The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[duckling]

BREAKING NEWS!
Bonnie has a new pinned tweet with an update on the Tranch!!! It seems that he talked to the tranchers, and they are “rehoming” animals (hopefully not into a mass grave). He wants to dissolve the tranch. I personally will miss it dearly if it goes, for I have loved this thread and all of the sperging that’s happened in it. I have learned about farming, animal husbandry, the Migratory Bird Act, troonism, etc. and it truly is my favorite thread on this website. [A]
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Talks about Sky, praises him for being “incredibly wise”. He probably mediated the aforementioned talk to the point where they could actually get shit done instead of just argue. [A]
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A couple of tweets about Kindness (linking to her thread to try to keep some semblance of order in the thread)

Bonus Content [A]
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Spoiler: Keep dreaming, Bonnie

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It took me a while to dig this one out of the memory banks and then find the posts to back it up, but just to refresh people's memory from ~100 pages ago, TUR started a gofundme grift to "secure additional properties to house trans folks". They posted some pics of a property and @Jump determined that it's just Penny's mom's house.

So my theory is they are being forced off the ranch by fat paul. They therefore are rehoming their animals, and then moving in with penny's mom. Or Penny is cramming his folks into a shitty nursing home and taking over their property.

The real winner here is obviously Kevin, as he will no longer have to charge his switch in order to play it on his TV and won't get banned from matchmaking in Overwatch for DCing constantly. Honestly I'm really excited for the new arc, I hope Kevin hits 400 lbs and gets moved to his true home, the deathfats forum.

 

[Cuckoman]

Agreed, but it would be greatly appreciated if somebody more autistic than me could do some digging to see if a large number of animals known to inhabit the tranch have been taken in anywhere relatively close by.

Don't worry about it. If that happens there will be a million tweets and pictures of the event and a gofund me for fuel to transport the animals.
There are zero situations where something like this would not end up being a gofundme grift. It is like thinking "maybe the vegan will shut up about veganism and just be a normal person if I invite them to the party." The vegan will never shut up about veganism and the lazy troon will never stop being a lazy troon. It is kind of a law of nature.

 

[White-Kettle Shufflepunk]

I feel like if the tranchers bothered preserving one animal from this hellhole, it'd be Pepe the rapist.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

BREAKING NEWS!
Bonnie has a new pinned tweet with an update on the Tranch!!! It seems that he talked to the tranchers, and they are “rehoming” animals (hopefully not into a mass grave). He wants to dissolve the tranch. I personally will miss it dearly if it goes, for I have loved this thread and all of the sperging that’s happened in it. I have learned about farming, animal husbandry, the Migratory Bird Act, troonism, etc. and it truly is my favorite thread on this website. [A]
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Talks about Sky, praises him for being “incredibly wise”. He probably mediated the aforementioned talk to the point where they could actually get shit done instead of just argue. [A]
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This may be the end of the Tranch, but there will be a sequel. These terminally online, grifting idiots will never work an honest day. It's only a question what that sequel will be.

Hopefully, it'll involve fewer dead alpaca.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Do you think it's possible to rehome the alpacas without any outside attention?

I know "failure of a commune" isn't that exciting a news story, but these yahoos have already gotten disproportionate media coverage for buying a house and some guns. Someone might pitch a "farewell to a dream" story, or--if we're very lucky--someone might smell drama from the breakup and go out for contrarian clicks.

The local paper, at least, should be interesting.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Talks about Sky, praises him for being “incredibly wise”.

Bonnie is such a prick. That's all I got.

It seems that he talked to the tranchers, and they are “rehoming” animals (hopefully not into a mass grave). He wants to dissolve the tranch.

I want it to go smoothly but that's like asking for a smooth fall down the stairs. Godspeed lil' alpacas.

Who in the fuck is gonna take 100-150 malnourished and abused alpacas? Is the wolf sanctuary gonna take them as feed for the wolves?

