I told myself to take the weekend off from Hamber. Especially today, after working outside just about all day - I don't know if any of you have notice, but it is fucking hot in some places in the US about now. It makes you feel like dropping into the pool and not coming back up for air, to get some relief. And here I am, winding down for the night, so I can go back out tomorrow and do it again. Since I have about half an hour, why not just go all in on the Hamber Way and waste that time, ironically, by watching her latest lazy and stupid video?
spilling the tea & let’s go shopping! | what I ate today | episode 9 - July 9, 2022
WASH YOUR GODDAMNED NASTY, RANK HAIR, BITCH. I knew the Showereen Era wouldn't last long.
When these ten "episodes" are over, she'll just continue making them. although probably not consistently every two days. I imagine her giving a sigh of relief that this taskmaster, punishing schedule ten days is over. It was shtooooo hard, you guise! Whatever. just tell us what bullshit food you're eating today.
She is "surprised" she is not covering herself in long sleeves because of all the sores on her arms. Pretty silly of you to adopt that particular "muh mentalz", dumbass, Your stupid munchie mind shouldn't have picked (ha!) something that will leave permanent marks. Waiting for the day she pronounces herself "cured" from dermatillomania so she doesn't have to intentionally creates little wounds on her arms. Oh, and she "hates" the word excoriation. You surely do hate a lot of words, WriterLynn. Goes all VictimLynn: You guise need to stop making fun of my mental disorder, I can't control it. This is where you are incorrect, Fat Ham. You can in fact control it, because you are not afflicted with excoriation disorder. Even were you, people with the condition can, and do, control it.
Weighin: Her $80 new scale told her three different weights. She chose the middle one, but did the higher one of 491.4. he's going with that. So, still 500 pounds.
They're taking Twinkie to the vet. Hamber is telling us that the dog may act young at heart but she is no spry chicken. The "gf" yammered something offscreen and I had to stop it. We're less than threeminutesinto this latest suckfest. Now, while Fat Ham is technically correct and spry chicken is a phrase, it is more common to use spring chicken. She ges lucky fro time to time, and this is one of those times, because naturally, it wouldn't be a landwhale video if HamberLynn isn't tossing out for a lifeline for the "gf" to grab and help her out. Continue, Fatty.
Ugh, the things she pads her videos with. Has to go look up spring chicken and spry chicken, and when spry chicken comes back as a phrase, she tells the "gf" "I was right, baay-bee." just like a fourth grader telling their parental unit that they colored within the lines. FFS, this show's writers suck. Fat Ham is telling the dog's actual caretaker, the "gf", about how Twinkie acts like a spry chicken, but the rest of the time, Twinkie acts "cama-tose". The "gf" points out it seems like she just combined camouflage and comatose, to which Hamber asks, "Cama-tose?" No, you fucking cunt, it's COMATOSE, like your grifter "gf:" just said.
Oh, isn't it amazing that she can - I mean, the "gf" can schedule a vet appointment for the dog that includes a blood workup to see how the meds are working for her, somehow it takes Fat ham MONTHS to get a blood workup done (LOL, no, she didn't get any bloodwork done, she just claimed she did, to get haydur nation to stop asking about it).
Claims the "gf" trims Twinkie's nail, which Fat ham can never do, because she's scurred she'll hurt the dog. No, you're just lazy and can't be assed to take care of our dog properly: you don't walk her, bathe her, or attend to her other hygiene and grooming needs, like brushing her teeth or keeping her nails properly trimmed. That's what
slaves
servants butlers "gf"s are for.
Has to show us Twinkie in her harness, lying in her bed on the back seat. Hamber is in the front seat, faking wearing the seatbelt, and yamering at Twinkie in that stupid baby voice wen they get to the vet, which is a "curbside vet situation type deal". Oh, you mean like 99% of other vets, a "situation type deal" that arose out of the pandemic? You are not special or unique. Fat Ham tells us the dog is scurred. And she is out of breath just sitting there, in the front seat, having done nothing more strenuous than look into the back seat. Great Stamina there, CardioLynn! Asks the "gf and vet tech if hey want her to come around and get the dog, The vet tech asks if she just wants to carry the dog and come inside, and Twinkie does indeed get a free ride into the clinic. Not from Hamber, of course. That fat bitch isn't climbing her shelf ass out of the car to walk the 50 feet or so into the clinic, much less carrying Twinkie while doing it. Nppe, that's the job of whoever has ass-wiping duties, and that means the "gf" is taking ol' Twonk into the building. Hamber says the reason she didn't take Twinkie in is because she doesn't have her mask with her but the "gf" does. Well, brainiac, why don't YOU just borrow your "gf"'s mask, haul your fat ass out of the car, pick up YOUR dog, and take YOUR dog into the clinic? You're so fucking lazy. She probably realized that people were going to say exactly what I just did, so she added this:
No. No, you did not. Had you, you would have come prepared for this possibility. Instead, as usual, someone else takes care of shit you should be taking care of.
