- Joined
- Feb 1, 2021
Imagine if he was this concerned about his semi-regular strokes.
"IT'S THE END TIMES, THERE'S A FOREST FIRE SOMEWHERE"
Nigger you have 0.5 limbs.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
"IT'S THE END TIMES, THERE'S A FOREST FIRE SOMEWHERE"
Nigger you have 0.5 limbs.
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
How about the freedom of having two working arms?
Dr. Henry Armitage
Head librarian at Miskatonic University Mark 8:36
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 9, 2016
I love Christian doomer Jack. They always pop out when something is happening in the world and declare it a sign of the lords immanent return. Why does Jack need working limbs and a functioning brain when the lord is gonna rapture him up and he can eat all the meat and cheese he wants with Jesus.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Why does he care about the world? He'll be lucky to live until Christmas without stroking out and dying.
I guess it's just yet another thing for this angy little manbabby to get angy about.
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
So in other words, business as usual? If you're honestly looking at the world now and thinking it looks worse than it did two years ago with the lockdowns and everything then you really haven't been paying attention.
Forest fires everywhere because of climate change. I'll assume he's talking illegal aliens and not spacemen, which has been a thing for the longest time, No idea what "spraying America" is. Trump indictment because he broke the law. And Biden is now getting impeached? Honestly I would think he'd be happy about that last one.
But no, he needs to dial these things up to 11 and act like it's the end of the world.
This is the same guy who legit thinks the US is going to implode and roving gangs of atheists are going to be going around killing Christians. He and reality have never been on good terms.
MS Paint Gigachad
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2022
The fact is that every couple of years something happens that convinces (some, sometimes many, sometimes few) Christians that it's Armageddon. Jack, of course, is no exception, not exceptionally sane, but not exceptionally retarded either, imo.
Some part of me imagines God looking down, watching all these events and all these people misguidedly proclaiming it's The End. And #GodLaughs.
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Well he has to, because he won't make it to an actual armagaddon or even the end of the year at this rate. He just wants to pretend he's involved or somehow doing something in his mind to help stop the apocalypse because he's totally incapable of doing anything else in life at this point(likely including wiping his own ass).
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Also I figure I might as well show off the autopsy I did of the Pizza Bake, since that thing was a horror show if you like pizza related things:
1. The robotic voice Jack shoved in the intro is still just messing with my head. It just comes out of nowhere and there doesn’t seem to be a non-sane reason why it exists.
2. Jack opens this video by specifically explaining how Tammy forced him into making this for his vanity project of a show. You can see his fake smile, but the raised voice tells you he didn’t really want to make this himself.
2b. I strongly suspect it’s more due to how he absolutely hates and is terrified of not being able to eat all the food he wants combined with being told what to do.
3. Jack actually does warn people that he’s going to have Tammy cook off screen for him, err, he’s going to brown the “meat” off screen for time’s sake.
3b. You can really tell he doesn’t want to show just how fucked he is from the stroke; since he’s making all this effort to hide how he struggles to stand and can’t cook really anymore.
4. Woah that’s a hard cut to the ingredients! I didn’t expect that, but I guess he couldn’t be fucked to do his usual fade-cuts.
5. Looking at the ingredients, it’s mostly not too bad. He’s using pre-made dough, shreddy mozzarella, mild sausage that’s caseless interestingly, a big bag of Hormel pepperoni, Rotel tomatoes with green chiles, a Vidalia onion, tomato paste for no good reason, and Rao Sauce.
5b. My biggest gripes are with his sauce picks and the Rotel. It’s already stupid that he’s making this essentially a pasta sauce, since there’s no real reason to actually do something like thicken it with tomato paste. But the sauce is really where he shows how food insecure and a cunt he is.
5c. So he doesn’t actually show what variant of Rao’s sauce he’s using but I know he prefers the Arrabiata sauce. For those wondering, that’s a spicy sauce that is based on the tomato sauces native to Calabria. What doesn’t help is that the Rotel stuff has green chiles in it too; meaning it too adds heat. So he’s again making this too hot for his wife, solely so he can eat TWO OF THEM since you can see the awful silicone pans he’s gonna use.
6. “Rayos, love this stuff”; Jack unironically pronounces it that. It’s as dumb as when he said Calzoney. Another fun moment was him trying to remember if he tried to sneak in a spicy batch of sausage to fuck Tammy over.
