Gothicserpent
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 29, 2014
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
- Thread starter Judge Holden
- Start date
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2013
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
What was the deal with his dad shitting in a toy store or something like that?
MysticMisty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2013
That reminds me a lot of Chris' bathroom fantasy, the one where he goes to take a shit in McDonald's and his date follows him into the stall and they fuck.
Gothicserpent
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 29, 2014
MysticMisty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2013
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2013
Oh yeah! Yup his Dad took a poo in a kmart, right in the toy isle. But he claimed it was an accident, and really, how could anyone prove that it wasn't? But his Dad had some like, serious mental issues. I don't know exactly what was wrong with him, but it was bad. B.J and his brother were removed from the home temporarily while they were in high school. I think it explains a lot, come to think of it.
I know that the Dad has since gotten treatment and is able to hold down a job again. So that's good.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
There is a common notion that lolcows tend to be virgins or at least chronically underhankypankied.
This is in reality not always true. Losing the v-card does not magically absolve one from being a lolcow. In fact, there is a fair number of lolcows who are sexually highly active. I had the (mis-)fortune of knowing such a cow personally.
Imagine boiling Kiwi Farms down to a lolcow concentrate. The person I'm telling you about - let's call him F - could be the jar this concentrate is stored in: A combination of an Euphoric Atheist, a brony, a Star Wars Expanded Spergiverse sperg, a SJW apprentice, a Transhumanist, and, even far worse, a "The Big Bang Theory" fan. Also: a student of physics and for some time a member of the German Pirate Party which used to be a highly fertile pasture for lolcows until it collapsed under the gravity of its collective autism.
Did I mention he sported a fedora? Yep, I kid you not, this guy could very nearly have been the God-Emperor of Lolcows.
But F wasn't a virgin at all, in spite of worshipping both Richard Dawkins and Princess Celestia. How do lolcows lose the v-card? Well, it is rather obvious: By hankypankying other lolcows.
F made a lot of noise about being polyamorous, bisexual and into BDSM, to the point of declaring this a revolutionary political ideology. He had mildly conservative parents, and, in spite of being in his early twenties, very obviously was still in the "my parents suck cuz they want me to take out the trash, they don't understand me, I'm a communistlibertarianhippiesatanistanarchistatheistpretzel"-phase of his life.
His free time was spent largely on the intarwebz, where he picked fights with Christians, using profound religious criticism ranging from "lol jesus sux" to "I want Christians to be taken to concentration camps and killed".
Waking hours spent neither on Euphoric Online Atheism nor on his studies of physics were largely devoted to being a polyamorous BDSM fan proudly displaying his collar in public for all to see (because, you know, people MUST know how edgy you are!). One of his partners was a girl whom one could call attractive (provided one was into chubby girls), but had a lot of lolcow traits herself: Besides being a full-blown SJW, she also was a Pegasister, a TBBT-fan (ugh), a goth, a LARPer, a Renaissance Faire fan and a furry. Being polyamorous and pansexual, one of her other partners was a transgirl in Cologne who over the years went from "cute funny person" to "nutjob bent on out-crazying Brianna Wu" -- but this may be another story for another time.
Like I mentioned, F was also hugely autistic about the SW Expanded Spergiverse. Most of all, he was a fan of the Yuuzhan Vong, because of their BDSM-inspired edgelord culture.
The most annoying feature of F was his tendency to wreck conversations by loudly sperging to himself nonstop (mostly about atheism). I remember attending a talk about religious belief and evolution. During the discussion after the lecture, a girl mentioned she was religious but also accepted evolution -- immediately, F, who unfortunately was in the audience, piped up: "YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE ARCHAIC USELESS FAIRY TALES OF RELIGION AND ACCEPT DARWINISM ON THE OTHER HAND!! IN IS EITHER OR!!! YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE A RATIONAL SCIENTIFIC PROGRESSIVE PERSON OR A CLUELESS BARBARIAN!!!! THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND!!!!! EITHER EINLIGHTENMENT OR THE DARKNESS OF SUPERSTITION!!!!!!" -- this went on for minutes.
The last I've heard of F, he has moved to another city, where he lives in a polyamorous apartment sharing community with several edgelords, bronies and SJWs of both genders (and probably some creative Tumblr genders in-between). The good news you may take from this story is that even with crippling lolcowism, you can still get a substantial amount of hankypanky. The bad news is that natural selection does not seem to work against lolcowism, in fact, it cannot be ruled out that lolcows will breed and spread all over the earth.
This is in reality not always true. Losing the v-card does not magically absolve one from being a lolcow. In fact, there is a fair number of lolcows who are sexually highly active. I had the (mis-)fortune of knowing such a cow personally.
