Personal Lolcows: Tumblr Edition - A website like Tumblr tends to breed exceptional individuals

[bloodcoffee]

Back when I used to tumblr, my pet lolcow was thisiswhyredismyfavourite colour. She was a teenage communist edgelord who self diagnosed herself as being a high functioning sociopath. She was just one of those tumblrinas. She was underage and I think she posted nudes once (I didn't care to look but she did mention it in posts) so she had some annoying orbiters too. I think the highlight of it all was her snowflake sexuality, demisexual or something. She was one of few users I engaged with, and I sent her shitlord asks about her views.

 

[Hades]

In middle school I was friends* with this kid who wanted to fuck cartoon characters.
*pressured into hanging out with by adult-figures because he had no other friends.

Spoiler: Before he found tumblr

His deviant-art was full of self-insert fan-fictions of him and Handbanana (ATHF), Flippy (HTF), Rusty (Squidbillies), and Bubz (Homestar Runner) in various gore/rape/bdsm scenarios. Usually these scenarios ended with his self-inserts (who were mostly female) getting pregnant and having mutli-colored and badly named children (Seriously, Mr. Pencil?)
He was a Sperg of a person who threatened suicide when he didn't get his way, hence why people forced me to be his friend. I remember one summer he threatened to drink bleach because his mother fed him hot dogs for lunch two days in a row. He also believed getting his followers to troll someone was an effective way to get back at people.
After having my mom call his mother about a serious suicide attempt he texted about, she reported back to me he was on the couch eating cheetos. He then hopped on his computer to tell people how I got him in trouble and I should mind my own business.
My mother stepped in and told me to stop hanging out with him. So I did and it left the poor Sperg confused.

8 years later, I find he has a tumblr. Let's call this guy, Spud the Sperg. Spud thinks he's married to Mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack Horseman. Spud will go into an all out crying fit if someone tells him, he is in fact, not. As a usual tumblrina, Spud has hundreds of triggers and kintypes that make no sense. Thankfully, he does not force people to tag all his triggers. However, he does expect you to memorize all 135 of his triggers and tag it with his special snowflake tag, #No(Spuds)Allowed.

Recently, Spud made a "callout post" about me. He said how I am the reason he cannot get a job, or leave the house, or acquire new friends without abusing them. But since he didn't really know why I stopped avoiding him...he created his own explanation. This explanation includes us being in love with the same classmate, but our classmate liked him more than me. According to him, for four years I kept pretending to be friends with Spud so I could get closer to [classmate] and date him, but Spud was his true love! So I asked [classmate] out and got denied so I threatened to kill [classmate] if he talked to Spud ever again and that's why [classmate] stopped talking to him after that. Yes, he actually thinks this happened.
Spud was actually posted on here once, as he also called out MysteriousMr.Enter about him being a shitlord.

 

[Meowthkip]

http://catbountry.tumblr.com

I hope this bitch goes Halal.

 

[SlothInAMilkCrate]

Really the only cow on mine (because I actually try very hard to avoid following stereotypical Tumblrina douchebags) is a fairly popular oddity blogger. She really has interesting content, usually off the wall photographs or strange art, or gross stuff, but as a person she's honestly a scumbag.

She takes photos and posts them without context, which is fine for some things but there's also art that she doesn't credit artists for. When people have called her out on it, she writes an excessively nasty response like "Pfft, I googled this and I'm NOT going to credit the artist, sucks to be them" and blocks the person who asks.

Also, she advertises herself as being a solid single-topic oddities/weird shit blog, but she'll randomly go on SJW rants. When she does this, people will either question why she posted it there or bring up debatable questions, typically in a pretty respectful way. She'll get pissy and write a mean-spirited response, and block the person. Her typical response is to just block anyone who minorly inconveniences her, while writing a post about how she blocked them.

This blogger is actually schizophrenic (or some type of similar mental illness) in the non-self-dx way. She posts ramblings on occasion about how she's so mentally ill that she sees shit that isn't there or whatever. She also does LSD, smokes weed, and snorts coke, and drunk-blogs pretty often, as well as being generally promiscuous with both men and women. And she alleges that she had a really hard childhood and grew up rich/elite but now she's broke in Minneapolis and works at a furniture store.