7. He’s again using oil when he’s browning sausage, which is designed to be very fatty. It’s also telling he’s just blending all this slop together as well. Maybe the recipe he stole does the same thing. Who knows.
8. Haha, Jack actually is putting in the onion in first. This is correct since vegetables always take longer than proteins to properly cook and react to the flavor.
8b. Also noticed Tammy might’ve found the slap-chop or something since they are shockingly fine for Jack. Still a wee bit thick for pizza stuff, but still.
9. Ah yes Jack, season the pre-seasoned sausage and rotel slop. Ignore the variety of spices already native to the meat. So how did he stroke out? WAIT THAT MUCH SODIUM?!
9b. Also noting he overcrowded the pan with sausage and onions before dumping in the Rotel and isn’t letting the oil run off. Also those onions aren’t goddamn cooked. Fucking melon.
10. It then jump cuts to the fucking ugliest prison slop I ever dun saw. It’s actually reminding me of some of Jack’s uglier chilis it’s that bad.
11. You don’t really need two “flaps” to hang over Jack. Anyways he then slings in the piping hot prison slop into the flaps, creating an abomination to God, Italy, and Mexico at the same time for making an abomination burrito at this stage.
12. And Jack’s massively overstuffing this thing with the slop. Of course. I imagine the reptile brain in his head is just gurgling “MEAT MEAT MORE MEAT PRECIOUS” like Gollum in the middle of ODing on Heroin.
13. Oh fuck me of course he’s making the worst take of a calzone or Stromboli ever. I just realized what the hell he’s doing here.
13b. So let’s go into how to fix this. Firstly don’t use fucking Raosauce and paste to make hell spaghetti sauce. Make a proper pizza sauce that you lightly paste internally for hydration.
13c. You then use more cheese than you do meat and veg, since this is supposed to be more like a calzone or Stromboli I think. Also seriously, you only need like a dash of pepperoni and then a bit of sausage/onions to make this shine.
14. Jack thinks the plural of pepperoni is pepperonis. I cannot even right now.
14b. What’s way worse is he’s shoving like a whole fucking layer of pepperoni in a sheet. This thing’s already a greasetrap from the prison slop; it doesn’t need more slop.
14c. Seriously, he’s going to destroy his toilet and ree when this thing solidifies in the pan or in his guts.
15. Oh god, it’s the fusion of a baked ziti/lasagna and a Stromboli. This isn’t Cronenbird levels yet, but a Lucio Fulci equivalent in terms of food horror.
16. Lol it’s on the second layer and the glutton already completely filled it over. How horrifying.
17. This is an anti-pizza as far as I’m concerned. It’s like if you had HP Lovecraft try to terrify you using gastronomy since there’s just something innately wrong with the whole.
18. Jack comments on how much more cheese you can put into this atrocity; I can tell he’s slightly sad that he can’t put more and that it’s due to how small the horrendous Silicone pan is.
18b. Also it’s already seeping oil due to all of the shit I mentioned earlier, so that’s going to be vomit inducing.
19. And the final result looks like the teratological stillbirth of lasagna and a Stromboli. GG Jack it looks horrid; especially since you chose to then add dipping sauce like you would with a calzone. FUCK.
20. “Get a little sauce” ~ Jack ignoring how he already piled in sauce in this horror earlier.
21. Fat boy’s final decision is a childish giggle and a muttering of gud, like he was ever considering saying anything else. Also any annoyance at being forced to make this has been soothed by him knowing he made this too spicy for Tammy.
22. HAHA I JUST REALIZED THIS FUCKER IS USING A SPOON TO EAT THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
23. “That filling is amazing” ~ A glutton with an eating disorder caused by food insecurity on what is effectively meat and cheese
24. Jack lets slip that he added red pepper flakes to guarantee that all two trays of this shit, since he had the ingredients to make two of these horrors, go to him.
25. And he ends with saying go for it and a harsh cut to a promo for “F as in Fat” snoozefest.
1. The robotic voice Jack shoved in the intro is still just messing with my head. It just comes out of nowhere and there doesn’t seem to be a non-sane reason why it exists.
