Snakes Reads A Terrible Book: Manhunt, by Gretchen Felker-Martin - An utter waste of everyone’s time inspired by the Tranny Sideshows thread and its new favorite author

[Montalbane]

I want fanart of teach and the Chrome Chromosomers.

Also the author is fat and nobody will sex him.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

My biggest comment so far is being stunned at how often horniness happens. Men, is this how you live your day to day lives? It can't fucking be, and I'd feel great pity for you blokes if 1/3 of your daily brain power went to thinking about fucking. Can any straight male volunteer if this is how horny the main character should be?

There's no way men think this much about sex. Yeah, there's the joke that men think about sex every seven seconds, but keep in mind this is a troon we're talking about here. They're AGP coomers and are addicted to porn, they literally think everyone starts fantasizing about leather and the like.

To put this in anime terms since "Gretchen" clearly watches anime, the likes of Shinji Ikari, Touga Kiryuu, Ryou Saeba, and Ryohei Yamazaki combined are less sexually obsessed and repressed than these bozos. And at the very least, those characters are actual males and stick to keeping their balls intact.

 

[luigismanslave]

Have you ever walked down a flight of stairs with a low ceiling and hit your head on something on the way down? That's what this story is like, except you hit your head every step or two. Each new sentence gives me whiplash, brain damage, and kills the pace.

Thank you sweet femoids for tackling this true and honest woman's book. I love you very very much, full homo.

I'm incredibly curious about searching the author's tweets for mental illness and therapy mentions but about to take a nap so it will not be done. Highly doubt this man attends therapy.



My biggest comment so far is being stunned at how often horniness happens. Men, is this how you live your day to day lives? It can't fucking be, and I'd feel great pity for you blokes if 1/3 of your daily brain power went to thinking about fucking. Can any straight male volunteer if this is how horny the main character should be?

If i got horny half as much as these dudes do every time they almost get killed, I think it'd be impossible to hold down a job, leave the house, or have friends, which is probably why only the most terminally online men and """womxn""" can pull it off...

 

[blue gopher snakes]

So what was the protagonists' plan if they did manage to hit and possibly kill the leader of the TERFs? Wouldn't the rest of them still have just chased them down just like they ended up doing anyway?

That's so racist/colonialist/transphobic/antisemitic/sexist of you to demand that Brave and Stunning Beth should have to pigeonhole her impulses into your cisheteronormative idea of "having a plan of survival during the apocalypse."

Thank you sweet femoids for tackling this true and honest woman's book. I love you very very much, full homo.

Don't be nice to me else I might chase you down with my Honda crotch rocket and force you to join the Chromosome Crusaders.

My biggest comment so far is being stunned at how often horniness happens. Men, is this how you live your day to day lives? It can't fucking be, and I'd feel great pity for you blokes if 1/3 of your daily brain power went to thinking about fucking. Can any straight male volunteer if this is how horny the main character should be?

Of course normal men don't live like this. Troons are lustful gluttons. They are a perfect example of what happens when a person decides to live a life devoted solely to sexual fantasy to exclusion of all reality. If normal men were like this civilization would have rotted to nothing in like 3 generations. Good men with jobs and families and morals shouldn't have to defend themselves in that they too aren't just secretly like sexually obsessed goblins. Chads are welcome to join the Chromosome Crusaders right alongside my fellow lady-Chads.

@Niggaplease Are you really going to do Chapter 3 or should I because I have momentum going here and I don't wanna do work that is already being done.
ETA Actually upon reflection, don't do it if you haven't started. Not that I don't appreciate contributions from others but if I start assigning chapters I'm never going to finish this stupid book myself. Please continue to talk shit with me (or about me) but I'll do the actual chapter breakdowns moving forward.

 

[AnOminous]

While I've never written much myself, I do have at least some knowledge of what not to do. The quotes show that the author has a habit of forming clunky similes and metaphors and juxtaposing them with poorly-delivered exposition.

I didn't see a single simile the likes of which you can't see in a deliberately hyperbolic shitpost where the simile is supposed to be completely ridiculous and play on traits you already know about the person, or picking on their specific sensitivity.

It really has no place in narrative, because it completely distracts from the action to divert attention to itself. That's the point of a ridiculous simile, metaphor, or extended conceit. I don't see anything approaching the last. Not a single one of these similes turn into anything relevant. It's fitting all of them are about the length of a tweet.

