Ethan Ralph is better off than most of you - Think you can change my mind?

I am not a sex offender and my wife is human and not a horse. Whilst that's not a high bar to clear, admittedly, it is one that Ralph has failed to.

EDIT: I have also not shit myself on a livestream or fled the country of my birth for the third world to avoid the numerous legal consequences of my terrible, drug-addled decisions. Also last time I went to Portugal I had a lovely time and didn't get beaten up by a fat Scouser.
 
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Not everyone can be a Ralphamale! The Ultimate Western Chad, vanquisher of alcohol and pills, married to his trusty horse, ready to ride the rodeo! Yeeeehaaaaaaawww! Go Ralph, be the best alpha you gunt be!
 
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IT'S NAWT TRUUUUUUUUU. BISH IN FACT IF I HAD TO GUESS, I BET IT WOULD BE YOU THAT IN FACT HAS A WORSE LIFE THAN THE RALPHAMALE, BISH

Anyway I'm not a 350 pound manlet, I'm not married to a horse, I'm not living in a foreign country trying (and failing) to avoid petty legal squabbles, I don't look like I've aged 15 years in the last six months, because I'm not on a multimonth xanny and Maker's Mark binge, and I haven't given myself a Hitler haircut but dyed blue, so I'm gonna have to X to doubt that Ralph is doing better than me
 
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Ethan Ralph has perhaps one of the least stable lives of anyone covered on this site. You can say he's married, has an income, and has a popular stream. But do you honestly expect any of that to last until 2024? I don't even think the mother fucker is going to be alive until 2024. If I woke up tomorrow and I was Ethan Ralph, I would kill myself.
 
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Keffals is better off than most of you

Watching latest MATI and I realized Keffalss has:
* A stable income
*An audience that gives him $100k on demand
* A popular stream

imagine sincerely thinking this way. There are porn stars who are millionaires, with mansions and Maybachs... they also get sodomized for a living...
 
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DumbDude43 said:
>very fat
>heavy drinker
>pill addict
>permanent eye damage from getting beat up by robbers in portugal
>probably permanent brain damage too
>despised and hated by almost everybody who knows him IRL
>complete laughing stock on the internet
>convicted sex offender (revenge porn)
>involved in ongoing legal disputes
no thanks
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The first 3 may be pretty common among KFers.

But yea I do believe he has gained his notoriety because of his stream and not because he's a huge fucking retard. He's a huge retard, but not that funny or fucked up. Believe it or not, there's stupider people and more retarded stuff going on. He's a walking turd but more on the scale of 6/10 on the fucked-up-o-meter.
kainvnod said:
I think Ralph is the person an exceptional lonesome looser looks at and think:

"At least I'm not him."
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Fair point
The Backwards Man said:
I don't think I even need to say why I think the average person here is better off than him. All it takes is one look at his xanax addiction to be convinced that you will live longer than he ever will.
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I see having a wife (and, read, sex) more successful than being an autistic loser that doesn't talk to people and lives in his 80s glued to a machine.
Uberpenguin said:
People who act like he's got absolutely nothing going for him are overselling it.

That said, he is quite overweight, he's got serious substance abuse problems (I'd imagine he wakes up shaking in the morning), he's got a variety of legal issues, he's very short (although that isn't his fault), plus he's just very insecure and messed up in the head and can't maintain relationships because of it.

I won't even get into his depressing marriage to the horse.

Not the worst life a figure on the site's ever had by a long shot, but still not too enviable.
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No no, he's a loser alright. Just not a funny and unique loser. Just one of many fat bastards.
Yuuichirou Kumada said:
Barring legit freak accidents or very rapidly-advancing illnesses, we'll be alive by the end of the year.
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I don't think he's gonna give out this year though. It would be funny if Mr Metokur would live to see his death.
Sumptinsfuckey said:
Oooh. That's tough, but Ill try.
Lets see.
1) I and most other people dont have a crippling drug AND alcohol addiction which causes our main source of income to suffer.
2) I and most other people have not seen a minimum 70% reduction in income in the last two years.
3) I and most other people do not have one child who reacts to us with fear, and loathing, and another who is so unfamiliar with us that he mistakes us for a cartoin character.
4) I and most other people do not have our every L broadcast to the internet to be mocked by thousands of autists.
5) I and most other Americans did not have to flee to the same third world country that is responsible for the vast majority of economic migrants coming here.
6) I and most other people are not currently involved in multiple court cases.
7) I and most other people are not convicted felons AND convicted sex offenders.
8) I and most other people do not have googky eyes due to a beatdown in a foreign country that put us in a hospital.
9) I am not obese, and though most people in America are, most are not morbidly obese
10) I and most other men are not 5'1" or shorter.
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Most of these are more common than you think.

