Defendant: Ethan Oliver Ralph - Ethan Ralph's Documented Legal Troubles & Other Court Docs

[XxTardWranglerxX]

Ralph in court be like:

I was searching around the internet... no, I wa- I was searching around the-- mom, mom, i was searching around the internet and all of a sudden i was downloading this thing and i got a computer virus. I- I randomly del- I already- I DELETED THE VIRUS! Oh my god mom! I had a computer virus and i got scared that I had the virus ... and when i was getting out of my chair my pants were slipping and i was pulling them up and getting back on the chair! I got scared and- and my pants slipped down a little and i was pulling them up! ... MOM! I'm telling the truth! I AM SERIOUS! I'M SERIOUS! I HAD A VIRUS!

 

[MadStan]

Ralph has just the type of rap sheet that makes a judge fume a little. No burglary or anything like that, but still the kind of stuff that says "One day he will kill someone by accident" and I think the Judge is going to want to remind Ralph of this. His rap sheet says "He doesn't get the message, this is the most reckless speed violation to date - 35 over, that's miles above the threshold."

30 days in the slammer plus $2000 fine. License gone. But he will likely not get the 30 days sigh. The cop cut him a deal shaving it down to 65 which puts him in a bracket where jail is rare. If he had put down 66, it would have taken him to the top tier and that would have almost assured some jail.

Oh how I wish I could be in court that day, seeing his girl pinch the baby so it squeals just enough to buy a sad look from the Judge.

 

[AltisticRight]

How does one accidentally call another person while looking at chatlogs? How the fuck does that even happen? Assuming Skype is similar to WhatsApp, don't you have to go through at least one menu to initiate an internet call? Like, click on the person's avatar and click on a phone icon? Can that really be accidentally done?

There's also the fact that despite his "IMMA HOLLER I HAVVV NO INTENDHUNZ TO CALL DAR TROLLOP BURTHER BABEH MAMMA WHORE ITZ NAWT TROOO IT WAZ PROBABLY YOOOO DAT CALLED HUR", he still had her contact details and number saved. Wouldn't it make more sense to block or delete?

Yeah, totally a mistake Ethan, totally. You also fought 4 Portuguese men "beyond what's considered reasonable" and the revenge porn was totally due to Iranian superhacking.

 

[Truly Rural]

I hate to be devil's advocate but wouldn't it be logical to block known Ralph's contact on skype if she wanted no contact with him? She really really wants him to break the TRO much more than she wants him to never contact her, or is there some other reason for it I'm overlooking? Goes without saying this doesn't make gunt any less of a fagget

 

[AltisticRight]

I hate to be devil's advocate but wouldn't it be logical to block known Ralph's contact on skype if she wanted no contact with him? She really really wants him to break the TRO much more than she wants him to never contact her, or is there some other reason for it I'm overlooking? Goes without saying this doesn't make gunt any less of a fagget

Yeah, she might have just forgot to though. Or as you've said, she didn't block Ralph knowing that the man's pig hooves aren't controlled by his alcohol pickled brain.

Either way, it's only his fault. It's like if the ATM spat out an extra $800, you need to return it. Don't cry about it when someone comes knocking and accusing you of theft.

 

[MySonDavid]

I hate to be devil's advocate but wouldn't it be logical to block known Ralph's contact on skype if she wanted no contact with him? She really really wants him to break the TRO much more than she wants him to never contact her, or is there some other reason for it I'm overlooking? Goes without saying this doesn't make gunt any less of a fagget

I'm not a lawyer but I don't think the law makes it her responsibility to not get contacted by Ethan Ralph. Ralph has the order and it's his burden to make sure he doesn't contact her. Ralph should block her and remove her from any of his contacts to make sure he doesn't contact her, accidentally or otherwise.

 

[LadiosSopp]

I'm not a lawyer but I don't think the law makes it her responsibility to not get contacted by Ethan Ralph. Ralph has the order and it's his burden to make sure he doesn't contact her. Ralph should block her and remove her from any of his contacts to make sure he doesn't contact her, accidentally or otherwise.

Which is funny because that's exactly what the post he posted trying to go "See? Accidental calls are A-OK!" said. If you still have someone's contact info that has an RO against you, it's gonna look mighty suspicious to the court when you "accidentally" call them months after the fact.

 

[Americunt]

I'm not a lawyer but I don't think the law makes it her responsibility to not get contacted by Ethan Ralph. Ralph has the order and it's his burden to make sure he doesn't contact her. Ralph should block her and remove her from any of his contacts to make sure he doesn't contact her, accidentally or otherwise.

But how else is he going to pull up receipts proving she wanted to abort his retort to own the aylawgs on twitter?!?

