The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

Who are the top three strongest characters in the Kevin Gibes Inflated Universe (KGIU) canon?

  • Gash Coyote

    Votes: 102 4.5%
  • Rioley

    Votes: 277 12.3%
  • Penis

    Votes: 408 18.1%
  • Loathsome Dung Eater Jen

    Votes: 291 12.9%
  • Boner

    Votes: 294 13.0%
  • Kevin Gibes

    Votes: 671 29.7%
  • The Elusive Earl

    Votes: 701 31.0%
  • Landon Hiscock

    Votes: 262 11.6%
  • The Korps LARP Brigade

    Votes: 200 8.9%
  • Kiwifarms Militia

    Votes: 1,122 49.7%
  • Kindness

    Votes: 650 28.8%
  • Trans Cucumber The Child Abandoner

    Votes: 306 13.6%

  • Total voters
    2,258
Speaking of which. Now I am but a simple country chicken and it's been many decades since I was in the military, but shouldn't they actually be spending more time down on the ground? If they're practicing to engage Earl and His Minions, it seems that standing upright in the middle of flat featureless desert makes them stupidly easy targets.

Do they think that because they're wearing plate they can just stand there with impunity and Earl's bullets will just bounce off like they were nerf darts? If they were serious about surviving a fire fight with Earl, they should be practicing their lowcrawling skills. Never mind that their (incredibly pathetic) marksmanship would be greatly improved were they in a prone position.

Yes, I know I'm sperging over nothing because this is all just a bullshit larp, but still. They even manage to fuck it up at that level. How troon is that -- even as a larp, it's barely a 2/10.
I think they're simply practicing dynamic movement which is... fairly dumb if they're preparing for a siege on Tran Ranch. It "looks good" on video though.

Disclaimer: I've never served in any kind of armed forces. To me it looks like they're always practicing assault drills instead of readyness, firearms handling, reload drills, cover/concealment, or anything that would serve them better in a siege scenario. It's all for the People of Twatter and the asspats they can give.
 
>local HOA
Lol the people saying this area was just for rich LARPers were right.

This was covered earlier in the thread: its not what you think of as normal HOA. It exists for two reasons: Plow the roads, and make the Californian colonizers shut the fuck up about local practices re: farm animals & guns.
 
I think they're simply practicing dynamic movement which is... fairly dumb if they're preparing for a siege on Tran Ranch. It "looks good" on video though.

Disclaimer: I've never served in any kind of armed forces. To me it looks like they're always practicing assault drills instead of readyness, firearms handling, reload drills, cover/concealment, or anything that would serve them better in a siege scenario. It's all for the People of Twatter and the asspats they can give.
Lol, what?


Dynamic Movement = Moving while shooting/taking cover.

The reason they are doing this is the Army Troon (I can't remember which thing is which). This what the army trains you on, and so that's what the army troon is parroting to the other troons. Lots of assaults, rushes, taking positions. It builds cohesion, increases agression underfire, and taking held positions is something you're going to be expected to do.

When I was in, we did bayonet training. One of the guys in my platoon basically asked a round about way "What's the fucking point? When was the last time anyone got bayonetted?" and our DS, in a rare moment of honestly, told us the point: Its not that you're ever going to be expected to use a bayonet, you'll probably never even be issued a bayonet because the army doesn't want the liability of you doing something dumb with it, and the last time anyone used a bayonet in actual operational capacity was probably using the hinge on the case that turns it into a shitty & awkward wire cutter. The point is that it trains you to be active and agressive instead of passive whimpering soyboys, and you do it with your squad. They send you into the unknown and expect you to stab the the balistic dummies. The course has deliberately short line of sight so when you're waiting all you hear is yelling. When you're in, you lose sight of your buddies at times and you all pop out to stab the dummies.

These troons are trying to Cargo Cult army training so they can play army and feel cool. They have none of the understanding of what they were trying to do, and also don't get that as unit of a larger force, the army can waste time with unnecessary training under the guise of building you into the Army Way (hooah), with the assumption that when its time to do something important you'll either be relieved by a unit competent in whatever needs done, or you'll have a few months to get the specialized training when the time comes. When you are a small force underlock down, underseige by 24 buff and hard US Marines Earl Militia men, you don't the luxury of fucking around and waiting for someone else to take over. Everything you are doing should be mission focused.
During peace time you'll arrange for your unit to go to the orienteering range, or arrange a bullshit FTX. Once you have orders, everything is going to be based around getting ready to deploy. If you have orders to get ready to deploy to Germany to get ready to fight the russians, you aren't going to waste time on Desert Survival training or learning swahili.

