Star Trek - Space: The Final Frontier

[Miller]

I didn't expect Gaius Frakking Baltar to appear but ok.
Thanks to Kurtzman Trek we've learned something new: the queen was a woman.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

This show is so weird in its shitness. They reference obscure shit like Gary Seven and the identity cards from the bell riots, and yet they completely ignore the fact that in TOS they say they have basically cured all but the most crazy and insane people (TOS: Whom Gods Destroy).

Then Rios just completely abandons the prime directive and any preserving of the time line. I swear they writers must have to huff glue to make stories this incoherent and stupid.

…what exactly did Rios do?

 

[khaine]

…what exactly did Rios do?

First he got medical equipment beamed into the clinic, and gave it to the doctor to use on Picard, and then he took the MILF doctor and her son onto the ship

 

[khaine]

Synopsis of the episode, for those who can't be fucked watching it:

Spoiler: Utter Dreck

• Scene opens up of Picard talking to a star fleet officer. Picard tells him he’s afraid of enclosed spaces. Star Fleet officer says it’s a routine psych evaluation and asks him, “Who is Jean-Luc?” Picard gets frustrated saying he’s been talking to him for 40 minutes and is uncomfortable with how unorthodox this line of questioning is.
• Star Fleet officer says it’s only been 20 minutes. Not 40.
• Star Fleet doctor says they need a full hour session and asks Picard to tell him a story. Picard doesn’t want to because he doesn’t know where to start. The doctor gives him a small sun statue or something and Picard starts his story about the queen with red hair.
• Picard flashes back to him and his mother at a young age and she’s telling him a story. He says she told him stories all the time because she knew she was on borrowed time.
• Picard’s mother (queen) says he’s (prince) like his father, expressions come from his hands not his mouth. Says he doesn’t want to be like his father. He says he wants to be like his mother.
• a monster starts moving around in the painting they’re making and they get scared and run. Window explodes and loud roar happens while they run. They’re being chased.
• Prince sees the queen dragged away by something into the darkness and it cuts back to Picard laying on a table in the health clinic.
• Seven says Jurati is still missing so they’re going to try and track her using her com badge.
• Rios tells everyone she’s been acting weird. Singing and kissing him.
• Seven and Rafi teleport back to the ship. Rafi is grossed out by Jurati kissing Rios and says if it becomes a thing she’ll quit the group.
• Rafi and Seven acknowledge they’re in a relationship. Rafi says they’re the main event and Jurati and Rios are the side story.
• seven tries to get a lock on Jurati’s combadge but the queen has encrypted the ships systems in borg, taking over the ship.
• the watcher mind melds with Picard using technology.
• it goes back to Jean-Luc talking to a doctor (hologram doctor) and the doctor told him to dig deeper and keep telling the story when Jean-Luc said there was nothing left to say.
• watcher is creeped out about Picards mind. To be fair she her locutus talking in there.
• watcher finds the prince. The prince says he can’t leave without his mother and he has to stay put.
• doctor says the session is over. Picard realizes he’s stuck.
• doctor asks why Jean-Luc is afraid to open up. Let people know the real him.
• watcher and the prince are attacked by the monster and another creature.
• Rios meets up with the doctor and his son. The son is wearing a toy space helmet and is playing with a rocket ship. Rios asks the kid (in a joking fashion) if he’s ready for space travel.
• Doctor lady gets mad that they locked the door so Rios let’s her into the room. She sees Picard and the watcher mind meld and freaks out.
• watcher beats the shit out of one of the creatures.
• Rios is breaking the time prime directive and has Rafi beam him down medicine for Picard in front of doctor lady.
• Rios gives doctor lady a neural stabilizer to use on Picard. She knows how to use it.
• doctor asks if Rios is from outer space. Rios says he’s from Chile but he works in outer space.
• seven cracks the borg code because she remembered it while she was in the collective. Jurati was the one who implanted the borg code.
• the doctor Picard was talking to is his father. His father has been guarding his mother the whole time.
• Picards mother had a mental illness and lead him down stairs where he got stuck for 4 hours.
• Picard’s father shows him that he found Jean luc downstairs and had to lock his mother up. Jean Luca father was never the monster. Jean-Luc’s mothers mind was.
• Rios sees Jean Luc as a father figure.
• Rios teleports doctor lady and her kid to the ship.
• Seven and Rafi are in Los Angeles tracking Jurati. Rafi doesn’t believe Jurati is the new Borg queen.
• Jurati is seen on camera going into a bar.
• Jurati breaks out a window at the bar for some reason.
• the watcher confirms she is an ancestor to laris and reveals her romulan ears.
• Picard and watcher talk about Q and what he wants. Picard thinks Q wants Picard to know him.
• Picard goes to Guinan and asks her to summon Q.
• guinan tells Picard that during a war the Q continuum and her race reached a truce. She doesn’t consider the Q gods.
• the moment the truce was reached is stuck in a bottle.
• guinan tried to summon Q but failed, she doesn’t understand.
• Rafi and Seven are at the bar Jurati broke the window at. She broke the window to get an endorphin rush. She’s trying to speed up the assimilation process. They’re witnessing the birth of a new borg queen.
• Guy enters guinans bar and orders a drink. Talks to them both about science fiction and shows them video of Picard teleporting. Guy is an FBI agent and takes Picard into custody along with guinan.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Cannot quote episode synopsis, but JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST….

