Ethan Ralph the Food Connoisseur (and fashion expert) - Discuss gunt's food choices and shitty merch -- Surprise! The fat pig consumes a lot of food.

[Madgneto Was Right]

Christ is Kang:
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Having finished my own pigging out this weekend I would like to give my own take based on the life of an autistic bachelor who isn't picky with what he eats, cooks for fun, and who watched too many Ramsey's shows over the years:

1- Is this breakfast, lunch, or dinner? cause unless both of those plates are Ralph's, I doubt it is enough to satisfy them. Baffles me how a plate looks so barren even while still being composed of potatoes and chunks of meat. On that note, bottled water is just sad (sad!) at least pour them in some nice glasses.

2-Those potatoes look absolutely disgusting. The skin is all saggy and moist with what I imagine is excess butter or grease. The "herbs" sprinkled on top of them are burned into the insides which themselves appear to be uneven in their coloring which suggest that there was no consistency in the cuts. Could have turned into wedges, or smash potatoes but that would have required some* actual effort.

3-God damn, that butter stick hahaha

4- Walmart bread, but not even the decent kind. Don't shop that often at Walmart but I've seen that early in the morning they put out bread which is fresher and more flavorful than that wrapped Hawaiian bs type of bread which still costs about the same that a I nice loaf of bread in the local bakery.

5-As mentioned previously, the salad is just store bought trite with what looks bag cheese sparkled in it. No condiments other than Panera Caesar which again is also just sad. Takes less than ten minutes to whip up a fresher, tastier, cheaper salad with the same ingredients.

6- The bone is all the flavor, but they can cleaned some. There visible grease stains on the place them and the fat bits are massive. Again those herbs (cilantro? ) are all mushed on top and doubt they can add much to the flavor. Those are some ghetto-tier cuts let me tell you.

P.S. How trad is to observe holy week by pigging out on meat all weekend. I know not all are good Catholic trad chads but I bet this godless redneck incest spawn and his half-horse couldn't stop themselves from having their bacon milkshakes all this past month.

P.P.S. Always heard that Southerners are hot shit with how they cook and to my mind and experience they are either actually pretty fucking good with all those Cajun and BBQ dishes. Or, they are Ethan Ralph tier of sad who can't whip out anything else than dirty meat and bland potatoes to save their lives.

 

[Johnny Clyde Cash]

Having finished my own pigging out this weekend I would like to give my own take based on the life of an autistic bachelor who isn't picky with what he eats, cooks for fun, and who watched too many Ramsey's shows over the years:

1- Is this breakfast, lunch, or dinner? cause unless both of those plates are Ralph's, I doubt it is enough to satisfy them. Baffles me how a plate looks so barren even while still being composed of potatoes and chunks of meat. On that note, bottled water is just sad (sad!) at least pour them in some nice glasses.

2-Those potatoes look absolutely disgusting. The skin is all saggy and moist with what I imagine is excess butter or grease. The "herbs" sprinkled on top of them are burned into the insides which themselves appear to be uneven in their coloring which suggest that there was no consistency in the cuts. Could have turned into wedges, or smash potatoes but that would have required some* actual effort.

3-God damn, that butter stick hahaha

4- Walmart bread, but not even the decent kind. Don't shop that often at Walmart but I've seen that early in the morning they put out bread which is fresher and more flavorful than that wrapped Hawaiian bs type of bread which still costs about the same that a I nice loaf of bread in the local bakery.

5-As mentioned previously, the salad is just store bought trite with what looks bag cheese sparkled in it. No condiments other than Panera Caesar which again is also just sad. Takes less than ten minutes to whip up a fresher, tastier, cheaper salad with the same ingredients.

6- The bone is all the flavor, but they can cleaned some. There visible grease stains on the place them and the fat bits are massive. Again those herbs (cilantro? ) are all mushed on top and doubt they can add much to the flavor. Those are some ghetto-tier cuts let me tell you.

