Things that I, Joshua "Null" Moon, would like to do but cannot

[Null]

1. Parachuting
I am very afraid of heights and am also poor. Renting a plane and jumping out of it is something I would like to do but cannot.

2. Live in Mexico like a Cool Mob Boss
I like to imagine myself as one of the cool mobsters from Goodfellas or something, living in a nice villa out in Mexico like a king, snorting cocaine with blatant disregard for whatever children I have left behind. To live this life would be truly epic and badass.

3. Punch a Hater
I have many haters but as I live in Serbia as a wanted fugitive I cannot punch them. If I punched a hater right in his stupid fucking face I would feel very empowered, but alas, I am unable to.

4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger
I like western movies and want to take a loaded revolver and spin it around like John Wayne. Unfortunately, as a wanted fugitive abroad, I cannot own a firearm and I don't think I can do something so cool.

5. Wrestle an Alligator
I lived in Florida most of my life but unlike most Floridians I have never wrestled with an Alligator. This makes me feel like a bad Floridian.

6. Own a Motorcycle
Motorcycles are badass. I am genuinely terrified of riding on these.

I am very glad most other people don't do these things because if I saw someone doing these cool things I would feel very jealous and also owned.

 

[Snigger]

Can we add our own?

 

[Enyo]

I can't believe school shooting didn't make the list.

 

[SevenEightNine]

#4 marks you as a true Ocelot fan, like all badasses.

 

[3322]

Damn what a fucking loser. At least there is nobody out there who is doing these things so you don't look like an even bigger loser and failure in comparison.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Skydiving is pretty fun ngl

 

[Blasterisk]

Null's not even man enough to go 4v1 on the streets of Lisbon like a rALPHACHAD. Why do we even let this sane, even-handed individual run this site smh my head..

 

[3322]

Null, please don't bait like that.

You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.

There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.

 

[Lisafrank420]

Null, please don't bait like that.

You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.

Have 3 bastard children, all with different women.

 

[SevenEightNine]

My husband used to skydive. It's a Chad thing to do. Undeniably.

 

[Trigger Me Timbers]

Null has never accidentally knocked up two low IQ eceleb chasers within a year, SAD.

>tfw not knowing what it’s like to have to pay child suport for a child you are legally not allowed to be alone with.

 

[MasonicTelevision]

There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.

I don't think there is a plane smaller than a Boeing 737 that could support the immense weight of the Gunt

 

[Kromer Merchant]

I can't believe school shooting didn't make the list.

That, along with anything else that could be vaguely construed as an actionable threat, is there in spirit. It's in the subtext.

 

[Johnny Salami]

I want to sneak up behind a rhino, fuck it up the ass, and yell YOLO thereby encouraging a new slew of copycats that will improve the collective IQ of the world

 

[Glass House]

Null, you also have always wanted to have six children. Too bad your dick doesn't work anymore and you'll never be able to father them at all.

 

[Pink Panther]

Just go back to Florida, wrestle a small gator, and buy a handgun, retard. You can do all that in less than two days. Or just load a black powder revolver and spin it around since those aren't considered firearms in most countries.

If you want to borrow a motorcycle or a gun though I'm your man just ask me for my address.

 

[The Ancestor]

I’d like to be friends with Metokur

 

[I fucking love Cocaine]

Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.

I mean, this dude can do it. I bet the Gunt can handle a motorbike just fine.

Show those awlogs who's the real road kang, Ralph!

 

[3322]

lmfao this will never be you Josh

 

[Goyslop Muncher]

Joshua Conner Moon is such a broke dick kid diddlin' childless FAT LOSER he can't even take out a loan on a cool mustang muscle car and do cocaine while flying down the highway and live streaming to his adoring fans (which he doesn't have because he's a PEDOPHILE)