A Kiwi Farms game of FATAL: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Splendid Meat Sticks said:
I'll be letting everyone who's shown interest in this thread know via PM.


You actually manage to succeed in your wrestling attempt and penentrate Glaukon a little bit, but he fights back and does 1 LP of damange. Plus, he nicks your ball sack with his fingernails and hits one of your testicles. Although you avoid the 1% chance to automatically die, you now lose 20% of your Bodily Attractiveness score.

You can't actually find Sybil, she's invisible for right now, remember?

@Azazel dance for me puppet! Do something funny!

@Randall Fragg the best chance of success is probably to just use called shots on his legs to disable him.

@ActualKiwi you can't see Sybil and you're not compelled to rape @Randall Fragg, so there's no reason why you can't fight back at full force.
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Glaukon dons that gold amulet from before, yells "I <3 Nick Bate!" and targets Stienmar's dick with a swing of his maul. That counts as a limb, right?
PS: @Splendid Meat Sticks I'd definitely be in for a second game if there's open spots. This is too hilarious.
 
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ActualKiwi said:
Glaukon yells "I <3 Nick Bate!" and targets Stienmar's dick with a swing of his maul. That counts as a limb, right?
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It doesn't have to be a limb. You can amputate individual toes if you want. But it works! His penis comes clean off, and you do 10 LP of damage. However, there's no actual blood or anything, because that would require a Graphic Gore roll, and you didn't roll high enough to get one of those. So overall, it's actually a very clean and bloodless penis-removal-via-maul operation.
Azazel said:
Gregek will assist Stienmar in his raping of Glaukon.
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You put Gregek in an ankle lock. He fails to make a Wrestling check at TH 18, so you may do one of the follwing:
  • Break his ankle. His Sprint and Agility are now reduced to 15% of their full value until it's healed. He's otherwise unaffected. You also do 2d10 damage to his lower left leg. He will automatically break out of your wrestling hold and be able to stand back up after this, unless someone else is still wrestling him at that point in time.
  • Or, you may do 2d8 subdual damage per round, including this one. Every round after this one, he may attempt to escape, but the TH increases by 3 every round.

Also guys, remember that there's a chest full of one magical weapon for each of you lying in the chest. You get to choose what type of weapon.
 
I'm going to douse myself in oil, light myself on fire, and attempt to grab a mace ax from the chest. (If available).
We're going out SHINY AND CHROME!
 
ActualKiwi said:
@Randall Fragg No reaction to your dick getting smashed off? I'm surprised. Also @Splendid Meat Sticks what happens with Steinmar's hp? Didn't the Belt reduce him to 0 LP?
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The books have no rules whatsoever to do in this situation, but they're clear that putting on the belt doesn't kill you. I've decided that he can only die through BPP loss. BPP (Body Part Points) are hitpoints for individual bodyparts that everyone has. If you lose enough of them, that limb becomes useless. If the "limb" is your torso, head, or face, you just die.
 
Gregek will go to the box and choose a magical morningstar (or whatever type that is)
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
Ok, your damage roll was 11.
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Splendid Meat Sticks said:
The books have no rules whatsoever to do in this situation, but they're clear that putting on the belt doesn't kill you. I've decided that he can only die through BPP loss. BPP (Body Part Points) are hitpoints for individual bodyparts that everyone has. If you lose enough of them, that limb becomes useless. If the "limb" is your torso, head, or face, you just die.
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Hokay, That leaves Glaukon on..8 LP, since we didn't recover from the bandit fight and he was on 19 then. Glaukon will limp to the box and pull out a maul to swing at Gregek's cock. Because he's figured he might as well stop them raping him.
 
@ActualKiwi since nobody else is currently grappling you, you can stand back up.

Azazel said:
Gregek will go to the box and choose a magical morningstar (or whatever type that is)
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You got the Morningstar of Immunity to Water. You are now immune to all "Water-based attacks." Drowning does not count as a water based attack.