I think that height is very common among asian men.
Nikes_JustDoIt said:
View attachment 5078431
Also, I am not 300+ lbs that is under 5'1 and I am not a felon

I mean how much is going to power chat, child support, drugs, booze, lawsuits, a blue checkmark, and flights to see Xander? He lost other sources of money like Patron for his actions. As well, he lost power twice and he Airbnb his place and does not own it.

His already divorced and has two restraining orders against him from his former lover. Dating a horse that hates him and has no money since she burned her family bridge.

Do you mean from viewers of Cozy that hate him, the restreams on the farms? He gets kicked from every streaming service he tried being on and AF tolerates him because he is their rage pig and will suck Nick's dick no matter what.
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Something tells me you don't have a blue checkmark.
MadDisaster said:
I mean, I'm a woman and taller than him. So.

But as has been mentioned, the lack of addictions, criminal convictions, ongoing legal problems are pretty huge pluses to not being Ralph. My son actually knows who I am, and has had a real relationship with me. My spouse and I have been together happily for decades. Oh, and none of my in laws have ever wanted to sue me.

Depending on how you prioritize your life, I think having a happy relationship, and a family that loves and enjoys you is a pretty huge win for anyone over Ralph. They certainly last longer than internet popularity.
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Addictions aside, his legal problems are not that big of a deal. He has a couple of shitty restraining orders, those criminal convictions don't affect him since he's self employed. It's not like he's going to get hauled to jail soon or on the brink of bankruptcy.
RussianParasite said:
Yeah I am so jealous of Ralph. I mean how does one even got about getting a felony anyway?

He’s getting killed in terms of what he used to make compared to now. Literally the opposite of stability. Further, he has no marketable skills and his felony makes him pretty much unemployable. What he does now relies on the generosity of others whether they love or hate him— not much of a step up from street begging with a sign or a member of a freak show.

Bragging about his income isn’t the flex he thinks it is. It has been a decent amount in recent years but some of us Kiwis do make more than him. I’m not owned at all by his income bragging.
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But he still has a steady income doing what he likes? Or something that's low effort and lazy for him to pull off and not stress over. It's not like he's doing a job he hates or doesn't want to do.
make_it_so said:
Better to be single than in a loveless and toxic marriage.

Better to earn a modest income with a boring job than rely on a wildly fluctuating income reliant entirely on streaming superchats.

Better to be an anonymous nobody on the internet than a known convicted felon and sex offender with a disgusting gunt and a booze and pill addiction that will kill me before I hit middle age.
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I mean the first two are debatable.

But yea second point I don't dispute.
Spunt said:
I have also not shit myself on a livestream or fled the country of my birth for the third world to avoid the numerous legal consequences of my terrible, drug-addled decisions. Also last time I went to Portugal I had a lovely time and didn't get beaten up by a fat Scouser.
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I have seen his shit-faced streams, but not shit-himself streams.

Is this still available?
draggs said:
IT'S NAWT TRUUUUUUUUU. BISH IN FACT IF I HAD TO GUESS, I BET IT WOULD BE YOU THAT IN FACT HAS A WORSE LIFE THAN THE RALPHAMALE, BISH

Anyway I'm not a 350 pound manlet, I'm not married to a horse, I'm not living in a foreign country trying (and failing) to avoid petty legal squabbles, I don't look like I've aged 15 years in the last six months, because I'm not on a multimonth xanny and Maker's Mark binge, and I haven't given myself a Hitler haircut but dyed blue, so I'm gonna have to X to doubt that Ralph is doing better than me
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>married to a horse
I don't know, his wife is way, WAAAY out of his league. She's not hot but average looking and stuck with him for how many years now?


Black Spruce said:
Ethan Ralph has perhaps one of the least stable lives of anyone covered on this site. You can say he's married, has an income, and has a popular stream. But do you honestly expect any of that to last until 2024? I don't even think the mother fucker is going to be alive until 2024. If I woke up tomorrow and I was Ethan Ralph, I would kill myself.
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I don't know. He is a loser, but I don't think he'll crash that hard by 2024. Likely it will be slow demise.
Snuckening2 said:
Watching latest MATI and I realized Keffalss has:
* A stable income
*An audience that gives him $100k on demand
* A popular stream
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That's unironically really sad
 
> short
> fat
> gay
> dumb
> american
> fat
> married to a horse
> so poor he has to debase himself for superchat money
> possessed by the same evil spirit that inhabited Chris Chan
> gay
> fat
> GUNTED

Yeah, I don't think so.
 
All of this doesn't matter if you're a registered sex offender. You don't understand how big of a deal being a registered sex offender would impact you. He truly earned that reputation. He has nothing to defend.
 
I'm not fat and I don't humiliate myself on the Internet for a living. Therefore, I am better than Ethan Ralph.
 
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