P.S. How trad is to observe holy week by pigging out on meat all weekend. I know not all are good Catholic trad chads but I bet this godless redneck incest spawn and his half-horse couldn't stop themselves from having their bacon milkshakes all this past month.

P.P.S. Always heard that Southerners are hot shit with how they cook and to my mind and experience they are either actually pretty fucking good with all those Cajun and BBQ dishes. Or, they are Ethan Ralph tier of sad who can't whip out anything else than dirty meat and bland potatoes to save their lives.

You covered a lot of what's wrong, but I'd like to add that having bacon in huge chunks is obnoxious. It doesn't take much effort to cut it into more manageable bits.

If I had to take a guess, the herbs on top of the lamb are probably mint. Mint's a more common herb to pair with lamb. A mint sauce with some other added herbs and spices would've been a better way to serve the lamb imo.

This meal's just a weird clusterfuck of bland store-bought shit and stuff that probably took at least some effort, like the potatoes and the lamb. It's jarring more than anything else.

 

[FFinfo]

Christ is Kang:
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Why are you drinking bottled water inside your own house wtf.

 

[Chiridion]

Why are you drinking bottled water inside your own house wtf.

They live in the ghetto, so the tap water isn't safe

 

[3322]

Why do Americans like ice berg lettuce so much? There are a million different kinds of salad that actually have flavor and some nutritional value like lamb's lettuce, baby spinach or arugula. Especially if you are going to get it pre-cut and bagged the ice-berg is fucking awful and will take on whatever smells you have in your fridge. Buying pre-made dressing also eludes me. It takes 2 minutes to whip together a dressing and that way you can avoid having the 10 tablespoons of sugar that are in every serving of pre-made dressing.

This looks like a meal you'd get at a redneck backyard dinner, like something Tammy and Amy Slaton would have for their Easter dinner. There is not a single drop of Italian blood flowing through Meigh's veins. Even the people on the Jersey Shore cook and eat better than this.

 

[AltisticRight]

Why do Americans like ice berg lettuce so much? There are a million different kinds of salad that actually have flavor and some nutritional value like lamb's lettuce, baby spinach or arugula. Especially if you are going to get it pre-cut and bagged the ice-berg is fucking awful and will take on whatever smells you have in your fridge. Buying pre-made dressing also eludes me. It takes 2 minutes to whip together a dressing and that way you can avoid having the 10 tablespoons of sugar that are in every serving of pre-made dressing.

This looks like a meal you'd get at a redneck backyard dinner, like something Tammy and Amy Slaton would have for their Easter dinner. There is not a single drop of Italian blood flowing through Meigh's veins. Even the people on the Jersey Shore cook and eat better than this.

And I heard Jews love greasy Chinese takeaway as celebratory meals.
She even sucks at being a cryptojew.

 

[JamusActimus]

Why do Americans like ice berg lettuce so much? There are a million different kinds of salad that actually have flavor and some nutritional value like lamb's lettuce, baby spinach or arugula. Especially if you are going to get it pre-cut and bagged the ice-berg is fucking awful and will take on whatever smells you have in your fridge. Buying pre-made dressing also eludes me. It takes 2 minutes to whip together a dressing and that way you can avoid having the 10 tablespoons of sugar that are in every serving of pre-made dressing.

This looks like a meal you'd get at a redneck backyard dinner, like something Tammy and Amy Slaton would have for their Easter dinner. There is not a single drop of Italian blood flowing through Meigh's veins. Even the people on the Jersey Shore cook and eat better than this.

It's incredibly cheap and takes longer to spoil than most lettuces.
Fast food mostly use icebergs for that reason too.

 

[bajagoogoo]

Now I am not an Amerimutt so I can not judge the price of this by American standards but... wtf?? $22.50 for this?

Eh, it depends on a few factors. The quality of the salmon, who supplies them, factoring in profit,

Regardless, Ethan is a stupid cunt with no concept of value and the palate of a cows backside. It could be freshly caught chinook and he wouldn't know it from chum.

