Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AnOminous]

Eh. I mean, it's hamburger. If you make it out of good beef, I kinda feel like you're doing it wrong. It's for the shit that isn't fit to eat otherwise.

I usually don't do hamburger, though, but ground chuck. Why would I want to eat turds even as hamburgers?

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I forgot all about Beaner Jack!

Explains the "JalePEN-YO" and "ChuRRREEEEETZO".

 

[Tiresome]

I usually don't do hamburger, though, but ground chuck. Why would I want to eat turds even as hamburgers?

I would do half chuck, half sirloin, but that would be whenever I wanted to have a burger that was anything but well done, or tartare, foolish to even attempt that unless you grind the meat yourself.

 

[That Damned Tiger]

As if Jack actually listens to NPR.

 

[Charlie Delicious]

At first I'm like


But then I'm like

 

[Falcon Sebben]

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it
View attachment 5037519

He was what, 18 at this point? And between that time and when he hooked up with Hammy he got fat and lost his hair.

And in another universe this version of Jagoff is a successful Youtube star with millions of followers and merchandising deals.

The second Jack dies for real, that's going to be my pfp. In honor of my favorite wasted life.

Also, let's be honest, way better photo than middle-school Jack, where he looked like half the dimwit Mexican kids in California.

View attachment 5037846

He totally looks like a Beaner there. Which is funny considering how much he's a sand nigger.

I usually don't do hamburger, though, but ground chuck. Why would I want to eat turds even as hamburgers?

The best burgers are made with ground chuck and brisket. Or chuck and short rib. You want the flavor and the fat. I'd say at least 20%. Anything else and it's just not worth it. Sure throw in a bit of sirloin if you want with that. But you need the chuck.

I would do half chuck, half sirloin, but that would be whenever I wanted to have a burger that was anything but well done, or tartare, foolish to even attempt that unless you grind the meat yourself.

Yeah a well-done burger just isn't right. But that's why I sous vide them and then finish them off using a number of methods to give it some color and that roasted flavor that we all love.

As if Jack actually listens to NPR.

As if Jagoff listens to anything. He's the most misinformed person when it comes to... everything.

 

[Tiresome]

Yeah a well-done burger just isn't right. But that's why I sous vide them and then finish them off using a number of methods to give it some color and that roasted flavor that we all love.

I sous vide meat like a motherfucker (not CWC) but I'd never yet considered doing it for hamburger patties, I may have to experiment now.

As if Jagoff listens to anything. He's the most misinformed person when it comes to... everything.

Jack never misses an opportunity to fight the culture war in the laziest way possible.

 

[Jaded Optimist]

Comments are golden on that video

 

[Almighty MoeBro Nation]

It's absolutely hysterical to me how Jack has no problem with the sandwich bread in spite of the fact he speant practically his whole nursing home stay whining that they were giving him high carb items like breads and potatos. Is bread magically okay for his beetus now since it's sandwitched on top of high sodium deli meats? Is he retarded?

Wait...

 

[AnOminous]

The best burgers are made with ground chuck and brisket. Or chuck and short rib. You want the flavor and the fat.

I usually like the fat in the toppings, with the actual patty being lean. So pure chuck as the patty leaves me with the option of just putting it on a bun with ketchup, all the way up to a couple slices of bacon, cheese, caramelized onions, etc. Also the texture of ground chuck is pretty good as well. I generally like less than 5% fat in a patty.

Is bread magically okay for his beetus now since it's sandwitched on top of high sodium deli meats? Is he retarded?

Yes, he is fat. He is retarded. Also he's fat. He's a bug-eyed brain-damaged moron!

 

[Kermit Jizz]

It's absolutely hysterical to me how Jack has no problem with the sandwich bread in spite of the fact he speant practically his whole nursing home stay whining that they were giving him high carb items like breads and potatos. Is bread magically okay for his beetus now since it's sandwitched on top of high sodium deli meats? Is he retarded?

Wait...

Oh it gets even better than that. Fast food places love to add sugar to their bread. Now I couldn't find the triple stack nutritional info, but here is their large ham (just one of the meats on the triple stack).

