Once upon a time, a very lazy man named Richard bought a goose from the market and brought it home, intending to butcher and eat it the next day. That following morning, however, Richard discovered that the goose had laid an egg made of solid gold!
In fact, the goose continued to lay a brand new golden egg every single day. Upon realizing that he was the luckiest man in the world, Richard immediately quit his job and resolved to spend the rest of his life in idle luxury. He pawned each egg as soon as it was laid and spent all the money the same day on very expensive food, strong drink, and pills that made him care about absolutely nothing in the world. He bought various fancy things as well, and borrowed yet more fancy things, paying rent on these things through the money received by one golden egg after another. He did this because it seemed cheaper than buying the things outright.
Richard's abundance of luxury and free time made him many friends, though he soon discovered that all of them were there only for his money; every genuine person who approached him soon fled due to his poor temper and lack of motivation towards anything in life except empty pleasures. He found women who seemed to love him, but regardless of whether their feelings were genuine, they too were soon driven away by his ill nature.
Over time, Richard grew tired of spending the five minutes it took to feed the goose every morning, and he grew reluctant to part with the few coins necessary to buy a new sack of goose feed every month. He began seeking ways to make the goose provide him with more and larger golden eggs. He paid large sums of money to men who promised to condition and train the goose, but they merely took their payments and ran away. He tried talking to the goose and telling it funny jokes to tickle its innards, but it only became upset by his terrible attempts at humor. Finally he tried feeding it mangosteen juice, but upon tasting the liquid the goose honked angrily at Richard and turned up its bill. Heartbroken, Richard retreated into his expensive house and left the goose to fend for itself while he tried to distract himself with the most expensive food and the most dangerous pills he could find. Richard continued to do this for nearly 15 years; during that time the goose wasted away and became increasingly deranged and angry at the world. As the years wore on, its eggs became smaller and smaller.
Then there came a day when Richard -- an aging, addled, unhealthy man by that time -- happened upon a young, fetching woman who claimed to be a wizard. She promised that she could restore the goose to its former glory; if she was allowed some time to work her magic on the goose it would soon begin producing more and larger eggs than ever before. Richard was very excited and brought the woman home, giving her everything she said would be required to complete her magic spells. He also shared with her all of his strong drinks and strange pills, which she partook of happily while she worked and Richard played with toys made for children. This continued for some months until the woman -- who was not in fact a wizard and was in fact a very, very troubled human being -- began to see strange things in the shadows of Richard's house, and became terrified and tried to wake Richard from his stupor, first by screaming at him, then by shaking him, then by beating him until he started awake and struck at her. Pandemonium ensued, and Richard quickly evicted the woman from his house; she fled into the countryside screaming at everybody who would listen -- including the goose -- that Richard was a demon in human form.
A few days later, Richard awoke from a near-comatose sleep and went outside to collect the golden eggs. To his surprise, he discovered that the goose had shat out all of its guts and was seeking to kill him. He is now trying to sell the goose. The story is not yet over.
