Grand Jury speculation thread

[Sneedmiser]

Hopefully unlike the OJ trial the guilty party loses spectacularly.

If the China fits you must acquit!

 

[JunkMan.exe]

Chris-Chan is finally going to get judged for all his actions , the culmination of this life.

 

[My Name is Mud]

"I hope that the funny incest sonic man goes away spectacularly so no one can laugh at him anymore that'll show him"

The fuck is with people wanting lolcows to disappear nowadays. How mad can you be lmao

You have a very good point, but I also want criminals to be brought to justice. I am conflicted and nothing makes me happy anymore

 

[Kamen Rider Faiz]

so the common theory here is that plea deals forbid him to return home with his toys and his mom and he refused believing he could get away with it

Yeah, this would be very likely the reason if Chris rejecting the plea deal is true
If I remember correctly he already said that he will come back to his house "soon" and sure enough, he would reject anything that doesn't let him go back home, even if rejecting it gets him imprisoned for a decade or so...

Chris getting out of Western in May could have been the "proof" the prosecution needed that Chris was of sound mind. Remember, he did say that he talked with doctors or psychologists about him and Barb's relationship, and nothing about how to act in court. It could have been something in addition to the jail's evaluation, to make sure, without a doubt Chris is sane. THEN the prosecution decided on big boy charges after those evaluations and possibly what Chris admitted. I could see him being stupid enough to think "Well since I'm at a hospital, I can tell them that I fucked Barb, since it's not jail or court"

Wouldn't be surprised if he goes back to the "nut house" for his incompetence to stand trial (again) and getting pinned down for a third time

 

[Sourpuss]

You have a very good point, but I also want criminals to be brought to justice. I am conflicted and nothing makes me happy anymore

Sure but moral indignation on a comedy forum won't unduck the barbussy

 

[Yankee Shogun]

That seems very likely. Possibly he was offered a sweetheart deal at the very beginning and all the subsequent evaluations have been partly to figure out what the fuck is wrong with him that he didn't accept it.

If he was given one, what do you think the Sweetheart deal would have been like?

 

[D_Tractor]

"I hope that the funny incest sonic man goes away spectacularly so no one can laugh at him anymore that'll show him"

The fuck is with people wanting lolcows to disappear nowadays. How mad can you be lmao

The jail letters are more entertaining than anything else Chris has produced in recent years. Hopefully in big boy prison he can get some decent art supplies.

 

[RodgerDodger]

I wonder how the resident prison Muslims will take to Chris using a prayer rug for his heathen infidel shit?

I'm thinking he forms a new break off splinter sect to rival the Sunni's and the Shiite's. Call it the Suniichu's. It will spread across the lands like a fire driven by the winds. All Hail the Holy Lolcow. Prepare the Jihad in his name.

 

[Chazzed Up]

Chris may have refused the plea for reasons that may forever remain unknown. As a result his case was sent to the grand jury. Despite the name it doesn't mean Chris is going before a jury trial yet. IT just means on the 8th of next month a group of people will meet and go over Chris's docket to vote on whether or not the court should proceed with pressing felony charges.

So that raises the question will Chris still be released on the first? the grand jury doesn't meet til the 8th and until they do and unless they vote yes than Chris's misdemeanor charges are all he has.

The fuck is the point of this song and dance if it doesn't go to trial? I thought they were supposedly going to end up letting him off on time served or whatever. Is the idea to further pressure him into accepting a plea, under the assumption of course that he already refused or is being uncooperative?

 

[Sneedmiser]

Chris-Chan is finally going to get judged for all his actions , the culmination of this life.

Do we know the trial judge yet? Is it a giant penis head on legs? The Nostalgia Critic predicted this.

 

[Mason Verger]

at this point what is the best outcome for chris? i imagine they are gonna try to get as little time as possible since he has been locked up for some time now already. obviously chris would just want things to go back to how they were before so he could just keep soulbonding with barb.
personally i think chris should stay locked up or at least put in some type of home. i just dont see it ending well for him on the outside especially now that he is going down this jesus christ arc.