2. Jack opens this video by specifically explaining how Tammy forced him into making this for his vanity project of a show. You can see his fake smile, but the raised voice tells you he didn’t really want to make this himself.
2b. I strongly suspect it’s more due to how he absolutely hates and is terrified of not being able to eat all the food he wants combined with being told what to do.
3. Jack actually does warn people that he’s going to have Tammy cook off screen for him, err, he’s going to brown the “meat” off screen for time’s sake.
3b. You can really tell he doesn’t want to show just how fucked he is from the stroke; since he’s making all this effort to hide how he struggles to stand and can’t cook really anymore.
4. Woah that’s a hard cut to the ingredients! I didn’t expect that, but I guess he couldn’t be fucked to do his usual fade-cuts.
5. Looking at the ingredients, it’s mostly not too bad. He’s using pre-made dough, shreddy mozzarella, mild sausage that’s caseless interestingly, a big bag of Hormel pepperoni, Rotel tomatoes with green chiles, a Vidalia onion, tomato paste for no good reason, and Rao Sauce.
5b. My biggest gripes are with his sauce picks and the Rotel. It’s already stupid that he’s making this essentially a pasta sauce, since there’s no real reason to actually do something like thicken it with tomato paste. But the sauce is really where he shows how food insecure and a cunt he is.
5c. So he doesn’t actually show what variant of Rao’s sauce he’s using but I know he prefers the Arrabiata sauce. For those wondering, that’s a spicy sauce that is based on the tomato sauces native to Calabria. What doesn’t help is that the Rotel stuff has green chiles in it too; meaning it too adds heat. So he’s again making this too hot for his wife, solely so he can eat TWO OF THEM since you can see the awful silicone pans he’s gonna use.
6. “Rayos, love this stuff”; Jack unironically pronounces it that. It’s as dumb as when he said Calzoney. Another fun moment was him trying to remember if he tried to sneak in a spicy batch of sausage to fuck Tammy over.
7. He’s again using oil when he’s browning sausage, which is designed to be very fatty. It’s also telling he’s just blending all this slop together as well. Maybe the recipe he stole does the same thing. Who knows.
8. Haha, Jack actually is putting in the onion in first. This is correct since vegetables always take longer than proteins to properly cook and react to the flavor.
8b. Also noticed Tammy might’ve found the slap-chop or something since they are shockingly fine for Jack. Still a wee bit thick for pizza stuff, but still.
9. Ah yes Jack, season the pre-seasoned sausage and rotel slop. Ignore the variety of spices already native to the meat. So how did he stroke out? WAIT THAT MUCH SODIUM?!
9b. Also noting he overcrowded the pan with sausage and onions before dumping in the Rotel and isn’t letting the oil run off. Also those onions aren’t goddamn cooked. Fucking melon.
10. It then jump cuts to the fucking ugliest prison slop I ever dun saw. It’s actually reminding me of some of Jack’s uglier chilis it’s that bad.
11. You don’t really need two “flaps” to hang over Jack. Anyways he then slings in the piping hot prison slop into the flaps, creating an abomination to God, Italy, and Mexico at the same time for making an abomination burrito at this stage.
12. And Jack’s massively overstuffing this thing with the slop. Of course. I imagine the reptile brain in his head is just gurgling “MEAT MEAT MORE MEAT PRECIOUS” like Gollum in the middle of ODing on Heroin.
13. Oh fuck me of course he’s making the worst take of a calzone or Stromboli ever. I just realized what the hell he’s doing here.
13b. So let’s go into how to fix this. Firstly don’t use fucking Raosauce and paste to make hell spaghetti sauce. Make a proper pizza sauce that you lightly paste internally for hydration.
13c. You then use more cheese than you do meat and veg, since this is supposed to be more like a calzone or Stromboli I think. Also seriously, you only need like a dash of pepperoni and then a bit of sausage/onions to make this shine.
14. Jack thinks the plural of pepperoni is pepperonis. I cannot even right now.
14b. What’s way worse is he’s shoving like a whole fucking layer of pepperoni in a sheet. This thing’s already a greasetrap from the prison slop; it doesn’t need more slop.
14c. Seriously, he’s going to destroy his toilet and ree when this thing solidifies in the pan or in his guts.