Imagine boiling Kiwi Farms down to a lolcow concentrate. The person I'm telling you about - let's call him F - could be the jar this concentrate is stored in: A combination of an Euphoric Atheist, a brony, a Star Wars Expanded Spergiverse sperg, a SJW apprentice, a Transhumanist, and, even far worse, a "The Big Bang Theory" fan. Also: a student of physics and for some time a member of the German Pirate Party which used to be a highly fertile pasture for lolcows until it collapsed under the gravity of its collective autism.
Did I mention he sported a fedora? Yep, I kid you not, this guy could very nearly have been the God-Emperor of Lolcows.
But F wasn't a virgin at all, in spite of worshipping both Richard Dawkins and Princess Celestia. How do lolcows lose the v-card? Well, it is rather obvious: By hankypankying other lolcows.
F made a lot of noise about being polyamorous, bisexual and into BDSM, to the point of declaring this a revolutionary political ideology. He had mildly conservative parents, and, in spite of being in his early twenties, very obviously was still in the "my parents suck cuz they want me to take out the trash, they don't understand me, I'm a communistlibertarianhippiesatanistanarchistatheistpretzel"-phase of his life.
His free time was spent largely on the intarwebz, where he picked fights with Christians, using profound religious criticism ranging from "lol jesus sux" to "I want Christians to be taken to concentration camps and killed".
Waking hours spent neither on Euphoric Online Atheism nor on his studies of physics were largely devoted to being a polyamorous BDSM fan proudly displaying his collar in public for all to see (because, you know, people MUST know how edgy you are!). One of his partners was a girl whom one could call attractive (provided one was into chubby girls), but had a lot of lolcow traits herself: Besides being a full-blown SJW, she also was a Pegasister, a TBBT-fan (ugh), a goth, a LARPer, a Renaissance Faire fan and a furry. Being polyamorous and pansexual, one of her other partners was a transgirl in Cologne who over the years went from "cute funny person" to "nutjob bent on out-crazying Brianna Wu" -- but this may be another story for another time.
Like I mentioned, F was also hugely autistic about the SW Expanded Spergiverse. Most of all, he was a fan of the Yuuzhan Vong, because of their BDSM-inspired edgelord culture.
The most annoying feature of F was his tendency to wreck conversations by loudly sperging to himself nonstop (mostly about atheism). I remember attending a talk about religious belief and evolution. During the discussion after the lecture, a girl mentioned she was religious but also accepted evolution -- immediately, F, who unfortunately was in the audience, piped up: "YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE ARCHAIC USELESS FAIRY TALES OF RELIGION AND ACCEPT DARWINISM ON THE OTHER HAND!! IN IS EITHER OR!!! YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE A RATIONAL SCIENTIFIC PROGRESSIVE PERSON OR A CLUELESS BARBARIAN!!!! THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND!!!!! EITHER EINLIGHTENMENT OR THE DARKNESS OF SUPERSTITION!!!!!!" -- this went on for minutes.
The last I've heard of F, he has moved to another city, where he lives in a polyamorous apartment sharing community with several edgelords, bronies and SJWs of both genders (and probably some creative Tumblr genders in-between). The good news you may take from this story is that even with crippling lolcowism, you can still get a substantial amount of hankypanky. The bad news is that natural selection does not seem to work against lolcowism, in fact, it cannot be ruled out that lolcows will breed and spread all over the earth.
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2015
After some discourse with the Yowie Man friend, he found some cameras that quote "jingled some bells" in the memory bank.
So Yowie Man may be spending the big bucks on hunting down the beast. Another interesting thing to note is that half an hour after I posted the original parable of Yowie Man, my Mum had a sighting of him at the same shop.
However, despite the initial Yowie Man talk, I was reminded of another lolcow, this one from back in high school after talking with some friends. To protect her name, lets call her Kate.
Now Kate is like Gloria Tesch, in the sense that she's attractive, but at the same time incredibly stupid. The way in which Kate was stupid, was that she was lazy, while at the same time powerleveling like a motherfucker. When Dear Leader introduced the rating, Kate was literally the first person that cropped up into memory.
Kate arrived on the scene at the beginning of Year 11, our second last year of high school, where I shared two classes with her, Sociology and Legal Studies. For the first two weeks, we didn't interact, we (the class) didn't know jack about her at all. That was, until an incident I've dubbed "The Flirt".
After the first two weeks of introductions and beginnings to the new school year, our suburb was hit by a monstrous heat wave. The raise in temperature was definitely felt in our Legal Studies classroom, where there was no air conditioning. On Thursday afternoon, in the last period, our teacher Mr Thomas (name changed) was pacing around the room, lecturing the class as per usual. It was not unusual for him to stop in front of desks and go off on tangents, and today he stopped in front of Kate, wiped his sweaty, wrinkled brow and exclaimed "Christ it's hot today."
