Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny - Using time travel to literally retcon the series

[Mega Black]

Press X to doubt. There has been so many rumors and so many good times to have fired her in the past but it never happened and probably never will.

If sinking a billion dollar IP like Star Wars into streaming service hell wasn't enough to get her booted then she is there forever.

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Don't be. Every Lucasfilm Hero is a self insert for Kathleen Kennedy. Tall brunette female. Kathleen also has delusions of granduer so the Self Insert also has to speak with a Posh British accent.

If she wanted a TRUE and HONEST self-insert, she could have made Rey a talentless, forceless janny in Luke's New Jedi Academy who spends her time taking out empty jedi coffee mugs and dirty jedi taco wraps and telling Luke that he's got a meeting at 6 with Mara Jade to go buy jedi curtains because the Yavin IV Massassi temple really, really needs some refurbishing.

And then she would fall to the dark side, in the form of Darth Plagueis, who survived all the whole ordeal and is now in the peddling ESG business for Galactic BlackRock and convinces her and, I don't know, Kyle Katarn to persuade Luke that the New Jedi Academy is not worth it, that rebuilding Jedi stuff from scratch is too much work and that the Galaxy has moved away and is just not interested in the Force anymore because all they're into these days is watching "The Throne", a biopic of Palpatine's life in Holoflix, or Mandalorian Movies to care about the force.

So, confronted with Space Atheism, disillusioned by Space Zoomers and their lack of attention span, he decides to leave the Academy to the philantropist, museum curator Hego Damask, who turns out to be, of course Plagueis.

Plagueis studies Holocrons very hard to see how he can make a good Sith of retarded Rey, but her modest force gains get her drunk on power and she kills Plagueis screaming "THE FORCE IS FEMALE" while Plagueis can be heard mumbling "What the fuck, not this fucking again"

Then Rey spends the rest of the movie rewriting Holocrons so that she is ALL of the Sith, destroying more Sith lore than Samuel L. Jackson after a cocaine binge, and building flashlights she insists are Lightsabers as she takes a creepy, space cowboy wannabe, as her apprentice.

The End

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

I like how everybody's brain autocompletes "Dial" to "Dilate"... it's not even a joke somebody had to come up with, it's just there in your head, every single time you see or hear the title. Whatever our differences, we are all brothers in that respect.

It just comes naturally.

If sinking a billion dollar IP like Star Wars into streaming service hell wasn't enough to get her booted then she is there forever.

Welcome to current year world!

 

[Manwithn0n0men]

Doomcock's claims aren't really confirmed (not to say they aren't true), simply because the trailer just doesn't show enough of the plot to say for certain that Indy is killed or replaced by his goddaughter. But time travel being involved certainly points to that as the most obvious direction to take the plot and I doubt Ford would agree to do the film if Indy survived to the end.

My problem is this: Torchpassing movie with time travel and Harrison who won't do any future Cameos (and probably insisted Indy died).....after his son died and his wife left him

Of course they will him. They want the biggest emotional bang for the buck.

Thats why the time travel plot was a dumb idea

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Indiana Jones and the Gay Niggers from out of Space

 

[Manwithn0n0men]

Indiana Jones and the Gay Niggers from out of Space

That movie would at least be funny

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Uh oh

 

[Not Jewish Wario]

Uh oh

Sounds like Mangold / Lucasfilm are using the Kevin Smith He-Man strategy.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Sounds like Mangold / Lucasfilm are using the Kevin Smith He-Man strategy.

Yep, it sure is.

 

[Athena Loves Kiwis]

I found this article that assures men that they are misogynists for spreading believing a fake plot spoiler because it's so absurd and terrible but also if the absurd and terrible plot turns out to be real and men don't like it, they're misogynists because there's absolutely nothing wrong with the fake plot.

First of all, bravo to James Mangold for speaking out and defending his movie, something he doesn’t have to do and most Disney executives probably would’ve advised against. You never feed the trolls. But he, like others who have followed this story, is probably fed up not only at people believing blatant lies, but also their undercurrent of hatred and misogyny. That anyone could get so wound up about the slightest possibility of a woman having the same accomplishments as Indiana Jones is absurd at best and offensive at worst. These are fictional characters. Characters meant to engage and reflect the audience regardless of gender, race, age, height, etc. For decades non-men watched Indy movies and enjoyed them. Men can’t watch a woman in the role for five minutes and be cool with it? (Which, again, does not happen.)

Even if that was the ending—which, for the last time, it is not—if Indy the character chose to erase himself in a movie, that doesn’t erase the movies themselves. You could still watch them and see Indy find the Ark or Holy Grail, regardless of what follows. You’d think a person obsessed enough with Indiana Jones to be reading spoilers about the ending of his new movie months ahead of time could respect the decision of the fictional character they’ve put such an onus on.

Indiana Jones 5 Rumors Dispelled by Director James Mangold

archived 4 Dec 2022 19:21:04 UTC

archive.ph

I heard rumors years ago that they were going to do an Atlantis movie like the DOS game. Why couldn't they do Atlantis? They ruined this series when they abandoned folklore for sci-fi. And do you know why people don't like modern female characters (including real females like me?)