 

[Truly Rural]

I'm not talking about law and responsibility, that's a given, just that most normal people would block person that they don't want contacting them, and that it's weird she didn't, all things considered.

 

[MadStan]

I'm not a lawyer but I don't think the law makes it her responsibility to not get contacted by Ethan Ralph. Ralph has the order and it's his burden to make sure he doesn't contact her. Ralph should block her and remove her from any of his contacts to make sure he doesn't contact her, accidentally or otherwise.

I concur. She is under no obligation to block his numbers anymore than she should contact USPS and ask them to reject mail by him.

Why Ralph thinks admitting he made the call "accidentally" exonerates him is Retard Award # 567,567 he has earned.

The judge won't want to hear why she didn't block him (not relevant), but rather why Ralph kept her in the contacts list rather than delete them will be seen by a judge as a failure on his part.

Perhaps Ralph can show the trove of accidental calls he has made in the last year to the Judge as proof this was a one-off, complete coincidence. LOL

If your defense is that you were only trying to find material she said to post on the internet to fuck her (violation of order) and accidentally contacted her while you were trying to violate an order...good luck with that double talk.

He puts more thought into farting than acting, and speaks faster than his brain can compute the idiocy to what he is about to vomit up.

Ralph we love you. Keep on gunting.

 

[Americunt]

Which is funny because that's exactly what the post he posted trying to go "See? Accidental calls are A-OK!" said. If you still have someone's contact info that has an RO against you, it's gonna look mighty suspicious to the court when you "accidentally" call them months after the fact.

Can't imagine him pulling that up and posting that after the fact will look good to a judge or jury either, accident or not.

 

[Telemeter]

He's been hollerin' about Faith for weeks, and making passive aggressive statements about her for longer than that.

It wasn't an accident, he was fixn to holler at her and didn't even realize it until after his blood pressure came down.

 

[PhoBingas]

How does one accidentally call another person while looking at chatlogs? How the fuck does that even happen? Assuming Skype is similar to WhatsApp, don't you have to go through at least one menu to initiate an internet call? Like, click on the person's avatar and click on a phone icon? Can that really be accidentally done?

There's also the fact that despite his "IMMA HOLLER I HAVVV NO INTENDHUNZ TO CALL DAR TROLLOP BURTHER BABEH MAMMA WHORE ITZ NAWT TROOO IT WAZ PROBABLY YOOOO DAT CALLED HUR", he still had her contact details and number saved. Wouldn't it make more sense to block or delete?

Yeah, totally a mistake Ethan, totally. You also fought 4 Portuguese men "beyond what's considered reasonable" and the revenge porn was totally due to Iranian superhacking.

If its on mobile, you'd have to be some hammered but he may have missed the scroll up bar and hit the call button. I don't know if he's got a touch screen desktop monitor but that would be another possibility, but you'd have to be nigh-on blackout drunk to miss that bad... but it's Ralph, so that's not out of the question.

 

[Absurdity]

I don't care how it happens, bring me the Prison Trough Arc!

 

[Americunt]

If its on mobile, you'd have to be some hammered but he may have missed the scroll up bar and hit the call button. I don't know if he's got a touch screen desktop monitor but that would be another possibility, but you'd have to be nigh-on blackout drunk to miss that bad... but it's Ralph, so that's not out of the question.

I concur. She is under no obligation to block his numbers anymore than she should contact USPS and ask them to reject mail by him.

Why Ralph thinks admitting he made the call "accidentally" exonerates him is Retard Award # 567,567 he has earned.

The judge won't want to hear why she didn't block him (not relevant), but rather why Ralph kept her in the contacts list rather than delete them will be seen by a judge as a failure on his part.

Perhaps Ralph can show the trove of accidental calls he has made in the last year to the Judge as proof this was a one-off, complete coincidence. LOL

If your defense is that you were only trying to find material she said to post on the internet to fuck her (violation of order) and accidentally contacted her while you were trying to violate an order...good luck with that double talk.

He puts more thought into farting than acting, and speaks faster than his brain can compute the idiocy to what he is about to vomit up.

Ralph we love you. Keep on gunting.

Guntleman, Guntleman, I think we're jumping to unfounded conclusions here. We've spent all this time assuming this call WAS an accident. I'd like to present an alternative theory to this case, if I Meigh:

As you all may know by this point, Ralph has spent the past couple weeks hiding in an undisclosed location. Whether this is due to the free corn and diapers truly getting to him, Mantsu separating from him, or his hardcore gambling habits catching up to him has been the matter of some speculation here on the farms. Whatever the reason may be for this turn of events, in regards to my theory is irrelevant. What is important is that Ethan has been in an isolated location for an extended period of time, away from the supposed love of his life and light of his world, the one and only Cozy Rosy. We have seen from the past couple
months of his comings and goings, that Ralph is not just content with having prolonged separation from his wife-to-be and child, but in fact enjoys himself in such isolation. But we also know that within the last 48 hours the pig and the horse have seemingly been reunited.

