Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[NoReturn]

Also how like 99% of them don't remember the sabbaths, their holy days. Bruh, that's like Christians not knowing when Christmas is.

Or why the days of the week are named as they are.

 

[Yaks]

Or why the days of the week are named as they are.

Sesame Street would have hit different with this as a musical segment about Tuesday.

 

[Elysian]

Dunno if anyone has posted this classic yet:

Also Unicult seems pretty interesting.:

 

[NoReturn]

Quoting this find from A&N

What a nice today thread for my odd news fix!

Here a fluff piece I found today,

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/march-2022-horoscopes-heres-means-074603922.html

BuzzFeed
I'm A Second-Generation Professional Astrologer — Here Are My Predictions For March 2022
Wed, March 2, 2022, 1:46 AM·8 min read
Welcome to your March 2022 horoscopes!
Hi! I’m djenneba drammeh, a second-generation practicing astrologer and writer, based in NYC. I consult with clients, teach astrology, and am currently editing the astro-literary anthology Mercury’s Brood.

View attachment 3044729

Here's the Buzzfeed version of that "article".

Spoiler: The rest is in here because astrology be dumb

The comments, however... are actually a little better than I expected.

 

[Yaks]

Dunno if anyone has posted this classic yet:

Also Unicult seems pretty interesting.:

The second one feels more like a performance artist taking the piss to me. However its sometimes hard to tell because the cosmic ufo people get real weird in a 100% sincere way.

 

[Elysian]

The second one feels more like a performance artist taking the piss to me. However its sometimes hard to tell because the cosmic ufo people get real weird in a 100% sincere way.

I found a testimony from an ex member. It seems like there’s a schism between the LARPers just there to socialise and play D&D with kooky new age genderspecials and the people who want to treat it like an actual unironic religion. There are definitely people who take it seriously even if Unicole herself doesn’t - when you search their channel up on YouTube as well as all of Unicole’s content there’s a ton of long ass sermons given by this one troon nicknamed Ghosty:

Along with short daily videos by this other moustachioed dude:

Seems like a lot of effort to go to for a LARP.

 

[Yaks]

I found a testimony from an ex member. It seems like there’s a schism between the LARPers just there to socialise and play D&D with kooky new age genderspecials and the people who want to treat it like an actual unironic religion. There are definitely people who take it seriously even if Unicole herself doesn’t - when you search their channel up on YouTube as well as all of Unicole’s content there’s a ton of long ass sermons given by this one troon nicknamed Ghosty:

Along with short daily videos by this other moustachioed dude:

Seems like a lot of effort to go to for a LARP.

Reminds me of the Lain internet cult. 99% of it is just teens making edgy Lain-centric websites on neocities, but there is a select few who actually worship Lain and the wired who aren't in on the joke.

I have now located my favorite youtube witch via the Grimoire video watching. He purposely attempts to talk like an old wise wizard and I particularly enjoyed his anecdote on how a young pixie assisted him in making his book. His accent sounds fake, or at least very exaggerated to me, maybe a UK kiwi can chime in.

Another fella I found, who seems to be more into the Crowley side of the occult, posted a video about his book. It had some nice art in it. That wasn't the good part though. The good part was all the lowkey witch thirst posting in the comments section about how they could feel his masculinity coming through the pages, etc (he does have a pleasant voice and didn't come off as the usual homo-autist male that typically is in the community.) Then he did a face reveal and he literally looks like the older brother from Napoleon Dynamite and suddenly his comment section is empty. Lol no bewitched puss for you my man, sorry about your face.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Quoting this find from A&N

Here's the Buzzfeed version of that "article".
View attachment 3046212

Spoiler: The rest is in here because astrology be dumb

View attachment 3046215View attachment 3046217

The comments, however... are actually a little better than I expected.
View attachment 3046228

I doubt it.

Astrology involves mathematics that were extremely complex when this beast's mother was around.

 

[Sargon's wife's son]

Are these people
Think that all forms of paganism which was an insult that as Christians used to make fun of Paula theist by calling them backwards
Are the exact same
For example the terms would actually Hellenic religions
Greco-Roman
And wotanism
I think people will think on ironically Slavic paganism is the same as German paganism
It is not
And homosexuality was never accepted by any of these religions whatsoever
I'll see if I can find all the passages in Hinduism Buddhism
And all of those religions saying homosexuals are disgusting I think Socrates also had something on it these people are delusional

 

[Yaks]

Are these people
Think that all forms of paganism which was an insult that as Christians used to make fun of Paula theist by calling them backwards
Are the exact same
For example the terms would actually Hellenic religions
Greco-Roman
And wotanism
I think people will think on ironically Slavic paganism is the same as German paganism
It is not
And homosexuality was never accepted by any of these religions whatsoever
I'll see if I can find all the passages in Hinduism Buddhism
And all of those religions saying homosexuals are disgusting I think Socrates also had something on it these people are delusional

Yes.

Also, Paula theist. My new magical name.

 

[NoReturn]

Random drops

Spoiler: More

Ah, toilet magic.

"Don't do magic, do Islamic magic."

