In a parallel universe were the banks are regulated and Chris Chan never trooned out and fucked his mom, who would be the most popular lolcows?

[Epic Fail Man]

Also every famous "good guy" now wears an eye patch and is evil.

 

[A Welsh Cake]

Hitler. He became an artist and at his elderly years joined the furry fandom.

Nostalgia Critic remains unchanged.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Ethan Ralph because fate demands a notorious lolcow come from Virginia.

 

[financhu]

Chris was the most popular lolcow before trooning out and fucking his mother so... Still Chris.

 

[Shig O'nella]

The answer to every one of these "who would by the biggest lolcow in X alternate universe" questions is always Joshua Connor Moon. After all in every universe null is a constant.