15. Oh god, it’s the fusion of a baked ziti/lasagna and a Stromboli. This isn’t Cronenbird levels yet, but a Lucio Fulci equivalent in terms of food horror.
16. Lol it’s on the second layer and the glutton already completely filled it over. How horrifying.
17. This is an anti-pizza as far as I’m concerned. It’s like if you had HP Lovecraft try to terrify you using gastronomy since there’s just something innately wrong with the whole.
18. Jack comments on how much more cheese you can put into this atrocity; I can tell he’s slightly sad that he can’t put more and that it’s due to how small the horrendous Silicone pan is.
18b. Also it’s already seeping oil due to all of the shit I mentioned earlier, so that’s going to be vomit inducing.
19. And the final result looks like the teratological stillbirth of lasagna and a Stromboli. GG Jack it looks horrid; especially since you chose to then add dipping sauce like you would with a calzone. FUCK.
20. “Get a little sauce” ~ Jack ignoring how he already piled in sauce in this horror earlier.
21. Fat boy’s final decision is a childish giggle and a muttering of gud, like he was ever considering saying anything else. Also any annoyance at being forced to make this has been soothed by him knowing he made this too spicy for Tammy.
22. HAHA I JUST REALIZED THIS FUCKER IS USING A SPOON TO EAT THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
23. “That filling is amazing” ~ A glutton with an eating disorder caused by food insecurity on what is effectively meat and cheese
24. Jack lets slip that he added red pepper flakes to guarantee that all two trays of this shit, since he had the ingredients to make two of these horrors, go to him.
25. And he ends with saying go for it and a harsh cut to a promo for “F as in Fat” snoozefest.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
He mentioned also weird political reasons too. Nothing has probably changed more people's minds back to religion than the disgusting degeneracy of the sex pest alphabet gang. 99% of people don't go to church or mosque because of aliens and Trump garbage or whatever.
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- Joined
- Jul 24, 2022
sometimes i wonder how someone like jack can be so dedicated to christianity when he himself has made a career out of gluttony. other christians might take the first stroke as a sign from god that they need to change their ways but not jack.
clearly the strokes were just a random coincidence and not related to getting as close to eating directly out of a fast food places grease trap as possible for years.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He isn't really a Christian, he just sees Christianity as a ticket to act like a complete asshole all the time.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
It's the problem with faith alone and no accountability like through confession in many protestant sects. I think only very trad high Anglican and Lutheran parishes retain that. Most protestants say something like I just believe in Jesus, I guess. I shouldn't sin, I guess, but in the end, doesn't matter because my megachurch pastor said that as long as I believe in what he thinks the Bible says and keep the checks rolling in, it is cool in the end. It is very clear that is what Jack and Tammy believe.
Octopi
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2022
No, I think he really did mean ye olde greys when he said "aliens", not immigrants. Though I presume he is not a fan of the latter either.
"government spraying us" is probably chemtrails.
"government spraying us" is probably chemtrails.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Why would the government need to poison him with chemtrails when he'll pay for them to poison him with goyslop?
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
But he's eating healthy because there's no sugar in it. All the strokes and health issues haven't clued him in that his addiction to food the source of all his problems.
densedance
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2021
I am actually really suprised that the comment section on his all recent videos on two of his channels are still up.
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2021
It's not like he could read them either way.
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
He hired somebody to moderate his comments. On his return video some faggot was sperging at everybody who left a nasty comment that they would be deleted or something and the comment section was going to be cleaned up. It just meant people had to get creative with their backhanded complements to his food.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2019
Jack and Tammy moved out of their McMansion at 157 Trail Ridge Dr. in Hendersonville late last week. While it’s yet to be confirmed, there’s reason to believe the family, including Junior and Brianna, are now living at 103 Thomas Ct. in Greenbrier. Jack recently commented on Facebook that he’ll be debuting the “new set” next week.
From the Zillow listing:
From the Zillow listing:
- Joined
- May 26, 2013
Several definite steps down, if accurate. Tam and the Fatman definitely couldn't financially sustain living in the McMansion, so have to relocate to a shined-up shitbox in the boonies. Love the very handicapped-unfriendly new bathrooms, is this where Jack is going to end up dead, wedged between the altar and the wall? Either way, hope those doors are wide enough for the bariatric gurney that day soon when three or four EMTs are going to herniate something badly.