Hungry Homeless Handjob
kiwifarms.net
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- Jul 31, 2021
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
I'm more than excited for Julay!
Julia Childs x July x Yay!
EDIT: Vinegar isn't good for dogs, Jack. Especially puppies.
Julia Childs x July x Yay!
EDIT: Vinegar isn't good for dogs, Jack. Especially puppies.
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- Joined
- Feb 1, 2021
Jack was way too giddy about that vinegar bottle. He called it his favorite bottle, but says it's just for cleaning. I call bullshit, there's no reason this lazy fuck would be that excited about anything not involving consumption. Furthermore he was way too happy describing Hope going into sneezing fits after "sniffing" the vinegar. That bottle is absolutely for spraying Hope, which in and of itself isn't bad. It's a painless way to discipline a dog, although I'm not sure if spraying vinegar in their face is ok depending on the concentration. What makes me upset is how fucking happy he is about it. He clearly is getting off on pushing that puppy around. What an absolutely vile human.
I don't even care about the recipe in this one. Die Jack, die!
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Hungry Homeless Handjob
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2021
Dogs really hate the smell of vinegar, and you can put it on certain areas they like to chew to stop them from doing that. But spray bottles aren't effective for training, mostly because it's hard to get the dog to associate punishment with the behavior and not just you grabbing the bottle. Of course Jack doesn't know that, and besides using it to clean he probably does spray Hope with it. Which I guess is better than slapping your dog in the face which he has all but admitted to.
Anyway the recipe sucks, Jack is still terrible at evenly coating meat with seasoning. There's a weird montage with "urban" music and the ribs, they don't look very good.
Jack conspicuously doesn't show us lighting the smoker or putting the charcoal in, I think he's butthurt about fucking it up the last time and doesn't want to give us more ammo.
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2013
Fuck you Mushbrain. I want to see a movie about how great Nicholas Cage is at being Nicholas Cage.
Oh poor widdle baby. He needs his safe space on Twatter so he can spew his toxic bullshit there too.
The absolute level of entitlement this faggot has is crazy.
Ever since Trump got himself banninated from Twatter he's been acting all put upon that it's not a safe space for conservative voices. So with Elon now as one of the shareholders he's expecting that to change and all the conservative voices will be allowed back on. That's why he, and others, moved to Parler. But nobody uses that so the word doesn't get out as far.
Except they just banned Trump. Last time I checked there's still conservatives on Twatter.
Fuck. He's taking the Grande Dame of cooking and going to shit all over her legacy.
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2019
Does this look cooked to you?
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2020
The bite and chew into the ribs is shit I have nightmares about.
Also, the porn music Shazam: Hop Hip (Instrumental Version) by DJ FREEDEM
Joycondrift
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2021
Properly cooked ribs shouldn't sound like you're biting into a crisp apple.
God I hate this man's cooking.
God I hate this man's cooking.
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- Joined
- Dec 4, 2013
After so many KETO recipes that Jack has faked enthusiasm about, we finally see Jack in an authentically hyped up manner, since the wendigo will be fed. Jack brags about mixing vinegar and baking soda together in his cleaning solution / puppy repellent, which means he failed elementary school science class.
"There's a guy, Dan-O, I don't know if it's a real person, I'm guessing it is" It's literally on the fucking website! https://danosseasoning.com/about-dan-os/ Smack those ribs a few more times, Jack. Smack those ribs like the Meat Marine smacks your ass, you fat faggot. Despite this being a video on "DANO'S (sic) Ribs", he brings in chicken with his own seasoning with lemon pepper, for... reasons? And, of course, it's underdone, never change, Jack!
The verdicts:
* Original: "Gud."
* Hot chipotle: "Very gud."
* Spicy: "Real gud."