 

[Mike Stoklasa]

This might have been better if they bothered to leave Earth.

STAR TREK!!

 

[Lithos]

One would think that the Borg assimilation process would include a fentanyl cocktail if they desperately need endorphin rushes to assimilate people.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

What the absolute fuck did I just read? I can't even call this dreck, that's an insult to dreck. This is a fucking abomination is what it is.

Lord, please grant me sweet escape from this wretched world that lets a Jew somehow even more talentless than JarJar Abrams write Star Trek.

 

[Clown College]

Damn even Critical Drinker is giving up on this shit.

 

[Tasty Tatty]

WHERE IS THE SCIENCE FICTION IN YOUR SCIENCE FICTION SHOW??!

 

[HarryHowler]

Most of the episodes until this point have been like those super-preachy TNG S1 episodes; this week we got something that felt like one of those TNG S7 episodes where the writers were trying something different and unique, but the end result was an episode where you spent 45 minutes staring at the screen and wondering just what in the fuck you were watching. Not sure how they're doing it, but somehow the writers are managing to capture all the worst aspects of TNG while adding in a whole bunch of a new problems.

Also, while I've criticized Nemesis in the past for not being able to make anything more of its themes than just "Picard's a good person because he had a good upbringing, Shinzon's a bad person because he had a bad upbringing", that doesn't mean you get to invent traumas and crowbar them into Picard's childhood you fucking hacks.

Finally, remember when everyone assumed that the big plot twists of the season would be that the timeline alteration was the result of Guinan being beaten up by a cop, and that the Borg Queen would turn out to be Picard's mom? How the fuck is it that the actual plot twists - that history was changed by Q's fucking around with Picard's super-famous ancestor who has never ever been mentioned before, that Jurati is the Borg Queen, and that Picard's mom basically serves no purpose to the story other than revealing that there's apparently some history of depression in the Picard family (in which case it should have been Picard's father who suffered from it, you fucking morons) - are way dumber and more insulting?

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

this week we got something that felt like one of those TNG S7 episodes where the writers were trying something different and unique, but the end result was an episode where you spent 45 minutes staring at the screen and wondering just what in the fuck you were watching.

Masaka says that Season 7 is the best TNG season.

 

[khaine]

I just found out that the writer of Batman & Robin is a writer on Picard. That explains why its so retarted.

 

[L50LasPak]

This show is so weird in its shitness.