The troons are wasting their time learning assaults and advances. They need to be learning defense, practicing casualty retrieval/evac*, having pop up targets so they can learn to redirect fire quickly to attacker action. And really all that is tertiary to fire-proofing/fire controlling their compound, because as it stands you could decisively end any threat the tranch poses as a fighting force with a flare gun.

* I want you to picture any of those troons trying to shift BonBon or Penny.
 
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Dynamic Movement = Moving while shooting/taking cover.
The reason they are doing this is the Army Troon (I can't remember which thing is which). This what the army trains you on, and so that's what the army troon is parroting to the other troons. Lots of assaults, rushes, taking positions. It builds cohesion, increases agression underfire, and taking held positions is something you're going to be expected to do.

When I was in, we did bayonet training. One of the guys in my platoon basically asked a round about way "What's the fucking point? When was the last time anyone got bayonetted?" and our DS, in a rare moment of honestly, told us the point: Its not that you're ever going to be expected to use a bayonet, you'll probably never even be issued a bayonet because the army doesn't want the liability of you doing something dumb with it, and the last time anyone used a bayonet in actual operational capacity was probably using the hinge on the case that turns it into a shitty & awkward wire cutter. The point is that it trains you to be active and agressive instead of passive whimpering soyboys, and you do it with your squad. They send you into the unknown and expect you to stab the the balistic dummies. The course has deliberately short line of sight so when you're waiting all you hear is yelling. When you're in, you lose sight of your buddies at times and you all pop out to stab the dummies.

These troons are trying to Cargo Cult army training so they can play army and feel cool. They have none of the understanding of what they were trying to do, and also don't get that as unit of a larger force, the army can waste time with unnecessary training under the guise of building you into the Army Way (hooah), with the assumption that when its time to do something important you'll either be relieved by a unit competent in whatever needs done, or you'll have a few months to get the specialized training when the time comes. When you are a small force underlock down, underseige by 24 buff and hard US Marines Earl Militia men, you don't the luxury of fucking around and waiting for someone else to take over. Everything you are doing should be mission focused.
During peace time you'll arrange for your unit to go to the orienteering range, or arrange a bullshit FTX. Once you have orders, everything is going to be based around getting ready to deploy. If you have orders to get ready to deploy to Germany to get ready to fight the russians, you aren't going to waste time on Desert Survival training or learning swahili.

The troons are wasting their time learning assaults and advances. They need to be learning defense, practicing casualty retrieval/evac*, having pop up targets so they can learn to redirect fire quickly to attacker action. And really all that is tertiary to fire-proofing/fire controlling their compound, because as it stands you could decisively end any threat the tranch poses as a fighting force with a flare gun.

* I want you to picture any of those troons trying to shift BonBon or Penny.

Tactically speaking they’re onto a loser trying to defend a position which is a frame building in the middle of a completely flat plain anyway, aren’t they?
If you’re going to do this larp seriously you’d want compound type fencing at least, trenches and berms around the house to provide cover and a tower to spotlight and snipe out of. Or even some underground tunnels, like in ‘nam.
 
Tactically speaking they’re onto a loser trying to defend a position which is a frame building in the middle of a completely flat plain anyway, aren’t they?
If you’re going to do this larp seriously you’d want compound type fencing at least, trenches and berms around the house to provide cover and a tower to spotlight and snipe out of. Or even some underground tunnels, like in ‘nam.

I don't want this to go back into Armchair Officer Candidate School but

You need to balance your resources to match your threat. We know the tranch screams about earl every 5 seconds, but they really don't seem to be all that afraid. If they were fully concerned they'd cut back all vegetation and basically gravel pit around the buildings to stop weeds from growing. They'd replace all their structures with concrete/brick, and put a heavy coat of flame retardant material on any wood structures until they be replaced.

Other than allowing their animals to strip the ground to a barren moonscape, they've done none of this.

Fully underground tunnels are usually a bad idea and waste of resources. They are prone to collapse, hard to maintain, and have other issues i.e. drainage and ventilation. They should have some shallow cover trenches dug, with the earth piled to make a berm. They should also have more fencing to make it harder to see into the Tranch's inner compound.

The location has no cover, which is both a benefit and a hinderance. You have no cover, but neither does anyone approaching meaning to do you harm.
 
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They could build some actual barns for all their animals, including separate barns for male and female alpaca with proper enclosures, a barn for the sheep, and a proper roost for the chickens. Maybe a greenhouse and potting shed for Jarrod's projects. I forget where they store their farm vehicles but those could probably do with a proper garage. Looking at past sagas a dedicated outbuilding for a workshop or recycling operation would have gone down a treat, along with some basic prefabs as emergency accommodation for their trans refuge project.

