I got up to Tony's opposition to Kate's motion in limine (a motion to exclude certain submissions; April 2020), specifically this bit
Tony's lawyer said:
The sole purpose in admitting Plaintiff's settlement proposals is to establish that Plaintiff Brittingham abruptly changed her mind regarding custody between July 12, 2019 when she made her final custody settlement proposal and August 19, 2019 when she filed her Complaint for Divorce in which she sought sole physical and legal custody of the minor child.
I wondered want might have caused Kate to change her mind, allegedly in just over a month between her lawyer submitting a custody proposal that was essentially the status quo (Tony has custody, Kate has 3/4 weekends). I went back through Tony's Reddit and Twitter posts from March 2019 to late August 2019 (stopping when Tony started posting about her not returning the kid). I've some rough thoughts now, but I've
archived everything remotely relevant that I saw for others' use and future reference (mostly Twitter, some Reddit comments). Please forgive the lack of links; I'll return to this when I next have a chunk of free time.
Tony says that he came out as trans to his wife over the phone, and that the conversation was like the conversations they had early on in their relationship. He says she was supportive. In about May 2019 Tony posts that Kate had told her family ("outed" him to her family), and that she said that "she needed support too". Tony was clearly angry about this, but surely you have to ask why Kate would keep such an important piece of information from the people closest to her as she goes through a difficult period? Later -- but
before the July submission from her lawyer accepting just visitation with shared legal custody -- Tony says that Kate has decided to fight him for custody. We can't tell from the documents we have (Tony's social media and the court documents) what exactly this means, but I have a theory.
Put yourself in Kate's shoes. In July 2018 she splits from Tony. Tony claims (publicly, online!) that she cheated on him, but we know that he accused his first wife of (and divorced her for) "cheating on him" when she had just disclosed impure thoughts in her private diary, which Tony secretly read. It's unclear whether Kate cheated on Tony before July 2018, but it's fairly clear that she had another sexual relationship between separating from Tony and obtaining the divorce (and why the hell shouldn't she?).
Anyway. Kate moves out of the family home in July 2018. She's still working nearby at the Olney Theatre, but from her exit interview we know that working at Olney was gruelling, in difficult conditions and very long hours. She leaves the Olney Theatre in I think October to go to the Signature Theatre in Arlington VA (30 miles away from Germantown MD). Between this point and summer 2019, Tony comes out to her as trans, Tony thinks she's signed up as supportive. At some point she decides to leave the Signature Theatre and, apparently, becomes pregnant with another man's child.
Kate mentions offhand to Tony that she'd told her family about his being trans. I mean, it's going to become clear to them sooner or later, and they're the ones she's relying on for support. Tony blows up (just look at his tweets from May 2019!). Classic narc rage. Tony wants to have control over this and effectively control over her. Kate's mother wishes Tony happy father's day -- a nice sentiment from your mother-in-law, except if you're Tony, who immediately goes on Twitter to complain. (This feeds into something later, when Kate understandably doesn't want kiddo to call Tony "mom", because clearly Kate is kiddo's mom! Tony obviously takes it as a personal affront.)
It's not clear whether Kate knew about Tony's new social media accounts - under "Erin". But it's possible that she did, given that she found out about the GoFundMe for his legal fees (he actually started an earlier one that summer to fund electrolysis). You don't have to spend long looking at Tony's spring-summer 2019 Reddit and Twitter posts to get a sense of unease. On her Domestic Case Information Report form, Kate requested a mental health evaluation as part of the divorce proceedings. It's obvious why! If you didn't know any better about AGP trannies, you might think that Tony was bipolar, shifting between mania after injecting himself with female hormones to depression when obviously everyone sees him as a man in a dress. Hardly a stable environment for a child.
(Side note: Tony likes to use the "gotcha" of "My dad keeps saying I'm a man but
random minimum-wage employee called me maam!". Tony, these people have seen
the infamous ITS MAAAAM video and they have sensibly decided that it is more than their job's worth not to play along with some bloke's demented fantasy.)
Alongside Tony's hormone mania, he's surrounding himself with fellow cross-dressers, saying publicly that he's attracted to another cross-dressing man, saying that he started crying when the people he plays board games with didn't address him according to his fantasy. And he's showing very clear signs of escalation when it comes to cross-dressing in public, the same way drug users or, er, serial killers do. And Tony is on Twitter saying the kid is calling him mom - the thing Kate has explicitly said she does not want.
This, honestly, would not make me terribly comfortable as a parent. I can well see Kate feeling burned out after working 70 hour weeks in theatre for the past 2.5 years, quitting, getting some perspective with time off and family support, and thinking "I do not want my child growing up in this environment." Unfortunately for Kate, mid-2019 was not a time when you could publicly say that you were disturbed by cross-dressers living out their sexual fantasies 24/7.
Sorry, that's very stream-of-consciousness, hope I haven't blown past the quote/reply limit. (Edit: I have. Sorry .Maybe that's for the best!)
