- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Never noticed it, but wow he looks like a bloated Howard Stern.
Historical Lolcow General
- Thread starter cypocryphy
- Start date
Never noticed it, but wow he looks like a bloated Howard Stern.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Howard Hughes in his later years might qualify. I can sympathize, suffering from OCD myself, and I can't imagine what it was like back in the day before effective treatment. The guy ended up never bathing, cutting his hair or even his toenails, and he'd pee in jars and keep them around his bed.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2015
I find it quite interesting how thin the line between "amusing lolcow" and "brutal dictator" is. Everything that's been said about CWCVille is likely not hyperbole...
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saparmurat_Niyazov
This guy's a wonder, he had his face on the inside of every yoghurt pot in the country and Banned the opera, and ballet because it was unturkman like.
This guy's a wonder, he had his face on the inside of every yoghurt pot in the country and Banned the opera, and ballet because it was unturkman like.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2015
I've been reading the James Bond novels, and though I like them well enough, I can't be the only one who thinks Ian Fleming had some lolcow leanings, right? His views were supposedly extreme even for the '50s.
STUFF PRESENTED AS FACT BY IAN FLEMING IN THE JAMES BOND NOVELS:
* Great white sharks and giant squid are readily kept in captivity.
* All women enjoy rough sex.
* Giving women the right to vote was a bad idea.
* Lesbianism is a form of playing hard to get.
* Gay men, by contrast, are irredeemable, and make excellent assassins.
* Kidnapping a woman, beating her, and feeding her on table scraps just means you care.
* If you're not white and you're smart enough to be an evil mastermind, you have white blood somewhere down the line.
* Koreans are all savage brutes who can barely speak, and enjoy raping white women.
* Men in the Southern United States routinely rape their own sisters.
* The Turkish hate democracy and want the warmongering Sultans back.
STUFF PRESENTED AS FACT BY IAN FLEMING IN THE JAMES BOND NOVELS:
* Great white sharks and giant squid are readily kept in captivity.
* All women enjoy rough sex.
* Giving women the right to vote was a bad idea.
* Lesbianism is a form of playing hard to get.
* Gay men, by contrast, are irredeemable, and make excellent assassins.
* Kidnapping a woman, beating her, and feeding her on table scraps just means you care.
* If you're not white and you're smart enough to be an evil mastermind, you have white blood somewhere down the line.
* Koreans are all savage brutes who can barely speak, and enjoy raping white women.
* Men in the Southern United States routinely rape their own sisters.
* The Turkish hate democracy and want the warmongering Sultans back.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
"The Big Book of Weirdos" and "The Big Book of Losers" that had some entries of some lolzy people, including a few that were mentioned here. They were graphic novels done by Paradox Press.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2014
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ovid
Ovid the Roman poet was basically the original nice guy. He wrote whiny faggy poems about such varying topics like how all the legionnaire JERKS were stealing all the pretty girls, how all girls just care about looks and muscles and not how nice you are, and how he deserves to be famous and bang a lot of attractive women.
He was also an edgelord analchest, and bitched about the government until Augustus exiled him to a desert island, where he wrote whiny letters about how he deserved a girlfriend and was an underappreciated genius until he died.
Ovid the Roman poet was basically the original nice guy. He wrote whiny faggy poems about such varying topics like how all the legionnaire JERKS were stealing all the pretty girls, how all girls just care about looks and muscles and not how nice you are, and how he deserves to be famous and bang a lot of attractive women.
He was also an edgelord analchest, and bitched about the government until Augustus exiled him to a desert island, where he wrote whiny letters about how he deserved a girlfriend and was an underappreciated genius until he died.
- Joined
- May 8, 2015
Guy couldn't even get laid in a sex commune. Now that's just sad.
Anyway, I'm surprised that no one mentioned L. Ron Hubbard yet. He created his own religion simply to avoid paying taxes, only to believe his own bullshit towards the end of his life. I guess lolcow is rather subjective, considering he managed to be really successful in his goals regardless. Even though he's been dead for thirty years, the Church of Scientology still manages to be a lolcow factory.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2015
John Smith, of Pocahontas fame, was apparently something of a lolcow. He wrote what was essentially 16th-century fanfiction about his own life that portrayed him as an action hero, including being rescued by no less than three hot Native American chicks. The film was based on these memoirs, and needless to say was quite inaccurate. The real Smith was a bully to the Native Americans, and judging by his portraits he wasn't all that handsome either.