The best outcome long term I feel would be a long stay in a psych ward. Chris IS nuts, just not in the way he’d like everyone to believe. More like an arsonist. Sane enough to know what he’s doing is wrong, but not sane enough to just.. not start fires. To truly help him salvage any sort of future they need to sort that shit out.

 

[StraightShooter2]

So I was checking out the latest Comprehensive History video, and the resemblance between him and serial killer Ed Gein (who inspired Norman Bates, Leatherface, Buffalo Bill, and other serial killers from films) is uncanny:

 

[Pointless Sperg]

And ive seen a few go to trial when there was a relatively short term of imprisonment at stake, but after release the lack of disability benefits from the felony conviction would effectively render the individual unable to provide for themselves. So again, the risk of a jury trial was worth it because benefits wouldn't be cut off with a not guilty verdict.

Chris would not lose SSDI for a felony conviction. He could start it right back up after release, no matter what he was convicted of. SSDI is permanent unless he somehow finds gainful employment in excess of a certain amount (which is ~$900/mo if I remember correctly).

If Chris is a tier 3 sex offender (i.e. he's convicted of rape), then he can't get section 8 benefits, which he might need. He will still get his SSDI.

Can you imagine a normal person being asked to sit on a regular jury for this case and listen to Sonichu lore?

Sonichu lore is not relevant to the case. It would not constitute admissible evidence.

Like, let's suppose this was true. Did Chris really think that Bella would be impressed he got ancient dusty vagina for her own fungi infested snatch?

Yes. Bella was extremely interested in incest, and wrote incest fanfic. The fact that Chris started referring to incest as "something you'd find in fanfic" is probably Bella's doing.

I think it's not implausible that Bella enjoyed talking about incest with Chris and that made Chris feel comfortable to talk to Bella about his raiding of Barb's dusty tomb.

Chris getting out of Western in May could have been the "proof" the prosecution needed that Chris was of sound mind. Remember, he did say that he talked with doctors or psychologists about him and Barb's relationship, and nothing about how to act in court. It could have been something in addition to the jail's evaluation, to make sure, without a doubt Chris is sane. THEN the prosecution decided on big boy charges after those evaluations and possibly what Chris admitted. I could see him being stupid enough to think "Well since I'm at a hospital, I can tell them that I fucked Barb, since it's not jail or court"

Chris specifically mentioned that he was there to be "restored". In the context of his case, that definitely means "restored to competency". That is all the court is concerned with.

 

[Yksi_Toveri]

I am conflicted and nothing makes me happy anymore

There is a punk kid in my neighborhood who egged my house last summer and has been in trouble with the police multiple times. I saw him on his bike get hit by a car about ten days ago and busted out laughing as he cried on the street. He wasn't seriously injured, but it still makes me smile when I think about it.

 

[Fapcop]

Here are some snippets from the newer letters posted on the farm, I’m just reposting these more relevant parts here:
View attachment 3540195View attachment 3540196View attachment 3540197

LMAO!

“Chris lied about his finances yall!”

Why the F would anyone expect Chris to be on top of his MOTHERS mortgage?!

He can barely manage to pay his couple of bills himself.

 

[Sneedmiser]

So I was checking out the latest Comprehensive History video, and the resemblance between him and serial killer Ed Gein (who inspired Norman Bates, Leatherface, Buffalo Bill, and other serial killers from films) is uncanny:


View attachment 3540274View attachment 3540276

Fun fact, if you take a picture of Ed Gein and put on long hair and a beard, he also resembles Jesus. Just like Chris!
I don't mean that I'm not a blesphemer like Chris.

 

[Huguenot]

I just called.

It's going before a grand jury.

Lol
Lmao

 

[Dave.]

What could've been

 

[Dox Savage]

There is a punk kid in my neighborhood who egged my house last summer and has been in trouble with the police multiple times.

You know, the mature thing would be to tell him about Chris Chan and how if he doesn't change his ways that one day they could end up sharing a cell together. That'll put the boy on the right path.

 

[Mason Verger]

I'm thinking he forms a new break off splinter sect to rival the Sunni's and the Shiite's. Call it the Suniichu's. It will spread across the lands like a fire driven by the winds. All Hail the Holy Lolcow. Prepare the Jihad in his name.

We shall greet each other with “I said mamma lick me”.