Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Cheesegirl78]

He hasn't been sperging about his magical electric old man gravy anymore. I figured he'd be on about that all the way to the grave at the rate he was going.
Here's a macabre thought, do you know how expensive funerals and caskets and shit are? There's no way Prince Lucas of the mighty esteemed Elk Kingdom is ever going to be able to afford a proper burial or even the cheaper route of cremation. What's gonna happen to his bloated old carcass when he finally does kick the bucket, does the city pay for people like him to get buried? He's content to be the taxpayers' burden until death so ironically it would actually be money well spent.

From the little I know, unclaimed bodies are cremated by the county, the ashes are kept for a time in case relatives DO end up claiming the body, but if not, the ashes are placed in a communal grave after a period of several years.
This was on an HBO special I watched several years ago about the LA county coroner's office.

 

[Burned CDs]

The way his face contorts when he says "You're a wrinkly old hag etc" is so amazingly hateful... and punchable. These are the sorts of things that give me some sympathy for Myrna. Regardless of how badly she brought up lucas, how much she indulged and spoiled him, no one deserved to be talked to you like this by their children. No one deserves Lucas as a child.

Lucas says his dad was a disciplinarian, says his dad would "grab them by the collar and throw them outside", when he's trying to demonstrate what a well brought up real man he is, but I can't imagine a kid talking to his mom this way who received even the most mild correction.

She birthed, raised, and developed this monster. How dare you?

 

[Burned CDs]

I can tell you read this advice somewhere without understanding it.

Before going into anything deeper, Lucas is a creeper and a pussy and both are immediately recognizable by the way he presents himself. This automatically puts off most women and likely causes most men to want to instinctively beat his ass.
Secondly, this advice only works if you are confident she's into you (if she randomly interjects comments about your height/physical condition; finding ways to touch you despite only just meeting you), and even then IME it only works like 3/5 times. How this applies to the cow in question is that Lucas Werner 1) has ZERO ability to read other people, thanks to both his simple mind and his delusions 2) always tries to approach women with a common-interest strategy. He tries to appeal to women by finding common intrests (e.g. socialism, activism, etc.) but this is a (relatively) long(er) term strategy; so Lucas going for the gold off the bat is self-defeating 3) Lucas is physically repulsive so while this advice might work for a 6'ft+ guy with a moderately athletic build and normal hygiene, it will almost NEVER work for a reeking hobo who's flabby gut is busting out his shirt.
Lastly, as others have pointed out, Lucas's idea of "taking charge" isn't being bold and leading, its being a controlling psycho (although ironically this demonstrates that he's not in control) and demanding.

Spoiler: Advice

Generally, if you read advice on the internet on how to pick up/date women, ask yourself "how would Lucas Werner interpret/follow this advice?" - then do the opposite.
If you read some advice and think "yo Lucas Werner does this well!" then its probably shit advice and you should disregard it.

Lucas Colby Werner should always be your parameter of what NOT to do when it comes to dating.

He added that he scared off the trannies with his burrito farts.
So he made a video trying to impress the Gen-Z baes and added in that his farts are so noxious that people immediately decide to leave the house, and he thought this fact would win him points.
He advertised to his perceived potential mates that he passes noxious gas that makes others flee.

WHAT A CATCH!

What a Pokemon.
Luke used fart, it was super effective.
He used leer, super effective.
He used attraction signs, no effect.
He used signal virtues, no effect.
He used EBT card, no effect.
He used screech, it was reversed and he was put into a PokeBall.

 

[Da Dude123]

He hasn't been sperging about his magical electric old man gravy anymore. I figured he'd be on about that all the way to the grave at the rate he was going.
Here's a macabre thought, do you know how expensive funerals and caskets and shit are? There's no way Prince Lucas of the mighty esteemed Elk Kingdom is ever going to be able to afford a proper burial or even the cheaper route of cremation. What's gonna happen to his bloated old carcass when he finally does kick the bucket, does the city pay for people like him to get buried? He's content to be the taxpayers' burden until death so ironically it would actually be money well spent.

The fat cow will definitely end up in a pauper's grave. If he dies before his parents, and there is a very real possibility that may happen, there will be no funeral.

My prediction is Myrna will post a Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was for sympathy from her friends. If any of her friends ask her when his funeral will be, she will delete those comments and block those people. No way will she have a funeral for her bovine son, nor will King Roy.