- Joined
- May 8, 2015
Mother and daughter Edith Ewing Bouvier (big Edie) and Edith Bouvier Beale (little Edie) were some of the biggest and most famous lolcows of the 20th century. Big Edie was the sister of Jackie O's dad, making Jackie O and little Edie cousins. Overall, they were pretty wealthy and judging from the picture above, little Edie was pretty hot as a young woman. But their story just goes to show you that you can be filthy rich and still be a giant lolcow. Some notable aspects of their lives include:
- Big Edie showing up to her son's wedding in 1942 dressed up as an opera star.
- Little Edie claimed to have dated J. Paul Getty and was engaged to Joe Kennedy Jr., even though she only met the latter once. Not to mention that his younger brother and her cousin ended up getting married. She also claimed that if Joe had lived beyond WWII, she would've become the first lady and not Jackie. To his dad nonetheless. According to her, J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes asked her to marry them on separate occasions.
- In the 30s or 40s, Big Edie moves from New York City to Grey Gardens, a family estate in bumfuck New York. In the early 50s, little Edie joins her. Their living conditions were awful. Various animals including raccoons, cats, and a opossum, lived in the house. At one point, there was a three -foot mountain of cans in the dining room. There was human waste all the place and fleas everywhere, so much so that people who visited the house had to wear flea collars. It got so bad that Jackie O gave them $32,000 to clean the shit up and they carted away around 1,000 bags of trash.
- Big Edie's other children wanted her to get rid of the house but she refused and literally never left for the rest of her life because she was afraid she was gonna lose access to her house if she did.
- Little Edie never got married because she had ridiculously high standards. No really. She only wanted to marry a "Libra." Later on, she said that she was only interested in men who's sign where Sagittarius.
- Little Edie also had Iconoclast like delusions, including believing that she was still gonna be a breakout star at 34 and that she got offers from MGM and Paramount. She also believed that her "dancing career" was gonna take off.
- In the early to mid 70s, a pair of brothers who were also filmmakers wanted to make a documentary about Jackie O's childhood, but once they found out about these two yahoos, they realized that this would make a much more entertaining and lolzy film. The documentary became a success and is still beloved by drag queens everywhere to this day.
- After her mom's death, little Edie pursued being a cabaret singer in New York City. But she sucked at it and the club that she was preforming at didn't have the heart to tell her. Although I guess after that, her lolcow days were over because her life seemed rather ordinary between that and her death in 2002.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
She (Little Edie) also lost all her hair later on in life.
Mother and daughter Edith Ewing Bouvier (big Edie) and Edith Bouvier Beale (little Edie) were some of the biggest and most famous lolcows of the 20th century. Big Edie was the sister of Jackie O's dad, making Jackie O and little Edie cousins. Overall, they were pretty wealthy and judging from the picture above, little Edie was pretty hot as a young woman. But their story just goes to show you that you can be filthy rich and still be a giant lolcow. Some notable aspects of their lives include:
- Big Edie showing up to her son's wedding in 1942 dressed up as an opera star.
- Little Edie claimed to have dated J. Paul Getty and was engaged to Joe Kennedy Jr., even though she only met the latter once. Not to mention that his younger brother and her cousin ended up getting married. She also claimed that if Joe had lived beyond WWII, she would've become the first lady and not Jackie. To his dad nonetheless. According to her, J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes asked her to marry them on separate occasions.
- In the 30s or 40s, Big Edie moves from New York City to Grey Gardens, a family estate in bumfuck New York. In the early 50s, little Edie joins her. Their living conditions were awful. Various animals including raccoons, cats, and a opossum, lived in the house. At one point, there was a three -foot mountain in the dining room. There was human waste all the place and fleas everywhere, so much so that people who visited the house had to wear flea collars. It got so bad that Jackie O gave them $32,000 to clean the shit up and they carted away around 1,000 bags of trash.
- Big Edie's other children wanted her to get rid of the house but she refused and literally never left because she was afraid she was gonna lose access to her house if she did.
