Funny stories about your period

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

The greatest feeling in the world is having an ice cold beer in the shower after you take a massive disgusting period dump at 2 am

 

[Aunt Carol]

The stem broke off of my favorite menstrual cup. It's still my favorite so I'm buying another one, dammit; this was after a couple years of service. If there were one thing I could change about the otherwise-lovely Yuuki, it'd be having a ring or knob option for the stem.

I ain't afraid of blood or rooting around in my undercarriage, but I have the short fingernails to match that determination. A stem helps, especially in the mornings when I wake up as a Tupperware-sealed mess of effluvia.

The Yuuki is the one that you can get in pretty colors or, as Hamlet would say, in country themes:


(You gotta search for "yuuki cup" because there's apparently some weeb shit. This is Czech.)

 

[Micotil 300]

In my early days of having become a woman, my mom and I came up with the code word "Fruity Pebbles" to reference feminine hygiene products. I don't know why we used Fruity Pebbles, but we did, because I was embarrassed to just ask for pads or tampons like a normal person. This led to us always having the breakfast cereal in the house as well, because my brother was always upset when he would run downstairs for a sweet bowl of Fruity Pebbles only to find out mom "forgot them" again. One day, after I had asked for my Fruity Pebbles, my brother started whining about how it wasn't fair that I always got to pick the cereal, and I didn't even eat Fruity Pebbles. My dad tossed him the Tampax box, and said, "They're talking about tampons!" to which he replied, "Augh, ew, that's disgusting." This was years ago, but recently, I was back home and asked if there were Fruity Pebbles in the bathroom, and my brother yells, "Oh you know what? Fuck you you ruined Fruity Pebbles for me forever!"

Honorable mention: My dad told us that when he was a kid, he thought his mom's tampons were those parachute toys that you pull the string on and the little plastic soldier comes out. He "never got it to work."

 

[Jimmy Olsen]

I didn't immediately go to the hospital when I had appendicitis because I thought it was just PMS pain. Mom only realized once I puked and gained a fever that something else was wrong.

Then, after I get my appendix taken out, the doctor says to come back to the hospital if I get severe pain around the area of the surgery. Well, sure enough I do, so I go in.... And I've got an ovarian cyst.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

The greatest feeling in the world is having an ice cold beer in the shower after you take a massive disgusting period dump at 2 am

"I'll take 'Words A Troon Would Say', Alex."

 

[NoReturn]

Mine was late this month (probably because of a change to my exercise routine) but I was able to tempt it out with Seaweed-Pineapple chocolate.
Thanks, Austria!

 

[Jimmy Olsen]

"I'll take 'Words A Troon Would Say', Alex."

You underestimate just how much women are willing to overshare about bodily functions.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

A few years ago I was offered an injection to outright remove my ability to even bleed.
I wish I had it now...
Edit: Offered not given

 

[PUTIN MAKES ME HORNY]

I love shoving tampons in my Pussy. It makes me feel like a man.

 

[Apis mellifera]

Periods don't turn me into a raging bitch anymore, but they do give me complete and utter brainrot like the world has never seen. I was up at fuck o'clock in the morning today in absurd amount of pain (estrogen fluctuations make my joints swell too much to bend them properly and make everything hurt, and give me migraines) and in the haze of pain and crazyass hormones I told my best mate I loved him. I thought I was gay?

I can't see myself with a man but somehow the general "I would very much like my good pal to be happy and find a bitchin wife" got translated into whatever the fuck it is I was thinking. fucking hell. hormones are retarded and I am retarded for giving into them.

 

[Spangled Drongo]

When we had the lesson about the birds and the bees in school, I remember being very confused as to how a tampon looked and was supposed to be used - there were no visuals, just a description to go off of, something like "a piece of cotton designed to be inserted inside the vagina" - and either I'd never been taught or just didn't realise the difference between the words vagina and vulva, so I thought it was basically the same thing as wedging a heap of cotton wool between your labia, rendering the wearer unable to pee. Had to have my mother explain it to me and only then did I work it out.

(Though reading upthread, apparently such a thing used to exist, for lighter days specifically? I'm assuming it'd be taken out when one needed to take a whizz, otherwise things would get... messy.)

 

[Quack_Quack]

Gotta admit, I agree,

I work with a fucking TIM, I know it really makes him angry seeing me duck into the bathrooms a couple of extra times a day when I'm on.

I can feel his piggy troon eyes boring into my head and I love knowing how angry it makes him. I make a point of going to a colleague near his desk to ask for advil and stuff, just because I know how insanely jealous it makes him,

Good, that TIM deserves it.

Went to hospital, had the normal "is there any chance you're pregnant" question. Well, no, unless a) it's the immaculate conception and b) I'm bleeding at this very moment and haven't gotten laid in a couple of months

 

[cactus]

Good, that TIM deserves it.

Went to hospital, had the normal "is there any chance you're pregnant" question. Well, no, unless a) it's the immaculate conception and b) I'm bleeding at this very moment and haven't gotten laid in a couple of months

Breakthrough bleeding during pregnancy is a thing and the hospital wouldn't know about you not getting laid lol.

 

[Boyfriend Free Girl]

wtf there's nothing funny about cramps and bleeding through the vagoo every month

 

[Aunt Carol]

(Though reading upthread, apparently such a thing used to exist, for lighter days specifically? I'm assuming it'd be taken out when one needed to take a whizz, otherwise things would get... messy.)

They were small enough that they popped out when you peed, right into the toilet.


The hippy reusable interlabial "petals" are intended to be manually removed first.

I suspect that if an interlabial pad works for one's personal combination of 1. flow 2. labia minora, one could probably just fold up a cotton round for much less fuss and expense.

 

[Akashic Retard]

I didn’t pay attention in health class and put tampons up my ass for about ten years before realizing I was a man with ulcerative colitis.

 

[neverendingmidi]

I didn’t pay attention in health class and put tampons up my ass for about ten years before realizing I was a man with ulcerative colitis.

I believe you meant to post in this thread.

 

[Akashic Retard]

I believe you meant to post in this thread.

You’ve spent too much time on KF.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

Not on my period at the time, but I was sent to a midwife by a female doctor. Appointment went well...Mom was  pissed.
"She's not pregnant and I wanted a gynecologist; what's a midwife gonna do?! This doctor is crazy!"

 

[neverendingmidi]

You’ve spent too much time on KF.

Fear me.