Honestly she could probably have a thread here, but her instances of being shitty and cow-like are somewhat sporadic. For the most part, her blog is just a collection of bizarre-ass pictures interspersed with long, spergy ramblings about her life. Despite being a massive cunt to people, she actually has a pretty large following of loyal asspatters.

It's the weirdwideweb, right? I used to follow her too, until I couldn't put up with her batshit rants anymore. And the fact that she never credited her pictures.

 

[VJ 120]

It's the weirdwideweb, right? I used to follow her too, until I couldn't put up with her batshit rants anymore. And the fact that she never credited her pictures.

Yes! It is her. I have no idea what her issue is with citing her sources or crediting artists. I have legitimately seen her say "I will not credit anyone, this is my blog, get over it kiddo, BLOCKED" to artists who ask her to add a note with their name on the pics. At the very least she could be politer about stealing artwork, like "Oh sorry, I didn't know, I just googled the picture". She's in college and is older than most Tumblr hags, she knows better.

Like I said, if she were more outspoken and less sporadic with her batshit insanity, she could easily have her own thread here. The only reason I haven't unfollowed is because I'm not on when she's making rants most of the time, plus she fascinates me.

Since I'm already here, I might as well add in another personal cow from Tumblr:

Spoiler

In a previous blog I owned, I followed this lady who was a huge bitch about being black. She went out of her way to talk about how rich and wonderful her melanin was, and how stupid and racist all white people were. The thing was, she was definitely WAY too old to be doing this shit... she was at least 40-something with a kid, but she acted like a 16 year old, even going as far as to use embarrassing slang words and tryhard memes. I swear she used the phrase "YASSSSS" in every single post of hers.

She had a ton of spergy interests (including some random Irish step-dance band, which is hilarious because she always talked shit about whitey), but the most notable was the Avengers. This lady was a fucking nutjob over the Avengers, I'm talking like blogged from the movie theater multiple times. The last time I saw her blog, her count was up to like 30 times in the theater. Not only that, but she bragged about fingering herself to Loki/Tom Hiddleston. I kind of hope she was exaggerating but I don't think she was...

Needless to say, she was a really toxic SJW. If anything bad happened to her, it was because she was a "queer" WOC. She was only "queer" when it suited her, really, since afaik she only ever showed an outward interest towards men. Everything was a conspiracy by white men to ruin her life personally. And if white people suffered, she *cackled*. That's not some sort of weird phrasing by me, I mean she actually used the phrase "cackling" in her tags.

What really stood out is that I found this particular blogger via Tumblr's "featured" thing. I don't know if they still do this for new bloggers but when I joined forever ago, they had a giant page with blog listings (art, music, movies, humor, etc) and you could scroll through and follow featured blogs. Her blog was up there along with actual famous and noteworthy ones, even though she was (and likely still is) a bitch with no life masturbating to Tom Hiddleston.

 

[Meowthkip]

Spoiler: cow2

This one.. I forget his name I swear it was like Bruce or something. He was always really fucking weird, never much cared to speak to him. Constant rants about how horrible and transphobic his family was and he had a weird affinity for koalas and Sniper from TF2. Huge fucking sperg for that OFF game and went so far to make a fan character called Conductor or something that he was constantly drawing. Never paid that much mind as I found the fans of that game annoying as shit.

The next thing I know, I don't talk to him for awhile and unfollow because he was shitting up my dashboard. Theeen he shows up on multiple blogs poking at the social justice idiots. The first time I saw him, I went to go look at his blog and he was now a demiboy tucute who was otherkin with skeletons and koalas. I shit myself laughing this was already going horrible. He had gone on a huge rant about how tranny women were the only ones who deserved support and how horrible tranny men were despite being one. Basically tranny guilt. People called him out on it and laughed at him and he backpedaled apologizing and saying that it was the fault of his family for being so phobic of him.

The next time I saw him pop up was when he called Shrek transphobic which I'm pretty sure wound up in the random tumblr posts thread. I think it was around then that he suddenly became fictionkin with a stupid fucking skeleton from OFF named Dedan.

Is this who you're talking about?