 

[Fatal Walter]

Well, he's already been waiting for ten years. What's another night?

 

[Wernology]

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Well, he's already been waiting for ten years. What's another night?

I'll always maintain that it's proof some sort of god is protecting hot women from ever becoming even mildly interested in Lucas.

 

[mothman96]

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Well, he's already been waiting for ten years. What's another night?

If the Pedo Creep is still alive in 2032:

Pedo Creep : #ProveIt

******* Prove What?

Pedo Creep: Prove god exits

*********** How would anyone do that?

Pedo Creep: A hot deeply interested in me chick. I'll wait.

 

[Jeep1971]

I can’t be the only one that reads this as something of a threat, right? Something campus security should be made aware of?

Don't you just love those gay little poses he does for his memes. He tries SO hard to act like the zoomer he wishes he was.

 

[Wernology]

Valentines day is coming up.

I wonder if he'll have the same sort of meltdowns as last year. Last year all he got was @Fatal Walter streaming about him, which I'm sure he didn't care for at all.

 

[Da Dude123]

Valentines day is coming up.

I wonder if he'll have the same sort of meltdowns as last year. Last year all he got was @Fatal Walter streaming about him, which I'm sure he didn't care for at all.

I hope so. I want to see more chimpouts and talk about how his sperm is plenty good and how he is ready to be a dad. Those will hit different now that he lives in a nursing home at age 42. He is back to his calls for others to yeet him a bae.

 

[WonderWino]

What a Pokemon.
Luke used fart, it was super effective.
He used leer, super effective.
He used attraction signs, no effect.
He used signal virtues, no effect.
He used EBT card, no effect.
He used screech, it was reversed and he was put into a PokeBall.

You left out his BO stench shield, patreon call out attack, pseudo science attack and beetus sympathy attack

The fat cow will definitely end up in a pauper's grave. If he dies before his parents, and there is a very real possibility that may happen, there will be no funeral.

My prediction is Myrna will post a Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was for sympathy from her friends. If any of her friends ask her when his funeral will be, she will delete those comments and block those people. No way will she have a funeral for her bovine son, nor will King Roy.

While dying he'll probably demand the hospital arranges for him to be cremated and spread all over the spokane park, or at a high school. The city should recoup its losses over the years by giving his cremated remains to house of charity to spread on the icy sidewalks around the building in the winter. Or they could just do this with him:

That way he can clog the shelter toilet in death as he did so often in life and spend eternity in a dark sewer, which isn't far off from his fartbox conditions and smelled about the same i'm sure

My prediction is Myrna will post a Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was for sympathy from her friends. If any of her friends ask her when his funeral will be, she will delete those comments and block those people. No way will she have a funeral for her bovine son, nor will King Roy.

Sounds about right, and eerily similar to how lucas acts. I bet myrna is pretty well known as the biggest cunt in whatever retirement community shes in

Valentines day is coming up.

I wonder if he'll have the same sort of meltdowns as last year. Last year all he got was @Fatal Walter streaming about him, which I'm sure he didn't care for at all.

Being a nursing home I wouldn't be surprised if they have a craft day and much like elementary school, everyone gets a valentines day card from the other residents. The only thing better than a chimpout from lucas not getting anything from a woman on valentines day is lucas getting a bunch of valentines from 80+ year old women in the nursing home and chimping out over that

 

[Wernology]

He seems bitter.

 

[WonderWino]

He seems bitter.
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'Tell me where the path god laid out for me to a zoomer bae is.' He sounds even crazier when he says shit like that and is clearly missing the point that is trying to be made. Also fucking lol at lucas saying its presumptuous to assume he hasn't taken psychedelics. Nobody is assuming anything there. If lucas had taken anything like that, with his state of mind and mental health problems he'd have gone off the deep end completely and either been arrested or thrown into eastern state. and thats assuming he didn't end up inadvertently killing himself during his experience, or getting his head bashed in by some freaked out woman

Cause lucas high on shrooms or LSD and having delusions of every little girl he sees wanting him and having it reinforced by the voices on the wind and his own narcissism is exactly what spokane needs

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

He seems bitter.
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Once again, WHERE in the Bible does it say that God grants wishes? Is Lucas sending Instagram messages to god? If he entreats his followers to give him a woman and they do, did God do that? So if God is responsible for the actions of all people, then surely Lucas not having a girlfriend is also God's decision, right? Why not just ask God for a solid gold house, and six solid gold lamborghinis? Oh, what? God didn't give me the mansion and the cars? I guess he doesn't exist! QED, bitches!