Guntleman, I submit to you that Mr. Ralph made such a brazen and reckless call to his ex and party to both his sex offense conviction and restraining order, not in a druken stupor, or lonely and regretful fugue state, but in an intentional attempt to put himself back in jail to avoid time with Ms. Morris and their unfortunate bastard. Ralph takes after his dear Ronnie in that he wants to spend as little quality time as possible with his wife and child, least of all when he could be drinking, gambling, and paying for prostitutes with his family's income without the nagging tones of a trans-passing, anime obsessed, pedophilloic horse killing his buzz.

Ladies and Guntleman, I submit that one Ethan Oliver Ralph WANTS to go to jail, if only to be reminded of the sweet solace that he was enveloped in his dog days of incarceration.

 

[AltisticRight]

View attachment 3525923
Guntleman, Guntleman, I think we're jumping to unfounded conclusions here. We've spent all this time assuming this call WAS an accident. I'd like to present an alternative theory to this case, if I Meigh:

As you all may know by this point, Ralph has spent the past couple weeks hiding in an undisclosed location. Whether this is due to the free corn and diapers truly getting to him, Mantsu separating from him, or his hardcore gambling habits catching up to him has been the matter of some speculation here on the farms. Whatever the reason may be for this turn of events, in regards to my theory is irrelevant. What is important is that Ethan has been in an isolated location for an extended period of time, away from the supposed love of his life and light of his world, the one and only Cozy Rosy. We have seen from the past couple
months of his comings and goings, that Ralph is not just content with having prolonged separation from his wife-to-be and child, but in fact enjoys himself in such isolation. But we also know that within the last 48 hours the pig and the horse have seemingly been reunited.

Guntleman, I submit to you that Mr. Ralph made such a brazen and reckless call to his ex and party to both his sex offense conviction and restraining order, not in a druken stupor, or lonely and regretful fugue state, but in an intentional attempt to put himself back in jail to avoid time with Ms. Morris and their unfortunate bastard. Ralph takes after his dear Ronnie in that he wants to spend as little quality time as possible with his wife and child, least of all when he could be drinking, gambling, and paying for prostitutes with his family's income without the nagging tones of a trans-passing, anime obsessed, pedophilloic horse killing his buzz.

Ladies and Guntleman, I submit that one Ethan Oliver Ralph WANTS to go to jail, if only to be reminded of the sweet solace that he was enveloped in his dog days of incarceration.

He wants to go to jail because he's convinced there's a 1350 and his Pornhub history shows his taste.

 

[Americunt]

He wants to go to jail because he's convinced there's a 1350 and his Pornhub history shows his taste.

Let the record show that Mr. Ralph's porn history shows a clear preference for black cock. And what locale has the most potent and abundant supply of virile black men? I rest my case your honor.

 

[Cherenkovblue]

While it would be funny to see him have to serve out his suspended sentence over a dumb mistake he made trying to win a petty internet arguement, I think I speak for a lot of us here when I say I want to see him beat this just so we can harvest more corn. Ralph is at his best when a few things he can tangentially spin as W's give him enough confidence to do something stupid. Remember, the Portugal trip happened not long after he "won" his Revenge Porn case.

Yeah, well, honestly at this point it's like he's racking up as many potential charges as possible to speedrun his way back into a jailcell... so I'm not sure you're going to get your wish. It's kinda like with Chris Chan: Some people just can't help themselves and will inevitably fuck up in a way that deprives us all of our source of lulz... and Ethan Ralph is definitely one of those people.

 

[MadStan]

The truth?

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth.

Every night you Kiwifarm fuckers sit there all high and mighty in your little self built fortress of morality judging me. You pretend like you are above me and that I am some little piece of shit you can step on. But deep down your made of the same stuff but I express it while you hide behind me. Without me to point at you'll only have yourselves to look at. The truth? I'll tell you the truth. You need me. You WANT me, you don't want me going to jail, not really. Oh you hope I'll get fucked up the ass each night by some guy, but you really want me out here in the world living the life you dream of. Making retarded babies, traveling the world in style and getting free cosmetic surgery in a country with a doctor you can't even pronounce! Cruising in my shitty car which I can't afford and which I'll probably lose, living on the drippings given to me by others - and probably you as well just to see me live crawling in a gutter but not quite laying in it. I'm living the dream, 5 star days mutherfuckers!

 

[Haru Okumura]

Ethan just claimed he has 30 hours of community service "for his speeding" and is going to be missing a lot of shows over the next few weeks, including Wednesday.