Lolcow James Lloyd Evans / Lloyd Evans / John Cedars / The Reluctant Apostate / JWWatch / @cedarsjwsurvey - Self-appointed figurehead of ex-JWs, anti-sex abuse campaigner who spends his donations on hookers because he lacks "total mastery of his penis"

[Harshed Mellow]

Met a few JWs and worked for one for a little while. He always looked for ways to screw his customers a little. Always wondered if they figured it was okay to do fucky shit to non-JWs, like outright stealing.

The ones I knew quit asking me to church when I compared them to the Catholics after hearing something I wasn't supposed to. Kingdom Halls seemed like a breeding ground for lolcows, The ones I've met have been weird in some way.

 

[blacksmith tony]

religious/ex-religious cows are some of my favorite. theyre so self centered and bold with their behavior. this guy is a nasty sex pest and im really looking forward to following this, thank you

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

I'm disappointed no one's made this reference yet.

It's done by the same unknown group behind the "Mormon Jesus" video, in which that one had kernels of truth but everything was blown completely out of proportion and ridiculousness, so I suspect this one is like that, too, I'm just not versed in JW stuff to know.

My only experience with JWs are the time my brother, who was then a newly-returned missionary, stupidly invited a pleasant older couple in to talk religion because he likes doing that, in which Mom noted the wife never spoke a word the whole time. Then for the next couple of months, their missionaries would come to the house clearly asking for my brother, but he was never home whenever they'd show and we all would just pretend we weren't home. Thing was, they would stake out the house across the street for at least 30 minutes just staring at us, it was really weird and creepy. Eventually we got my brother to finally be home for when they'd show and tell them he wasn't interested and to leave him alone.

Apparently there's an actual "rivalry" or bad blood between Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, but I have no idea what that's about. Only knew about it because of one scene in Mobsters & Mormons, in which it might be more of a Utah thing than anything else.

Funny how discussion on the religion itself is more fascinating than talking about this weirdo who gives ex-Jehovah's Witnesses a bad rap. So on that note, is it true that the JWs eventually dropped the whole 144,000 stuff because too many people kept poking holes in it, or because they realized that the 144,000 servants of God (of the twelve tribes of Israel) were explicitly stated to have not been defiled with women and they clearly can't have unmarried members among their congregation?

I'd heard that the 144,000 were the only people who would be resurrected at the end of time. Of course, this vid was my main source of info, so it may or may not be accurate. If that's true, then only the cream of the cream of the cream of the crop are getting resurrected, meaning the vast majority of people who become JWs forgo birthdays and blood transfusions for nothing. The fact that you have to jump through more hoops than most religions have makes your sacrifice bigger, thus, it "seems" as if you're more righteous, thus the religion is more likely to seem true. JW seems like a Prisoner's Dilemma in religion form. Stop practicing it, and you'll lose your infinitessimally small chance at an afterlife. But if you do stop practicing it, you'll get to enjoy your mortal life before you die. But if you practice it faithfully, you probably won't qualify for heaven anyway, meaning you sacrificed for nothing. So you'd be better off not practicing it, as that way you'd have a higher chance of being happy for at least some of the time before you die, as opposed to being miserable 100 percent of the time before dying permanently.

Jehovah's Witness is what you'd get if God was the way the most anti-theist Fedora Tippers describe him.

 

[Tumbo]

Personal anecdote my one and only experience at a kingdom hall is one I truly will never forget the main talk that was given on the particular day I was there boild down to don't go to college because the world will end needless to say I never went back.

 

[Johnny Salami]

It makes me wonder if there are any ex-Mormons who are this insane, they have to be out there. I am very interested in Christian and pseudo-Christian type cults so this was definitely a treat

While Mormons have some of the craziest beliefs my experience with them has been nothing but pleasant. Met a Mormon at my gym who spoke several languages because he was in charge of arranging those missions for his church where they send people to places. I think those trips beat the autism out of them.

 

[Vect]

Doesn't seem like much point escaping a cult if you're going to stay crazy. I think I remember a crop of this guys videos getting recommended when Leah Remini's Scientology documentary came out.

Anointed Ones - 144,000 of the best Christians and pre-Christians who have ever lived. Instead of living on the paradise Earth at Armageddon, they will go to Heaven and descend to fight all the heathens alongside Jesus and the angels and everyone else.

So 8 million are lucky enough to enjoy eternal paradise on Earth, but 144000 are unlucky enough to have to spend the rest of Creation stuck with Jesus and plonking heathens? No wonder they have to badger people to join.

