Chantal has been getting a LOT of compliments.
One of them comes in almost instantaneously.
"Hiiiii Grammar Police" GET FUCKED.
Look we are just getting drinks but Luis is working at the snack bar. Luis's friend advised that he left Mumtal an arts and crafts project!
Woketal is unaware that this heteronormative piece of tat likely came from a store room. She just can't even believe how loving everyone is in Coobeeza! It has nothing to do with tips. (
) They're all just so niiiceee! Chantal has ordered a new wig, a bootyful wig that is supposed to arrive tomorrow to the Villa. Too bad she's in Coobeeza with a nest perched on her melon. Luis is at the snack bar ALL DAY. Maybe we can go say hi to him later!!
After being given the birbs made from felt and glitter paper with a smattering of hot glue Chantal no longer wants to go home! BUT!
"I don't want anymore bug drama tonight."
"The bugs were annoying!"
"Thus saith GUNRAR, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my Nashie is near to come, and my Doordash to be revealed.” - Bugsaiah 56:1 There shall be no quarter drawn. The nights of Coobeeza are long and filled with terrors the likes SCP-400# has never seen.
Let's have cheese, and bread, and PAHSTAH! Let's visit EVERY country! JAMAICA! EUROPEAN CRUISE!
"Cheers!" She is using the Sam voice in public. This is not water. The new wig! Looks like
Veronica Wang's hair. Chantal does not realize it will not cause her to become Veronica Wang. Either way, it's hot, the wig. Not the weather, It's only 31C! Time to get PAHSTAH!
We are moving at speed. This trip has really helped Chantal learn how to use her gunt and gravity to get through crowds.
No one is watching.
Somehow this man is more disgusting than Chantal and has less understanding of why there are barriers.
He continues to glance back at Chantal who is talking at normal volume to her VIB to pass the time before the mortal prepares her offering. Spanx and stuff! Totally normal conversation to have in public, where people are eatin-
NO SING! She is going to sing karaoke tonight! Maybe Madonna. Maybe La Isla Bonita.
Realizing that Chantal is
easy money,
a mark,
a good tipper, beautiful and attractive beyond compare, her table was set special. So romantic.
"If you're special I guess you get a tablecloth, and a rose, and lovebirds."
"Beauty"
"Bite"
"Mmmm"
Everything in Coobeeza is just go GOOD! "
So good."
Grammar Police who has been hiding out sulking because he never got a wrench wants to know how long the Great Northern Fupallo will be staying in Coobeeza.
Chantal doesn't fucking care. She wants more WINE. The server is explaining that he cannot allow her to double fist even in Cuba. Further despite the resort being all inclusive, they don't want to hand out the good shit that isn't watered down in large quantities at dinner. If Chantal comes back tomorrow she can hunt down this specific gentleman and he will help her out with getting sloppy drunk. He is asking why she looks different today.
It's a fucking wig bruh.
"I dressed up nice 'cause it's the weekend" X.
The mystery man, who is not her usual waitress and is not Luis, returns with an illicit glass of wine. Chantal surreptitiously slides him a bill.
How could anyone resist such a dainty being as Our Lady of Perpetual Nashies?
So anyway!
Chantal has booked a lip flip and a tragus piercing for when she gets home. The pasta is delicious! HAM! Green peppers! Parmesan. Reminder: Chantal doesn't eat pigs because they're too intelligent. The VIB are trying to discourage Chantal, she is naturally beautiful!
X. She doesn't need surgery. She doesn't need to lose weight! Look fuck this. We are DOING IT!
"The waiter who's looking after me today, is Luis's friend." Uh. "And he said Luis left that for me, but Luis m essaged me and said he left a present for me and he's working in the snack bar all day." Ma'am...oh fuck it.
Monday is a big day! Have to see SunWing! Have to pack! Have to
"Make sure I'm not taking any beetles back with me" (
) SO much to do! Gosh!
"I met a friend here, very sweet guy" (
).
Everyone is sweet for money.
The VIB see nothing wrong or suspicious about two men working in tandem to love bomb The Face of Domestic Violence. They have no concerns that Chantal continues to do things like count her money at the table, tip egregiously, or is entirely alone except for her hugbox.
Chantal is fine. Everyone wants her. This is normal!
X.
The gift is so sweet! SO SWEET!
"It's so sweet, like, this is like, he's just given me more as my waiter than any of my boyfriends have given me in my life. How fuckin' pathetic is that? Like what!?"
Totally not thinking about Nader.
"I miss Luis though, being here, made it friendly."
<Snip VIB Bullshit>
"I'm going to get LIT tomorrow, I didn't even drink the WHOLE TIME!" T-H-R-E-A-D. Luis's friend has come back with more wine. More wine? MORE WINE!