If they spaced them out and built all of those solidly out of concrete/breezeblocks and full height, it'd also serve the purpose of providing cover, so they'd be protecting themselves from getting shot at across an open barren desert. Even if they used corrugated metal, wood etc or had smaller structures like a duck house, those things would still provide visual cover you could crouch behind. Then they wouldn't have trenches running across their landscape and would actually be better ranchers (although the bar is low), plus would have helped with the image of them being a commune instead of some unstable larpers with field serfs (so easier to grift because people see a tangible benefit to donating).

But no, that $100k was blown on guns, loss-making furry conventions and vast sums of petrol for unnecessary trips to the Lakota reservation.
 
More gun stuff 🙄
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Sooo badass! :lol: At least this will be good fodder for whoever makes the next parody video.



I'm still amazed at how long they've refused to get a basic hay feeder. And yeah, they actually bought a pellet-maker awhile ago, but it doesn't look like they've ever used it. They're incredibly lazy.

Here they are, just dumping the hay out in the middle of their wasteland:
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I like the juxtaposition of these two:
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The Tranch wasteland where miserable-looking animals barely eke out a life
VS
The beautiful landscape just on the other side of the fence

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"Put me out of my misery...."
I'm wondering if @SinistralRifleman has any thoughts...
 
Oh lord this is painful to watch. I love how Phil blames his glasses on the fact that he can't hit shit at anything over a few yards. Note how in the pistol video we can't see the target but based on the sound it's just out of frame, only about 5 - 10 feet away. I've said it before but I'll say it again; these mongoloids better pray they never go up against a competent force because they will get their shit pushed in. That being said I'm fairly confident that a couple retards with next to no training could wipe out the tranch no problem.
Progressive lenses can cause parallax problems with a scope

I'm surprised the troon sniper doesn't know this
 
I haven't been in the armed forces and don't even play video games.
However if you and your "oppressed" group were under constant threat of attack from hostile locals wouldn't constant social media post be a bad idea?

Seems like you would not want to give away the layout of your buildings by sharing pics & video from inside & you wouldn't want to announce when you are going on trips and leaving your compound short handed or completely unguarded.

Likewise it would seem to be a good idea to go out of your way to either be a good neighbor or at the very least a nearly invisible one. Don't call attention to yourself & don't cause trouble for others in the area.

The Unicorn Ranch Development (T.U.R.D. for short) fails at all of this.
Almost as if they have strived to do the exact opposite of all these things at all times.

Anyone else suspect they may be eating the alpacas?
I understand they don't know how to butcher but they could always take them to a meat processor.

With hay being as expensive as it is they could have bought several hay rings or whatever configuration they need with what they have spent on wasted hay. Sadly I think they have no idea that they are wasting hay.
 
If the Tranch was serious about protecting their failed ranch they should dig a trench network so they could have an easy way to move from position to position without breaking cover.

full WWI style trenches in Colorado are a bad idea. They will turn into disease pits faster than the Tranchers' stink ditches during the rainy season, and fill up with snow/ice in winter. You'll attract vermin, snakes, and small animals, in additon to turning the yard into a death trap at night. Its a massive waste of resources. Where they are, better to just set up a privacy fence so no one can see where they are.

They don't need to worry about Earl attacks or bear attacks. They need to worry about heart attacks.

This is the truth right here. Granted digging ditches is a hell of work out, but the only real threats the tranch face are internal.
 
If the Tranch was serious about protecting their failed ranch they should dig a trench network so they could have an easy way to move from position to position without breaking cover.
They're too worried about the trenches dug in their bodies.

Also the only firearms training they need is how to shoot a rattlesnake.

Otherwise they should spend less time on the range and more time working at home or at a job, improving their land and buildings, and taking care of the livestock.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHAH they're never going to do any of that.

They could build some actual barns for all their animals, including separate barns for male and female alpaca with proper enclosures, a barn for the sheep, and a proper roost for the chickens. Maybe a greenhouse and potting shed for Jarrod's projects. I forget where they store their farm vehicles but those could probably do with a proper garage. Looking at past sagas a dedicated outbuilding for a workshop or recycling operation would have gone down a treat, along with some basic prefabs as emergency accommodation for their trans refuge project.
Even a few open pole barns would be an improvement over what they have. And they're not that hard to build (although neither is an enclosed barn). Especially if you have help from the community...

...oh wait.
 
I haven't been in the armed forces and don't even play video games.
However if you and your "oppressed" group were under constant threat of attack from hostile locals wouldn't constant social media post be a bad idea?
If they actually believed there was any sort of threat, yes. Obviously there is not.
With hay being as expensive as it is they could have bought several hay rings or whatever configuration they need with what they have spent on wasted hay. Sadly I think they have no idea that they are wasting hay.

They may still be getting hay given to them for free, either part of the deal for taking the alpaca or some sort of state aid.
That would explain why they don’t value it and just let it go to waste. In a semi-arid region that’s really sustainable behaviour guys.
 
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