 

[Ethan Ralph is 5'1" 🖕💋]

JW seems like a Prisoner's Dilemma in religion form. Stop practicing it, and you'll lose your infinitessimally small chance at an afterlife. But if you do stop practicing it, you'll get to enjoy your mortal life before you die. But if you practice it faithfully, you probably won't qualify for heaven anyway, meaning you sacrificed for nothing. So you'd be better off not practicing it, as that way you'd have a higher chance of being happy for at least some of the time before you die, as opposed to being miserable 100 percent of the time before dying permanently.

Jehovah's Witness is what you'd get if God was the way the most anti-theist Fedora Tippers describe him.

It is honestly fucked up though, since the whole "limited seats" thing for being resurrected makes it the perfect vessel for extremism in order to increase your chances, as well as introducing a sunk cost fallacy element to it. And it's not like the number is 100. It's set high enough that the possibility of being among them doesn't seem completely impossible, as long as you're devout enough.

 

[5t3n0g0ph3r]

Not gonna lie, I thought this was about Russell Greer. Then I remembered Greer is an ex-Mormon, not an ex-Jehovah's Witness.

 

[Jimmy Hopkins]

Really amazing OP. I read and watched everything in the post and it took well over an hour but totally worth it. As a Brit would say, “This guys got skeletons a’plenty in his closet!”

One question though, did the couple that turned in the screenshots of the emails to the police verify if the screenshots were true & honest? Honestly I’m betting the screenshots are legit, based off of how Lloyd mentioned his wife got pissed at him over his cyber sex shenanigans years before this fiasco.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Power leveling a bit.
My only experiences with JW has been through my grandmother that converted to the group about a decade or so before I was born.
It was always weird to me when I was growing up that she couldn't visit the rest of her family for holidays or birthdays.
Whenever I visit her apartment, there would be some Watchtower society magazines on the table and on occasion some members of her JW church group would come and visit.
Some of the JW visitors range from followers at her level to characters more in the higher echelons of her congregation.

Jehovah witness is a very american sort of group who's origins can trace their extreme puritanical inspired upbringing from the pilgrims that created America as a new frontier culture from the arrival of the Mayflower.
Yes JW was created in the 1870s but there is a clear through line with the religious groups dating all the way back to america's cultural founding. They are just the more extreme evolution of the pilgrims that wanted
to banned Christmas.

 

[Yaks]

Yeah, it's very easy to get someone on their mailing/call list. They've long had web forms for just this purpose. Back when I did a lot of Ebay selling I'd take the addresses/numbers of deadbeat buyers from their invoices (if dudes won auctions and refused to pay up, Paypal still sent me their info anyway) and put them in the JW web form.

This is cruel and unethical, but also really funny.

 

[BoomerSperg1922]

Why is it that half the time the people who leave fucked up cults are even bigger degenerates than the fucked up cultists they parted ways from?

Anyways I was aware of the shunning (not a big deal) and blood transfusion (only fucked up part about JWs that seem to be unique to them) bits of the JWs, but I was unaware they had their own anti-nonce council. In retrospect, I'm not shocked. All insular religious groups and cults that keep enforcement in house probably have one.

I wouldn’t hold my breath. JWs love to fudge their membership numbers, but they are seeing huge growth in 3rd-World countries and are stagnant in the West (people leave, but there is some entrance from other liberal Christian sects that are withering away). The increasing non-religiousness of the world I feel like is coming from the mainstream sects (younger kids become non-religious while others switch to another sect with more “backbone”). There may be a net non-religiousness increase in the world, but we’re going to see a rise in more extremist religions at the same time (kind of like the increasing polarization of politics, except religion has a decades head-start: JWs prime you for clown world *honk honk*).

Besides, given the no-blood transfusion rule, JWs may already technically be a murder cult…

You're half right (mostly about JW membership numbers), but we're not going to see an increase in the non-religious because they don't breed. By 2100 atheists are projected to make up less of the population than they do now. Atheism peaked in the 1970s and was less than half of what it was then in 2020. If you want to kill a woman's fertility - get her a PHD. Barring that, get rid of her religion.

Most christian converts stick within their brand of Protestantism and just find a more hardcore variant. Episcopalians for example are fucking dead and will probably be gone within 30 years, a lot of them joined the methodist church and brought their gay-acceptance with them, and now the methodist church is splitting over it. Hilarious.