Also it's just terribly written in every other way. Even in Chapter 1 the characters are about as sympathetic as the characters in Crossed, although with an astoundingly dumber premise. Oh, so the Bad Guys and the Other Bad Guys are at it. Who cares? The thing is I think the troon (has to be a troon right) thinks these are heroes. Yet they're as repulsive as Twitter trannies are in reality, because this is how troons think.

I also really hate "greedy mouthfuls" right in the first sentence. I'd let that slide by itself. Other people have used that, I just hate seeing it. What, the mouthfuls of water themselves are greedy? They're completely nonsentient. There are rules that make this arguably grammatical, but it's just clunky and distracting. Like everything else, it just reminds you the author is a deeply mentally ill troon.

JDR/Chatoyance actually did a much better, and even more misandrist short story on a similar premise, a troon virus, but it turned men into women, much as the TCB potion turned humans into ponies, whether they wanted it or not. JDR, however, could actually write and put an insane level of worldbuilding into insane ideas, unafraid of their disturbing conclusions (but also baffled at why they bothered people).

 

[Niggaplease]

@Niggaplease Are you really going to do Chapter 3 or should I because I have momentum going here and I don't wanna do work that is already being done.

fine you do the writing, I'll just take key points and add snarky commentary.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

[Previous Chapter]
Previously On: Snakes Reads a Terrible Book... Fran the Man watched the sun setting over the East Coast somewhere while amateurishly sewing up Brave and Stunning Beth's face meat. Fran the Man beheld his handiwork and then made this pronouncement:

“You’re going to have the dumbest fucking scar.”

That brings us up to speed.

Chapter 3: The Prize Drawer

Fran had read that in a yellowing issue of National Geographic she found in a box in her great-grandfather’s study when she was nine years old, and the fact had never, ever left her brain in the two decades since.

Fran the Man is revealed to be 29 years old as the chapter opens. Of course this information is delivered in GFM's signature style of "no amount of shoehorned exposition is TOO MUCH shoehorned exposition."

Sometimes she lay awake at night as it ran through her head again and again to the tune of the vaudeville song the old lawyer in The Aristocats warbled while lurching around Madame Bonfamille’s parlor.

Wait. Record scratch. GFM is referring to Carmen's Habanera as VAUDEVILLE?

This is the scene from a fucking children's movie GFM is referencing for those who can't remember an animated film about cats that came out in 1970:
Clearly this is vaudeville.
Apparently The Royal Opera does vaudeville now.

This might be criticized as splitting hairs, but I think it is important to make the case early and often that GFM is a bad writer. He is a specific kind of bad writer though: GATE kid bad writer. What is GATE? GATE was a program (idk if it still exists) for children that performed at an above average level in certain subjects ("Gifted and Talented Education") that seems to have produced more than its fair share of adults who are way too impressed with their own intellect. Why is this a bad thing? Because being told that you are the smartest in the room creates intellectual uncurious people. Why confirm details or definitions of words or consider the consequences of statements like "all the big game was gone by this point" when establishing the world of your novel when CLEARLY you already know everything? Be prepared for 307 pages of zero fact checking. I would be surprised if GFM edited this book beyond the first draft.

ANYWAY

As she walked, she chewed licorice root on the left side of her jaw, the sickeningly sweet taste coating the inside of her mouth. Shelved spiro was mostly useless now, ruined by sunlight or water or simple oxidization. So, licorice root. Spearmint tea. Some girls ate black cohosh, but it gave Fran awful diarrhea.

GFM can't help himself but to groom others. Whoever said this was the Turner Diaries for Trannies may have had a point since GFM is slipping in little feminization tips like this. I can't speak to whether any of things will help a man grow a bageen.

Except if you got appendicitis now you’d just die in agony unless you were lucky enough to know a surgeon who’d survived T-Day and wouldn’t harvest your blood and sell it to bunker brats for their vampire facials. Not that it had been better when she’d been uninsured and living over Indi’s garage.

More strange exposition with a little tease of "useless eater tranny on unemployment" backstory.

Beth walked her to a rusted-out minivan abandoned on the highway’s shoulder just south of a cut where exposed faces of granite flanked the highway, seams of quartz catching the starlight.

