disability will come as a massive shock to her when it finally happens, because in her head she's Tess Holliday, Superwaddle, and things just have to work out for her.

Ryan also cannot have money in either a savings account or any investment money--even if she doesn't receive the dividends but invests them back in. She's still married to Nick, so just because she's only bright enough to fart on cakes doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have something like that himself. And the state DHS looks VERY DEEPLY into finances. Remember that most people who apply for SSI or SSDI ALWAYS have a homeless arc because DHS turns everyone down at least once or twice. And the process is long even with a lawyer or bevy of doctors to make excuses to DHS.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

It would be interesting to see if she would do a cowcrossover with Nickado. Fly to Las Vegas and eat a bunch of shit with Candy and Nick. I know she thinks she is above that, but she needs to do something flashy and stupid for internet clicks now. Nick and Candy are both massive degens that love to gorge and she eats for 10 and is hawking sex toys now, so I can't see what they wouldn't have in common.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

It would be interesting to see if she would do a cowcrossover with Nickado. Fly to Las Vegas and eat a bunch of shit with Candy and Nick. I know she thinks she is above that, but she needs to do something flashy and stupid for internet clicks now. Nick and Candy are both massive degens that love to gorge and she eats for 10 and is hawking sex toys now, so I can't see what they wouldn't have in common.

Tess is almost painfully dull, shallow and devoid of any personality. As proven by the podcast. She is at best obnoxious, if with her drinking buddies, but still dull, because stupid as a rock.

Nick and Candy have personality. And at least Nick is very smart. Tess maybe would be great as a target for Nick's snide comments. But that does not go great with her narcissism. And Tess is not a team player, because narcissism to the max.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Tess is almost painfully dull, shallow and devoid of any personality. As proven by the podcast. She is at best obnoxious, if with her drinking buddies, but still dull, because stupid as a rock.

Nick and Candy have personality. And at least Nick is very smart. Tess maybe would be great as a target for Nick's snide comments. But that does not go great with her narcissism. And Tess is not a team player, because narcissism to the max.

I think Nick's witty commentary would make it worth watching.

 

[Constellationzero]

I'd be interested to see Ryan and JoeysWorldTour doing a car review. Waiting to see who pops off first and how violent it gets would be worth the watch.

 

[Pizza Munch]

She’s in the NYT crossword way too often. The puzzle from 12/25

 

[NoReturn]

The filter grabbed her statue, kek

What could she have made?

Is carrots and chicken!

Looks like she's reading the thread again and had to prove she "can cook".

---

Ryan also cannot have money in either a savings account or any investment money--even if she doesn't receive the dividends but invests them back in. She's still married to Nick, so just because she's only bright enough to fart on cakes doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have something like that himself. And the state DHS looks VERY DEEPLY into finances. Remember that most people who apply for SSI or SSDI ALWAYS have a homeless arc because DHS turns everyone down at least once or twice. And the process is long even with a lawyer or bevy of doctors to make excuses to DHS.

Spoiler: Don't ask me how I know this. I'm not going to tell you.

There's also a potential trap that Rylee, but more realistically the other family members, need to watch out for. If any of them does anything that a lawyer could argue constitutes "care" for Tess, then they could also try to pull that person and their finances into the mess.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Ryan also cannot have money in either a savings account or any investment money--even if she doesn't receive the dividends but invests them back in

And for that, I often enjoy searching for “Tess Holliday net worth”, such a wonderful example of an internet persona that has nothing to do with reality.

The filter grabbed her statue, kek

> tree decorations
A N O R E X I C

 

[MiniMuffin]

Given that Ryann hasn't picked up any useful skills that she can use to earn a living during all her years as a moddle, it's obvious that Tess doesn't think about the future at all

I remember in last season of “My 600 Pound Life” one of the stars was a 5’10 woman who weighed something like 900 pounds. She made money as a cam girl for feeders, and from what I recall her cam work involved simply eating cake, like an entire cake at a time, on camera. (This job obviously interfered with her attempt to lose weight to qualify for weight loss surgery.)

