Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

What actually led to Ralph's beating?

  • Official narrative, chased robber to defend his property (Manpurse, €150) and 1 VS 4 epic fight.

    Votes: 80 3.4%

  • Beaten by the pimp of an underaged prostitute.

    Votes: 755 32.0%

  • Tumbled down the steep streets like a loose boulder.

    Votes: 153 6.5%

  • Beaten by a gang of drug dealers.

    Votes: 476 20.2%

  • Uttered something stupid in front of locals.

    Votes: 850 36.0%

  • Tried to put his trotters on Warski's sister.

    Votes: 47 2.0%
  • Total voters
    2,361
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Tom Myers said:
Andy dabbing on on the Gunt

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What’s even better is Ralph is so obsessed with Andy he has traveled thousand of miles to soak up the culture and ambiance of Andy’s ancestry. He will probably be looking for a hooker that reminds him of Andy tonight.

Seriously, it’s like me saying I hate that fucking Dr. Sanji Gupta on CNN so I’m going to spend a week in Punjab with a bunch of Hindus to show that asshole what I think.
 
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MirnaMinkoff said:
What’s even better is Ralph is so obsessed with Andy he has traveled thousand of miles to soak up the culture and ambiance of Andy’s ancestry. He will probably be looking for a hooker that reminds him of Andy tonight.

Seriously, it’s like me saying I hate that fucking Dr. Sanji Gupta on CNN so I’m going to spend a week in Punjab with a bunch of Hindus to show that asshole what I think.
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Andy should go on vacation to West Memphis to smoke meth, quid pro quo
 
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SuperConglomerateWhale said:
The cornerstone of every nutritious breakfast.
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Ralph is going to start drowning his french fries in mayo when he comes back and act like Europe transformed him into a "cultured" person. When is Ralph going to start celebrating the fact that he can buy a "glass" of beer at McDonalds in Europe?

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Baked Al-Aqsa said:
I mean, that's a bit less than 12 USD, so while not great it's not quite as outrageous.
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I should probably pay more attention to their monopoly money. What quantity of food did Andy buy? I can't remember the last time I ate at Burger King, but if he only got a single combo meal, $12 is pretty bad.
 
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Disheveled Human said:
One of the biggest reasons for traveling is to go to the best places to eat in other countries.
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I can just see Ralph telling his fellow West Memphisians about the exotic and wonderful food they have in Portugal.

"HAY GAYDUR, THE FOOD IS FUCKING FANTASTIC, IT HAS THESE FUCKING THINGS CALLED ONIONS RINGS GAYDUR! I SWEAR THEY'RE JUST LIKE THE ONION RINGS WE HAVE HERE! NEXT TRIP IS GOING TO BE TO SINGAPORE SO I CAN TRY THAT FAMOUS SOUTH-EAST ASIAN DISH CALLED A WHOPPER!"
 
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MindYourSeabiscuits said:
The funny thing is he uses the "it's late and one place wanted a vax pass" as an excuse but in a city like Lisbon there's something open that isn't Burger King. He could have at least ordered UberEats or some shit. He just really wanted Burger King.
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Super true with the UberEats. Even in early 2020 in Serbia where you couldn't even go outside except for essential business, you could order pizza.
 
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Tommy's Mom said:
$14.95 for Burger King?! I wouldn't brag about that, Andy. Jesus, Canada really is collapsing isn't it? Andy literally just posted the in-store prices. Canada is fucked, and Lord Humungous is laughing his ass off right now.
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For what it's worth either Andy is in Nunavut right now or he's retarded and paid some stupid high price for delivery and got upcharged on dressings. The price of a family meal at Burger King is only $19.95 Canadian, and that gets you 2 Whoppers, 2 Jr. Whoppers, 4 drinks and 4 fries or onion rings. The rest of the meals top out at like $8.

Remember; if either of these 40 year old men were smart with money they wouldn't be bragging at each other about eating Burger King. Don't stare too deeply into the socioeconomic subtext of their rambling or else you too might one day find yourself rationalizing international trips just to eat fast food.
 
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Tom Myers said:
A true Gunty King needs his crown!

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If i flew 7 fucking hours in coach like pleb cattle huffing ass fumes and having drooling sleepers pinning me to my chair, to some european country thats cold and basically dead this time of year, found out my wincon of getting there first isnt even going to happen since i had retardedly misread "didnt move there what a bitch" as "didnt go there yet what a bitch" and the guy had actually been there, and had to be shunted off from any local flavor to eat a fucking burger king id actually kill myself.
 
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My Cat Is Racist said:
He won't be able to get into many if any restaurants because he isn't vaxxed. He's probably going to be stuck eating fast food and room service for his entire stay.
Not that he'd care. You don' t get to Ralph's size without eating processed shit all day. It's what he loves. 🐽🐽
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Lisbon will be Ralph’s first real experience with serious Covid restrictions and vax requirements. He thought Vegas was bad, but it’s nothing compared to Europe. Add to the fact he’s a fat, ugly, loud American that doesn’t speak Portuguese and isn’t vaxxed. The locals will have a ball turning him away and treating him like dog shit on the bottom of their shoe.
 
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The Big Dream said:
Andy should go on vacation to West Memphis to smoke meth, quid pro quo
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It needs to be something Ralph hasn't done/can't do, ie visiting xander.

MindYourSeabiscuits said:
The funny thing is he uses the "it's late and one place wanted a vax pass" as an excuse but in a city like Lisbon there's something open that isn't Burger King. He could have at least ordered UberEats or some shit. He just really wanted Burger King.
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I doubt Ralph can be bothered to look through portugese menus and try to find something he might like. He went with BK because he knows what he wants, and thats heavily processed foods crammed with sugar and salt.
 
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