To which Kate responded with "Are you calling me hot sir?" in a voice that sounded like the dumb chick from Mean Girls. Honest to God, the look Thomas gave Kate was priceless, and the stare of dazed confusion was amazing. When asked if she was joking, she denied she was, believing a teacher about forty years older than her had in fact hit on her, in front of the whole class.
This was not the end of her shenanigans in Legal Studies either, a week later was when she struck again. In similar fashion, Mr Thomas had commented on the temperature, complaining about the lack of air conditioning, before Kate struck again, declaring proudly to the class "I'm in heat sir!". Now, most of the class was confused, but me, having at the time been trolling furries, and being an idiot asked her what she meant by that. I then, embarrassingly (in retrospect) gave a definition of the word, to which her eyes lit up. "Yes, yes it is!" she exclaimed. Once again, Mr Thomas and the rest of the class starred at her in incredulity, before laughing.
Now as the year dragged on, we began to learn more and more about Kate. Kate was in fact half-Macedonian, and was real big into judo, something that made her character all the more interesting. Kate ended up being an absolutely rabid Macedonian nationalist, so it became sort of a joke to trigger her by saying retarded bullshit like "Macedonia just voted to be apart of Greece," or "Macedonia isn't a country." Kate would lose her shit and go on massive tirades about how we were wrong and how the world was stacked against the Macedonian people.
The best time this happened was in Sociology, where I had made a joke about the Greek Debt Crisis which had flared up. We'd just been talking about ethnocentrism, and I'd made the joke, and she lost her shit. Kate launched into a vitriolic diatribe about how Greek culture and people are gypsy untermenschen, whose country should be destroyed. I shit you not.
This leads into the powerleveling incident, that cemented Kate in my mind as the prime example of powerleveling. During Legal Studies we were doing a unit on crimes against a person, and incest came up. Thats when Kate told us the story of how she'd actually committed incest with one of her cousins. The story goes like this:
So Kate's home village in Macedonia is apparently tight nit, and that everyone is a little related to one another. Kate went to visit the village, and ended up shoving her tongue down some boys throat. One of her first cousins apparently came up to her and said "Kate! What the hell are you doing?! You can't do that!"
"Why not?" Kate asks.
"He's your second cousin!"
This, this anecdote is in my mind, what cemented her as the class laughing stock. Admitting this kind of shit isn't very good for your reputation, and raised some questions questions.
One: How long had she known her second cousin before making out with him?
Two: How the hell do you manage to do that? As in how does your first cousin walk in on you?
Three: Who the fuck does this? As in tells this story in the middle of class?
And that wasn't even the last of it. She in fact repeated it again in Sociology when the teacher asked for an example of incest, during a unit on taboo subjects. She was once again laughed at by everyone.
Now that in my mind wasn't even the funniest thing that Kate had ever done. My favorite Kate based fuck up was the last one she ever did before leaving school, in Sociology.
During the last week of third term we had to present an assignment about how a certain group is treated in society. For example, refugees, LGBT people, aboriginals etc. This was meant to be a six minute long presentation and done in a format as to be like a documentary segment, for something along the lines of 60 Minutes or Dateline.
Now for the last week we've been hearing presentations, and now its down to the last one, Kate's. Kate has managed to weasel her way out of every time the teacher asked for her to come up. Now it was her turn. She hands in her script and walks to the front of the classroom, plonking down her laptop and beginning to read off the word document. Little did I know that this would be the greatest fuck up in the history of class presentations.
Now, the problems with Kate's presentation were two fold, the content was absolute shit and her delivery was Tommy Wiseau levels of incompetent. My personal favorite part of it was when she tried to use the single worst metaphor I've ever seen in order to explain why Aborigines are ostracized from mainstream society. The metaphor she used to describe Ralph Dahlendorfs conflict theory was that Aborigines don't drink coffee, ergo they are not popular, since obviously thats why.
Her inflection was also way off, you could tell that she was reading and trying to get it done, and she was racing to finish. This was particularly obvious when she started crossing over to a "correspondent" ala the Daily Show, but didn't change her positioning, stance or voice at all. By this stage, I was laughing my arse off, but it only got worse.
Kate began to read off statistics left right and center about infant mortality rates, rates of abortion, child sex abuse and substance abuse in the most inappropriate voice ever. We're talking one of those happy as all hell, chirpy voices which contrasted so horribly with the shit she was saying. But that leads into the last, and one of the greatest parts of the speech, its run length.
Kate's speech ran well over the run time on the task sheet, with her going for literally twenty minutes. For the first ten I was somewhat convinced that she'd had it all ready and was all nervous, but after that, it became apparent she was one of the greatest bullshit artist's I'd ever encountered. Even after that point of the twenty minute mark she wasn't finished. The teacher literally euthanized the presentation by calling it to an end. This was followed by the teacher holding up her assignment script, revealing it to be only a six line paragraph. Kate won my admiration that day, because of how insane that was.