Cannot quote episode synopsis, but JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST….

What the absolute fuck did I just read? I can't even call this dreck, that's an insult to dreck.

WHERE IS THE SCIENCE FICTION IN YOUR SCIENCE FICTION SHOW??!

How the fuck is it that the actual plot twists -(snip)- are way dumber and more insulting?

I would like to introduce you all to an experimental short film titled Sunspring, released in June of 2016:

Sunspring was written purely by an AI (PDF here), one that was trained on a pool of science fiction scripts. Now, this AI was a custom job, and very primitive by modern standards. GPT2, as I recall. It wrote the plot, the character interactions, and the dialogue. It even wrote the lyrics to a song that was adapted by a band and used in the film itself. You will notice that the dialogue is almost beat for beat what occurs in NuTrek, and indeed in a lot of modern television.

Characters saying something that appears to be profound, followed by "I feel like" or otherwise describing a feeling, vague references to the circumstances, character interaction that feels forced and empty, and lots of (seemingly) dramatic pauses and unnatural emphasis on emoting at the wrong time. You will also notice that the actors have very little trouble acting out this nonsensical dialogue/body language they've been given; the fact that they're saying stuff that makes no sense and has no context doesn't interfere with their professional skill at all. The film was shot in a day, by the way.

The resemblance between NuTrek and this short film is no coincidence. This is not a shitpost.

inb4 "NuTrek can't be written by robots, that short film was way better than anything NuTrek has done!". Its a funny joke, but it falls flat when the short film written by a robot could be effortlessly spliced into Picard or Discovery and nobody would even notice.

The people who adapted the script were clearly fairly talented though, so Sunspring almost feels like a piece of art, just an avant garde one. There is no talent on NuTrek though, so it doesn't even have that going for it.

 

[Tasty Tatty]

I would like to introduce you all to an experimental short film titled Sunspring, released in June of 2016:

WHERE IS THE SCIENCE FICTION IN YOUR SCIENCE FICTION SHOW SHORT FILM??!

(Just like NuTrek, it's not scifi, that's just an afterthought: it's just a bunch of words that seem to serve as a way for the writer to do some therapy and then they add some random tech element to make it futuristic...)

 

[HarryHowler]

I just found out that the writer of Batman & Robin is a writer on Picard. That explains why its so retarted.

Akiva Goldsman's written some legitimately good movies over the years. I don't think he's an untalented writer, just one who for some reason keeps trying to churn out comic-book and sci-fi scripts while refusing to recognize that his real skill is in writing legal thrillers and historical dramas.

 

[Captain Syrup]

I had a flu dream where I earnestly tried to make an 18+ version of Star Trek. I had Shatner, Hamill and, oddly, Jennifer Tilly signed. Jennifer got her tits out in the pilot. I lost all creative control and the plug was pulled after four episodes.

I didn't expect Gaius Baltar to appear but ok.

Add him to the pile of Embarassed Actors in Nu Trek.

He was the real engine of BSG; long into the doldrums of season 4. This is just a footnote for him. Also I guess we're cribbing from the worst Matrix movie, now.

They're probably just checking Memory Alpha randomly to add stuff, both to fill out the script and as the barest sop towards fans.

If only they put as much effort into their fanservice as Sonic 2. This doesn't even qualify as fanfiction writing.

Masaka says that Season 7 is the best TNG season.

Menosky is writing! Masaka is waking!

Trivia: Picard volunteers to pretend to be Korgano, who is named after Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins.

Despite making no wage I am still in a Borg induced rage

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

Fuck Picard and STD, this is the only Star Trek series I want.

 

[Commander X]

I'd rather watch these than Picard and STD (from this horror anthology here.)

 

[Les Morfalous]

You guys think Rich is going to brink Farscape after the Agnes and the Borg queen obvously riping-off /our/bros John and Scorpy. I just want them to talk about something good for a change, before Mike looses it completely and goes full couch-cuck.