ASMR:
"There's a guy, Dan-O, I don't know if it's a real person, I'm guessing it is" It's literally on the fucking website! https://danosseasoning.com/about-dan-os/ Smack those ribs a few more times, Jack. Smack those ribs like the Meat Marine smacks your ass, you fat faggot. Despite this being a video on "DANO'S (sic) Ribs", he brings in chicken with his own seasoning with lemon pepper, for... reasons? And, of course, it's underdone, never change, Jack!
The verdicts:
* Original: "Gud."
* Hot chipotle: "Very gud."
* Spicy: "Real gud."
ASMR:
FatJacksFatAssTongue
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2021
Just got ninja’d on both ribs/crisp apple & and his fucking working hand. My god, he went nuts for like two straight minutes slapping it around in the the viewer’s grill there.
The hand + the board + a rubber mallet came to mind
densedance
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2021
That's a lot of meat consider they're only 2 people in the household. Okay, give or take they give some bits to Hope. But god damn.
Also what's with that random ass Hip Hop Instrumental?
Also what's with that random ass Hip Hop Instrumental?
GoodFattyDeadFatty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2020
Anyone else notice how Jack claimed the seasoning company sent him the seasoning to try out? Still pretending that companies know of his existence.
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2016
The rubber chicken that oozed blood out of its asshole in Eraser Head looked more appetizing.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Since I've covered Jack fucking up ribs before, here's a quick runthrough for those interested:
1. The new intro is still horrifying due to the fact you hear distressed barking in it when Jack's name pops up; it's almost like he wanted to relish and brag about how he abuses his dog. Also the timing of his self-satisfied retarded soy smile really shows that he only cares for himself.
2. He is extremely happy about how he can totally spray his dog with vinegar and make her sneeze and whine. It's very likely he does this a lot given how much he likes that vinegar spray mix.
3. Jack shills a cheap ass shirt that uses a dog asset he stole on a design he also just made up using stolen assets. He should be grateful he's so irrelevant he doesn't get sued, but nope. Oh, and like any good narc he justifies his decision by trying to say that HOPE wanted that shirt.
4. Lol at Hope being a beagle. Also lol at Jack trying to refute he's not a narcissist by trying to pretend he doesn't care if you don't buy shirts with his shitty bitmoji asset on it.
5. Jack again chooses to lie about having only a limited amount of time to try and pretend he has a busy day. I mean I guess some baby shows are gonna air soon and maybe he doesn't want to miss shows designed for toddlers. Or maybe mommy-wife will punish him for stealing the holiday meat she hid to cook and eat the whole thing.
6. *yawns* Fuck off on justifying this Jack. You literally do these shit seasoning videos as an excuse to scarf down as much meat as humanly possible without needing to try and make a new way to cook meat. He then blatantly lies about not being able to get some shit seasoning from Dan-Os and how he TOTALLY GOT THIS STUFF AS A STORE DEAL GUYS. What a faggot.
7. Jack naturally loves the idea of the hot one because he hisses like a feral cat and gnaws on it whenever Tammy comes close to food at all. Also he tries to brag about how good his shit seasonings he NEVER USES are. Jack doesn't use them if he can help it, meaning it tastes like shit.
8. So he's seasoning a whole chunk of bird with shit seasoning and lemon pepper. A competent chef would do fine with it, but it's gonna suck since it's Jack.
9. Jack's doing something different at least. He's doing Carolina gold sauce for the ribs, where he's lathering it in mustard as he seasons the sliverskin rather than the rib meat. I will grant him based on what I saw he might actually have seasoned both sides, which is a rarity.
10. Anyways, he's gushing in glee over being able to season a whole fucking rack of ribs with Anti-Tammy Spice, which is still as pathetic as ever.
11. His seasoning efforts on both are a bit much to say the least. I think the winner was the chicken, which had an inch thick crust of cheap lemon pepper on some parts of it. Lovely.
12. Anyways NOMAD plots on how to best sterilize Jack by poisoning his food. Fittingly Jack doesn't show him load it because he's a big baby bitch who doesn't want to ever admit failure due to his cripplingly poor sense of worth and a malignant ego.