However, alas, that was the last we were to ever see of Kate. According to Mr Thomas after the term three school holidays, Kate left thanks to "bullying", which I've interpreted as me talking about her with friends and laughing at her openly in class. In retrospect I feel kind of bad about what happened, but then I remember that she often wagged (cut) classes and left early.
So Yowie Man may be spending the big bucks on hunting down the beast. Another interesting thing to note is that half an hour after I posted the original parable of Yowie Man, my Mum had a sighting of him at the same shop.
However, despite the initial Yowie Man talk, I was reminded of another lolcow, this one from back in high school after talking with some friends. To protect her name, lets call her Kate.
Now Kate is like Gloria Tesch, in the sense that she's attractive, but at the same time incredibly stupid. The way in which Kate was stupid, was that she was lazy, while at the same time powerleveling like a motherfucker. When Dear Leader introduced the rating, Kate was literally the first person that cropped up into memory.
Kate arrived on the scene at the beginning of Year 11, our second last year of high school, where I shared two classes with her, Sociology and Legal Studies. For the first two weeks, we didn't interact, we (the class) didn't know jack about her at all. That was, until an incident I've dubbed "The Flirt".
After the first two weeks of introductions and beginnings to the new school year, our suburb was hit by a monstrous heat wave. The raise in temperature was definitely felt in our Legal Studies classroom, where there was no air conditioning. On Thursday afternoon, in the last period, our teacher Mr Thomas (name changed) was pacing around the room, lecturing the class as per usual. It was not unusual for him to stop in front of desks and go off on tangents, and today he stopped in front of Kate, wiped his sweaty, wrinkled brow and exclaimed "Christ it's hot today."
To which Kate responded with "Are you calling me hot sir?" in a voice that sounded like the dumb chick from Mean Girls. Honest to God, the look Thomas gave Kate was priceless, and the stare of dazed confusion was amazing. When asked if she was joking, she denied she was, believing a teacher about forty years older than her had in fact hit on her, in front of the whole class.
This was not the end of her shenanigans in Legal Studies either, a week later was when she struck again. In similar fashion, Mr Thomas had commented on the temperature, complaining about the lack of air conditioning, before Kate struck again, declaring proudly to the class "I'm in heat sir!". Now, most of the class was confused, but me, having at the time been trolling furries, and being an idiot asked her what she meant by that. I then, embarrassingly (in retrospect) gave a definition of the word, to which her eyes lit up. "Yes, yes it is!" she exclaimed. Once again, Mr Thomas and the rest of the class starred at her in incredulity, before laughing.
Now as the year dragged on, we began to learn more and more about Kate. Kate was in fact half-Macedonian, and was real big into judo, something that made her character all the more interesting. Kate ended up being an absolutely rabid Macedonian nationalist, so it became sort of a joke to trigger her by saying retarded bullshit like "Macedonia just voted to be apart of Greece," or "Macedonia isn't a country." Kate would lose her shit and go on massive tirades about how we were wrong and how the world was stacked against the Macedonian people.
The best time this happened was in Sociology, where I had made a joke about the Greek Debt Crisis which had flared up. We'd just been talking about ethnocentrism, and I'd made the joke, and she lost her shit. Kate launched into a vitriolic diatribe about how Greek culture and people are gypsy untermenschen, whose country should be destroyed. I shit you not.
This leads into the powerleveling incident, that cemented Kate in my mind as the prime example of powerleveling. During Legal Studies we were doing a unit on crimes against a person, and incest came up. Thats when Kate told us the story of how she'd actually committed incest with one of her cousins. The story goes like this:
So Kate's home village in Macedonia is apparently tight nit, and that everyone is a little related to one another. Kate went to visit the village, and ended up shoving her tongue down some boys throat. One of her first cousins apparently came up to her and said "Kate! What the hell are you doing?! You can't do that!"
"Why not?" Kate asks.
"He's your second cousin!"
This, this anecdote is in my mind, what cemented her as the class laughing stock. Admitting this kind of shit isn't very good for your reputation, and raised some questions questions.
One: How long had she known her second cousin before making out with him?
Two: How the hell do you manage to do that? As in how does your first cousin walk in on you?
Three: Who the fuck does this? As in tells this story in the middle of class?
And that wasn't even the last of it. She in fact repeated it again in Sociology when the teacher asked for an example of incest, during a unit on taboo subjects. She was once again laughed at by everyone.
Now that in my mind wasn't even the funniest thing that Kate had ever done. My favorite Kate based fuck up was the last one she ever did before leaving school, in Sociology.
During the last week of third term we had to present an assignment about how a certain group is treated in society. For example, refugees, LGBT people, aboriginals etc. This was meant to be a six minute long presentation and done in a format as to be like a documentary segment, for something along the lines of 60 Minutes or Dateline.