EDIT: @Sneople Eater informed me that she knows who this is and it is not Autistic Sniper.

But they do sound similar in a few ways.

 

[Magnum Dong]

I've followed several exceptional individuals in my time. Unfollowed this one a while ago, because he definitely weirded me out the most.

• the basics: an 18yo transboy artist, autistic and psychotic, a scalie, has a half-dozen kintypes (3 of which are doctors and 2 of which are Charlie Day characters)
  
• deeply obsessed with the movie Re-Animator which spiraled into a special interest in gory/evil(?) medical science, and used to take a lot of selfies in doctor outfits where he'd say shit like "violent doctor" "im gonna kill" etc. like an edgelord
  
• had routine "breakdowns" on his blog where he'd describe his schizophrenia symptoms and intrusive thoughts in graphic detail, and would be a dick and cry victim whenever people offered him well-intentioned help or advice
• had a weird phase where he posted a lot of content similar to ihatejonarbuckle's which was short lived but still gave me the creeps
  
• draws a lot of guro, vore, and tentacle porn and actively wants a lizard to fuck his boy-pussy
  
• does that annoying tumblr-transboy thing where in every other post he makes about himself he emphasizes "im a Trans doing a Boy thing" like yes we get it
• the good news is he's in college for animation and generally seems to be making a life for himself even if he hasn't aged emotionally past 14

 

[ananas]

24 year old 'it' (large enough) who struggles with 'its' soulmate (Selfish cunt tries to have friends and a social life, is the sole breadwinner of the two, spends time away from 'it', and occasionally is hospitalized for suicide attempts. Also doesn't smack them around enough in bed.), and the hard life of being both queer, trans, neurodivergent, kin, and disabled (from about page: living with depression, severe social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, a dissociative disorder linked to my BPD, avoidant personality disorder, OCD, PTSD, agoraphobia, ibs, gluten sensitivity, lactose intolerance, sensory problems, moderate dyslexia (sorry in advance for the typos!), and PDD-Nos/Atypical Autism.).

Pretty standard but I've been a dedicated follower of their little adventure through life for about six years now. Some fun bits:
1) Made a prayer shrine to wtc victims involving a lot of sparkle and glitter, then took photos of it and uploaded it to FA with the desc described their wyccan grieving prayers.
2) Posted about how she's not being sexually gratified and how it's destroying her relationship while her soulmate was in the hospital recovering from a suicide attempt.
3) Switches between being completely poly/totally monogamous depending on if she can rope a second sucker into feeding her emotions and face.
4) """relationship object permanence"""

Also tumblr aquaintances with the-tranny-agenda, what a small world.

tldr:

 

[DigitalLazerCat]

Gonna be a bit vague here to avoid power leveling too much:

A year or two ago, I met a lesbian(?) couple cosplaying at a con. I ended up getting their Tumblr names and then flipped through their blogs. I found the following nonsense:

• Claims that they were going hungry at their hotel room despite having photos of themselves with March and a different cosplay everyday of the con (4 full days plus Day 0).
• Vague crytyped drama involving them being possibly kicked out of a hotel arrangement and/or one of them possibly getting deported.
• One half of the couple was kin with a character they were cosplaying as. Naturally, the other people dressed as the same character were causing them to "dissociate," complete with crytyping.
• The other half was kin with multiple characters, and said they had to steal food because transphobic parents won't feed them or something (though assuming they could afford this trip at all, that's dubious).
• Said lesbians claimed to be transmen, so I'm going to guess they just wanted to act out their kawaii yaois or something.

I considered making a post about these guys here, but by the time I thought of doing so, all the con stuff was deleted, and I found they were relatively "normal" shitbag tumblr people outside of that one incident.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

I like going through the obvious troll blogs trying to be SJWs because they are pretty zany and hilarious but they don't quite get the TRUE and HONEST SJW feel quite correct.

 

[TiredConlanger]

A relative and I both have a shared personal lolcow who's on tumblr and it's clear he's faking being a tranny to get into some chick's pants, even though said chick is bi. Mix that with the e-begging, constant tattoos then bitching about no money for food, having no plans to transition whatsoever and bitching about gatekeepers and so on, etc., and it's rather funny.

