Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[proangelwhangs]

No, I like comedy. Just he... Norm is too black sounding for me, child.

 

[grey area]

Piggy again donning the armchair uniform with his expert analysis into the assassination of a political figure in a country he knows nothing about. When a significant event happens with global coverage, I can always count on this thread to deliver the pain.

 

[Table Country]

"Hey, atalker? TRY SAYING BLACK MEN FART IN MY WIFE'S VAGINA NOW, YOU FUCKING CHILD"
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But even after phoning the FBI, there are no convictions; my atalkers continue to text me, and I gain no engagement on my tweets. No new followers can be extracted from my whining. This twitter thread has meant nothing.
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(I'm really enjoying this new Patrick x Fatrick angle, if you can't tell.)

"Don't you know who I am? I'm not 'Rick', I'm Patrick Tomlinson... We talk on twitter all the time... Don't you recognize me?"

 

[RussianParasite]

I heard that Abe was shot with a paint filled balloon.

 

[Satan McAllister]

Anybody call up upscale Milwaukee restaurants asking for Torque Wheeler, the Sausage King of Milwaukee?

Who am I kidding. Like there’s anything better than an Applebee’s in that shit town.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Once again, Pat shows how little he knows about anything. He is truly the king of Dunning-Kruger.

 

[Gorton Colu]

Pat's penchant for bad takes is only exceeded by his enormous bulk. If he wants to waste his life chasing momentary glory by going viral so much, he ought to go into speed running like the autist he is. Atleast he could become competent in something for once.

 

[DSP's Tax Lawyer]

Anybody call up upscale Milwaukee restaurants asking for Torque Wheeler, the Sausage King of Milwaukee?

Who am I kidding. Like there’s anything better than an Applebee’s in that shit town.

There are upscale restaurants in Milwaukee. Fatrick just can't afford them

 

[Helium Bubble]

There are upscale restaurants in Milwaukee. Fatrick just can't afford them

Is Dorsia one of them? I heard he couldn’t get a reservation there.

 

[Meriasek]

There are upscale restaurants in Milwaukee. Fatrick just can't afford them

Why go to upscale restaurants when you have Hooligan's?

 

[lindsayfan]

Why go to upscale restaurants when you have Hooligan's?

Hooligan's is upscale, child. The defrosted microwave chili comes with pre-shredded plastic orange cheese atop it, and if one orders the special tuesday meatloaf, the smaller divot of the styrofoam tray contains iceberg lettuce with french dressing drizzle. MMMmmm, child.

 

[Oliver Onions]

"Don't you know who I am? I'm not 'Rick', I'm Patrick Tomlinson... We talk on twitter all the time... Don't you recognize me?"

"Hey, this is Patrick Tomlinson. You're my lawyer so you should probably know I've made a lot of tweets. I threatened to shit on one guy's grave; he's dead now. Another guy I said I'd feed him his teeth, and last week I lectured some uppity negress about how I'm actually the victim. Recently I, uh, I tried to start an alt account as Torque Wheeler but I couldn't make it 24 hours without calling someone child and blowing my cover. I guess I'm a pretty fat retard.

So, if you get back tomorrow, meet me at Hooligans, so you know, keep your eyes open."

 

[Cold Root Beer]

Fatrick can't have any real life friends.

Think about it. This fucker responds near instantly and nonstop to even the laziest troll message. The irritation of talking with someone who is constantly on their phone alone would chase anyone away, combined with his even more irritating habit of holding forth means he must be avoided like the plague by everyone. It's funny how Fatrick ran when that one guy showed up to Hoonigans, the greatest punishment Fat could have doled out would have been talking with him and forcing him to endure his insufferable personality.

 

[Associate Rick]

Patrick S. Tomlinson: [voiceover] I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Hooligans, since I'm positive we won't have a decent table. But we do, and relief washes over me in an awesome wave.

Patrick S. Tomlinson: I killed Bernell Trammell. And I liked it.

Patrick S. Tomlinson: [voiceover] When I get to Bernell Trammell's place, I use the keys I took from his pocket. There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Bernell's apartment overlooks Hooligans and is obviously more expensive than mine. I calm myself and move into the bedroom, where I find his suitcase and start to pack.

 

[TreeFortRichardsTCell]

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When Patrick does a menial chore but still hasn't shared it with complete strangers online after 5 minutes elapsed.

Unscrewing an old antenna and screwing the new one with your fingers, under a minute of work. Most people wouldn't think twice about it and this pig writes an entire article about it to pat himself in the back.

Pat himself is a mental chore

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Hi, I’m Buff Torque Wheeler. I don’t drink or eat meat like greasy pepperoni. I’m an expert mechanic who likes to share his knowledge with others.

 

[Meriasek]

Random stalker on phone: Fatrick? Is that you?
Fatrick Baitman: No, child. It's not me. You're mistaken.

 

[Piggy Higuera]

I like how he says "I call them shark fin" antennas. A little glimpse into his inner narcissism. A normal person would check themselves and think "well, if I call them shark fins it's got to be what everyone else does". Because, obviously, THEY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING SHARK FIN AND EVERYONE CALLS THEM THAT.

This guy never ceases to amaze.



You are correct, Doug Tennapel did a podcast with Mike for a while. But Doug is a shameless grifter who, while having similar political leanings to Mike, manages to drag everyone around him down with stupid anti-gay shit that most of the Right has long since moved past.

And yes, Bill is a fucking lunatic lefty on Twitter. Probably as bad as Frank, and that's saying something. Kevin strikes me as an old fashioned, Bill Maher liberal who is probably uneasy about the state of things but too chicken to say anything.

Thanks for the background, that's why I think he'd love the Fatrick angle: the dumb abortion tweet, the TDS, the smug athiest shit. Mike strikes me as the "I'm a Christian because I believe and it enriches my life so if you reflexively tear it down without being a human being and listening to my side you're an asshole, but that's your journey" chill Christian.

Anyway, I'll pitch it, they have a backlog so I should have done this already, but I think Torque's of an age where getting someone from MST3K rip apart your writing line by line for two months would be like a cartoon genie's response to a "make me famous" wish.

 

[Roccosmoderndeath1]

Once again, Pat shows how little he knows about anything. He is truly the king of Dunning-Kruger.

Genuine replies to actual local Japanese newspapers as though he has something useful to contribute. Yeah Pat you definitely have special insight by being a Cool Gun Guy. You have been able to surmise some golden nuggets of information from the Google translated article. Info that the Japanese government, police, witnesses, agents, and reporters couldn't have possibly ascertained themselves.

Truly the peak of the fat, arrogant, and retarded trifecta.

 

[GuntN7]

Same Torque and Cumia energy...