Now for the last week we've been hearing presentations, and now its down to the last one, Kate's. Kate has managed to weasel her way out of every time the teacher asked for her to come up. Now it was her turn. She hands in her script and walks to the front of the classroom, plonking down her laptop and beginning to read off the word document. Little did I know that this would be the greatest fuck up in the history of class presentations.
Now, the problems with Kate's presentation were two fold, the content was absolute shit and her delivery was Tommy Wiseau levels of incompetent. My personal favorite part of it was when she tried to use the single worst metaphor I've ever seen in order to explain why Aborigines are ostracized from mainstream society. The metaphor she used to describe Ralph Dahlendorfs conflict theory was that Aborigines don't drink coffee, ergo they are not popular, since obviously thats why.
Her inflection was also way off, you could tell that she was reading and trying to get it done, and she was racing to finish. This was particularly obvious when she started crossing over to a "correspondent" ala the Daily Show, but didn't change her positioning, stance or voice at all. By this stage, I was laughing my arse off, but it only got worse.
Kate began to read off statistics left right and center about infant mortality rates, rates of abortion, child sex abuse and substance abuse in the most inappropriate voice ever. We're talking one of those happy as all hell, chirpy voices which contrasted so horribly with the shit she was saying. But that leads into the last, and one of the greatest parts of the speech, its run length.
Kate's speech ran well over the run time on the task sheet, with her going for literally twenty minutes. For the first ten I was somewhat convinced that she'd had it all ready and was all nervous, but after that, it became apparent she was one of the greatest bullshit artist's I'd ever encountered. Even after that point of the twenty minute mark she wasn't finished. The teacher literally euthanized the presentation by calling it to an end. This was followed by the teacher holding up her assignment script, revealing it to be only a six line paragraph. Kate won my admiration that day, because of how insane that was.
However, alas, that was the last we were to ever see of Kate. According to Mr Thomas after the term three school holidays, Kate left thanks to "bullying", which I've interpreted as me talking about her with friends and laughing at her openly in class. In retrospect I feel kind of bad about what happened, but then I remember that she often wagged (cut) classes and left early.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2014
I have a fair few SJWs in my friends list on Facebook but they don't post stuff very often so I don't really pay attention to them. There's one, however who posts/shares Social Justice stuff almost constantly, to the point where it becomes really irritating to see it clogging up my timeline. I've made a point of not removing/blocking her because I did accept her friend request so I've chosen to have her on Facebook (this was before she went Social Justice crazy) and as a supporter of free speech I think it's very important that you're exposed to viewpoints you don't agree with. And I occasionally get a good chuckle out of how silly she is.
I've considered posting about her here for a while, but held off cos I didn't want to go through the chore of trawling down her timeline to find stuff. However, I finally decided to compile a list of greatest shits so here you go.
To give you a bit more background, this girl (at least I think she still identifies as female but I could be wrong about that) jumps on just about every Social Justice bandwagon going. She never bothers to research the background behind what she's posting about which means when it's revealed to be bullshit (which is frequently the case) she quietly drops it and tries to pretend it never happened. Too bad Facebook never forgets.
Her cause du jour is BlackLivesMatter (probably one of the few people who actually gives a shit about it) so it crops up in about 90% of the things she posts nowadays. Still, congrats for running with it I guess.
Here's a smattering of the kind of shit she posts:
And then there's this:
Not much different from the others right? Well, I found this exchange in the comments section:
That second comment was from her. If she likes the second part of that first comment, fair enough. But there was a first part there too. Still, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. She is an SJW after all.
I've considered posting about her here for a while, but held off cos I didn't want to go through the chore of trawling down her timeline to find stuff. However, I finally decided to compile a list of greatest shits so here you go.
To give you a bit more background, this girl (at least I think she still identifies as female but I could be wrong about that) jumps on just about every Social Justice bandwagon going. She never bothers to research the background behind what she's posting about which means when it's revealed to be bullshit (which is frequently the case) she quietly drops it and tries to pretend it never happened. Too bad Facebook never forgets.
Her cause du jour is BlackLivesMatter (probably one of the few people who actually gives a shit about it) so it crops up in about 90% of the things she posts nowadays. Still, congrats for running with it I guess.
Here's a smattering of the kind of shit she posts:
And then there's this:
Not much different from the others right? Well, I found this exchange in the comments section:
That second comment was from her. If she likes the second part of that first comment, fair enough. But there was a first part there too. Still, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. She is an SJW after all.
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2013
Benito is a lolcow, BJ is straight up Lovecraftian horrorcow.
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2013
Yeah, you can laugh at both of them, but with B.J., you also get that uncomfortable feeling about laughing at a convict. With Benito, you have no such worries. I just consider him a dumber, more gluttonous Strikerwolf and leave it at that.