Chinese animated films tend to be more educational in nature and heavy with significance, but short on entertaining detail, "Kung Fu Panda" viewers say. Local directors would not have had the imagination to make Po's father a duck. Nor would they dare to portray a panda -- a cultural icon in China -- as lazy and fat as Po when "Kung Fu Panda" begins.

Foreigners who make cultural missteps are often accused of hurting the feelings of the Chinese people.

"If you asked a Chinese to make this movie, the panda needs to be lovable but in a perfect sense," said Sun Lijun, a professor of animation at the Beijing Movie Institute, in the July 10 issue of Oriental Outlook magazine. "In the end, he would be so perfect he would be unlovable."

'Kung Fu Panda' Hits A Sore Spot in China

archived 10 Aug 2016 18:19:12 UTC

archive.ph

 

[Adamska]

Uh oh

And with the bleats of entitled rage and fear from a director who knows the thing he made is fucking trash, it proves the leaks right. I mean I guess if you're desperate for attention this counts as a success since people are now talking about how trash the trailer's effects are and about how the director's a crybaby bitch, meaning people are kind of talking about the film. But the problem is that this does not ever help ticket sales. Contempt for the audience might make you the hack retard feel better about knowingly making dookie, but it isn't going to make money.

Maybe don't hire the shitty actress who was unlikeable in all her films and who killed another franchise involving a cool globetrotting character or something.

 

[mlanguishi]

This and Avatar 2 are getting unusually bad pre-release buzz. Indy 5 seems DOA really early, I guess that's what happens when Disney released bomb after bomb TV and movies.

 

[WhiskeyJack]

I heard rumors years ago that they were going to do an Atlantis movie like the DOS game. Why couldn't they do Atlantis? They ruined this series when they abandoned folklore for sci-fi.

And instead we got Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which steals just enough plot points from the Atlantis game (lost civilization, female psychic character, South American jungle/pyramid setting) that they'd never be able to do the Atlantis game film without seeming like a rehash of KotCS.

I dearly hope that everything Disney touches is a horrible flop from now on, just so they eventually have to sell off some of these franchises to more competent companies. Not even because I want more reboots/remakes/resequels or whatever, but it would be good revenge on the Mouse for ruining so many things my 8 year old self cared about.

 

[TheHarbinger]

And instead we got Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which steals just enough plot points from the Atlantis game (lost civilization, female psychic character, South American jungle/pyramid setting) that they'd never be able to do the Atlantis game film without seeming like a rehash of KotCS.

Disney did this with Pirates of the Caribbean as well. They looted the unused script for the Monkey Island movie and the plots and jokes from the first three games and basically franchised it under a different name. Acting like all of their stories and characters came from a ride attraction with mute puppets and not a fully fledged and written videogame series. If they did a faithful Monkey Island movie now the response would be "wow what a Pirates ripoff!".

 

[HeyYou]

I just find it funny that even with the movie taking place at the peak of the Cold War, they can't have the USSR be the villains like in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because of the current zeitgeist, so instead it's a not so ex-Natsee in NASA all along.

 

[mlanguishi]

Disney did this with Pirates of the Caribbean as well. They looted the unused script for the Monkey Island movie and the plots and jokes from the first three games and basically franchised it under a different name. Acting like all of their stories and characters came from a ride attraction with mute puppets and not a fully fledged and written videogame series. If they did a faithful Monkey Island movie now the response would be "wow what a Pirates ripoff!".

The Pirates movies are really amazing. Awful, awful movies that made billions and are totally forgotten about within a few years.

I just find it funny that even with the movie taking place at the peak of the Cold War, they can't have the USSR be the villains like in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because of the current zeitgeist, so instead it's a sekrit Natsee in NASA all along.

Eventually literal German Nazis from the 30s will be considered unkosher for film and they'll have to show rednecks only from the Ozarks.

 

[Mary the Goldsmith]

That anyone could get so wound up about the slightest possibility of a woman having the same accomplishments as Indiana Jones is absurd at best and offensive at worst

The problem fans have is that they are replacing an established and beloved character with an unlikeable cunt, besides we already have a "female Indiana Jones" and her name is Lara Croft... a character that has also been fucked up by current year faggotry

 

[millais]

I just find it funny that even with the movie taking place at the peak of the Cold War, they can't have the USSR be the villains like in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because of the current zeitgeist, so instead it's a sekrit Natsee in NASA all along.

I dunno, it has kind of looped around now so that even the bugmen are seething with Russophobia.

 

[HeyYou]

I dunno, it has kind of looped around now so that even the bugmen are seething with Russophobia.

It's seething at Russia, not communism, and the USSR is still associated more with communism than Russia. Honestly I'd find the movie more ballsy if the Nazi genuinely turns out to be a good guy that's remorseful and Indy learns to accept that things have changed, but that's a little too interesting for modern movies.

 

[Drifting Panzer]

Ford must owe an apocalytical amount of money to the IRS, that's the only reason I can see for him doing these nostalgia roles at his age.
Clint Eastwood I understand, he directs and produces the stuff he is in so he has a bit of control, Ford is just rolled out as a seal to clap at command for a fish or two.
Doing that at the end of your life instead of spending it with family and friends seems just empty to me, no matter how big the paycheck is.

Also Disney making a movie where a Nazi working for the US in the space race is the villain is funny to me given their relationship with Wernher von Braun.