Shane Edward Nokes / @NorrathReaver / Daddy Cum Cannon - Internet Tough Guy and “Retired Cybersecurity Expert” who worked with the US Secret Service and FBI – In reality, a perpetually unemployed leech on disability benefits who threatens people on the internet all day. Raped with a butterknife.

[A Sunset]

View attachment 5067389
Incidentally, I think "worth less than nothing" is an excellent way to describe a person who receives free money out of the pockets of the working class while contributing exactly zero to the world around him. A person who is mathematically quantifiably a net negative on society. I wonder if we know anybody like that?

There was an old law I wrote back in my Ethan Ralph Aloggin’ days describing how anything Ralph accused others of, he‘d be guilty of. Time to update this law as it fits Shane as well.

“Noke’s Law” - Any insult Shane Nokes uses to describe others must also apply to himself at least twice multiplied.

Examples of Noke’s Law in action.

”Fuck, you’re dumb and worthless.”

”Wow, you can’t even think at a basic level, can you.”

”You’re just lying about everything, then.”

”Fuck, you’re fat and ugly.”

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Shane is such an unhappy person. We all argue from time to time, but unless it's a core part of our career, we also spend SOME time engaging in fun, collaborative, constructive, positive discussion when using our personal social media accounts.

All Shane does is attack people, start arguments, and try to convince people he is important. Where are the civil interactions with likeminded individuals sharing appreciation on something? Where are the interactions with real friends and acquaintances?

The difference is we have friends, family, loved ones and people we can count on if the going gets tough. Shame Porkins has none of that. Think about it. He's such a toxic individual that he has no friends. His wife left him. He has no family. And all those connections he should have made while working as a super 1337 h4x0r for M$, the CIA and the Ice Capades he never once made a friend.

That, more than anything else, is the funniest part of this. Name the worst person you know and they tend to have at least one person in their corner. This guy? Has none of that.

Either he never left his mark on anybody or he's so toxic he chased them all away so he lives his life on teh intarwebs trying to act like a big man in front of nerds, weebs and children.

 

[Broadside]

The difference is we have friends, family, loved ones and people we can count on if the going gets tough. Shame Porkins has none of that. Think about it. He's such a toxic individual that he has no friends. His wife left him. He has no family. And all those connections he should have made while working as a super 1337 h4x0r for M$, the CIA and the Ice Capades he never once made a friend.

That, more than anything else, is the funniest part of this. Name the worst person you know and they tend to have at least one person in their corner. This guy? Has none of that.

Either he never left his mark on anybody or he's so toxic he chased them all away so he lives his life on teh intarwebs trying to act like a big man in front of nerds, weebs and children.

As I always point out when cows try to rip on us humble farmers:

If you're so great and we're so dumb, how come we're laughing at your thread on the internet and not the other way around?

 

[Friendly Arbys Employee]

Shane, first of all, I want to wish you a happy 100th page! You are now part of an elite few who can call themselves a successful lolcow!!

Shane stayed up late last night, so he's been tired today.
But he received a burst of energy once he saw his new con-artist best friend posted a relatable story!

Even though Jackie is his new best friend, he still feels the need to one-up her claim of having no friends, by stating that "acktually when I got cyberstalked my many friends were too keen to accept their impersonation, and immediately alerted me to call in my secret service dogs"

You showed her! You're more of a socialite, more of a victim, and more resourceful than she'll ever be!
I'm glad you not only realize this, Shane, but are choosing to rub it in her face.
You're better than them.

Can you provide some more details on your own experience with the stalkers?
Was this when you were swatted back in 2012 Shane?
Who did you piss off and why were they stalking and swatting you? Were they trying to impersonate your Microsoft credentials to get access to the latest XBOX games?
Were they friends of Cosmo?
I'm actually curious, Shane.
I'm sure you can talk about it, since you probably reverse-hacked them with BBCode and downloaded the backups to the FBI, so they could issue the knock. Are those folks still behind bars?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Simon]

Shane, first of all, I want to wish you a happy 100th page! You are now part of an elite few who can call themselves a successful lolcow!!

View attachment 5067557

Shane stayed up late last night, so he's been tired today.
But he received a burst of energy once he his new conartist best friend posted a relatable story!