He introduces himself as Alex. It's amazing how much everyone wants her. Just her. Not her money! (
) The man keeps reappearing, he is trying to find out how much Spanish she is able to speak and understand.
"Men love me!" X.
<Snip Chantal Explaining
why you
DO NOT COW TIP>
Alex has returned again. Does she need another drink? Is she okay? Everything alright? This is not suspicious at all. He just wants her Lovely BV Chunks.
No is watching.
Maybe we can go get ANOTHER drink with Ramo Alejandro. Did you want to do a SUNSET BEACH BEEZE? FUCK YOU! Not going! Sand fleas! Fucking things biting her dainty lower appendages! Ugh! ANOTHER man appears. Chantal knows who he is. His name is Rene.
"You speak good English" (
) Rene seems to be another man who has been alerted that Chantal is throwing around $10 and $20 tips like they're going out of style. He asks her how she is enjoying Coobeeza and she just LOVES it! Everything is GREAT! No complaints!!!! When she comes back though she wants to see the REAL Coobeeza. She doesn't want to be on a RESORT!
Rene advises he would LOVE to take Chantal off the icky resort and make sure she sees the real Coobeeza!
"Maybe we can share phone number?" Chantal's eyes light up like someone sent her a surprise box of lokma.
"Yeah!!!" Chantal mutes us like a cunt. When we get back she advises this is the same guy from the other day who told her how beautiful she was when first trying yucca! Twice he told her she was beautiful!
NO SING!!!!!!!!!!
"Remind me to tell you something later!" she is ecstatic! She is collecting all the digits! She likes Rene he is older, closer to her age, he keeps telling her how pretty she is and
"He speaks good English".
"God's helping me into my next chapter!" She can feel it! FEEL IT! She was always someone who never believed in anything but now she feels alive!
Bugsaiah 41:13
For I the LORD OF BOX MOUNTAIN thy Gunrar will hold thy right hoof, saying unto thee, Beeze not; I will help thee.
"When I was at the buffet he touched me on the back and said, 'you have the most beautiful eyes and smile' and then when I added him on Facebook he had a picture of his mom and it was so cute." Everyone wants her. We should get another drink from Ramo! Next time she comes back though!
"I should have a Cuban escort, I can stay at his house" MA'AM!
Tonight is an interactive show! Exciting! Karaoke tomorrow. No we are NOT going to Sunset Beeze! Chantal is chatting with her VIB. She asks one who states they speak Spanish if they are Cuban.
"What is considered Latina? Anybody who speaks Spanish? Like even people from Spain, Mexico? South America? I think Brazil, that's Portugese right? I want to go to Brazil." Multiculturtal is learning about the Latinx.
Fuck it! If they're brown they can dick it down! Let's go get a big SALAD!!!! Chantal is getting her salad, delicious healthy salad! No one else is eating so healthy! She's the only one there!!! Oh. Fuck. CHORIZO!
They are OUT. SCP-400# has consumed all of the chorizo on the island of Cuba. Which is in North America...or South America? She isn't sure. Look. It depends on who you ask! (
)
SCP-400# attempts a W40K crossover by displaying a tattoo of her hedonism. Slaanesh is not currently in play so the attempt fails. They had cheese though! Thank goodness!
Look at this GIANT, HEALTHY, DELICIOUS, SALALDDDDD!
Everything is SO GOOD! Canada is going to be hard! She won't have scheduled meal times and a set diet! Yeah it sucks that they don't have Uber Eats but she has loved eating this way! It feels so good! NATURAL FOOD! Hear that NADER!? NATURAL FOOD! The wine is giving her a headache and she has probably had enough for tonight. (
)
"I'm kind of craving Rum Punch is that weird?"
<Snip VIB Bullshit Drink Suggestions>
The VIB are harassing Chantal to model her outfit and go see Luis which means she will absolutely NOT see Luis and will instead hook up with a different grifter. To appease them regarding her outfit Chantal shows off her strapless bra:
The wine and the heat are getting to her. The VIB are not satisfied with the socially acceptable behavior of pulling down your top in the middle of a crowded public space. Fine! FINE! You can see the whole fuckin' outfit:
Despite the fact that the dining hall is still full of people, Chantal has been sat in an entirely empty area where they store excess high chairs for people who didn't yeet their entire reproductive system because they are incapable of putting down a fork. This is clearly because she is so important. There is no other reason. Doesn't she look good!?
Rene has returned to make sure the
mark Great Northern Fupallo has everything she needs.
"Do they serve drinks at the snack bar? Do they serve alcohol?" Rene has no idea what the fuck she means. Time to go!