Said relative also has a lolcow who insists in seriousness that they're a plantkin, but I haven't come across them, so I don't have much else to say.

 

[IceGray]

Not going to powerlevel so I'll be vague. Back when the hysteria over Lexa dying by a stray shot swept Tumblr, I chanced on seeing a genderspecial freak out over it and swear they'll only watch the show to A-log the director.

Said genderspecial is now glomming on Overwatch for lesbian waifus.

Edit: It feels like most people who become genderspecials or sexual snowflakes tend to canonize LGBT people as saints just for being gay. They also act like screaming queens that constantly go on about how gay they are.

 

[NG 070]

I used to follow a pretty amazing artist a while back, and we got along just fine (but I wouldn't say we were friends), but they were pretty much a turbo SJW to a point where it was almost comical. They kept going on and on about how bad white people and "white passing" people were (like, refusing to acknowledge that some Hispanics aren't light brown, for one), consistently posted about how evil cops were (I'll agree there are crooked ones, but come on), and yadda yadda, you get the deal. When all the Ferguson and Baltimore stuff went down, they became so incredibly insufferable and "feels before reals" (like, they shamed people for not posting about Ferguson 24/7, I shit you not), I finally unfollowed them on every piece of social media we had a mutual follow on. I don't think they ever noticed.

I also once knew someone through a mutual fandom and this person was... clingy. I can't go into detail too much (half for powerlevel reasons and half because naming any names would out me bad), but they too were a SJW to full tilt, and as an added bonus, had the quintessential SJW self-flagellating white guilt complex with a possible fetish for black and Middle Eastern people to boot. I eventually told them in no uncertain terms to take a hike over something unrelated, and they've stayed out of my way since. I found out through a mutual friend of ours, that they nuked their Tumblr blogs not long after, later crying on another site blamed their friends for a bunch of stuff and not being supportive, etc. I had thought of apologizing for my attitude during our one confrontation, but that post elsewhere evaporated any shred of sympathy/remorse I might've had towards them.

 

[Rilakkuma]

I've wanted to make a thread on this lovely person for a longass time, but they recently seemed to have fallen off the face of the internet. Honestly good riddance. This charming individual went by the alias SS Pirate. This may be familiar to some of you. SS pirate was pretty active on tumblr where they posted their drawings of sexy Adolf Hitler and blogged about Nazi stuff. Their internet presence had been around for a while now, so I can say with certainty that this was not an edgy teenager, but a very creepy adult.

Aside from drawing Hitler taking it up the ass with a strap-on from Eva Braun, one of SS's favorite hobbies was to go around tumblr actively seeking out individuals of mixed heritage to start shit with. Most of the time they were just random teenage bloggers trying to have a good time or enter a light political discussion. Like many Nazis, SS is enraged over the idea of race mixing and dreads the day when we all become "brown people" with no culture or visible differences between each other. I have no idea what happened to them to make them delete fucking everything but I'd like to think it was something unpleasant that cost them their job.

Spoiler: Sexy Hitler

 

[Melkor]

This lives in my home.

Spoiler: :(

View attachment 94311

Murder.

 

[Anime-Chan]

I use to know this girl name Mercedes off a gaming site a few years back who use to always come in chats dress like a cat boy. From me I thought it was a boy until she started dating one of my guy friends and got overwhelm and came out as a girl. At first I didn't pity her because these were the years girls would act boys to fulfil their yaoi tendices. But then she claim she suffer from bipolar depression and from my gullible nature back then I felt bad, because she was obviously fuck up and probably needed a friend. As years went by she got worse and worse. She would complain on how ugly she was and how she wanted to be a man because she was ugly. She would always get me and my friends in drama by telling her weirdo friends how we were "mentally" abusing her because we tried to help her make sense in her bullshit. We eventually got tired of trying to reason with her and left her.

Her now when she discovered tumblr: My friend who hates her has found our her tumblr blamemozart from talking to one of her weirdo friends. Mercedes took refugee on tumblr because people will take consideration to her bullshit then others. She identifies as Atlas and takes ugly selfies. Her whole entire tumblr is dedicated to death and old shit from the 60s to 90s. She claims that her otp is her and death and now drinkers alcohol when she's only 16.
She also believes she's a old man trap in a young boys body(oldmankin. She seems still fuck up and I can't hate her from the shit she put me and my friends through because she's already hurting herself.