Twinkie gets a clean bill of health, at least from a general checkup.
She's blathering on about some van full of kids, she says five kids ranging in age from 10-13, with who she assumes is their parents. "It is two females, though...but it still could be, I mean it's 2022."
Gonna stop you right there, Fatty, and ask you why the fuck you can't speak like a normal human being. Two "females"? You know what word also fits there? Women. Two women, possibly together, possibly not, who you think are the oms of this pack of kids. WriterLynn. All the best words.
She's telling some stupid story and wants us to answer a question, and I am not listening to the rest of her "storytime" because she is a terrible storyteller, speaks too slowly, and I don't care. Skipping.
FFS. More sugar from Starbucks. She finally got her "unicorn pops" and those look like cats, not unicorns. Another frozen Impossible breakfast thing that she could easily substitute by buying Impossible sausage, cracking open an egg and cooking it, and slapping the two on a TOASTED English muffin. I guess that's too much effort.
Tells us a "random fact" that "when dogs have allergies, they lick their paws", They also lick their paws as part of grooming, because they're bored or anxious, because it's injured, etc. etc. etc. There's some more "random facts" for you, lardbrain, that you won't care about at all, because you can only keep one "random fact" in that fucking fat-smothered thing you call a brain at a time.
Gross, she just pulled her goddamned phone out of her bra to tell us the calories in this Starbucks crap. She's trying desperately to tell us how low calorie everything is. Yeah, let's not worry about the nutritional value otherwise of all this bullshit.
Blah blah blah, she's passing little notes to the "gf", just like back in 4th grade and I could not fucking care less. Skipparoo.
Rarity sighting, sleeping in the sun and will you LEAVE THE FUCKING CAT ALONE. It's impossible for us to enjoy that moment of zen with you cackling in the fucking background.
Ordered Italian takeout. Of course. They're eating in bed. She whines about people judging them for eating in bed. Whine harder, you lazy fucking behemoth. She was scurred of one type of paste, so - of course - she ordered that and second, emergency backup pasta, just in case, then proceeded to eat both of them. Half of each, she claims, but let's not kid ourselves here that fat Ham exercises any sort of restraint. She hates exercise.
Barnes & Noble so se can run her beetus paws all over everything. Is she there primarily to browse books? Of course not. She's smellling candles and fondling art stuff. Gets Jodi Picoult's Wish You Were Here. She's thinking of starting a book club, so of course got a journal for it. And a book of writing prompts. And another book of writing prompts. I, personally, cannot wait for Fat Hamber's Book Club! I'm sure her insights into various books will be scintillating, ranging from "Shtoooo good!" to "Rilly, rilly good!"
Wants McDonald's but is making a box of couscous instead. I guess veggies or literally anything that isn't a giant pile of carbs is out of the question.
She's StruggleLynn tonight, so she's eating again because she's feeling lonely tonight. Where's that oh so supportive like never before "gf", Hamber? She's eating a Jenny Kreg meal (loaded baked potato) and candy. Starch and sugar, Some kind of zero sugar soda. No veggies.
Says she hopes we have been enjoying this series. It's FUCKING BORING. No, it is not enjoyable.
Went to Jenny Kreg AGAIN. Went to the meeting, got the food, etc., realized it is not for her. AGAIN. Her imaginary shrink knows she isn't doing it, says it is basically a fad diet, so it's fine that she has started and immediately quit, AGAIN, another diet. Amazing, that a shrink who believes in HAES would say such a thing! By the way, the "tea" in this clickbaity shit in her title is that she started and quit Jenny Kreg. AGAIN.
Blah blah blah, she's been cryeen, it isn't weak to cry, she's grateful for blahblahblhblah.
Fuck off, Hamber.
TL;DW/R: Eats shitty food, and I'm wondering why the fuck she bothers getting anything beyond the basics at the grocery because they do not cook. Whines about muh mentalz. Apparently , the "gf" is not there whatever night this is, and since Fat Ham has no personality of her own and has no hobbies, she haz a sad and cries. Goes to Barnes & Noble, and she's thinking of starting a book club, which will last about as long as anything else she says she's going to do. Plus, I doubt there are going to be a ton of people interested in reading YA. Eats takeout pasta in bed with the "gf". Twinkie goes to the vet and gets a stamp of approval for general health, so that's one good thing. Otherwise: same boring crap as usual. But the next one is the "season finale". This show should be cancelled after one season. The End.
This particular video is not going over well, at all - even worse than usual. No doubt partially because it's clickbaity and filled to the brim with Hamber's regular stupid, but also from her stupid stunt and attempt at starting drama in Chantal's realm.
Also, Hamber is a fucking coward.
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