GFM probably had a 7th grade English teacher that told him his poems were great. 20 years and zero development as a writer later we get to suffer through shit like this.

Oooh we finally arrive at the giblet-feasting!

They sat on the car’s moth- eaten floor carpeting, dangling their feet in the grass pushing its way up through the pavement, and ate cold balls from the foam case in the duffel.

She scratched her own in sympathy as she choked down the best source of estrogen five years of reckless experimentation and desperate medical-library raids had been able to turn up.

"Reckless experimentation" has me intrigued. Does this mean that the trannies just started cannibalizing zombified men to see what would happen? I mean, I'm pretty sure we're one failed GoFundMe away from the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch trying something like this, but WHY. Also I dare any troon to tell me where their nearest medical library is, from memory, right now.

Just pretend it’s one of those fancy chocolates with the gold foil. You know. A Ferrero Rocher.
She couldn’t remember what Ferrero Rochers tasted like, and the pungent, gamey stink of the testicle coated her tongue like oil.

Just like that Ferrero Rocher was ruined forever. I am making real sacrifices here, just saying.

She’d eaten more balls than she’d ever sucked cocks.

This is how women talk. We definitely take occasional running tallies of the number of cocks sucked and balls eaten.

Pretend they’re oysters on the half shell.

Fuck you GFM you can't take oysters from me too.

Most of the time they worked well together, Beth the high
school track-and-field star slash dropout and Fran the premed fuckup hunting their way up and down the East Coast in search of testicles to eat and kidney lobes to process in Indi’s lab so they could sell nice clean hormones to the menopausal cis ladies in Manchester and Seabrook and sometimes Concord and Nashua if the roads were open.

Fuck you for bringing TERF Meemaws into this. Menopause doesn't transform women into men. The casual way this information is delivered makes it clear that GFM, like many many troons, hates older women. My pet theory is that it's because they superimpose Mommy onto all of them.

“When I was six our dentist got these little cars. Dragsters, cement mixers, all kinds of shit. My brother Derek got a little cop car and I was
obsessed with that thing. I used to pretend it had tiny cops inside it, drinking tiny coffees and complaining about their tiny wives. He said there was another one left in the prize drawer and fuck, I wanted it worse than anything.”

This is not something a six year old would ever imagine. I would encourage GFM to do more research before publishing but I also don't want him anywhere near six year olds so maybe I'll let this one slide.

“The morning of my next checkup I was practically salivating. The fuckin’ adventures I was gonna have with that car.”
“Finally there was one boy left ahead of me, this little ginger puke named Brian Finnerty I knew from school. I was losing my mind waiting for him to come out. I knew he’d take it first, that he’d know somehow and take it just to fuck with me.”
“When he finally strutted out into the waiting room with that patrol cruiser in his hand, I couldn’t take it. I walked up to him and popped him right in the mouth. Knocked out his filling.”

One half of our duo of heroes, ladies and gentlemen. Fran now has his smashed tooth (from when he ate shit in the riverbed) yanked out with pliers in a dirty minivan.

Her jaw felt like someone had hooked it up to a corroded car battery and coated the jumper cable jaws with chili powder for good measure.

Is chili powder an effective conductor for electricity?

When she did sleep, she dreamed of the world that was gone, of her last few shifts at the Park Avenue Starbucks and the sputtering progress of her FFS fundraiser on Twitter. She dreamed of refreshing the page again and again only to find donations draining away, supportive comments deleted. She dreamed of the slender, elegant face she’d designed with her surgeon, Dr. Bakshi.
I was so close, she thought miserably, sitting down to a candlelit dining room table where on her plate an eight-inch cock sat crisped up beautifully under a thin drizzle of vinaigrette reduction. I was so close to being a girl.

Even while pretending he's a woman, Fran can't help but slip in a brag about his dick size. 8 inches. Sure.

The outline of the face she’d made, the one she’d dreamed of pulling down over her own as though she could step into a dream and wear it waking, leered at her through flame and melting wax.

#justskinwalkerthings

Beth and Fran wake in the night just in time to cower in fear as our REAL protagonists, the TERFs, drive past in their convoy of flatbed trucks fitted with cowcatchers.

