I'd rather die on a water wheel than be shot to death delivering pizzas in a bad neighborhood, or some similar death. As we know, executives never
molest their employees or
drive them to suicide for one reason or another. Yes, being driven to suicide by liars, while cries of my freedom drum everywhere around me, is so much better than being worked to death by more honest masters. I suppose that's my main point; did the Romans lie about slavery? Some people are obviously natural slaves, as has been mentioned already, but we live in a society that pretends otherwise, and all this really accomplishes is torturing those smart enough to see through the bullshit. I know not how realistic it was for the average Roman slave to buy his freedom, but how realistic is it for the modern American man to buy his?
Slaves had no rights, couldn't buy their freedom and were literal property.
Also, that article you linked about the suicides goes into no detail about what happened, other than employees being giving humiliating jobs. You know what they could do that slaves can't do? Get up and leave, organize a protest, anything short of suicide, really.
Did the slave on the water wheel have
Manna on his ankles telling him to work a little harder so he could meet the average slave quota, like any Amazon warehouse worker?
No, they had a task master that would whip them or otherwise physically abuse them, and if they felt so inclined, kill them.
Was the Roman slave given a fake education, so he could be a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, or the more honest no education?
Many slaves were better educated than the average Roman simply because they were the survivors of a lost war, such as the Greeks & Carthaginians.
Some were given trade educations where Roman citizens were given real, general educations, so in a way yes, they were given 'fake' educations.
They certainly weren't given standardized Roman educations guaranteeing the ability to read, right or count.
I think I would've learned it by now if Roman society had major unemployment issues, although I suppose the bread and circuses count.
Yes, they did have major unemployment issues, due to slaves taking all the jobs Roman soldiers were promised upon their return from war. It caused civil unrest in 121 BC. Slavery actually deepened the divide between elite aristocrats who bought the land of bankrupt middle class Roman soldiers who couldn't compete with slave farms. Slavery completely disrupted the economics of Rome.
I think I'd rather walk around delivering my master's messages than feed people poison in a McDonald's, and on the topic of McDonald's, did Roman slaves eat mass-produced poison or real food such as apples and wheat?
You know what modern America has in abundance which Ancient Rome doesn't? Beef, poultry, pork,
meat. Americans are significantly better fed than the Ancient Romans.
I think I'd rather be a Roman slave than some insane man on LinkedIn who tells himself and believes that a corporation ever could be more important than his family, and I believe the average Roman worker didn't need his wife to sell herself so they could afford rent and no children like today's man, or am I wrong here?
Roman slaves had no rights and couldn't marry, and if they had family already they would have their children stolen from them. Lots of Romans were rendered homeless due to the slave trade in Rome.
Rome was not this shining beacon of what makes for a perfect society, it had constant economic problems because it was a nascent nation and more or less stayed that way for centuries, pulling amateur moves like inflating their currency to pay debts, restricting Roman citizens from wielding arms or letting in strangers from foreign lands only to get sacked a day later.
Rome had immense potential which it regularly squandered only to end up in a cycle of repeated crises where it needed to be rescued by one lone Roman general who knew what he was doing only to be stabbed to death by his own guard to let the national rot begin again.
No, I'd rather be a Roman slave than own nothing and be happy.
Roman slaves owned nothing and were very much unhappy.