Pantsu can not put some salmon and cream cheese on some baguette for you at home at 1/3 of this price?

It's Pantsu. She can't be fucked to go to a fishmongers. If it isn't sealed in cellophane, it isn't on her list.

Is Ralph getting completely and utterly raped here or do you guys really pay out the ass for simple food you can make at home in 5 minutes?

Again, it depends on a variety of factors. The most important is Ralph is a fucking idiot.

Ethan waddling his fat ass into a pretentious cafe to get fleeced is completely on brand.

 

[Slimy Time]

He clearly stood behind Meigh's plate for the photo, explaining the salad on "his" plate and the stick of straight butter on "her" plate.

Definitely. Does Ralph look like the type of person who has touched a salad in the past 10 years? Nope, but he is the type of person to have a plate devoid of greens and replaced with a block of butter.

 

[Gunterator]

Now I am not an Amerimutt so I can not judge the price of this by American standards but... wtf?? $22.50 for this? Pantsu can not put some salmon and cream cheese on some baguette for you at home at 1/3 of this price? Is Ralph getting completely and utterly raped here or do you guys really pay out the ass for simple food you can make at home in 5 minutes?

Ralph is just stupid and drove 4 hours to dc to pay basically double what he should have. Dc restaurants are pretty much all overpriced unless you go to the parts where you might get robbed or accidentally hit by some stray bullet

 

[Farglemark]

Why do Americans like ice berg lettuce so much? There are a million different kinds of salad that actually have flavor and some nutritional value like lamb's lettuce, baby spinach or arugula. Especially if you are going to get it pre-cut and bagged the ice-berg is fucking awful and will take on whatever smells you have in your fridge. Buying pre-made dressing also eludes me. It takes 2 minutes to whip together a dressing and that way you can avoid having the 10 tablespoons of sugar that are in every serving of pre-made dressing.

This looks like a meal you'd get at a redneck backyard dinner, like something Tammy and Amy Slaton would have for their Easter dinner. There is not a single drop of Italian blood flowing through Meigh's veins. Even the people on the Jersey Shore cook and eat better than this.

Iceberg has its uses if you want that extra crunch, some green in a meal without any flavor change. Iceberg actually has comparable nutritional value to many lettuces, that's just an old wives tale.
At the same time that answers your question as to why so many Americans love it so much, it doesn't taste like anything. Bacon cheese salad with iceberg? Just tastes like bacon and cheese, Caesar salad dressing with bacon and cheese with iceberg? Tastes like you are just drinking the dressing, Cobb salad that probably contains bacon and iceberg? You get the point, the taste of any vegetables minus potatoes is gross to them.

You answered your own question about premade salad dressing as well, it's full of sugar. The lazy fucks aren't gonna make their own dressing if they aren't making their own salads.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the food critiquing is by far the gayest pastime of this website, who cares

You are such a no fun faggot, the whole point of it is because it's funny, that's it. It's contained to its own thread and doesn't spill over into others, so why are you whining?

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

You are such a no fun faggot, the whole point of it is because it's funny, that's it. It's contained to its own thread and doesn't spill over into others, so why are you whining?

I'm not whining I'm just calling you guys gay autists for critiquing how many grill marks are on a piece of chicken another man eats. And I'm correct.

 

[3322]

Iceberg has its uses if you want that extra crunch, some green in a meal without any flavor change. Iceberg actually has comparable nutritional value to many lettuces, that's just an old wives tale.
At the same time that answers your question as to why so many Americans love it so much, it doesn't taste like anything. Bacon cheese salad with iceberg? Just tastes like bacon and cheese, Caesar salad dressing with bacon and cheese with iceberg? Tastes like you are just drinking the dressing, Cobb salad that probably contains bacon and iceberg? You get the point, the taste of any vegetables minus potatoes is gross to them.

