Pitfall #4: He’s Really a Scam-Artist/Playboy or Wants you to be his Secret Second Wife
Yet another reason we need good walis who can sniff out the visa scam-artists and playboys who want to use her and lose her.
The two predominant reasons a man will marry a convert, but leave her, will be to get a visa or to find a naive woman to blow off steam with while he’s in school or working in America/Europe.
He will quickly drop her when it’s time for him to go back home and marry a good girl from his country, or he gets his green card and mom arranges a marriage.
Such men will make all sorts of lofty promises from under their dark lashes about taking you back with him to meet his parents, some even having children with you to make it seem secure...
...when in reality they either have no intention of doing so or will quickly cave into pressure to leave “that American/European whore” and come back up to marry the nice girl down the street that mom has in mind (everything will be kept hush-hush of course).
Ex-wife...is quickly disowned while he vanishes without a backward glance.
Meanwhile...
...Chinny should love brushing up on her hadiths and chance upon this requirement for husbands to "satisfy" their Muslima wife.
Now, every Muslim knows that a man has a right on his wife. However, because nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights.
According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep his wife happy and pleased in this respect.
Neither should reject the other (sexually) unless there is some lawful excuse.
Now, it is fairly easy for a woman to satisfy a man and make herself available to him, even if she is not really in the mood. It is far harder for a man to satisfy a woman if he is not in the mood, and this is where an important aspect of male responsibility needs to be brought to every Muslim man's attention, and stressed strongly.
The jurists believed that a woman's private parts needed `protecting' (tahsin).
What they meant was that it was important for a Muslim husband to satisfy his wife's sexual needs so that she would not be tempted to commit zina out of despair or frustration.
A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just there to satisfy a man's natural urges.
The husband would be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament.
As Imam al-Ghazali says: `Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing', and Imam al-Zabidi adds:
`This should include not only the cheeks and lips; and then he should caress the breasts and nipples,
and every part of her body.'
(Zabidi, Ithaf al-Sada al Muttaqin, V 372.)
Most men will not need telling this, but it should be remembered that failure to observe this Islamic practice is to neglect or deny the way Allah has created women.
Someone tell Salah that Imam al-Ghazali said "Thou must caress and kiss thy Muslima wife's fetid FUPA balls."
Yalla, Habibi~