It's not ONE who, but MANY whos. There may not be another alpaca farm for them to sell, but maybe a few farmers who have less experience want one to five of the bastards for whatever reason. Some might genuinely be invested in rehabilitating a few if they can, some might not know better, some just want a cheap animal and worry about the rest later. The herd will likely be split. I don't even know if they'll get money for rehoming, and I wouldn't be surprised if several of them became wild because they couldn't be assed to rehouse the last of them.

The alpacowitz survivors will be "rehomed" in the dirt
Assuming the land will be sold eventually I am curious what the ask will be

If anyone reading this thread wants to buy the land, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Just buy it and only share with the thread AFTER the deal goes through.

I doubt it will happen but if someone is crazy enough to try we might as well.

I feel like if the tranchers bothered preserving one animal from this hellhole, it'd be Pepe the rapist.

To be fair, who would want to buy the one random Vicuna? They love him and will probably keep him able to rape things. Who knows.

 

[Oxyjen]

Do you think it's possible to rehome the alpacas without any outside attention?

If by “rehome” you mean shoot them in the head in batches and haul them down to the big refrigerated trailer at the Wolf Sanctuary…

I think they’ll end up keeping a dozen or so favourites so that they can post a few final “happy ever after” pics with a crowd of pacas. I think Penny and pets might keep their heads down for a long time after the move though, or for good.

 

[Corn Flakes]

You'd hope any organization capable of taking that many would also have the authority to report obvious crimes committed against the animals, but oh well.

That's why they're taking so long, and probably why they'll likely just kill all the remaining alpacas. They're trying to find a rescue organization that won't tattle.

 

[AMHOLIO]

I wonder if they're selling on some kind of auction site, or if they're staying mostly to people in person or in the surrounding states. However they do it, they're going to do it either shittly or in the most shady way possible.

Penny walks up to an easily manipulated school kid in a trenchcoat, then says "hey kid, wanna buy a paca?", and flings open his trench coat to reveal 5 alpacas tethered to the inside of it (they're starved so they fit inside).

 

[SlaanyChaser]

Good to see that Sky has learned absolutely fucking nothing from this whole drama. Chasing BPD pussy and abusing animals are definitely things scared little girls to.

Bonnie straight up said he was a slow-in-the-mind lol. But we knew that since he would have to be to have been a founding member of the tranch and stuck around so long without being a complete freak like Penny.

 

[Bridget]

The alpacowitz survivors will go found Alpacrael. Never again.

Yes but the Alpaca's would actually deserve their holy land because their holocaust actually happened.

 

[Winnie the Poohnani]

When they're "rehomed", Phil will simply tweet: "All the alpacas have gone to live at their forever home up north on a farm, where they will live out their days frolicking and discussing gender identities. Because we miss them so much -- especially Pepe The 'Surprise Sex' Vicuna -- we've left a huge mound of dirt on the tranch as a permanent memorial to the good times we all shared together. Our current GoFundMe goal is $200K, to be used for placing small TUR flags on and around the memorial mound."

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

The troons live but the poor animals die. It's not fair.

 

[AssignedEva]

Good to see that Sky has learned absolutely fucking nothing from this whole drama. Chasing BPD pussy and abusing animals are definitely things scared little girls to.

Skye's wisdom is in tard wrangling. He knew how to feed Penny and Bonnie's egos in the right way that got them to stop trying to out alpha the other and come away the victor. He managed to get them to instead confront the fact that their criminal negligence turned a small section of Colorado into a superfund site complete with mass graves and modern slavery. He also seems to have gotten them to realise that it's only media bias that has kept it under wraps, and a truly dramatic breakup over twitter would draw more attention and they'd all be cancelled and possibly facing legal troubles.

I wonder if they're selling on some kind of auction site, or if they're staying mostly to people in person or in the surrounding states. However they do it, they're going to do it either shittly or in the most shady way possible.