I wonder if Tess would ever consider that kind of “job.” That’s basically what she does now. But it would be more public.

 

[Constellationzero]

I remember in last season of “My 600 Pound Life” one of the stars was a 5’10 woman who weighed something like 900 pounds. She made money as a cam girl for feeders, and from what I recall her cam work involved simply eating cake, like an entire cake at a time, on camera. (This job obviously interfered with her attempt to lose weight to qualify for weight loss surgery.)

I wonder if Tess would ever consider that kind of “job.” That’s basically what she does now. But it would be more public.

Vanilla Hippo.

Yeah, problem is, these pachyderms never make much because ALL of it has to go towards food. Imagine what it takes to maintain the girth, and then a bit more. It has to happen every time because the attraction is for the pachyderm to get bigger and bigger and bigger.
Money shot is: Humiliation from loss of basic function, hospitalization, and death.

A lot of these fatasses have had to use Clips4Sale just to help maintain the fass fud budget alone. They also get food sent directly/ordered for them, or a gift card, none of which will pay their rent and utilities.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

View attachment 2830726
She’s in the NYT crossword way too often. The puzzle from 12/25

There are certain short words/names that show up in crosswords a lot because they're made out of common letters and thus easier to work into it, I highly doubt the writer gives a shit about tess beyond making the puzzle work.

The filter grabbed her statue, kek
View attachment 2830822
What could she have made?
View attachment 2830827
Is carrots and chicken!
View attachment 2830835
View attachment 2830836
Looks like she's reading the thread again and had to prove she "can cook".
View attachment 2830839

---

Spoiler: Don't ask me how I know this. I'm not going to tell you.

There's also a potential trap that Rylee, but more realistically the other family members, need to watch out for. If any of them does anything that a lawyer could argue constitutes "care" for Tess, then they could also try to pull that person and their finances into the mess.

Just fat people things: having all of your nice ornaments be food-shaped

 

[Internet's Boyfriend]

The filter grabbed her statue, kek
View attachment 2830822

Those food ornaments are so tacky, I hope they break in storage sometime between now and next Christmas.

 

[Nod Flenders]

View attachment 2830726
She’s in the NYT crossword way too often. The puzzle from 12/25

Body positivity activist my ass. She promotes being unhealthy habits and being a landwhale.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

And for that, I often enjoy searching for “Tess Holliday net worth”, such a wonderful example of an internet persona that has nothing to do with reality.
View attachment 2830992

> tree decorations
A N O R E X I C

“a tonne of wealth” lmao, definitely was trolling when writing that.

A bit of a powerlevel but several years ago I listened to a morning zoo radio show and they’d bring on comedians and one of the questions was if the net worth sites about them were accurate and none of them ever said yes. It could just be attempted humility but a few of them said that it’s a long running joke about those net worth sites. So take it for what that’s worth. A higher profile example is Larry David who has commented that his net worth isn’t close to what those sites say.

Besides, if Tubbers ever approached those kinds of numbers, she wouldn’t have been shacking up with Jolene for nearly a year until a mystery benefactor gave her enough money to live on her own. Until summer of 2020, Tess was fat ass err I mean flat ass broke and she’s only received fewer modeling gigs since then.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

It's a fairly well known fact that net worth is blown out of proportion and unreliable. But I honestly still scratch my head over where they pulled the fairy tale annual income of 1.6 Million dollars from? Some bullshit, Tess herself pulled out of her gargantuan ass?

It's the first time I heard that. Before that she tried to sell her no good, faggy hipster husband as a successful millionaire business man. Coming to think of, I can't recall Tess trying to sell herself as super rich and successful boss babe?

 

[Umaibae]

Put it this way: Anthony Bourdain’s estate was a little over a million bucks. This is a man who was beloved by many, considered a leader and trailblazer in NUMEROUS fields (cooking, writing, reinventing travel television) with numerous successful TV series, awards, best-selling books, etc.

Tess can’t even come close. I hate mentioning her name anywhere near Tony’s. He’d probably hate her, bless his soul.