حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Handsome Pete]

His list of "scariest movies" is so odd. There's a bunch of films on there that aren't even close to being horror films.

But they made him scared of humanity, man!

Connor seems to believe the "real world" looks like Times Square circa 1979, all porno theaters and switchblades and people shooting heroin out in the open. When he writes about the future, he extrapolates it from that rather than from the present, probably due to his love of 80s exploitation films.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Connor seems to believe the "real world" looks like Times Square circa 1979[...]

Remember when he thought moving out on his own would turn out like GTA? Connor really is that impressionable.

 

[Smutley]

How old was he when that happened?

He claims it was when he was "a child" but that could mean when he was 16.

From a thread about "What disturbs you". @CatParty does his film snobbery trigger you? :^)

(at the time he wrote this he had not seen Breakfast Club OR Juno, and has never watched A Serbian Film, Tenebre, Deep Red, Cannibal Holocaust, or anything by Lars Von Trier, Todd Solondz, Larry Clark or Harmony Korine)

This was when Connor was 15-16, and I have no reason to believe this changed until years later.

 

[r00]

Was that book report from highschool? it is the most Connor thing ever written. All pretentious waffle and zero substance. I love that he claimed to have actually read Im Westen nichts Neues, which you uncultured plebs might know as All Quiet on the Western Front. Thats some textbook Connor subtle bullshit.

"It is quite a powerful work of literature from the post-war period, and you are about to learn exactly why that is"
I wish more academic essays were written like this. Don't those eggheads know anything about suspense?
I also like:
"All Quiet on the Western Front possesses a verisimilitude that makes similar war novels anemic by comparison."
How would you know? you've never read any.

His teachers must've fucking hated him. I can picture him in class using big words, chiming in with things he's read on the internet and disregarding his teachers, thinking he knows best.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Was that book report from highschool? it is the most Connor thing ever written. All pretentious waffle and zero substance. I love that he claimed to have actually read Im Westen nichts Neues, which you uncultured plebs might know as All Quiet on the Western Front. Thats some textbook Connor subtle bullshit.

"It is quite a powerful work of literature from the post-war period, and you are about to learn exactly why that is"
I wish more academic essays were written like this. Don't those eggheads know anything about suspense?
I also like:
"All Quiet on the Western Front possesses a verisimilitude that makes similar war novels anemic by comparison."
How would you know? you've never read any.

His teachers must've fucking hated him. I can picture him in class using big words, chiming in with things he's read on the internet and disregarding his teachers, thinking he knows best.

When I write essays, I don't tend to use big words to often because it's not my thing and that it makes you care less about the book.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Boldy gave a recent answer before me, but historically Connor has freaked the fuck out repeated;y. He even gets mad that his awful scumbag distant parents who hate him and want him to die are super supportive.
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Even if the end result is always, always:
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Yes, sorry. I was checking the Farms before work & I just used the most recent example before running out the door.

It reads like a pretentious film review.

I'm telling you, he could make that a career! He's already pissing & burning his parents' money on tuition on 2 classes a semester. Hell, he could steal Cole's place on "A-Hole Monthly!"

I'd probably pay money to drink shitty hipster beer with Connor tbh

 

[Handsome Pete]

https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/upload_2016-7-15_10-7-1-png.115716/

Connor has four murderers on that list (well, five, but we'll count the Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs as one). And we know he's a fan of Thomas Harris-style profiling. So what common thread can we find between all of them after ten minutes of Googling?

Well, three of them - Alyssa Bustamante, Richard Allen Davis, and the Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs - committed murders with no clear motive. Davis is particularly loathsome: a literal knife-wielding maniac who barged into a suburban slumber party and abducted a girl right out of her home, then mocked her family in court during the subsequent trial. They're basically the real-life equivalent of cackling 80s-movie villains who just like doing bad shit for no clear reason. In other words, they perfectly confirm Connor's worldview.

The fourth, Joel Steinberg, was accused of abusing and killing his adopted daughter while under the influence of drugs. He had a second adopted child whom he didn't murder, so Connor probably considers him a nicer-than-average adoptive parent.

TL;DR: Connor needs to stop reading the "Real Life" sections on TVTropes.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Was that book report from highschool? it is the most Connor thing ever written. All pretentious waffle and zero substance. I love that he claimed to have actually read Im Westen nichts Neues, which you uncultured plebs might know as All Quiet on the Western Front. Thats some textbook Connor subtle bullshit.