Gothicserpent
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 29, 2014
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2014
Okay, a while back I shared the story of Fappy, the compulsive mass debater who my friend Zed had the misfortune to room with. Well, Zed got transferred back in October, and since the we're had a few more Fappy incidents.
For one, Fappy has a habit of wandering the dorm halls talking to himself. Like, having a fucking conversation between two imaginary people. He does this often, and it's really creepy because he'll be wandering back and forth watching Netflix or something and ranting to himself.
A group of girls on my floor had an encounter with Fappy. They were trying to buy booze off of Zed, and were standing outside of his door when Fappy wanders up.
"Are you all going to have sex with each other?" Fappy inquires, completely unprompted. The girls just stair in horror at him.
Fappy, not picking up on this, continues. "Can I join in?"
At this the group quickly leaves, leaving Fappy to wonder why people run away from him.
One final tidbit, one of my friends has a class with him and has confirmed that he picks his nose in class and then wipes it in his hair.
For one, Fappy has a habit of wandering the dorm halls talking to himself. Like, having a fucking conversation between two imaginary people. He does this often, and it's really creepy because he'll be wandering back and forth watching Netflix or something and ranting to himself.
A group of girls on my floor had an encounter with Fappy. They were trying to buy booze off of Zed, and were standing outside of his door when Fappy wanders up.
"Are you all going to have sex with each other?" Fappy inquires, completely unprompted. The girls just stair in horror at him.
Fappy, not picking up on this, continues. "Can I join in?"
At this the group quickly leaves, leaving Fappy to wonder why people run away from him.
One final tidbit, one of my friends has a class with him and has confirmed that he picks his nose in class and then wipes it in his hair.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
Ever have those moments where you befriend someone, they give you a cute nickname, the next day automatically decide that you should be their commitment-free online girlfriend (despite knowing you're engaged) and get upset at you when you repeatingly tell them no because you have no interest in the idea? He said it was only to "pass the time" and help him get experience for relationships. At first I thought he was just some sad, inexperienced teenager who had yet to grow up. Then he told me he was 23 and when he started begging me to dump my DP ("dear person", his words, not mine) for him, I blacklisted his ass.
Thankfully, Roger no longer has stories about his supposingly abusive family and has now gotten into ones about how he's a superhero. As I said before, he claimed that he came from planet Krypton and wants to get revenge on Darkseid for destroying his home planet. Earlier this week he showed my this cross necklace and another with a hollow circle and he said that they're keys to unlocking more of his superpowers of fire and ice which he as soon as he finds a cross shaped keyhole. The amusing thing is that he soon forgot that he looking for those powers when he later claimed he had them. When I corrected him, he went back to saying that he's looking for those powers (and then forgot that again).
His powers so far are super strength, super speed, I think flight and wind. So I had him prove the wind one by trying to use it to push a Kleenx box off a table. He tried and failed, claiming his powers are not working. He also tried to use his fire powers (forgetting the second time) to melt a speaker at one of the churches we clean at.
He constantly vows to destroy Darkseid in revenge, but then decided that it would be better to steal his powers first. (He just needs to know where to find him.) I told him that Darkseid lives on the far-off planet of Apokolypse (sp) and Roger said he was going to get there anyway after he unlocks his fire and ice powers. By then I was started to get a headache listening to him and went back to my Ipod.
His powers so far are super strength, super speed, I think flight and wind. So I had him prove the wind one by trying to use it to push a Kleenx box off a table. He tried and failed, claiming his powers are not working. He also tried to use his fire powers (forgetting the second time) to melt a speaker at one of the churches we clean at.
He constantly vows to destroy Darkseid in revenge, but then decided that it would be better to steal his powers first. (He just needs to know where to find him.) I told him that Darkseid lives on the far-off planet of Apokolypse (sp) and Roger said he was going to get there anyway after he unlocks his fire and ice powers. By then I was started to get a headache listening to him and went back to my Ipod.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
There's this guy named Dooble “and dooble” Doobly (A.K.A. Keya Agahei) on YouTube who lurks at most Blazblue videos and sperg around with the other commenters and the Blazblue fandom. He really hates the main character of Blazblue, expresses that hate rampantly and for some reason he thinks that real life works like a comic book/shonen anime where pure-hearted heroes can exist. He's been sperging on YT for almost a year now. A month ago he skyped with someone else from YT and they tell that he acts really weird in person. He hollered when someone mentioned a game element. Also, he talks weird and scratched his balls in camera. I wasn't in the Skype convo so I took that with a pinch of salt.
And he really seems to be proud of his country and his religion. He also used to be a rabid SAO fanboy.
And he really seems to be proud of his country and his religion. He also used to be a rabid SAO fanboy.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2013
I just received some unfortunate news regarding a college friend who was always just a little bit of a moron but in the most likable way.
