Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny - Using time travel to literally retcon the series

[From The Uncanny Valley]

I can't wait to be insulted and threatened for not wanting to see this

 

[The Mass Shooter Ron Soye]

Indiana Jones and the Shitty Showcase of Disney AI Technology

 

[R00T]

tbf Harrison ford probably refused to do it unless Indy died so he never has to appear again

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

There were 3 Indy movies.
Really 2 1/2.
No more. You can't convince me otherwise.

There were 2: Temple of Doom and Last Crusade. Raiders doesn't count because nothing that happened in that movie mattered lol.

Also, "Dial of Destiny?" Is this an actual artifact or just some crap they made up? Are they going to have the courtesy to at least link it to some fringe science/ conspiracy lore, like the Philadelphia Experiment? Is it too much to ask that our adventurer archaeologist do some archaeology?

Also, bear in mind that a time control device was the McGuffin of the first Tomb Raider movie, only it was 1) an artifact of a lost civilization being hunted by the Illuminati, which makes it on-brand for this type of story and 2) they were smart enough to keep the actual time travel to a minimum, only activating it at the very end and promptly destroying it afterwards.

It really is something how a tentpole blockbuster now will probably be markedly inferior to a video game movie from 20 years ago. Fucking clown world my dudes

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

I can't wait to be insulted and threatened for not wanting to see this

How many times has this happened in the past 10 years?

 

[Grub]

In 1969, American archaeologist and adventurer Indiana Jones lives against the backdrop of the Space Race. Jones is uneasy over the fact that the U.S. Government recruited former enemies to help beat the Soviet Union in the competition to make it to space. His goddaughter, Helena, accompanies him on his journey. Meanwhile, Voller, a NASA member and ex-Nazi involved with the moon-landing program, wishes to make the world into a better place as he sees fit.

If this had been made in 1994 instead of current year, this could have actually been a not bad movie. It would have still been the worst one, but in that way 90's sequels to early 80's franchises was bad, not current year bad. Probably would have gone over the top and sent Indy into space or some shit to have a final battle on the moon or something. The Nazi angle would have been done with more nuance. They could have even still killed him off and spared us from that hot fucking garbage they made the last time and this pile of shit they've made now.

 

[khaine]

Poor Indy, hasn't he suffered enough?

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Many good thoughts/posts in the Disney thread, but I repeat that a better name for this thing is “Indiana Jones and the DeLorean of Destiny”.

Wikipedo says Antonio Banderas is in this movie too as an “ally of Indy”. Anybody know any more about this? Feels like they want to drag more actors from childhood to get butts in movie seats (or sell subscriptions) before ruining them and their legacy.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

The title makes me think of my grandma's old rotary phone. The dial of destiny.

Bet that old ass Indy lays in bed at night and regrets not banging all those 18+ teenagers who wrote his name on their eyelids.

 

[Jar-Jar Fanboy]

There's an alleged 4chan post with a plot leak, dated about a week ago, that got the title correct. Assuming it's real, Disney is killing off yet another beloved male hero, and replacing him with a woman. Please, for the love of God, make it stop

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is the end of Indiana Jones, and that's a good thing

Cole Smithey. June, 2023.

Last Friday I went to see the last Indiana Jones movie to get out of the system some family/personal issues, none of which is any of your business. I have always hated the scurrilous, toxic, hyper-masculine asshole to be quite honest and I had promised myself that I would give it a hard pass, but I eventually caved on on the promise of relishing in tepid, substandard narratives.

Yes, I know Indiana Jones is loved by lots of people, most of them aging, decrepit republican curs, dudebros of times gone by. From time to time someone reminds me of Indiana Jones notorious anti-fascism, in which case a sneer draws on my face. Anti-fascist you say? The guy really didn't care about the nazis at all, what he cared for, in fact, was for the ruthless expostulation of the global majority's cultural heritage.

He might not have been British but his antics, aesthetics and general ethos reeks of the British Empire, now transmorphed into the much prosaic, inane, crass Americana that is itself indebted of American Exceptionalism.

Now then, it was a pleasant surprise to see old, decrepit Harrison Ford, a quintessential example of American masculinity, on his last legs, barely alive but stubbornly so, much like the obnoxious rednecks I had the displeasure of being raised around, fade to make space to the oppressed, to the marginalized, and to the morally better.

He fades away not voluntarily, of course, because he's a white man. He's actually kind of surprised that he's being erased, and kicks and screams to the very end instead of gracefully accept his time is over. He dies, and with him does the toxic, obnoxious, criminal America he represented.

But fear not, since he is replaced by his beautiful goddaughter and her team of vibrant side characters, who will bring about a new America, more gentle, more considerate, more respectful and pacific. This new team shows us that you can live adventures, be entertaining, funny, courageous and glamorous without being an asshole.

Surely the quips at our old hero will hurt the fragile masculinity of the usual suspects, but for all the rest of us who value democracy and basic decency it is an absolute riot of comedy.

And in the end I found this movie reassures us that we should not fear the future, but embrace it, for the future is female, and the age of fascism is over.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

How many times has this happened in the past 10 years?

Too many to count

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

There's an alleged 4chan post with a plot leak, dated about a week ago, that got the title correct. Assuming it's real, Disney is killing off yet another beloved male hero, and replacing him with a woman. Please, for the love of God, make it stop

We need a roll-call: who do we have left? What beloved male heros can we point to in our old age and smile about?

John McClane, Rocky Balboa? I want to say Dr. Grant and Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park, but the subsequent films have been pretty bad, so I guess they’re casualties too. I was about to say Frank Drebin from The Naked Gun series but I just learned they are making a 4th one with Liam Neeson (FML)…

 

[Idiotron]

Honestly a little surprised this cool new goddaughter character isn't a fat black dangerhair or something.

She is also the writer of the movie so this is a self insert.

Trailer looks not that bad but there's almost no dialogue and we have no clue about the plot.
Trailers for No Time To Die looked neat as well... then I saw the movie and it was one of the most miserable experiences I've ever had.

I suppose this movie had to happen.
Disney has tanked the MCU and Star Wars, Indy hasn't been ruined by them yet.
I really hope this bombs, even if it's not a bad movie, I want Disney to go the fuck away.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is the end of Indiana Jones, and that's a good thing

Cole Smithey. June, 2023.

Last Friday I went to see the last Indiana Jones movie to get out of the system some family/personal issues, none of which is any of your business.

Was it the fact his brother raped his mom? I bet it was the fact that his brother raped his mom.

 

[Commander X]

Indiana Jones and The Reclining Chair He Has Trouble Getting Out Of.

(he's old, you see)

 

[ProfDongs]

The first Indian Jones was my grandpa's favorite movie, I'm glad he wasn't around to see this and KotCS.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

The first Indian Jones was my grandpa's favorite movie, I'm glad he wasn't around to see this and KotCS.

My grandma loved Indiana Jones. She died before we could watch Last Crusade with her ;_;

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

I consider this just Harrison Ford getting a sweet paycheck and realizing that he still looks the same way he did in Blade Runner: 2042.

 

[Kane Lives]

I have to wonder how much money they threw at Ford just get his geriatric ass to star in this franchise one last time.