You answered your own question about premade salad dressing as well, it's full of sugar. The lazy fucks aren't gonna make their own dressing if they aren't making their own salads.



You are such a no fun faggot, the whole point of it is because it's funny, that's it. It's contained to its own thread and doesn't spill over into others, so why are you whining?

Interesting. I have heard of people who basically just use salad to shovel ranch into their mouths. I have never had ranch so I don't know if I am missing out big time or not, but if I want a salad with a little more crunch I just buy chicory, make a nice yoghurt dressing and add some walnuts and mandarin slices. Meigh could probably save herself the work of opening a pre-made salad mix bag and just served Ralph a bowl of dressing with a spoon instead, he probably didn't even touch the salad.

 

[Braphamut]

The skin is all saggy and moist with what I imagine is excess butter or grease.

That's our boy.

 

[Pale Empress]

Always heard that Southerners are hot shit with how they cook and to my mind and experience they are either actually pretty fucking good with all those Cajun and BBQ dishes. Or, they are Ethan Ralph tier of sad who can't whip out anything else than dirty meat and bland potatoes to save their lives.

I remember listening to an episode of KS a couple of years ago where Ralph was pontficating about Southern cuisine, specifically barbecue, and it really proved he hasn't a clue. I think the only dish he could name and accurately describe were beef ribs. Listening to him be completely bewildered at the concept of South-West barbecue dishes was maddening.

If I want a salad with a little more crunch I just buy chicory, make a nice yoghurt dressing and add some walnuts and mandarin slices.

See, I'm all about textures more than flavour, which is why I generally default to iceberg, because of the crunch, but this sounds a lot more delicious and preferable. I'm going to give this a shot next time I go to the grocery.

 

[Madgneto Was Right]

You covered a lot of what's wrong, but I'd like to add that having bacon in huge chunks is obnoxious. It doesn't take much effort to cut it into more manageable bits.

You see, I had a bit about the bacon but I couldn't tell if it was included with store salad or not. It looks like it was cooked and dried out months ago judging by the gray color.

 

[Polyboros2]

Definitely. Does Ralph look like the type of person who has touched a salad in the past 10 years? Nope, but he is the type of person to have a plate devoid of greens and replaced with a block of butter.

I can totally see Ralph as the kind of person that sees salad as a healthy option no matter how it's prepared, has an 800 calorie salad as a "side" and thinks he's eating right.

Iceberg lettuce is the worst, I can enjoy arugula or baby spinach as a picky eater, but I hate the cellulose texture of a lot of greens. That and those that say iceberg has no flavor have a different sense of taste than I do, I can taste it on stuff after I've removed it sometimes, it tastes faintly of grass.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I can totally see Ralph as the kind of person that sees salad as a healthy option no matter how it's prepared, has an 800 calorie salad as a "side" and thinks he's eating right.

Iceberg lettuce is the worst, I can enjoy arugula or baby spinach as a picky eater, but I hate the cellulose texture of a lot of greens. That and those that say iceberg has no flavor have a different sense of taste than I do, I can taste it on stuff after I've removed it sometimes, it tastes faintly of grass.

I used to take my Grandpa to a buffet on Sunday a couple of times a month before he died. I learned that fat people actually love "salads" so long as the salad is covered with garbage. Monster salads, bigger than the sum total of everything I and my granddad ate comined, drenched in dressing, smothered in toppings. Enough to make you (I optimistically assume anyone reading isn't a hamplanet) feel sick just seeing it, before you've even been seated.

 

[DrearyDoomguy]

I can totally see Ralph as the kind of person that sees salad as a healthy option no matter how it's prepared, has an 800 calorie salad as a "side" and thinks he's eating right.

It's ok, he'll walk 2 miles and burn it all off.

 

[Lobster Cult High Priest]

It's ok, he'll walk 2 miles and burn it all off.

Ralph isn’t even doing the Mersh Mile of 2 walks around the pond in the park