- Little Edie never got married because she had ridiculously high standards. No really. She only wanted to marry a "Libra." Later on, she said that she was only interested in men who's sign where Sagittarius.
- Little Edie also had Iconoclast like delusions, including believing that she was still gonna be a breakout star at 34 and that she got offers from MGM and Paramount. She also believed that her "dancing career" was gonna take off.
- In the early to mid 70s, a pair of brothers who were also filmmakers wanted to make a documentary about Jackie O's childhood, but once they found out about these two yahoos, they realized that this would make a much more entertaining and lolzy film. The documentary became a success and is still beloved by drag queens everywhere to this day.
- After her mom's death, little Edie pursued being a cabaret singer in New York City. But she sucked at it and the club that she was preforming at didn't have the heart to tell her. Although I guess after that, her lolcow days were over because her life seemed rather ordinary between that and her death in 2002.
Speaking of drag queens, I can't help remembering when Jinx Monsoon played her in the Snatch Game.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2015
I know the Cherry Sisters were mentioned earlier, but I've also found that they brought forth at least one historical ween/tryhard in addition to being historical lolcows. During one of their performances in Dubuque, Iowa, someone sprayed one of the sisters in the face with a fire extinguisher, and the show had to end early for safety concerns. Eventually, they began performing with a wire mesh curtain around them so they wouldn't be hit by thrown objects, though they claimed this wasn't necessary.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2015
The Roman Emperor Elagabalus was one of those guys who's on the cusp between lolcow and horrorcow in that we can comfortably laugh at him now that he's a thousand years dead but he probably wouldn't have been funny at all to actually live under. He sometimes catapulted money at the public, and sometimes poisonous snakes, staged mass executions because he believed you could read the future in human intestines, prostituted himself out to his sexy male courtiers, and tried to change the religion to the god he was named after, the sun god Elagabal, would become head of the pantheon rather than Jupiter. He was near unanimously hated by his people and was ultimately murdered on the orders of his own grandmother to keep him from turning the whole empire into a laughingstock.
Many historians believe he was transgender or at least gay, and that some of his eccentricities were the result of repressing his sexuality.
Many historians believe he was transgender or at least gay, and that some of his eccentricities were the result of repressing his sexuality.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
This borders on straight-up horror cow, but Valerie Solanas. Author of the SCUM Manifesto, and the psychobitch who shot Andy Warhol and continued to stalk him, causing him to live in fear for the rest of his life.
Valerie was partially responsible for inspiring radical feminism, because back then, some people thought the SCUM Manifesto (which calls for the genocide of all men) was empowering. It wasn't. It was the ravings of a crazy woman. Valerie had paranoid schizophrenia, and thought Andy Warhol had control of her. Valerie wrote a shitty play, "Up Your Ass" and one day befriended Andy Warhol and shoved her play into his hands. Andy Warhol was amused by her (like us, Warhol loved the weird), read the play, paid her $25 for a small role in a film, but misplaced the play. Valerie thought it was sabotage, and since she only had one other copy, and some other insanity, she thought Andy was controlling her and shot him. And the only remorse she had was the fact she didn't kill him. Fucking. Horrorcow. Bitch.
People value her as "avant-garde", they think her shooting of Warhol was "art" a "stunt" (even towards the end of her life, she was constantly promoting the SCUM Manifesto on street corners, but I personally think she had a big ego in addition to her psychosis). Here's the thing--Joaquin Phoenix growing a bad beard and declaring he's going to be a rapper is a stunt-- physically harming a man with intent to kill isn't.
So you know those social justice martyrs you read about? The Brianna Wu's of the world. The ones who are treated like great thinkers, artists, writers---This is patient zero. Let us pray there is never a Valerie Solanas again. And let us also remember that while a lolcow can be fun to watch, intriguing to watch, some of them can actually harm people and ruin lives. And the way the internet functions, the otherkin pansexual whatever-gendered multiple headmate SJW tumblrista will be treated as the hero, and the victim, let's say the celebrity who humored her on twitter, will be treated as the aggressor.