C is a friend of mine, who I always thought of as being a hard worker, determined, but kind of thick-headed. I was in student government with him, and he served as the President while I was his hand-picked publicity director. He did a great job serving as our figurehead and was amazing as a recruiter, but his ego got in the way sometimes. We still all liked him of course. He had a contentious relationship with the school's newspaper editor (who was kind of a tool but that's only tangentely related ) who would print all sorts of negative or incorrect statements regarding student government. Of course C would get butthurt about it and go ranting and raving about how bullshit it is. Towards the end of his term, he announced he would run for mayor of Bumfuckville! He would get involved in real politics! We all warned him not to get upset at what the media says about him, and not to get too mouthy at the opposition. So after briefly getting butthurt about something at a College Board Meeting where he swore of politics forever, he decided to run for mayor!
Now remember how we warned him about the media? You see, when you run for mayor you become a well-known community figure. So when you fuck up, everyone finds out. His run itself was uneventful, he didn't win, and he was OK with that. But now everyone knows he was a mayoral candidate. So when he got arrested for a DUI, the headline proudly read "Mayoral Candidate C Arrested For DUI". (*edit: just remembered it was a felony hit-and-run charge*)
Of course C did the rational thing and posted a rant on Facebook claiming that the media was full of shit and that the cops were sexually harassing his girlfriend.
welp.
So all has been well for a while, he's been working hard with his own business and has a new girlfriend! Except out of fucking nowhere he was involved in a 4 hour police standoff after getting caught in a domestic dispute. Now the headlines read Former Bumfuckville mayoral candidate in custody on domestic violence charges.
God Dammit, C . I'm awaiting the Facebook post.
Now remember how we warned him about the media? You see, when you run for mayor you become a well-known community figure. So when you fuck up, everyone finds out. His run itself was uneventful, he didn't win, and he was OK with that. But now everyone knows he was a mayoral candidate. So when he got arrested for a DUI, the headline proudly read "Mayoral Candidate C Arrested For DUI". (*edit: just remembered it was a felony hit-and-run charge*)
Of course C did the rational thing and posted a rant on Facebook claiming that the media was full of shit and that the cops were sexually harassing his girlfriend.
welp.
So all has been well for a while, he's been working hard with his own business and has a new girlfriend! Except out of fucking nowhere he was involved in a 4 hour police standoff after getting caught in a domestic dispute. Now the headlines read Former Bumfuckville mayoral candidate in custody on domestic violence charges.
God Dammit, C . I'm awaiting the Facebook post.
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stumble weed
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
My mom is a cow. I should start recording it. Employees in local stores hide from her. She is not beyond public chimpouts and had the cops called to Chili's for my 25th birthday (I did not pick Chili's, for the record). She also enjoys petty theft, averages 42 phone calls each day, and welcomes sexual harassment from high school students where she substitutes for absent teachers.
I love trainwrecks.
I know a MtF who almost qualifies as a true lolcow but it won't chimpout or sperg, it just blocks and ignores. It dates a FtM/genderqueer (long distance ofc) who was a minor the first couple years of their relationship, and it loves the edge. The bad selfies may be the best of its entertainment value.
I love trainwrecks.
I know a MtF who almost qualifies as a true lolcow but it won't chimpout or sperg, it just blocks and ignores. It dates a FtM/genderqueer (long distance ofc) who was a minor the first couple years of their relationship, and it loves the edge. The bad selfies may be the best of its entertainment value.
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2014
I've been wanting to write this story for awhile now but I haven't because I'm too fucking lazy I've been hounded work and personal things. This person has ascended to legend status with my graduating class. This is the story about a young man we'll call Donny.
I had the (mis)fortune of meeting Donny back in 5th grade where he moved to our town. Now, being the new kid can be hard, especially in 5th grade, so I decided to give a little greeting to show he's in a friendly environment. Now some points of observation, Donny was MASSIVE for a 5th grader, seemed like he did have some health problems as I remembered he huffed at the slightest walk and always seemed to be sweating. In 5th grade, he didn't really do anything outlandish, he was just kinda weird sometimes. I only felt the need to mention this because this was when he grew attached to me, the fun part comes when we were in middle school.