"It is quite a powerful work of literature from the post-war period, and you are about to learn exactly why that is"
I wish more academic essays were written like this. Don't those eggheads know anything about suspense?
I also like:
"All Quiet on the Western Front possesses a verisimilitude that makes similar war novels anemic by comparison."
How would you know? you've never read any.

His teachers must've fucking hated him. I can picture him in class using big words, chiming in with things he's read on the internet and disregarding his teachers, thinking he knows best.

Hahaha, you know, re-reading his essay kind of reminds me about those fucking essay exams I had to do in a 20th Century Philosophy course I took in college. Flip through Zein und Zeit, vomit out some shit about existentialism on paper, make it sound as pretentious as possible, & ta-da, you've passed Philosophy 201.

Incidentally, Connor would probably feel a kinship with Heidegger, considering he was a bitch-ass snitch who sold his (Jewish) mentor out to the Nazis.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

@Connor Bible have you ever seen the 1984 movie Streets of Fire?

If you like 80s movies, this is ideal, especially for writing. It helps me when I needed to write chapters in my Pokemon fanfic.

 

[MysticMisty]

He claims it was when he was "a child" but that could mean when he was 16.
View attachment 115715

From a thread about "What disturbs you". @CatParty does his film snobbery trigger you? :^)

(at the time he wrote this he had not seen Breakfast Club OR Juno, and has never watched A Serbian Film, Tenebre, Deep Red, Cannibal Holocaust, or anything by Lars Von Trier, Todd Solondz, Larry Clark or Harmony Korine)
View attachment 115716

This was when Connor was 15-16, and I have no reason to believe this changed until years later.
View attachment 115717

Good on his mom. He doesn't have the mental maturity for R movies now (except for lowbrow comedies), let alone at 16.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

@Connor Bible have you ever seen the 1984 movie Streets of Fire?

If you like 80s movies, this is ideal, especially for writing. It helps me when I needed to write chapters in my Pokemon fanfic.

Lets be fair, we all should watch Streets of Fire.

Haven't read up on Connor in awhile. This horror movie shit is all kinds of insane.

 

[r00]

Incidentally, Connor would probably feel a kinship with Heidegger, considering he was a bitch-ass snitch who sold his (Jewish) mentor out to the Nazis.

I'm actually very surprised that he hasn't pretended to have read any great works of philosophy, especially considering his strong existentialist views. He'd could just google the meaning and pontificate and bullshit about the themes all day long. He'd love it.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Why does he think writing a book is no big deal when he flips the fuck out over an essay?

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Why does he think writing a book is no big deal when he flips the fuck out over an essay?

You're forced to do it?

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

You're forced to do it?

When a walk with Grandma is some kind of Herculean labor, being "forced" to do something kind of loses meaning.

 

[Meowthkip]

He claims it was when he was "a child" but that could mean when he was 16.
View attachment 115715

From a thread about "What disturbs you". @CatParty does his film snobbery trigger you? :^)

(at the time he wrote this he had not seen Breakfast Club OR Juno, and has never watched A Serbian Film, Tenebre, Deep Red, Cannibal Holocaust, or anything by Lars Von Trier, Todd Solondz, Larry Clark or Harmony Korine)
View attachment 115716

This was when Connor was 15-16, and I have no reason to believe this changed until years later.
View attachment 115717

I almost kind of want to have a discussion about horror movies with Connor just to gauge exactly how much he has no idea what he's talking about.

Almost.

I wonder if he's ever tried to watch Begotten.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

He should make it so bizarre that it's borderline unreadable, like Finnegans Wake.

Eh, the Sound and the Fury made my head hurt less then his idiocy. I can't even really imagine what his idea of deliberately obtuse is.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

wonder if he's ever tried to watch Begotten.

He would say it needs more Molly Ringwald.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Why does he think writing a book is no big deal when he flips the fuck out over an essay?

Connor's self-imposed deadlines on Alphaboy and Redesigning Eva: ∞.
Assignment deadlines imposed on Connor: far sooner.

 

[DN 420]

@balcolm breaks it the fuck down (see original post):

I can't believe there was a time where I cared enough to try to help Connor. What an embarrassing mistake.