Someone had soldered a crude cowcatcher to its cab’s grille

Ok I may be just a simple womyn, but if it were ME I wouldn't SOLDER anything to the grille of a truck. First of all, the grille isn't going to be sturdy enough to survive the force of a cowcatcher pushing something. It'd probably just bend or tear and then you'd be SOL. Secondly, soldering isn't a synonym for welding. Soldering seems to be better for small projects. You see it used for circuit boards, jewelry, joining wires. Do you imagine something applicable for JOINING WIRES would be suitable for hooking up a cowcatcher to the front end of a truck??? GFM is so bad at being both a man AND a woman.

“Oh fuck my mother and forget her number,” Beth hissed back, her eyes wide and frightened in the gloom.

Here's that ever-present antipathy for Mommy on display once more.

Two yard-high Xs slashed in white paint on the passenger door of the third truck’s cab and repeated on banners flapping from the framework sheltering the bed. The TERFs were headed north.

Dun dun DUUUUUUUN

Thus concludes Chapter 3 of Manhunt. I'll get started on Chapter 4 sometime after I make an emergency appointment with my therapist to work out why I agreed to do this in the first place.

 

[Niggaplease]

Nigga pleases snarky commentary and survival sperging for chapter s 1 and 2


I already read the book and I hate it not because of the fact its written by a troon and the characters are either dumb selfish human beings or cartoonishly evil. but the plot, the monsters hold no sense of logic or reason. this isn't to say all pandemic/doomsday/zombie media needs to be based in reality but it needs to make sense in its own world. Its glaringly obvious that the author didn't sat down and actually did world building or create rules for their zombie sub type or the antagonists, nope instead we the viewer are forced to rely on the author's heavy handedness in shock value and gore, we're held captive to the authors rape fetish.

Chapter 1 commentary:
This is a build up to the first confrontation with the two protagonists beth and fran, and the evil enemy the terfs.
We're introduced to the rape zombies, and the first thing beth and fran does is dispatch them; based on what tidbits the author gives the zombie isn't a classical walking zombie dead rotting and has no reason to cannibilize others other than doing it, instead the author has gone with the infected subtype where the zombies are alive they have survival instincts like need to eat and drink, but they will attack on sight. In passing the author mentions that the zombies has the capacity to sexually reproduce that pregnancy results in a gruesome death for the mother. Not even one chapter in already the authors misogyny is glaring. How ever this information isn't important enough for the author to go any where with it. I don't remember the author giving an example, so its basically a cheap shot.
Our dumb heros cut the balls out of the rape zombie after killing killing it, you will know why in chapter 3. but look up mein teil if you want to get my meaning. After collecting said zombie balls our dumb heros run into the main antagonists of the book, now what would you do if you were in a post apocalyptical hellscape with factions that may habor malicious intent, and you encounter a group where your outnumbered 2 to 8?
would you find a means to slip away unnoticed and not pick a fight where you can get your ass handed to you?
or do what fran did and shot your arrows willy nilly with your pp hard?
because that is what fran did, he shot his arrows at group of people who are hostile to them. By all logic how is fran or beth alive at this point? in what hints the author has given me, and will be further in the book some time has passed since the incident of t. day. The characters are living off of sole plot armor alone. Glaring misogyny aside the author should be accounting for some realism, no sane human in their right mind in a situation would pick a fight were they're seriously out numbered in a survival scenario when that can mean certain death, especially no sane person would be hard at shooting an arrow at woman. Unfortunately that isn't the case and already me the reader has acquired a hatred towards one of the protagnists for this action, which reflects the message the author is trying to convey. Violence against women is okay because wrong think.

Chapter 2
Theres not much really to say other in chapter two fran misses his shot, but hits a woman behind her. Which naturally has alterted the terfs to their presence and they begin firing back, again how these two aren't dead yet is through the good graces of plot armor, After firing back the terfs chase them through the woods, fran gets hit, and contemplates what the terfs would do them, to be fair they shot first and truthfully I kind of wanted fran to suffer natural consquences from fucking around and finding out. this character isn't likeable at all so I am not emotionally invested in what would happen to him if he got caught.
eventually our group manages to out run them and chapter finishes with fran sexaulizng a terf while thinking about killing her.

 

[capsaicin]

This needs a video game adaptation. By which I mean The Kickass Adventures of Teach.