13. Mushbrain forgets to set up one of the ribs for NOMAD to cleanse, and also shows he has some raw turkey necks to gnaw on to feel like home in the attic prison his mom locked him into.
14. Jack of course doesn't show Tammy placing that shit into NOMAD, and Jack of course doesn't tell you how long each piece of meat should stay in NOMAD to be sterilized. For those wondering, Chicken takes less time since you usually smoke the whole bird at a hotter heat to lock in its liquids quicker. Not something I'd want to cook at the same time as ribs due to that.
15. Jack gurgles out a beautiful in a reflexive tic as the bird looks mildly burned. He then rips a wing off and yep it's still goddamn cluckin'. GG Jack.
16. The wendigo moans in glee as Jack thinks that he put chipotle seasoning on the chicken. He literally forgot it was just his shit seasoning and lemon pepper.
17. The ribs look... okayish. I've seen worse and this isn't bad coming from Jack. Jack being Jack though doesn't mark which foil holds which rack, meaning Tammy may scream in pain if she is insane enough to try a rib, though I do know she doesn't like them that much.
18. Urban style porn music plays as the ribs are dissected in a slide show. Not only does this make the Jack look more like a gastrosexual, but it also is clearly done so you don't see him desperately struggle to break a rib off from the rack most likely due to them being quite undercooked.
19. The rib crunches. That's not right. I should not hear a hard apple like crunch when I'm biting into a rib; they're oinking more than the chicken's clucking.
20. So anyways since Jack is going to say all of these ribs were amazing because he's a fat retarded Narc who refuses to take an L, I'm just going to say that he fucked up in all the ways.
21. But yeah, Fat Jack said all of these shit things were good, but the hot stuff that scares Tammy off and gives a weak flavor for him to detect is the winner. He also pretends he's sponsored by Dan-O one last time.
So yeah, standard shit seasoning video, and Jack will eat 2 out of those three racks and the chicken by the time Tammy gets home.
1. The new intro is still horrifying due to the fact you hear distressed barking in it when Jack's name pops up; it's almost like he wanted to relish and brag about how he abuses his dog. Also the timing of his self-satisfied retarded soy smile really shows that he only cares for himself.
2. He is extremely happy about how he can totally spray his dog with vinegar and make her sneeze and whine. It's very likely he does this a lot given how much he likes that vinegar spray mix.
3. Jack shills a cheap ass shirt that uses a dog asset he stole on a design he also just made up using stolen assets. He should be grateful he's so irrelevant he doesn't get sued, but nope. Oh, and like any good narc he justifies his decision by trying to say that HOPE wanted that shirt.
4. Lol at Hope being a beagle. Also lol at Jack trying to refute he's not a narcissist by trying to pretend he doesn't care if you don't buy shirts with his shitty bitmoji asset on it.
5. Jack again chooses to lie about having only a limited amount of time to try and pretend he has a busy day. I mean I guess some baby shows are gonna air soon and maybe he doesn't want to miss shows designed for toddlers. Or maybe mommy-wife will punish him for stealing the holiday meat she hid to cook and eat the whole thing.
6. *yawns* Fuck off on justifying this Jack. You literally do these shit seasoning videos as an excuse to scarf down as much meat as humanly possible without needing to try and make a new way to cook meat. He then blatantly lies about not being able to get some shit seasoning from Dan-Os and how he TOTALLY GOT THIS STUFF AS A STORE DEAL GUYS. What a faggot.
7. Jack naturally loves the idea of the hot one because he hisses like a feral cat and gnaws on it whenever Tammy comes close to food at all. Also he tries to brag about how good his shit seasonings he NEVER USES are. Jack doesn't use them if he can help it, meaning it tastes like shit.
8. So he's seasoning a whole chunk of bird with shit seasoning and lemon pepper. A competent chef would do fine with it, but it's gonna suck since it's Jack.