 

[A Pox]

I'd heard that the 144,000 were the only people who would be resurrected at the end of time. Of course, this vid was my main source of info, so it may or may not be accurate. If that's true, then only the cream of the cream of the cream of the crop are getting resurrected, meaning the vast majority of people who become JWs forgo birthdays and blood transfusions for nothing. The fact that you have to jump through more hoops than most religions have makes your sacrifice bigger, thus, it "seems" as if you're more righteous, thus the religion is more likely to seem true. JW seems like a Prisoner's Dilemma in religion form. Stop practicing it, and you'll lose your infinitessimally small chance at an afterlife. But if you do stop practicing it, you'll get to enjoy your mortal life before you die. But if you practice it faithfully, you probably won't qualify for heaven anyway, meaning you sacrificed for nothing. So you'd be better off not practicing it, as that way you'd have a higher chance of being happy for at least some of the time before you die, as opposed to being miserable 100 percent of the time before dying permanently.

The 144,000 and blood transfusion thing is the most misunderstood and bland part about the JWs.

In their belief, the 144,000 are the ones that will go serve in God's Kingdom in heaven while everybody who didn't die in Armageddon will come back to paradise on Earth under Jesus' rule. At the only holiday they do, The Memorial Of Jesus Christ's Death, they pass around the bread and wine and nobody is suppose to drink of it unless God told you that you were one of the 144,000. Nobody drinks or eats.

In the watchtower magazine they even mention that the ones that do drink and eat are probably suffering from mental illness or delusions, so don't look down on them for doing it.

Something nobody ever talks about that's way more interesting is the JW belief that Jesus is the Archangel Micheal and that when Jesus was baptized, he regained his heavenly knowledge.

 

[Bec]

A

It makes me wonder if there are any ex-Mormons who are this insane, they have to be out there. I am very interested in Christian and pseudo-Christian type cults so this was definitely a treat

Apparently alot of ex-scientolgists are really shitliby.

 

[Blasterisk]

re: Watchtower and their continually wrong end times guesses

But about that day or hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Beware, keep alert; for you do not know when the time will come.

"But any prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, or who presumes to speak in my name a word that I have not commanded the prophet to speak—that prophet shall die.” You may say to yourself, “How can we recognize a word that the Lord has not spoken?” If a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord but the thing does not take place or prove true, it is a word that the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; do not be frightened by it.

lol
lmao

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

I can sperg about the JW faith, how ex-JWs never really leave, and how they just direct their religious fervor someplace else (I jokingly call it the "JW to SJW" pipeline -- happens so often especially when youth and women become ex-JWs). But that might get off-topic. Instead, I'll share a funny anecdote about our budding lolcow, John Cedars, a few years ago:

Context: was with my family who know about John Cedars and watch (watched?) his videos. They pointed out how many Lego sets were in his room (you can see them on nice pristine shelves in his videos). We joked about how kids no longer buy kids toys and it's all adults dropping obscene amounts of money for decorative "toys".

So TLDR: my family noticed John Cedars was a Lego consoomer manchild years ago. We should've taken that as a red flag (Legos and lolcows -- go together like ice cream and pie).

 

[George Lucas]

Just because he got out of a cult doesn't mean he's as pure as the driven snow.
Hell, they probably kicked him out for his own uncontrollable sperginess, poor attitude, and bad habits.

If even a cult doesn't want you around, that is grade A lolcow material.

Never said it was the cult that made him mentally ill.

I’m just saying OP’s post could have been funnier. Not sure why this is even featured.

 

[LiquidKid]

That “response” to cheating on his wife was the best god damn political speak I have ever seen in my life.
“My sexuality was tampered with, and I hate it!” That man could run for office

 

[MuttMurderingMensch]

In the 80s schools had to rename Halloween as the “Harvest Festival” so the JWs wouldn’t keep their kids home that day. (School revenue is based on attendance) Very anti-fun group of retards.

 

[Tiki Bar Man]

Met a few JWs and worked for one for a little while. He always looked for ways to screw his customers a little. Always wondered if they figured it was okay to do fucky shit to non-JWs, like outright stealing.

The ones I knew quit asking me to church when I compared them to the Catholics after hearing something I wasn't supposed to. Kingdom Halls seemed like a breeding ground for lolcows, The ones I've met have been weird in some way.

put it this way, when you are a witness you beileve everyone is going to die not matter how good of a person or anything else. If they are not a witness they are dead at Armageddon. The end. So yea many witnesses think they are much better than what they constantly call "bird food" at the kingdom hall.