View attachment 5067563

Even though Jackie is his new best friend, he still feels the need to one-up her claim of having no friends, by stating that "acktually when I got cyberstalked my many friends were too keen to accept their impersonation, and immediately alerted me to call in my secret service dogs"

View attachment 5067577

You showed her! You're more of a socialite, more of a victim, and more resourceful than she'll ever be!
I'm glad you not only realize this, Shane, but are choosing to rub it in her face.
You're better than them.

Can you provide some more details on your own experience with the stalkers?
Was this when you were swatted back in 2012 Shane?
Who did you piss off and why were they stalking and swatting you? Were they trying to impersonate your Microsoft credentials to get access to the latest XBOX games?
Were they friends of Cosmo?
I'm actually curious, Shane.
I'm sure you can talk about it, since you probably reverse-hacked them with BBCode and downloaded the backups to the FBI, so they could issue the knock. Are those folks still behind bars?

Thanks in advance.

All of these people are so persistent in their cyberstalking of these random Fatrick orbiters, but there's no proof whatsoever of this. Peculiar. Also, just a question, if you truly didn't care, why are you posting about it?

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

I think Shane enjoys egging on KF because he’s a deeply lonely, socially rejected person and he prefers mockery to the isolation that’s been the defining feature of his life for the past 30-odd years.

“The only thing worse being talked about is not being talked about” - Oscar Mayer

 

[ten dollars off]

If Shane were smart he would build his lolcow status up into a character he could modestly monetize, like Mundane Matt or Wings of Redemption. I mean, he's living off of disability, right? That has to place a considerable limitation on what he's able to do.

 

[internet friend]

Shane, you're fat. You're also a loser with no job and no prospects. Don't forget that ok buddy?

 

[Broadside]

This guy is so fucking socially awkward that he looks like he was photoshopped into every photo he appears in

 

[Friendly Arbys Employee]

If Shane were smart he would build his lolcow status up into a character he could modestly monetize, like Mundane Matt or Wings of Redemption. I mean, he's living off of disability, right? That has to place a considerable limitation on what he's able to do.

I get early chris-chan vibes from him.
Chris has made lots of money from donations, selling artwork, limited edition sonichus, etc.

I wonder if Shane could leverage the fame we are giving him to maybe start drawing and publishing his babies-in-blenders webcomics "from the early 2010s?" Do you think it would catch on like Sonichu?

Shane, will you let me be your manager/agent? Every celebrity needs an agent. I can negotiate big things for you.
Don't let this opportunity slip.

 

[ten dollars off]

View attachment 5067747
This guy is so fucking socially awkward that he looks like he was photoshopped into every photo he appears in

He poses with picnic tables the same way he poses with elderly sci-fi tv show actors.

 

[A Sunset]

Even though Jackie is his new best friend, he still feels the need to one-up her claim of having no friends, by stating that "acktually when I got cyberstalked my many friends were too keen to accept their impersonation, and immediately alerted me to call in my secret service dogs"

Nice one pity like from Jackie, stupid. This is like when a strange child comes up to you and says something that’s an obvious lie, and you just pat them on the head to get them on their way.

NOw, we’ve had fun the last 100 pages in this thread talking about your height and being a fake Jew, etc. but I think it’s time for the thread to get focused on what matters.j

Shane, you never updated us on the information you hacked from ONA Forums using BBCcode and sent to law enforcement. What’s the SITREP?

I haven’t heard about this since you talked about it weeks ago. Thoughts?

 

[Spunt]

Shane, first of all, I want to wish you a happy 100th page! You are now part of an elite few who can call themselves a successful lolcow!!

View attachment 5067557

Shane stayed up late last night, so he's been tired today.
But he received a burst of energy once he saw his new con-artist best friend posted a relatable story!

View attachment 5067563

Even though Jackie is his new best friend, he still feels the need to one-up her claim of having no friends, by stating that "acktually when I got cyberstalked my many friends were too keen to accept their impersonation, and immediately alerted me to call in my secret service dogs"

View attachment 5067577

You showed her! You're more of a socialite, more of a victim, and more resourceful than she'll ever be!
I'm glad you not only realize this, Shane, but are choosing to rub it in her face.
You're better than them.