And a palate cleanser:

And finally this one.
This one is my absolute favorite because it's a perfect example of how fucking with magic can ruin your life, and no actual supernatural elements need to be involved at all.

It's just so perfect on so many levels. It's exactly the kind of thinking and action that will turn you into a suspicious nutjob with no friends.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

I guess I must have the evil eye, because I totally can't think straight! I always think gay.

 

[Yaks]

And finally this one.
This one is my absolute favorite because it's a perfect example of how fucking with magic can ruin your life, and no actual supernatural elements need to be involved at all.
View attachment 3066749
It's just so perfect on so many levels. It's exactly the kind of thinking and action that will turn you into a suspicious nutjob with no friends.

Classmate asks to borrow a pencil, is now the spawn of satan cursing you and will soon find out you have been stabbing a tiny doll and burying it in the backyard to destroy them.

 

[scathefire]

View attachment 3066748

This seems really dangerous, someone could be suffering from some kind of serious medical condition that's causing these symptoms and this dude wants to convince them that it's because of the evil eye. To me it's leaning into alternative medicine territory.

 

[Yaks]

Past life regression is fun.

I like how most of their past lives happen to be in the medieval period to the 1600s, some sort of large "I am special" events, or both. Even the people who aren't white are like "Yeah I was european". Either way they never really have a boring normal life, they're SPECIAL. (Secondary note, the overdrawing of lipstick on some of these women is intense please stop.) Imagine the breakdown some of these ladies would have if they found out they had a completely average life with no shady murder and Disney parental death, and they just farmed potatoes and went to church.

My favorite one from the video is the lady who fell into a meat grinder and people ate her. Her makeup looks like she probably does lines in the backroom of dance clubs and has been doing it for a very long time.

I am disappointed though that the compilation doesn't go into all the ones who think they're from Atlantis. The past lives rabbit hole is deep and often hilarious, especially with all the Marie Antoinettes etc running around.

 

[NoReturn]

I just posted this in the podcasts thread, but for those of you who need a new recommendation, you have to check this out.

You'd think "Oh this is just about an online cult that believes in SUPER-soulmates." but then the manifestation shit starts, and the brainwashing, and the stalking, and the coaching to actively write over members' perceptions of reality...

 

[Yaks]

I just posted this in the podcasts thread, but for those of you who need a new recommendation, you have to check this out.

You'd think "Oh this is just about an online cult that believes in SUPER-soulmates." but then the manifestation shit starts, and the brainwashing, and the stalking, and the coaching to actively write over members' perceptions of reality...

While I have a chuckle at the general Neo-pagan shenanigans floating around, the real sinister shit always seems to come from the New Age gurus and their groups. There are quite a few cults surrounding these gurus actively growing out of Youtube right now, some quite big. It's pretty scary.

 

[A Very Big Fish]

Past life regression is fun.

I like how most of their past lives happen to be in the medieval period to the 1600s, some sort of large "I am special" events, or both. Even the people who aren't white are like "Yeah I was european". Either way they never really have a boring normal life, they're SPECIAL. (Secondary note, the overdrawing of lipstick on some of these women is intense please stop.) Imagine the breakdown some of these ladies would have if they found out they had a completely average life with no shady murder and Disney parental death, and they just farmed potatoes and went to church.

My favorite one from the video is the lady who fell into a meat grinder and people ate her. Her makeup looks like she probably does lines in the backroom of dance clubs and has been doing it for a very long time.

I am disappointed though that the compilation doesn't go into all the ones who think they're from Atlantis. The past lives rabbit hole is deep and often hilarious, especially with all the Marie Antoinettes etc running around.

My aunt, the New Age UFO cult one told my Dad the other day thatshe had been killed in the past life in the Russian Revolution.


The holidays just get more and more stressful the older I get.

 

[Yaks]

My aunt, the New Age UFO cult one told my Dad the other day thatshe had been killed in the past life in the Russian Revolution.


The holidays just get more and more stressful the older I get.

Honestly New Age UFO cult aunt would probably be the one think I looked forward to. And maybe my one aunt's pies.

 

[Druveer]

Past life regression is fun.

I like how most of their past lives happen to be in the medieval period to the 1600s, some sort of large "I am special" events, or both. Even the people who aren't white are like "Yeah I was european". Either way they never really have a boring normal life, they're SPECIAL. (Secondary note, the overdrawing of lipstick on some of these women is intense please stop.) Imagine the breakdown some of these ladies would have if they found out they had a completely average life with no shady murder and Disney parental death, and they just farmed potatoes and went to church.

My favorite one from the video is the lady who fell into a meat grinder and people ate her. Her makeup looks like she probably does lines in the backroom of dance clubs and has been doing it for a very long time.

I am disappointed though that the compilation doesn't go into all the ones who think they're from Atlantis. The past lives rabbit hole is deep and often hilarious, especially with all the Marie Antoinettes etc running around.

When I was a young man, (read in high school) I was kind of into the occult, not as a practice but I found it interesting. Anyway of all the stupid things I found I pretty much immediately realized that past lives was complete bullshit because as you point out.... it's always living thru some important time period, or some TOTALLY REAL place and never..... "I died a starving peasant during childbirth, like my mother and her mother before her." That would atleast be more realistic.