This is the reasoning of a spoiled child.

 

[Mister Uno]

'Tell me where the path god laid out for me to a zoomer bae is.' He sounds even crazier when he says shit like that and is clearly missing the point that is trying to be made. Also fucking lol at lucas saying its presumptuous to assume he hasn't taken psychedelics. Nobody is assuming anything there. If lucas had taken anything like that, with his state of mind and mental health problems he'd have gone off the deep end completely and either been arrested or thrown into eastern state. and thats assuming he didn't end up inadvertently killing himself during his experience, or getting his head bashed in by some freaked out woman

Cause lucas high on shrooms or LSD and having delusions of every little girl he sees wanting him and having it reinforced by the voices on the wind and his own narcissism is exactly what spokane needs

Really wish someone would tell him that God doesn't hand you shit nor should you expect him to. It defeats the entire purpose of him gifting man free will. Most of what you get in life is entirely on you (reap what you sow), but I am sure he would either ignore it or repeat himself. I know its been mentioned before, but his atheism really is just pure spite for being lonely. The sadest part to me is he will never learn.

 

[mothman96]

'Tell me where the path god laid out for me to a zoomer bae is.' He sounds even crazier when he says shit like that and is clearly missing the point that is trying to be made. Also fucking lol at lucas saying its presumptuous to assume he hasn't taken psychedelics. Nobody is assuming anything there. If lucas had taken anything like that, with his state of mind and mental health problems he'd have gone off the deep end completely and either been arrested or thrown into eastern state. and thats assuming he didn't end up inadvertently killing himself during his experience, or getting his head bashed in by some freaked out woman

Cause lucas high on shrooms or LSD and having delusions of every little girl he sees wanting him and having it reinforced by the voices on the wind and his own narcissism is exactly what spokane needs

Remember back to his 2010 reflection. He said there he'd tripped on LSD.

 

[Da Dude123]

Really wish someone would tell him that God doesn't hand you shit nor should you expect him to. It defeats the entire purpose of him gifting man free will. Most of what you get in life is entirely on you (reap what you sow), but I am sure he would either ignore it or repeat himself. I know its been mentioned before, but his atheism really is just pure spite for being lonely. The sadest part to me is he will never learn.

Oh, yeah. He would start mooing and autistically screeching if someone said this to him. He would be all: "Nooo! You're wrong! Reeee! If God does not yeet me a bae, on jah and okurt, then he doesn't exist! Mooo!"

 

[WonderWino]

Once again, WHERE in the Bible does it say that God grants wishes? Is Lucas sending Instagram messages to god? If he entreats his followers to give him a woman and they do, did God do that? So if God is responsible for the actions of all people, then surely Lucas not having a girlfriend is also God's decision, right? Why not just ask God for a solid gold house, and six solid gold lamborghinis? Oh, what? God didn't give me the mansion and the cars? I guess he doesn't exist! QED, bitches!

This is the reasoning of a spoiled child.

and just like that, to spite lucas god proved his existence to the wern by granting him a solid gold house, rocket car and lisa simpson as his zoomer bae bride:

Lisa is clearly none too pleased about it and is already looking for a way out, totally unconvinced by lucas's fancy new suit and gold house

The simpsons really does have a screenshot for everything it seems. The only downside is its a literal hobo and not barney in the clip

Remember back to his 2010 reflection. He said there he'd tripped on LSD.

Lucas says alot of things in his 2010 reflections that weren't true, i'd take them with a grain of salt. Especially considering there is no way that would have ended well for lucas, or anybody else involved for that matter. His statements are best taken with a grain of salt

 

[mothman96]

Lucas says alot of things in his 2010 reflections that weren't true, i'd take them with a grain of salt. Especially considering there is no way that would have ended well for lucas, or anybody else involved for that matter. His statements are best taken with a grain of salt

Well if he did use LSD it could have been a trigger to spiral further into insanity.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Ugh. I'm not even gonna say anything about this one. It speaks for itself.