Can you provide some more details on your own experience with the stalkers?
Was this when you were swatted back in 2012 Shane?
Who did you piss off and why were they stalking and swatting you? Were they trying to impersonate your Microsoft credentials to get access to the latest XBOX games?
Were they friends of Cosmo?
I'm actually curious, Shane.
I'm sure you can talk about it, since you probably reverse-hacked them with BBCode and downloaded the backups to the FBI, so they could issue the knock. Are those folks still behind bars?

Thanks in advance.

And yet when a Brotherman texted Shane out of the blue he was so desperate for someone to talk to he dropped a load of really embarrassing information - "Daddy Cum Cannon" being the highlight.

Shane then claimed that this was all a work, and he trolled the Brothermen good by pretending to be an embarrassing idiot

Because if someone texted me posing as a friend and I figured out what they're up to, I would definitely make up things that make me look like a complete idiot, rather than something that would make *them* look foolish if they spread it, like saying I had terminal ligma or that my name was formerly Chuck - something like that. But then again I'm not genius puppetmaster superhacker Shane Nokes, I'm so stupid I shit myself or something (?) so I guess I just don't understand his vast intellect, and the payoff for 100 pages of him looking like a complete tool and a gullible, easily-manipulated idiot must be coming soon. Wait for the knock I guess.

 

[Sumptinsfuckey]

If Shane were smart.....

Bwahahahahaaaaaa

Bro stop, please, my sides are killing me!

 

[Sir Dank-a-Lot]

If Shane were smart he would build his lolcow status up into a character he could modestly monetize, like Mundane Matt or Wings of Redemption. I mean, he's living off of disability, right? That has to place a considerable limitation on what he's able to do.

Fuck, if Shane were smart we wouldn’t be discussing the moron here. Smart people generally don’t become cows because they at least have some self-awareness.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Raping Implement" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Butter knives deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine butter knife in America for 2 dollars (that's about 268 yen) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even rape asses of solid steel with my butter knife.

American smiths spend years working on a single butter knife and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest rape implements known to mankind.
Butter knives are thrice as hard as steak knives and thrice as penetrating for that matter too. Anything a steak knife can rape, a butter knife can rape better. I'm pretty sure a butter knife could easily rape a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical thrust.

Ever wonder why modern Europe never bothered re-conquering America? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined babysitters and their butter knives of rape. Even in World War II, Japanese soldiers targeted the American men with the butter knives first because their raping power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Butter knives are simply the best rape implement that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Butter knives:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d12 Rectal Damage when inserted anally, 19-20 crit Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the raping power of Butter knives in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Butter knives need to do more rape in d20, see my new stat block.

I would like to point out that Patrick used what is pretty much a butter knife for his rogue in Pathfinder 2nd Edition. This could be why Shane defends him so much.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Fuck, if Shane were smart we wouldn’t be discussing the moron here. Smart people generally don’t become cows because they at least have some self-awareness.

He's his own worst enemy.

 

[A Sunset]

EDIT: Shame is fighting with Brothermen for Jackie’s honor.


I want to point out that Shane didn’t deny that he has erectile dysfunction, and can’t see his own penis.
When Shame avoids something it means it’s true.

Ladies and Gentlemen….we got him.


This is giving me nostalgic vibes to Shame’s first confrontation with ONA. “You don’t know how fucked you really are. It’s beautiful.”

View attachment 5067747
This guy is so fucking socially awkward that he looks like he was photoshopped into every photo he appears in

Shane, stop awkwardly closing your mouth when you smile. It looks retarded. We all know you have meth teeth now anyway, and so does anyone who reads your thread.

 

[lost_n'_confused]

The thought of Shane sitting in a dark room, hunched over like a goblin looking at both Twitter and kiwifarms is a delightful thought. Everytime a butterknife is mentioned he recoils but cannot stop reading.

 

[Friendly Arbys Employee]

Shame is Big Mad and fighting with an ona forum user

Shame, you may not know it, but Boomia is the ona guy who baked a special cake for Fat Tomlinson and sing happy birthday to him with his wife and kids.

HBD Rick

Watch "HBD Rick" on Streamable.

streamable.com

May 19th is only a month and a day away. Maybe if you're nicer, they'll bake you a cake too?