Another few points about Donny is that he was a crazed edgelord. Donny obviously had some built up anger, but was too weak and too cowardly to actually do anything with it, so he resorted to threatening anyone he didn't like (read: everyone), wearing huge shirts that went down to his knees, and listening to screamo. Now I said he was massive, but not intimidating, and everyone knew that too. His limbs were like giant sticks of butter, he finished his mile run for PE a solid 2 minutes after everyone else was done, and he lead his team to a 33-0 loss in kickball (yes I actually remember the score, I was captain of the other team
). His many,many threats to anyone that some much as said "hi" to him ranged from beating them up, murdering them, or burning down their house. My personal favorite insult was "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL SHOOTCHA IN DA HEAD WIT AN AK". He claimed his Uncle owned hundreds of AK-47s imported from "the Soviets" (no not Russia, just "the Soviets"), and his Uncle lets him borrow them a lot
One day, Donny was attempting to piss me off. At this point, he realized that I hated him and didn't ever want to be near him, but still continued to follow me anyway thinking insulting me would win me over. In this particular day, I was pretty upset because of some events earlier and had zero tolerance for his bullshit. He was saying something like "UHUHUHUHUHHUH YA MAD BRO? I'LL FUCKING BEAT YOU DOWN", I sort of snapped and yelled for Donny to try and hit me. He was much bigger than me, I doubt I would win the fight, but I guess I was curious about his real strength. However, instead of getting more mad, he just went quiet for a second, grew a bit pale, THEN threw his punch. Imagine you were hit in the face by a bouncy ball made for kids, well Donny's punch was softer than that. It actually brightened my mood up that day knowing he couldn't even hurt me, and I was a pretty scrawny kid back then.
I have a few more stories about Donny I'll tell at another time as I need to go to work soon. Like I said, nearly my ENTIRE graduating class knows about his insanity.
I had the (mis)fortune of meeting Donny back in 5th grade where he moved to our town. Now, being the new kid can be hard, especially in 5th grade, so I decided to give a little greeting to show he's in a friendly environment. Now some points of observation, Donny was MASSIVE for a 5th grader, seemed like he did have some health problems as I remembered he huffed at the slightest walk and always seemed to be sweating. In 5th grade, he didn't really do anything outlandish, he was just kinda weird sometimes. I only felt the need to mention this because this was when he grew attached to me, the fun part comes when we were in middle school.
Another few points about Donny is that he was a crazed edgelord. Donny obviously had some built up anger, but was too weak and too cowardly to actually do anything with it, so he resorted to threatening anyone he didn't like (read: everyone), wearing huge shirts that went down to his knees, and listening to screamo. Now I said he was massive, but not intimidating, and everyone knew that too. His limbs were like giant sticks of butter, he finished his mile run for PE a solid 2 minutes after everyone else was done, and he lead his team to a 33-0 loss in kickball (yes I actually remember the score, I was captain of the other team
). His many,many threats to anyone that some much as said "hi" to him ranged from beating them up, murdering them, or burning down their house. My personal favorite insult was "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL SHOOTCHA IN DA HEAD WIT AN AK". He claimed his Uncle owned hundreds of AK-47s imported from "the Soviets" (no not Russia, just "the Soviets"), and his Uncle lets him borrow them a lotOne day, Donny was attempting to piss me off. At this point, he realized that I hated him and didn't ever want to be near him, but still continued to follow me anyway thinking insulting me would win me over. In this particular day, I was pretty upset because of some events earlier and had zero tolerance for his bullshit. He was saying something like "UHUHUHUHUHHUH YA MAD BRO? I'LL FUCKING BEAT YOU DOWN", I sort of snapped and yelled for Donny to try and hit me. He was much bigger than me, I doubt I would win the fight, but I guess I was curious about his real strength. However, instead of getting more mad, he just went quiet for a second, grew a bit pale, THEN threw his punch. Imagine you were hit in the face by a bouncy ball made for kids, well Donny's punch was softer than that. It actually brightened my mood up that day knowing he couldn't even hurt me, and I was a pretty scrawny kid back then.
I have a few more stories about Donny I'll tell at another time as I need to go to work soon. Like I said, nearly my ENTIRE graduating class knows about his insanity.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
One thing I forgot to mention about Khalid: he likes to claim that he has mafia connections. On more than one occasion, he's threatened to call in a hit on me. He's pretty obviously full of shit, so I usually just egg him on to do it.
Another thing I forgot: He has a mild obsession with Kelly Bundy from Married with Children. Not Christina Applegate. The actual character, Kelly Bundy. On more than one occasion, he's sent people poems and songs about her. Here's the latest one, from a few days ago:
That's copypasted from a message he sent me.
Another thing I forgot: He has a mild obsession with Kelly Bundy from Married with Children. Not Christina Applegate. The actual character, Kelly Bundy. On more than one occasion, he's sent people poems and songs about her. Here's the latest one, from a few days ago:
Kelly, I'm in the shivering you're lips I am quivering, I would walk many a mile, just to see your smile , baby why do you treat me so bad, do you like making me feel blue and sad ?
I want to hear your tender laugh, I wanna be your other half. now I'm crying with laughter , cuz it's you baby I'm after. Oh Kelly, tell me we're cool . you're the hottest girl in school. what you say you are surprised . but you opened up my eyes...
I want to hear your tender laugh, I wanna be your other half. now I'm crying with laughter , cuz it's you baby I'm after. Oh Kelly, tell me we're cool . you're the hottest girl in school. what you say you are surprised . but you opened up my eyes...
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