 

[neverendingmidi]

I've wanted to make a thread on this lovely person for a longass time, but they recently seemed to have fallen off the face of the internet. Honestly good riddance. This charming individual went by the alias SS Pirate. This may be familiar to some of you. SS pirate was pretty active on tumblr where they posted their drawings of sexy Adolf Hitler and blogged about Nazi stuff. Their internet presence had been around for a while now, so I can say with certainty that this was not an edgy teenager, but a very creepy adult.

Aside from drawing Hitler taking it up the ass with a strap-on from Eva Braun, one of SS's favorite hobbies was to go around tumblr actively seeking out individuals of mixed heritage to start shit with. Most of the time they were just random teenage bloggers trying to have a good time or enter a light political discussion. Like many Nazis, SS is enraged over the idea of race mixing and dreads the day when we all become "brown people" with no culture or visible differences between each other. I have no idea what happened to them to make them delete fucking everything but I'd like to think it was something unpleasant that cost them their job.

Spoiler: Sexy Hitler

If you hadn't mentioned their dickish behavior, I would've assumed this was an epic troll. I mean seriously, those pics are goddamn hilarious in the over the top idiocy.

 

[Rilakkuma]

If you hadn't mentioned their dickish behavior, Inwould've assumed this was an epic troll. I mean seriously, those pics are goddamn hilarious in the over the top idiocy.

Nope. This was their actual fap fuel. I wish I had caps of their insane behavior. All they'd do is fucking screech and bitch and moan whenever someone used nazi as an insult and try to make nazis the victim or something.

 

[SlothInAMilkCrate]

I've wanted to make a thread on this lovely person for a longass time, but they recently seemed to have fallen off the face of the internet. Honestly good riddance. This charming individual went by the alias SS Pirate. This may be familiar to some of you. SS pirate was pretty active on tumblr where they posted their drawings of sexy Adolf Hitler and blogged about Nazi stuff. Their internet presence had been around for a while now, so I can say with certainty that this was not an edgy teenager, but a very creepy adult.

Aside from drawing Hitler taking it up the ass with a strap-on from Eva Braun, one of SS's favorite hobbies was to go around tumblr actively seeking out individuals of mixed heritage to start shit with. Most of the time they were just random teenage bloggers trying to have a good time or enter a light political discussion. Like many Nazis, SS is enraged over the idea of race mixing and dreads the day when we all become "brown people" with no culture or visible differences between each other. I have no idea what happened to them to make them delete fucking everything but I'd like to think it was something unpleasant that cost them their job.

Spoiler: Sexy Hitler

Oh shit! That feels like a blast from the past. I remember this person... I wonder whatever happened to them?

 

[Meowthkip]

I've wanted to make a thread on this lovely person for a longass time, but they recently seemed to have fallen off the face of the internet. Honestly good riddance. This charming individual went by the alias SS Pirate. This may be familiar to some of you. SS pirate was pretty active on tumblr where they posted their drawings of sexy Adolf Hitler and blogged about Nazi stuff. Their internet presence had been around for a while now, so I can say with certainty that this was not an edgy teenager, but a very creepy adult.

Aside from drawing Hitler taking it up the ass with a strap-on from Eva Braun, one of SS's favorite hobbies was to go around tumblr actively seeking out individuals of mixed heritage to start shit with. Most of the time they were just random teenage bloggers trying to have a good time or enter a light political discussion. Like many Nazis, SS is enraged over the idea of race mixing and dreads the day when we all become "brown people" with no culture or visible differences between each other. I have no idea what happened to them to make them delete fucking everything but I'd like to think it was something unpleasant that cost them their job.

Spoiler: Sexy Hitler

I actually followed SS Pirate briefly because I had originally found her work on Regretsy, and I was positive she was doing this work for sheer shock value. Then I realized that wasn't the case and I just could not look away.

It was the penis-haired Lady Gaga seducing Hitler piece that caught my attention. I thought it was hilarious.