 

[Accept Only Substitutes]

Okay, so I briefly sperged about editing WRT this book in the tranny thread. I have some experience writing casually and have worked with an editor. I've never had anything published, but that's due to a lack of interest on my part.

I've only read the OP so far (which is amazing, excellent work) and let me revise my opinion given in the tranny thread: this doesn't read like it's ever been edited for content.

It's so clunky and just plain bad on a technical level. The editor I worked with would never have let him submit this to a publisher in this state. The bath bomb testicles, for an example - that's the sort of thing an editor pushes back on. Why bath bombs? What kind of bath bomb? Are the testicles swollen to the size of a bath bomb? Is the smell floral and rancid pig at the same time? Are the testicles crumbly like a bath bomb?

Those are the questions an editor asks, and if you're not good at dealing with criticism it can feel like a personal attack. Writing is deeply personal, this manuscript is obviously even more personal than most. You have to be able to divorce your emotions from the process when going through editing or you will lose your mind.

Writing is 60% talent and 40% skill. Talent can't be taught, but skill can and that's what editors are for. There's some good stuff here too, I'll admit that much. The concept, as distasteful as I personally find it, is creative enough. The manuscript isn't unredeemable technically. It needs a lot of work though. This reads like a first draft. First drafts are always awful.

This is obviously a diversity publication. One step up from vanity publishing.

I've read mediocre fiction through Kindle Unlimited that's written better than this, let alone some fantastic fiction through them. It's really sad when excellent authors get turned away by publishers for sub-par dreck.

 

[TurdFondler]

Adjectives I need MORE adjectives and adverbs I can't write a single fucking sentence without meticulous qualifiers even in the midst of an action sequence I'm going to cram in as many descriptive words as I possibly fucking can before ending with some godawful attempts at prose

 

[Niggaplease]

Niggaplease chapter 3 sperging

So after managing to dodge death by the skin of their teeth, literally, beth has a tooth ache that was sustained in chapter 2.
the author really hones in the point by adding a shittily formatted description of a song about tooth decay, I will give some points that in a post apocalyptical world yes you can die from an infected tooth, yes it can travel to your brain. but what beth has sustained was a broken tooth. Not a tooth decay. They're more than likely to get an infection from the wounds the characters sustained in the confrontation, theres no reference of either character tending to their wounds.
After getting involved in in a fight that could've been avoided our dumb heroes look for shelter in a car in the road for the night, and begin to eat a supper consisting of stale power bars, and, if your here, remember chapter 1? zombie balls. They eat balls, during the chapter they mention that trans women can stave off t. rex infection by either using estrogen straight up, or phyto etrsogens which shouldn't be logically possible as as phyto estrogens from plants has little to no impact in affecting a males bio chemistry. Beth mentions has black cohosh a plant that has phyto estrogens in it gives him diarahea so instead of going for that and shitting themselves they opted to eat zombie balls off a dead man infected with the virus that can hijack a males system to make them into infected rape zombies. Yes the physiological effects of possible cannibalizing's another human being is more preferable than shitting themselves, its shown that beth has some issues with eating zombie balls, but fran tells him to pretend its a chocolate truffle. The author treats this in a casual passing matter, and not as an issue that a tranny has to eat balls to not become a ghoul, and gives no really credence to the act. this is what annoys me the most as many real life accounts of cannibalism to survive even post mortem cannibalism has left people physiologically scarred for life. The author takes this serious subject and treats as #justgirlythings.
Beth then proceeds to whine about wanting to sleep in a bed and eat icecream fran tells him to shut up and go to bed. I am not three chapters in and I am stunned with how the characters managed to survive this long being this unrealistically whiney and squeamish. On one hand they're not squeamish enough to pass on eating zombie balls, but on the other beth is prone to fits at the most minor of inconvenience how are they still alive?? you'd think they'd be somewhat accustomed seeing as it been three years since t. day.
after dining they go to bed, the next morning fran pulls beth broken tooth out and gives beth a candy bar.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

Chapter 3: The Prize Drawer

Just had to mention this because I had no idea what Fran was musing about, so I went looking:

Most prehistoric people who survived to die of natural causes, the fossil record suggested, died of tooth infections.

My brain can't comprehend such stuttering grammar.

