Posted by
u/HypnoAlice
1 year ago
The complexity of having a personality (meta post nut clarity post)
nsfw
(At one point this just becomes undifferentiated chaotic junkie rambling (I'm high) but I still think it can help, mainly me, and if I don't post it like this I will just be adding more stuff and end up not posting anything so here it goes, sorry that it's repetitive at times) What delusion will the world allow me to have today? I've been having strong sexual experiences, and done stuff that I wouldn't normally do unless extremely horny. But my "lucid" self has a lot of latent love or libido inside that he doesn't know how to express, it's identity and ego has a "shape" that is incompatible with the inner chaotic impersonal desires. So I, like many "sissies" enter ecstatic states where one breaks taboos and releases all the contents, it destroys the limitations of the ego that stop those libidinal canals from flowing. I have to say I don't feel regret anymore, I've come to terms with the ecstasy the whole thing gives me. It's a trade. And it's just the way it is Shame Adam and eve Orgasm petit mort Ego death Trying to avoid suffering it unexpectedly and passively, you just voluntarily give in. Narcissism Self awareness Love The origin of all love is self love. Being called out for trying to be something that one isn't. "Not a real man" But what can we ever really be, my first memories of shame were being overexcited as a kid and ridiculed by my mother. The narcissistic bubble and elation violently popped. Wanting to disappear.
Also rape memories as a kid, but they are very blocked. I remember a type of nervous laughter like the Joker movie and fragmented bits and sensations. Pride and humility. Humiliation and release from having to hold so many illusions. For having to hide sensitivity. For not giving form to inner truths Is that what the universe is? A play, giving form to the infinite potentialities that torture existence from within it's darkness. They want to have shape and play. Why? Idk. Why were you born. Just a leap into the void, the fool. The impersonal libido shot and eyaculated into infinity. Coping by sexualization. wonder if the whole existence is just everything coping with anything. Just madness against an infinite void of eternal nothing. Histeria. Trying to understand. Mirrors. S scanner darkly dark mirror Chess game with our egos Identity fighting itself. Mein teil. Christianity subconsciously knew about it's limitations, the book of Revelations talks about Whore religion in "the end of the days", because it knows about it's unbalance, divinity and the whole of existence. Religion must integrate the whole of human experience. Or all the other collective libidinal impulses have to grow without any guidance or structure and almost always antagonized and marginal and it just comes back to hunt very pissed off, undifferentiated and completely monstrous (I don't think being a sissy is monstrous, but I think most of sex reassignment surgeries on kids are) Conservatism/liberalism Closed and open systems. Autism. Ouroboros. Saturn. Shame. Shame for having lived in illusions, to believe you are anything you believe you are, you don't know yourself, your friends don't know you, if you faced constant truth you would face a constant anihilation of everything you believe in. Redemption. Truth. This is a collective truth. The whole sissy stuff. It's so primitive because there are not healthy outlets for it, that integrate this marginal or subconscious part of the collective personality into the whole or itself. The reason is that acknowledging something so ecstatic and raw can be dangerous both individual and collectively. That's why in the past they had Saturnalias and Carnivals. A day with a total reversal of roles, madness, but it is needed. Because if you ignore all that monsters they don't disappear, they just starve and when they come out they are totally feral and wanting to devour. A war. A war against ourselves, ouroboros, Saturn. Sense of self importance. "Dreams wash away" the weight of will. Slowly diminishing. "Dumb bimbo" Spirit serving matter. The damsel giving in into the "rake" Beauty and the beast. The very horrid and cruel human experience of having to give in and serve your oppressors and abusers. To be ruled by a ruthless totally demented elite, to be sensitive in a place that is cruel af, to have people that are more stupid and incompetent than you as your superior, to being raped, abducted or just subjected to enslavement. In many scenarios it's better to rebel and fight, but there are others like abduction, that human mind simply gives in and expects to survive by pleasing. Holding into a horrible environment that way. Till the beast becomes tamed or till it falls asleep and then she can cut it's head off. It's the basis of the joke, the irony. It's Satan killing Moloch. Binary code. Matrix. The Archetype of the whore, gives enlightment throu tantric sex, that tames the beast with love and compassion. the captured girl that gives in and her way of survival is to be a pleaser and give away everything of her. It's Innana, Ishtar, descending stripping herself of her golden clothes and jewerly, because she was in love with the underworld, because ewe are lost in love for darkness, for the unknown, for the lowest layers of existence, for the maximum degradation, for death. To be rebirth more whole or "holier" Phoenix. Philosophers stone. Consciousness making love to the abyss. fallen angels, spirit descending into matter. Peaky blinders "we are all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves" As we grow up we see we need to make our bodies a good to sell to others in order to get nurishment, we can't just be automatically fed (I associate sissy states of wanting to be fed a lot of cum with this) omnipotence fantasies, both of Dom's and sissies, each in their way. it's ironic, it's life contained and cartoonized, objectification of oneself, of the body. Service. I have a lot to say but it's just too chaotic and I'll just post this before I don't want to. Because I want to explode and disintegrate, diseminating information that I've gathered like a fungus throwing spores. In the end, I think the last layer you have to go throu is horror. Saturn. The blackest night of the soul. It's horror for all parties too. The game is complicated, it's a pharçe, a theathre, everything is, having to play in a pointless universe. An experiment into the dark. Space monkeys. Not born to be porcelain kept dignified on a shelve for eternity, we were born to die and rot to generate new life. Like soldiers sent into the trenchcoats of the abyss. Bullets into the night But beyond that, the natural human response to having the illusions shattered once you don't identify so strongly with your ego is laughter. As a teenager many times I paid attention to the music we all made togueter, to the music we all secretly dance to, to what everything dances for, and I experienced a lot of horror, but as time passed by and i played more, now when I pay attention I just hear an endless laughter and I laugh with it What delusion will you allow yourself to have today?
From my Reddit