Penny walks up to an easily manipulated school kid in a trenchcoat, then says "hey kid, wanna buy a paca?", and flings open his trench coat to reveal 5 alpacas tethered to the inside of it (they're starved so they fit inside).

I doubt Penny would be able to sell the alpacas. Remember they basically got all the alpaca for free and with a sweetener donation of a year's worth of hay. Those alpaca weren't worth much money and that's before they were malnourished and abused for a couple of years.

There's a private Facebook group for rehoming camelids in Colorado but unfortunately my burner Facebook account got banned again. Otherwise the likely first ports of call would be Espiritu Alpaca, the Edwards Foundation (no kill rescue shelter for large animals) and Broken Shovels Farm Sanctuary - they're the first few results for Colorado alpaca rescues, but I think they'd all struggle to rescue a herd this size.

The other issue is transporting the alpaca. I don't think they've got the sort of vehicles that would enable them to drop the alpaca off at a rescue - like horse boxes and the like - but I sincerely doubt an alpaca rescue is going to drive all the way to the Tranch for a huge amount of sickly alpaca.

 

[Tour of Italy]

Turns out people who couldn’t even feed or clean themselves properly couldn’t successfully run a farm.

Color me shocked.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

The troons live but the poor animals die. It's not fair.

Just wait for them to do this grift again in Brazil.

 

[Fate Fan]

The alpacowitz survivors will go found Alpacrael. Never again.

I still can't believe they killed 6 million alpacas in such a short time truly monstrous.

 

[Questionable Ceviche]

Skye's wisdom is in tard wrangling. He knew how to feed Penny and Bonnie's egos in the right way that got them to stop trying to out alpha the other and come away the victor. He managed to get them to instead confront the fact that their criminal negligence turned a small section of Colorado into a superfund site complete with mass graves and modern slavery. He also seems to have gotten them to realise that it's only media bias that has kept it under wraps, and a truly dramatic breakup over twitter would draw more attention and they'd all be cancelled and possibly facing legal troubles.

I doubt Penny would be able to sell the alpacas. Remember they basically got all the alpaca for free and with a sweetener donation of a year's worth of hay. Those alpaca weren't worth much money and that's before they were malnourished and abused for a couple of years.

There's a private Facebook group for rehoming camelids in Colorado but unfortunately my burner Facebook account got banned again. Otherwise the likely first ports of call would be Espiritu Alpaca, the Edwards Foundation (no kill rescue shelter for large animals) and Broken Shovels Farm Sanctuary - they're the first few results for Colorado alpaca rescues, but I think they'd all struggle to rescue a herd this size.

The other issue is transporting the alpaca. I don't think they've got the sort of vehicles that would enable them to drop the alpaca off at a rescue - like horse boxes and the like - but I sincerely doubt an alpaca rescue is going to drive all the way to the Tranch for a huge amount of sickly alpaca.

The cost of re-homing that number of livestock animals is not insignificant. They need to convince someone with a livestock trailer to burn a lot of fuel driving out to Alpacawitz and haul back animals with negative economic value. These animals then need vet/dental care, vaccinations, deworming, and quarantine. There are likely surprise pregnant females that will need specialized care. I wouldn't be shocked if several were put down after examination and then disposal costs on top of that for the carcasses. For the animals that are left, the question is then who pays for housing and feeding them? There's a reason they were able to amass so many animals for free.

The Tranch is broke and can't afford any of this shit. This is the chance for more prime $griftbux$, but then I wonder if Penny admitting defeat by making begposts for rehoming animals that he can't take care of would be too much for his feminine pride to handle.

 

[TyrasGuard]

The troons live but the poor animals die. It's not fair.

If it makes you feel better, the alpaca grave probably smells better than their stinkditch.

 

[AfghanBlue]

If I was a troon, and a troon of the type to get in this situation in the first place, I would just tear down the fences and hope the alpaca ran away.