Opinion I moved to Germany and regret it. I've felt unwelcome by the people, and not even the great healthcare can convince me to stay. - Dispatches from an insufferable American expat.

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*OP's points of emphasis are bolded and underlined*

I moved to Germany and regret it. I've felt unwelcome by the people, and not even the great healthcare can convince me to stay.​

Story by insider@insider.com (Chris Weller) • Yesterday 2:51 PM

• Stephanie Vollmer moved to Germany from South Korea about 18 months ago.
• Vollmer is from Sacramento, California, and said that she experienced culture shock in Germany.
• She said that she also experienced weekly microaggressions and missed being closer to family.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Stephanie Vollmer, a 34-year-old freelance marketer from Sacramento, California, about her experience moving to Germany. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I was teaching English in South Korea when I met my now-husband in 2021. He works for the US military, and I'm a freelance marketer who also runs a travel blog. We're both originally from the US. In January 2022, my husband got restationed in Germany, at which point we decided that I would follow after he moved.

When the opportunity arose, I was excited to start calling Germany home — to travel to other European countries and experience the local culture. Unfortunately, I now completely regret my decision to move abroad to Germany. It's been one of the most difficult culture shocks I've experienced.

After 18 months, I still feel completely unwelcome in Germany​

I feel seen and treated as an outsider. I'm half Korean and half white, and I'm unfortunately treated differently based on my looks. I also experience weekly microaggressions in the form of rude looks and comments about my shaky German — even though I still know enough to understand when I'm being talked about. And I feel almost no support from the country as an expat, especially in my access to resources for handling taxes and other residency matters.
Although many Americans have found remote work viable in other countries, my husband and I are already planning to head back to the United States by the end of this year or early 2024. I can't wait to feel welcome again in my home country and leave this experience behind.

I feel like I'm straddling two worlds, and I don't belong in either of them​

Regarding the military, I'm here unaccompanied — or unauthorized to join the servicemember in this new location. Therefore, I don't have the same resources as military spouses who are accompanied. I've been on a visa the entire time I've been here.
We weren't married when I arrived in Germany, and only recently married two months ago. Since my husband is leaving Germany soon, it made no sense for me to be accompanied. It made things complicated.
I feel like a trespasser here, like I'm straddling two worlds. The first is the US-military community, which my husband belongs to, but I don't. The second is the German-resident community, which I'm reminded on a daily basis I also don't belong to.

We live in a small German town called Otterberg because of my husband's job​

Also, we can't afford to live in a city like Berlin or Frankfurt, which have more young people and other expats.
Most people in our town are older Germans who don't seem to enjoy chatting about the weather with a beginner speaker like me. One time, when I was at a government office doing some paperwork for my first visa, the man behind the counter said that my German should be much better even though I had been there for only a month.
It's a comment I've gotten from many people. I'd heard Germans were blunt, but these kinds of interactions feel different. In the US and South Korea, I was used to people being friendly toward visitors trying to learn the language.
While I feel physically safer in Germany than in the US, which has seen a rise in anti-Asian violence over the past year, I feel distinctly less welcome. At times, I've even felt like a failure.

The benefits aren't worth the hassles and high costs of living​

Germany is beautiful. When we go for a drive, I look forward to the rolling green countryside in our town. What stings is the price of admission. I mainly earn US dollars from my freelance marketing gigs, and the exchange rate to euros leaves us with less buying power.
It feels like a lose-lose situation. Gas is the equivalent of $7 to $9 per gallon in Germany, depending on what kind of car you drive. And public transit isn't very accessible in our rural town.
Also, learning German is incredibly expensive and time-consuming. Few people in my small town speak English, so I've taken it upon myself to take classes and learn the language. Each course in the sanctioned six-course program can cost upwards of $500 apiece and requires almost as much time as a full-time job. This high cost of time and money has prevented me from learning it as quickly as I'd hoped.
In other countries, such as South Korea, state-sponsored integration programs offer language classes for free.

Then there's the inconvenience of daily living​

In-person shopping takes forever because there aren't big-box stores, and online purchases — excluding Amazon — take up to a week to arrive. Coming from the US and South Korea, where same-day or next-day delivery is more common, this has been an adjustment. And while food doesn't cost much more, certain products, such as electronics, cost considerably more than in the US. Taxes here are extremely high compared to Korea and the US.
Last but not least, I miss being closer to my family. When I lived in South Korea, I was much closer to my dad and my stepmom, who lived in the Philippines. I was also in a more forgiving time zone relative to my family in California. Here, the overlap window is quite inconvenient, and after all these months, I'm ready to be only one or two time zones away.

I'm excited to experience the comforts of home again​

One aspect of living in Germany that's been nice is the healthcare. I spend next to nothing on insurance, and I can expense most of my visits and prescriptions so that they're essentially free. This is undeniably better than US healthcare, and I'll miss it. But coming from South Korea, where the care is even better than in Germany, I recognize it's the care, not Germany, that I'll miss.
I've heard it's nice to have kids in Germany, too, but my husband and I don't plan on having any children here because we're planning to move back to the US by early next year. I miss the comforts of being surrounded by people like me — English-speaking working professionals from diverse backgrounds— and the foods from those mixed communities.
Germany offers cuisines from other cultures, but it's nothing like the Asian or Mexican dishes I grew up with. These familiarities are hard to replicate abroad, and I'm grateful my time in Germany has reminded me of what I value most. The experience was worth it in that regard, but it's just not the home for me.
June 15, 2023: This story was updated to clarify that Stephanie Vollmer moved to Germany before marrying her husband, who works with the military, and is currently living in the country unaccompanied.
Correction: June 13, 2023 — An earlier version of this story misspelled the name of the person who moved to Germany. Her name is Stephanie Vollmer, not Bollmer.

