Shane Edward Nokes / @NorrathReaver / Daddy Cum Cannon - Internet Tough Guy and “Retired Cybersecurity Expert” who worked with the US Secret Service and FBI – In reality, a perpetually unemployed leech on disability benefits who threatens people on the internet all day. Raped with a butterknife.

[Lucus Baker]

Tell us where the butter knife touched you.

 

[Symalsa]

Nice OP. This guy deserves to burn in hell for spelling “doxing” with two x’s. The absolute state of the Internet disgusts me to no end.

Edit: forgot to capitalize “Internet”. Fixed. Mods plz no ban

 

[Ivan Daniloff]

Nice OP. This guy deserves to burn in hell for spelling “doxing” with two x’s. The absolute state of the internet disgusts me to no end.

Small “i” Internet smh. Take the plank out of your own eye.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

Am I shitting myself in fear?

Yes.

You too have also shit yourself.

It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Nokes is the embodiment of a Japanese butter knife, fashioned from steel that was mined during the Nara Period, repeatedly beaten flat, then folded on itself down through the centuries by generations of master craftsmen. His bearded essence has been tempered into a textured blade that is exactly the same thickness as a 3mm-thick, knife-shaped piece of blunted metal with a plastic handle. No loicence can contain it. No cutlery drawer can hold it. It can only be scabbarded within the rectum of a worthy individual. It can only be removed by the skilful, unflinching hand of a proctologist, who is regarded by the Kami themselves as being of emperor-like bearing. Once unsheathed from the ass, it must spread butter before it can be returned. In this metaphor, we are the butter. The toast upon which we are to be spread is the FBI.

Nokes once defeated a fifteen year old online.

A fifteen year old.

The age at which intelligence and cunning are at their zenith.

The flight simulator that he designed at the age of 4 is so good that it is used in real airplanes. The 'better then life' Commodore 64 graphics are superimposed over the cockpit window.

Nokes previously worked for the Microsoft Customer Support Child Abduction Response Unit. He was the only member of the unit. He resigned after ending child abduction.

One time there was a Somali pirate or something. They (the President) telephoned the Navy Seals but the line was engaged. Nokes went down there on the ship with his Microsoft name-badge and a small pile of X-Box One games.

"Your the captain now," said the Somali pirate when he saw Nokes.

Nokes looked at him and said "*You're."

During Nokes' recent cyber attack on the Kiwi Farms, he managed to download me from my profile. Then he uploaded me into the Microsoft Supermax Prison.

Now I am in prison.

Butterknife in ass
bullshit stains cherry blossom
Spring in Ōsaka

 

[Symalsa]

Small “i” Internet smh. Take the plank out of your own eye.

Dammit. You got me. I’ll fix it. TY

 

[AnOminous]

Yeah, he's full of shit. Between July 2008 and May 2016 when he "retired", he worked for MS, either directly or through contractors, for a grand total of 4 years and 4 months in low level positions. That's the sum total of his MS "career".

He was definitely fired. He admits it here: -

View attachment 4895932

Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@jennylayfluffy @Microsoft Indeed...and fire…

archived 27 Mar 2023 13:17:46 UTC

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And: -

View attachment 4895961

Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@Microsoft I remember believing in MS... ...…

archived 27 Mar 2023 13:21:56 UTC

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What a complete loser. He was basically doing the job of a pajeet but was too incompetent even for that and got fired, and yet, this brief period of time with Microshaft is what he bases his entire identity around.

Because Shame Porks is a lying liar. He lies, and lies, and then lies again about lying.

This fat son of a bitch, this fat motherfucker, will literally lie and claim he isn't fat while you are looking at a picture of this fucking squealing morbidly obese fat fucking pig. That is how shameless a fat liar this lying fat fuck is.

 

[Poopiedoodoo]

Yeah this guy is the definition of retarded. Dox when?

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

Yeah, he's full of shit. Between July 2008 and May 2016 when he "retired", he worked for MS, either directly or through contractors, for a grand total of 4 years and 4 months in low level positions. That's the sum total of his MS "career".