9. Jack's doing something different at least. He's doing Carolina gold sauce for the ribs, where he's lathering it in mustard as he seasons the sliverskin rather than the rib meat. I will grant him based on what I saw he might actually have seasoned both sides, which is a rarity.
10. Anyways, he's gushing in glee over being able to season a whole fucking rack of ribs with Anti-Tammy Spice, which is still as pathetic as ever.
11. His seasoning efforts on both are a bit much to say the least. I think the winner was the chicken, which had an inch thick crust of cheap lemon pepper on some parts of it. Lovely.
12. Anyways NOMAD plots on how to best sterilize Jack by poisoning his food. Fittingly Jack doesn't show him load it because he's a big baby bitch who doesn't want to ever admit failure due to his cripplingly poor sense of worth and a malignant ego.
13. Mushbrain forgets to set up one of the ribs for NOMAD to cleanse, and also shows he has some raw turkey necks to gnaw on to feel like home in the attic prison his mom locked him into.
14. Jack of course doesn't show Tammy placing that shit into NOMAD, and Jack of course doesn't tell you how long each piece of meat should stay in NOMAD to be sterilized. For those wondering, Chicken takes less time since you usually smoke the whole bird at a hotter heat to lock in its liquids quicker. Not something I'd want to cook at the same time as ribs due to that.
15. Jack gurgles out a beautiful in a reflexive tic as the bird looks mildly burned. He then rips a wing off and yep it's still goddamn cluckin'. GG Jack.
16. The wendigo moans in glee as Jack thinks that he put chipotle seasoning on the chicken. He literally forgot it was just his shit seasoning and lemon pepper.
17. The ribs look... okayish. I've seen worse and this isn't bad coming from Jack. Jack being Jack though doesn't mark which foil holds which rack, meaning Tammy may scream in pain if she is insane enough to try a rib, though I do know she doesn't like them that much.
18. Urban style porn music plays as the ribs are dissected in a slide show. Not only does this make the Jack look more like a gastrosexual, but it also is clearly done so you don't see him desperately struggle to break a rib off from the rack most likely due to them being quite undercooked.
19. The rib crunches. That's not right. I should not hear a hard apple like crunch when I'm biting into a rib; they're oinking more than the chicken's clucking.
20. So anyways since Jack is going to say all of these ribs were amazing because he's a fat retarded Narc who refuses to take an L, I'm just going to say that he fucked up in all the ways.
21. But yeah, Fat Jack said all of these shit things were good, but the hot stuff that scares Tammy off and gives a weak flavor for him to detect is the winner. He also pretends he's sponsored by Dan-O one last time.
So yeah, standard shit seasoning video, and Jack will eat 2 out of those three racks and the chicken by the time Tammy gets home.
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- Joined
- Aug 3, 2021
Dead Air
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 6, 2021
Someone. Someone please photoshop this.
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2021
I love this shirt. I wonder if he was being self-aware with the one arm or it was completely coincidental.
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2021
Okay, I'm lost. HOW do you fuck up ribs so bad it sounds like you're eating a piece of celery when you bite into it? I've had ribs with a slight crunch from char (although it sounds totally different and you wouldn't hear it from over 5 feet away), but those ribs are oinking man! Oinking! How did he get that sound?!
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2020
If it was the left arm that was outstretched, then you might be onto something…
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2019
My wife said that the Dan-O's seasoning (that Fatass couldn't even spell correctly) is big on TikTok, so that's definitely where he saw it from. Fatass' Instagram account is also private, so the message he got from them to try it out was likely an advertisement.
We got a nice shot of Fatass' meds next to the Profile bottle. It was so nice of the pharmacy to give him a bottle that's not child-safe, so he can open it easily!
We got a nice shot of Fatass' meds next to the Profile bottle. It was so nice of the pharmacy to give him a bottle that's not child-safe, so he can open it easily!