And to think, Rick Schiff isn't the most surprising target in our crosshairs thus far.
May I present Jessica Lauren, née Waldstein, who has quite the illustrious past.
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Facebook
Old Myspace
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Born on September 26th, 1984, Waldstein would grow up a passionate skating enthusiast, and in February 1997, at just the age of 12, she would turn professional and enter the 1997 U.S. Figure Skating Championships, where she placed 8th in the "Pairs" category.
Three years later, at the age of 15, she would partner with
Garrett Lucash, who would take her to 3rd place in the 2000 Championship at the Junior level.
Lucash would replace her that year with
Katie Orscher, where they enjoyed a 6 year long professional relationship, and go on to win the 2005 US Championship together.
Since her brief late '90s peak, it has only been downhill from there. She would frequently be arrested for drug and traffic-related offenses, become something of a schizo
obsessed with "orbs" and eventually move to Houston, Texas from her native California in late 2020:
The house itself is situated in Beaumont, at 1695 Milam Street, 77701:
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Lauren's criminal record (thanks
@Syntaxion):
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From being a professional skater on the verge of mild fame, to a drug-addicted new age criminal with a predilection for monkey torture. You cannot make this shit up.
Dox:
where am I going to get my estrogen coom shots now, @NuclearMissile? Million pity for Karen farms.