ActualKiwi said:
Hokay, That leaves Glaukon on..8 LP, since we didn't recover from the bandit fight and he was on 19 then. Glaukon will limp to the box and pull out a maul to swing at Gregek's cock. Because he's figured he might as well stop them raping him.
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Lucky you. You get the Flail of Fire (flails and mauls are really close so whatever). It has two spiked balls (I suspect that the author has confused flails and morningstars, but the rules say it's a flail, so I'm treating it like a flail.) Whenever you chant the inscription "Die Null" and swing the weapon, the balls (which sometimes touch. Gay.) turn into fire and extend 3d10 feet toward your target. Yes, you roll that 3d10 every time, and FATAL has consequences for missing. It's not exactly the most reliable weapon. As long as you roll 17 on 3d10, the weapon automatically hits, regardless of any armor or your skill. You also make a normal roll when using it too, and if either passes, you get all of the benefits. Each ball of fire does 3d10 LP of burning damage. This weapon only works once per day. At all other times, it's just a flail.

You roll 2 feet on your attack, which seems like a valid range, and your normal attack roll hits (your free extra roll misses,) so you get to attack twice. You do 45 points of damage to his crotch. Needless to say, it's obliterated. Like BattleMech with a shitty pilot, his legs and crotch have been so damaged that they're permanently useless. He's otherwise alive though.

On an unrelated note, I just realized that a one of the possible types of random magical weapon is a chair.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
*In progress, give me 5 minutes to do some math*
@ActualKiwi since nobody else is currently grappling you, you can stand back up.



You got the Morningstar of Immunity to Water. You are now immune to all "Water-based attacks." Drowning does not count as a water based attack.



Lucky you. You get the Flail of Fire (flails and mauls are really close so whatever). It has two spiked balls (I suspect that the author has confused flails and morningstars, but the rules say it's a flail, so I'm treating it like a flail.) Whenever you chant the inscription "Die Null" and swing the weapon, the balls (which sometimes touch. Gay.) turn into fire and extend 3d10 feet toward your target. Yes, you roll that 3d10 every time, and FATAL has consequences for missing. It's not exactly the most reliable weapon. As long as you roll 17 on 3d10, the weapon automatically hits, regardless of any armor or your skill. You also make a normal roll when using it too, and if either passes, you get all of the benefits. Each ball of fire does 3d10 LP of burning damage. This weapon only works once per day. At all other times, it's just a flail.

On an unrelated note, I just realized that a one of the possible types of random magical weapon is a chair.
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Right. I will chant "DIE NULL!!" and swing the balls at @Azazel 's balls.
EDIT: you and your ninja edits. Is that 45 BP or 45 LP?
 
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Gregek try to defend his poor testicles from the flail.
 
Sybil while waiting for the next blood lust roll and or turning visible will open and read the glowing book and open the 3 bags.
 
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Splendid Meat Sticks said:
You literally can't. The rules say that if it hits, it "ignores all CA[Current Armor]". That includes parrying, dodging, etc. It's hit. You just accomplished in three seconds what ADF hasn't in years.
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So...am I dead? Or are my balls just burned off? I only had 34 LP.
 
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Randall Fragg said:
I'm going to douse myself in oil, light myself on fire, and attempt to grab a mace ax from the chest. (If available).
We're going out SHINY AND CHROME!
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Ok, youre on fire. And you pull out a Mace Ax of Wet Dreams. The next time you sleep, you will have a wet dream. This gets "reset" every time you have a wet dream and then touch it again, and it applies to anyone who touches it. It also removes 1 random allergy from anyone who's holding it, and every time you pick it up, you must pass a Drive check at TH 17 and a Rhetorical Charisma at TH 16 or be unable to hold a conversation without going off topic while holding it. You pass the Drive test but fail the Rhetorical Charisma test.
 
Glaukon glares at the flaming madman, ready in case he tries to continue rape attempts while missing his manhood.. Also is still looking around for where Sybil disappeared to.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
I mean, logically, you shouldn't be dead, but yeah, I guess you are. Sorry.
Look at it this way, your friends will be joining you soon.
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Ah well, I'm up for another game if you choose to host another one.

Good luck with the rape/murder orgy everyone else ;)
 
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