"Microsoft canned my dumb ass but they sucked anyway!" and "Microsoft will send an army of lawyers after anyone I want because I have a crappy alumni card" somehow coexist in this guy's head.

Why is he acting like he still has a choice in whether he ever gets to work for Microsoft in the future? Dude was literally fired. You don't get to choose to work at your old place if you literally got fired.

I just want to draw attention to this, because it's essential everyone pause and ponder the full level of pathetic behaviour on display here. This man never worked for Microsoft. He never got past those contractor agencies. Microsoft HR didn't do shit to his leave of absence because he was never worth the time of Microsoft HR.

The shitty contracting agency's HR dealt with him. Also, that leave of absence that he complains about? He worked for that place for three months. No shit you can't take a paid LOA for a place you started working at less than six months ago, even if it were generally a reputable employer, which these contractor places generally aren't.

 

[AnOminous]

"Microsoft canned my dumb ass but they sucked anyway!" and "Microsoft will send an army of lawyers after anyone I want because I have a crappy alumni card" somehow coexist in this guy's head.

I bet they literally fired him for being fat.

Someone just looked at this fat son of a bitch and wondered why the fuck are we paying this fat freak just to sit around being fat?

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

It’s a nightmare of mine that a Lolcow arises with the same name as me. If it was in the case of this guy, I’d have to change it as I refuse to be associated with someone so fat.

nah, it can be a blessing in disguise, if the person obviously isn't you.

Imagine how hard it is to search for someone named Michael Bolton or Jackson or Donald Trump these days ha!

I just want to draw attention to this, because it's essential everyone pause and ponder the full level of pathetic behaviour on display here. This man never worked for Microsoft. He never got past those contractor agencies. Microsoft HR didn't do shit to his leave of absence because he was never worth the time of Microsoft HR.

he flaunts a W2 with MICROSOFT on it, so he may actually have ascended from the ranks of menial contractor to "actually inside the building" slightly-less menial wage slave. That may be the "mysterious promotion" that was "double pay" and "too difficult so he asked to be put back in the cage" - or it could be that he tried to work retail for Microsoft; lol if a retail job paid double.

 

[Spunt]

I bet they literally fired him for being fat.

Someone just looked at this fat son of a bitch and wondered why the fuck are we paying this fat freak just to sit around being fat?

I dunno man, I find it hard to believe that a single slim individual has ever worked on the XBox support desk. The water coolers probably just dispense HFCS -this is a man who chose the Twitter handle @XboxMountainDew after all.

 

[Not a bee]

No joke, but when I draw a parody of a fat retard browsing the internet they usually look like Shane.
Great thread, definitely gonna watch this cow.

 

[AprilRains]

he flaunts a W2 with MICROSOFT on it

That's fucking pathetic. I have actual work experience with high-profile companies, and not in some bullshit menial capacity, and I wouldn't ever wave a W-2 around. In fact, other than job hunting, I don't go around talking up that kind of thing.

I worked with one asshole who spoke constantly of his time working for Google. It was about five or ten years before he started in his current job, but he'd use it for authority, and it didn't work. It's a weak move.

 

[Simon]

Shane??!?!?!?

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

I worked with one asshole who spoke constantly of his time working for Google. It was about five or ten years before he started in his current job, but he'd use it for authority, and it didn't work. It's a weak move.

Ah, I see you are a Liz Fong Jones enjoyer also!

 

[sanguiduct]

I can't believe Shane actually bonded Chris Chan out of jail just to get the spotlight off of himself. You really did it, you absolute madman. And it's just crazy enough to work.

 

[JJLiautaud]

Any grammar aficionados got a collective noun for a couple of gunts?

A grundle of gunts?

 

[Fucking YTs]

Shane hacking into the "BBcode" to extract all the database records from xenForo.

I have no idea why I made this.

 

[The Noise]

The most valuable lesson to learn from all of this is that sometimes the best InfoSec is not making yourself a target in the first place. He could have stayed quiet and collected neetbux his whole life and now his real life name will forever be associated with "Daddy Cum Cannon" on google searches.

 

[elite_club]

44 pages, and not one instance of "buttholeknife."