Valerie was partially responsible for inspiring radical feminism, because back then, some people thought the SCUM Manifesto (which calls for the genocide of all men) was empowering. It wasn't. It was the ravings of a crazy woman. Valerie had paranoid schizophrenia, and thought Andy Warhol had control of her. Valerie wrote a shitty play, "Up Your Ass" and one day befriended Andy Warhol and shoved her play into his hands. Andy Warhol was amused by her (like us, Warhol loved the weird), read the play, paid her $25 for a small role in a film, but misplaced the play. Valerie thought it was sabotage, and since she only had one other copy, and some other insanity, she thought Andy was controlling her and shot him. And the only remorse she had was the fact she didn't kill him. Fucking. Horrorcow. Bitch.
People value her as "avant-garde", they think her shooting of Warhol was "art" a "stunt" (even towards the end of her life, she was constantly promoting the SCUM Manifesto on street corners, but I personally think she had a big ego in addition to her psychosis). Here's the thing--Joaquin Phoenix growing a bad beard and declaring he's going to be a rapper is a stunt-- physically harming a man with intent to kill isn't.
So you know those social justice martyrs you read about? The Brianna Wu's of the world. The ones who are treated like great thinkers, artists, writers---This is patient zero. Let us pray there is never a Valerie Solanas again. And let us also remember that while a lolcow can be fun to watch, intriguing to watch, some of them can actually harm people and ruin lives. And the way the internet functions, the otherkin pansexual whatever-gendered multiple headmate SJW tumblrista will be treated as the hero, and the victim, let's say the celebrity who humored her on twitter, will be treated as the aggressor.
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2014
Vlad Dracula. Dude was a total father's boy, loved impaling people and inspired the vampire legend.
Emperor Norton is really cool as well, he declared himself emperor of the United States.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
Also, many serial killers could count as horrorcows.
Emperor Norton is really cool as well, he declared himself emperor of the United States.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
Also, many serial killers could count as horrorcows.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2015
Robert Pettis Wynn.
Historical evidence suggests lolcow-like traits from this man's family line may trace as far back as the Dark Ages:
Historical evidence suggests lolcow-like traits from this man's family line may trace as far back as the Dark Ages:
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
I'm generally hesitant to call the Beales full-blown lolcows. They rest somewhere on some spectrum between "eccentric" and "mentally unwell," for sure, but not really lulzy. Their behavior really stood out because of their prim surroundings in East Hampton, NY, which is the polar opposite of "bumfuck."
Mother and daughter Edith Ewing Bouvier (big Edie) and Edith Bouvier Beale (little Edie) were some of the biggest and most famous lolcows of the 20th century. Big Edie was the sister of Jackie O's dad, making Jackie O and little Edie cousins. Overall, they were pretty wealthy and judging from the picture above, little Edie was pretty hot as a young woman. But their story just goes to show you that you can be filthy rich and still be a giant lolcow. Some notable aspects of their lives include:
- Big Edie showing up to her son's wedding in 1942 dressed up as an opera star.
- Little Edie claimed to have dated J. Paul Getty and was engaged to Joe Kennedy Jr., even though she only met the latter once. Not to mention that his younger brother and her cousin ended up getting married. She also claimed that if Joe had lived beyond WWII, she would've become the first lady and not Jackie. To his dad nonetheless. According to her, J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes asked her to marry them on separate occasions.
- In the 30s or 40s, Big Edie moves from New York City to Grey Gardens, a family estate in bumfuck New York. In the early 50s, little Edie joins her. Their living conditions were awful. Various animals including raccoons, cats, and a opossum, lived in the house. At one point, there was a three -foot mountain of cans in the dining room. There was human waste all the place and fleas everywhere, so much so that people who visited the house had to wear flea collars. It got so bad that Jackie O gave them $32,000 to clean the shit up and they carted away around 1,000 bags of trash.
- Big Edie's other children wanted her to get rid of the house but she refused and literally never left for the rest of her life because she was afraid she was gonna lose access to her house if she did.
- Little Edie never got married because she had ridiculously high standards. No really. She only wanted to marry a "Libra." Later on, she said that she was only interested in men who's sign where Sagittarius.
- Little Edie also had Iconoclast like delusions, including believing that she was still gonna be a breakout star at 34 and that she got offers from MGM and Paramount. She also believed that her "dancing career" was gonna take off.