Calories - 1130
Fat - 55g (71%)
Sodium - 28g (122%)
Carbs - 115g (keto friendly)
Sugar - 33g (69%)

Bad for your waistline, bad for your heart, bad for strokes, bad for diabetes, and bad for ketosis. Literally everything Jack shouldn't be eating all wrapped up in one sub. And that's just the ham sandwhich, the triple stack is probably worse.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Those out of context quotes are the most autistic shit I have ever seen in a yearbook. Who the fuck would he have even been talking to?

That's an accepted yearbook quote style. I've seen it in a few other yearbooks from the 1950s-1970s or so. No idea on its origins, but it's not Jack-specific.

 

[Cherry Dude]

Comments are golden on that video
View attachment 5040342

This entire thread is hilarious. Shoutout to Russell for not getting the jokes.

 

[Seymour Duncan]

I usually like the fat in the toppings, with the actual patty being lean. So pure chuck as the patty leaves me with the option of just putting it on a bun with ketchup, all the way up to a couple slices of bacon, cheese, caramelized onions, etc. Also the texture of ground chuck is pretty good as well. I generally like less than 5% fat in a patty.

Yes, he is fat. He is retarded. Also he's fat. He's a bug-eyed brain-damaged moron!

I never understood those "professional foodies" who claim you want the really fatty meat for the patties. It just gets gross and soggy, there's really no downside to just going lean and getting that much better texture.

 

[SandyCat]

We need to get the poll in the OP updated for a 5th stroke prediction. My money is still on the Wendigo taking over

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

I never understood those "professional foodies" who claim you want the really fatty meat for the patties. It just gets gross and soggy, there's really no downside to just going lean and getting that much better texture.

"professional foodies"
The problems I have with those guys:
1. Hypebeast ingredients like wagyu no ordinary home cook uses
2. They make their content based on whats trending, even if it's shit, or there's timeless old recipes that could be made, or basically the same as the timeless old recipe. Fucking "NPC" meme shit! Remember the 4 quadrant wrap trend? Tell me why a traditional burrito-style wrap is any worse!
3. People like Guga Foods who basically seem to do wacky stuff for the sake of views.
4. Constantly saying "this is the best X youll ever make". It's title inflation.
5. Appearances > all
There's probably a #6 and #7 that I can't think up right now.
We should make a thread on them in Community Watch. I'd be happy to collab.

 

[Tiresome]

3. People like Guga Foods who basically seem to do wacky stuff for the sake of views.

Lord, I thought that guy was interesting, then he started to do an endless stream of "I dry-aged this steak in bubblegum-flavored saltwater taffy for sixteen weeks and you won't believe the results!"-style clickbait BS. Another good one down.

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

Lord, I thought that guy was interesting, then he started to do an endless stream of "I dry-aged this steak in bubblegum-flavored saltwater taffy for sixteen weeks and you won't believe the results!"

"I put the beef in a tub of bubblegum-flavored saltwater taffy, and put it in my dry ager for 16 weeks. i then grilled it with garlic powder, salt and pepper to medium rare. it sucked."

Damn. I couldnt have seen that coming.

 

[Eljudnir]

I never understood those "professional foodies" who claim you want the really fatty meat for the patties. It just gets gross and soggy, there's really no downside to just going lean and getting that much better texture.

High fat is more forgiving if you can't cook a burger properly. I was given some ground "Wagyu" before and despite over cooking the meat, it was still juicy with a nice crust and not at all dry.

 

[stets]

It's absolutely hysterical to me how Jack has no problem with the sandwich bread in spite of the fact he speant practically his whole nursing home stay whining that they were giving him high carb items like breads and potatos. Is bread magically okay for his beetus now since it's sandwitched on top of high sodium deli meats? Is he retarded?

Wait...

It's not just the bread. I don't know what Firehouse does to their sandwiches, but they're filled with sugar. Every time I've eaten there, their sandwiches are sickly sweet like they add sugar from everything to the bread to the sauces to possibly even the meat and are borderline inedible. And this is coming from someone who enjoys candy designed for children that's nothing but refined sugar.