I skipped to the about section:

Oh, so this dude's a "film critic", is he? This explains so fucking much about these stupid quips and ridiculous similes plastered everywhere. Roger Ebert died for this. Anyone's free to dive more into this guy's "work".

Also who the hell is Ezra, since this book was written for "her" (going to assume it's a "her" until otherwise proven).

EDIT: Archives of the articles. Should've gotten these sooner, but I'm not thinking straight today.

How 'Game of Thrones' Broadened Our Understanding of Sex Workers' Lives
On Disgust: How Revulsion Shapes Popular Art
'The Nightingale' is a Relentless Depiction of Human Suffering
'I Wish There Was a World for Us': On the Choice to Consume Small Art
(Note, this is the URL:

)
The Thing in the Dark: How Art Confronts Child Abuse
What's the harm in reading?
Bada bing, bada boo: Everyone should rewatch 'The Sporanos' as a horror

 

[Hugbox Kommissar]

three feet of carbon fiber sticking from her shoulder

I don't know why this stood out to me so much but damn, imagine the wingspan on that dainty lady to be able to draw that arrow.

I'm skimming the pdf right now and this is absolutely an angry manifesto. Everything exists to validate transwomen. There's even a scene where the viewpoint character is furious, not at the TERF stormtroopers, but at the ordinary townswomen who stay silent and don't loudly and aggressively defend the trannies.

 

[TurdFondler]

It just occurred to me that troons are the ones that pretend to be knowledgeable about hormones and advocate for puberty blockers and DIY HRT.

This dude doesn't even know enough to write a convincing thriller. Literally could have skimmed the Estrogen wiki and come up with a better plot. But I guess the ideas was to write one handed while thinking of killing terfs and eating balls.

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Can't quote the Chapter 3 post, but @blue gopher snakes regarding the bit about Gretchen referring to Habanera as "vaudeville". I hate to defend any aspect of this shitty book, but pretty sure he got two different scenes with the lawyer mixed up and is referring to this earlier bit where he sings Ta-Ra-Ra Boom-De-Ay getting out of his car. Sorry it's the French dub, was best quality clip I could find.

That's vaudeville and the tune also fits the written song accompanying that line much better than Habanera does.

 

[ComStar]

What an absolute trainwreck, both the book and the writer. Utterly fucked in the head. Additional words fail me.

How many years to 41%?

 

[chickenTendiemerchant]

Godbear bless you for reading this, I read this chapter out loud on call with my fiancé and it was torture. I wanna add my quick two cents because this dude's a goddamn amateur writer.


You don't need this many words to describe the chef's kiss motion. Here:

"Beth pressed her thumb and forefinger together and gently flicked them off her lips with an audible smack. 'Bellissima!''"

There. Still conveys the same motion with less bloat.


Reverse the two sentences because Beth is talking through a mouthful, so convey it in dialogue and give the translation (even though you don't really need it tbh) at the end. Like this:

"'Letsh bugey,' said Beth through a mouthful of protein bar as she straightened up and brushed crumbs off her ratty, threadbare hoodie. Let's boogie."

Accentuated dialogue is a good skill for writers to have, as long as it's utilized right. Also, personally, I think it's trashy to have cuss words in the narration itself. Save that for the dialogue or if there's graffiti/a letter with curses in it.


What the fuck does this have to do with anything? Is Fran literally fantasizing about some dyke dominatrix? This is super gross, but it's at least comforting to know that in the very first chapter we find out real fast this is what "Gretchen" actually faps to.

Carry on, Snakes. Hope you have a lot of drinks on hand, you're gonna need it. Also please always highlight every single moment of sexuality that happens because it's quite possible a good portion of this book is nothing but sexual fantasies.

The accentuated dialogue at the end of the sentence is a really poor imitation of how King writes a lot of his own dialogue, most notably in Pet Sematary (Judd's thick Maine accent) and some scenes in IT (usually after someone gets popped in the mouth) . This whole book is a frankenstein patchwork of devices used by better horror writers.

 

[one_time_user]

I have been thinking about this and still can't figure out how eating testicles gives the trannies estrogen. I finally settled on 'nope' because if testicles actually had estrogen trannies, in real life, would be eating each others at their sleepover parties.

 

[Niggaplease]

book same energy