"Gracias Luis!" He made this table decoration they cart out every Valentine's day just for her. (
)
Shit there's a line.
No drink from Ramo! We will go see Luis and get a snack, and then maybe a drink. Dunno! Look this is a VACATION! We're going with the vibes! It's only 7:47 and the night is YOUNG! Maybe check out where the interactive show is going to be, or go back to the room charge the phone and drink water first. Gosh. So many choices. Maybe the snack bar. Luis is at the snack bar. Chantal is continuously holding up the lovebirds.
"This is the perfect souvenir from Cuba for me."
Chantal is not mad she is so fat,
"It's not like I'm 600lbs" there are SOME people who are like 250lbs and they can't fit in bathrooms either because airplanes are fatphobic. Look. This is BEEZIN' TIME! She doesn't like the bar where Dennis was. She doesn't like crowded places. Ugh. We need a drink. Not sure where to get it though! Somewhere with less people. The battery may not last and the hugbox might be disconnected so it's important to keep an eye out for safe places to Beeze.
"Let's get a Mai Tai!"
Or maybe a coffee, or a mojito!
"Hi Rum Punch please?" RUM PUNCH!
SCP-400# grasps the RUM PUNCH in dainty claws.
Delicious!
We're on the move again, rum punch in hand.
We are at the bar area where they had the Moulin Rogue show, sitting at the table closest to the Pillar of Hidingnessness. Rum punch in hand! Ready to BEEZE!
There are pretty lights! People are speaking in Spanish! There is a show going on. Lucky for all of us the camera is FIRMLY plants on Chantal's faces. People are singing. Chantal joins in.
NO SING! Chantal is dancing in her seat, she is having a great time. We are gonna get DRANK!
Sex Worker Qween is showing how you properly entice the locals by erotically eating garnish. There is no speaking, no reading of the VIB. SCP-400# is just swaying with the music. Enjoying the rhythm of its fupa vibrating. Chantal is excited that men want her number and have been messaging her! It's so nice! She loves being wanted, everyone wants her. Especially RENE!
The club is poppin'.
Randomly Chantal shows off her table decoration again.
"Mi corazon."
Does she like Rene? Yeah! He's a tall older guy! He's a little bigger...but I mean, he's so hot. HAVE YOU SEEN THE LOVE BIRDS!? Luis got them for her! The men are lining up around the gunt to service her
for $10-$20 CAD because she's irresista-
NO SING! The music is extremely loud. Chantal is trying to talk about how all of these guys are her friends, just friends. It's so nice to have friends. Friends totally sexualize their friends and/or use them for money. Maybe we should go back to the room? Not sure! Need to charge that phone. The current entertainment is for the kids anyway!
"Do I want to experience a Cuban? Yeah, kinda! I'm not ready to like...have a like" Nader. "I like meeting friends and stuff." Chantal is totally going to thank Luis for his lovely gift after we go to the room and get some water and charge the phone. Chantal doesn't like sweet drinks. She's a martini girl! Wait. WAIT! She should see if Luis is on Facebook and if he will be working, maybe he can meet her after the show!!!!
We've made it back to the room!
Emboldened by alcohol SCP-400# turns the camera toward a mirror in a daring attempt to prove they can in fact see themselves reflected:
Their eyes never stray from the comfort and safety of Samsung filters.
Reality begins to distort as SCP-400# pulls up their shirt:
SCP-400# contemplates opened the patio door. This is unwise. The couch is safer and more comfortable. We need to charge our phone! Get ready for the show! So much fun to have! Only two more nights in Coobeeza before it's Tuesday and time to go home. Chantal can tell she is losing weight, she doesn't need to use a scale anymore.
"It's about body transformation and health."
The patio door is opened. She ventures out into the darkness.
"I just don't want any effin' bugs buggin' me" REPENT!
Neveryoumind we are going back into the room to get ready, moving the coffee maker, dropping what sounds like a coffee cup onto the floor. Being considerate of our neighbors shielded only by a couch that blocks the adjoining door. Where is that fucking cup!?
"Didn't even break! Thank the Lord!"
Chris is KANG!
The heat and alcohol are just rough! It's hard being mildly overweight. It's so hot. Oof. Either way we're excited for water to put in the refrigerator, and
NO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chantal is planning to have a few more drinks and go to karaoke! So exciting! Going to SING!!! A VIB asks an important question:
The emissaries of the Fruit Fly Tribes of Box Mountain 3.0 perk up.
"I have no clue". They breathe a heavy sigh of relief.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO WEAR!? SO EXCITED! Talking about getting a hoop in the nose ring! Maybe -
<BuFFeRING!>