- In the early to mid 70s, a pair of brothers who were also filmmakers wanted to make a documentary about Jackie O's childhood, but once they found out about these two yahoos, they realized that this would make a much more entertaining and lolzy film. The documentary became a success and is still beloved by drag queens everywhere to this day.
- After her mom's death, little Edie pursued being a cabaret singer in New York City. But she sucked at it and the club that she was preforming at didn't have the heart to tell her. Although I guess after that, her lolcow days were over because her life seemed rather ordinary between that and her death in 2002.
Gangster Talk
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2015
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_Paul_von_Gundling
At sessions of the Tobacco Cabinet, court scholars would be brought in to give expert advice on some topic, and a discussion would follow. Often, the excessive alcohol consumption meant that these debates ended in physical fights for the amusement of College members. At these sessions Gundling was particularly singled out for humiliation.[5] In February 1714, he was required to deliver a lecture to assembled guests offering arguments for and against the existence of ghosts, while being made to drink heavily. After his lecture he was escorted by two Grenadier Guards back to his room, where he screamed with terror at the sight of a figure moving around covered in a sheet.[6] On another occasion, while he was drunk, his official Chamberlain's key was cut off his coat, and, in punishment for 'losing' it, he was made to wear a large wooden Chamberlain's key a yard long around his neck;[7] He was invited to dinner and conveyed in a sedan chair from which the bottom fell out while it was moving, forcing him to run to keep up with the bearers, who paid no heed to his cries. A monkey, dressed as Gundling, was introduced to him as his own son, and he was compelled to embrace and kiss it. One night, in the middle of winter, when he was making his way home over the castle drawbrige, he was seized by four burly Grenadier Guards and dropped repeatedly onto the frozen moat below until his weight broke the ice, and he was ridiculed from above as he struggled in agony. Then the king left two young bears in his bedroom to terrify him. He frequently returned home to find his doorway bricked up, and on occasion the quiet of his study was shattered with firecrackers.[8]
At sessions of the Tobacco Cabinet, court scholars would be brought in to give expert advice on some topic, and a discussion would follow. Often, the excessive alcohol consumption meant that these debates ended in physical fights for the amusement of College members. At these sessions Gundling was particularly singled out for humiliation.[5] In February 1714, he was required to deliver a lecture to assembled guests offering arguments for and against the existence of ghosts, while being made to drink heavily. After his lecture he was escorted by two Grenadier Guards back to his room, where he screamed with terror at the sight of a figure moving around covered in a sheet.[6] On another occasion, while he was drunk, his official Chamberlain's key was cut off his coat, and, in punishment for 'losing' it, he was made to wear a large wooden Chamberlain's key a yard long around his neck;[7] He was invited to dinner and conveyed in a sedan chair from which the bottom fell out while it was moving, forcing him to run to keep up with the bearers, who paid no heed to his cries. A monkey, dressed as Gundling, was introduced to him as his own son, and he was compelled to embrace and kiss it. One night, in the middle of winter, when he was making his way home over the castle drawbrige, he was seized by four burly Grenadier Guards and dropped repeatedly onto the frozen moat below until his weight broke the ice, and he was ridiculed from above as he struggled in agony. Then the king left two young bears in his bedroom to terrify him. He frequently returned home to find his doorway bricked up, and on occasion the quiet of his study was shattered with firecrackers.[8]
- Joined
- May 8, 2015
Admittedly, I'm not from New York state, so it was pretty ignorant of me to claim that East Hampton was "bumfuck." I still think little Edie counts as a lolcow though because of her delusions (I'll admit I'm kinda an asshole for finding delusional behavior to be hilarious, even if it's caused by mental illness. But I guess that's why I'm here).
Anyway, Robert John Bardo counts as both a historical horrorcow and loveshy. In the late 80s, he was obsessed with female actresses and singers like Debbie Gibson and Tiffany but actress Rebecca Schaeffer was is TRUE and HONEST sweetheart. Until he saw her in a movie in which there was a scene in which she was in bed with a male actor. He then becomes pissed and decides that she became "another Hollywood whore" and decides to "punish" her. Unfortunately, this story doesn't have a happy ending since he managed to get her address through the DMV, drive through a couple of states, show up at her apartment, and kill her by shooting her. If anything good came out of this, is was that U.S federal government passed stricter laws in regards to giving out home addresses.