There were a lot of weird stories concerning Nick and maybe some of them were true. I read in a leaked FBI report, convincing evidence that he was the end result of a laboratory experiment to interbreed cats with cat ladies - a literal catamite, half-feline / half twink, with the endocrine system of a young Rock Hudson.
They say that he'd had his eyes upgraded with a black light modification that enabled him to see cum. He moved through an ultraviolet world where every conceivable surface was spattered with a sexual leopard print of brightly-shining semen. Once, while watching his hero, Adolf Hitler, address the Reichstag, he noticed that the Führer's uniform was decorated with what appeared to be a number of amateur attempts at drawing swastikas in cum. After this discovery, he retreated to his box fort and didn't emerge until a week later.
He told me once that, if I was ever exposed to cum, then I should immediately eat either my own snot, or the snot of another man. Snot was an antidote to cum, he claimed, but only male snot. Eating female snot would turn you gay. He showed me his draft of a proposed 28th amendment to the US constitution. It read simply: 'No girls allowed'.
Like all great leaders, he was a forward thinker, who had already prepared his own epitaph: Ich träume von einer Welt ohne Sperma.
A few nights ago, I was chilling outside a club called The Stud Pen, drinking a banana daquiri out of a hollowed-out pineapple. Nick was bent over in the alleyway puking, claiming, in between retches, to have just seen the gayest thing ever. He pointed vaguely in the direction of a nearby car that was rocking back and forth in response to some internal motion.
I wandered over and peered in through the steamy rear passenger window: A heterosexual married couple, on the backseat, were engaging in consensual sex in the missionary position, for the sole purpose of procreation. That was the genius of Nick. He could take something that you would swear was button-down straight, and make it seem like it was rubbing itself up against you in a pair assless leather cowboy chaps, in time to a Scissor Sisters song.