 

[heathercho]

She's all about her "South Korean" identity insinuating that's why she's unwelcome but she doesn't even have chinky eyes. It's completely her rancid personality that gets her side-eyed.

Actually you can see the Korean Ajumma in her. Just coz she's half Korean doesn't mean she isn't a dumb piece of shit.

 

[CuzinEd]

So some fat American hapa bitch moved to Germany and doesn't like it. You should have kept you half white halk gook ass in California. Stop fucking crying and leave.

I would probably fit right in if I lived in Germany....Nazi Germany.

 

[ロボ﹏§¤r﹏h¶rœ]

As expected from a privileged American.

experienced weekly microaggressions

LOL

And I feel almost no support from the country as an expat

An immigrant. Get your vocabulary right.

 

[Cuckoman]

If they are Californians yes, they are incredibly thin skinned creatures that hate anything below roughly 30 Celsius, and can't go a day without Starbucks. I would apologize for siccing them on you, but we barely consider them Americans ourselves. Bully them when you have the chance

I lived a decade in the Bay Area, i.e. silicon valley an hour outside SF.
It absolutely drops below 0 celcius at night there during winter.
I also recall telling my wife when we first arrived there "hmmm, seems to be an awful lot of pine trees for a place supposed to be this warm".

Then I moved back to the tropics where it is too hot for pine trees to survive and the coldest night in winter never drops below 10 Celcius.

Also, fuck all californians. They are faggots. All of them.

 

[Manul Otocolobus]

The guy saying your German should be better is because he was suggesting, in a rather German way, how to unfuck yourself if you are having trouble. He isn't wrong. You should learn the basics of a language before you go to a country, not start while you are there.

Also, when dealing with a language barrier that is on your end, it doesn't hurt to start a conversation with "Hello. I apologize for any difficulty or extra time it will take for this interaction. I am still learning your language. I thank you for your patience and understanding." unless that isn't appropriate for the culture, of which you should also know all the basics. Ensure that you are always perfectly polite, try your hardest, never be pushy or demanding. Apologizing for being a pain in the ass and thanking them upfront for the extra time and effort it will take them to deal with you I find is a good starting point for a little understanding from the other person. Also, most people appreciate effort. If you are really giving it 110%, most people will be able to pick up on that and be appreciative of it (unless they are French, then you are still scum).

 

[Soggy paper straw]

my home country

That is because you are an outsider. Europe is very different from America, no matter how much we’ve tried to Americanize these countries since World War II.

Exactly. She calls the US her "home country".. interesting word there, isn't it? Almost like when you emigrate somewhere you (should) implicitly understand you are going to someone's else home and you are a guest.

Don't let the door hit you!

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

I miss the comforts of being surrounded by people like me

At least she has something in common with the common european.

She also comes off as someone that tries "to learn" by doing her thing in German while at the pharmacy/whatever. People behind her giant behind is groaning and sighing and she gets pissy because she's trying to learn you guys! She's also not half-anything, that's all ham.

 

[batterybee]

this kinda gives me synchronicity vibes, along the lines of what null was josh was saying yesterday on mati about feds getting horrible women,
Am i miss-remembering that? xd

 

[Balr0g]

Also
> Free healthcare is great
> Taxes are too high
Oh God it's retarded.

It's NOT free healthcare. If you are working in Germany a portion of your wage is directly send to social security. Your employer takes up the other half. At least that is for the wage slaves. Those that are freelancers or work in certain jobs (doctors with their own practice, artists etc they pay everything themselves.

 

[Otis Mallebrok]

The microagressions you experience are warnings to get out before you are led to the gaschamber.

 

[Absolutego]

I'm embarrassed as a Yankee that entitled, moronic Californians are many cultures' first experience with Americans.

 

[ZMOT]

The town of Kaiserslautern has 100k people and is about a mile from Otterburg. Why not go there for fun?

Also, FUCK YOU CUNT. Frankfurt is about 1.5 hours away from Rammstein. You want your husband to drive three hours per day so you can be better amused?

looked it up after reading it, thought it was bavaria. turns out it wasn't, but the area isn't much better. also the village she lives in apparently has a population of 5000, that's already pretty rural and will only get worse the lower you get. also germany still somewhat different depending where you are.
plus older people and rural obviously won't speak much english (or korean), so good luck.

she's also blatantly wrong

Then there's the inconvenience of daily living
In-person shopping takes forever because there aren't big-box stores, and online purchases — excluding Amazon — take up to a week to arrive. Coming from the US and South Korea, where same-day or next-day delivery is more common, this has been an adjustment. And while food doesn't cost much more, certain products, such as electronics, cost considerably more than in the US. Taxes here are extremely high compared to Korea and the US.
Last but not least, I miss being closer to my family. When I lived in South Korea, I was much closer to my dad and my stepmom, who lived in the Philippines. I was also in a more forgiving time zone relative to my family in California. Here, the overlap window is quite inconvenient, and after all these months, I'm ready to be only one or two time zones away.

first of all, moving halfway around to world of course means you're not as close to relatives (duh), but has nothing to do with "daily living" unless you want annoy them every day.

the second is there are big box stores, of course not in bumfuck nowhere she ended up, but I'm pretty sure there's still a discounter or two around, which are all about BUY YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT (lidl even has a policy to open more checkouts with lines of more than 5 people or so), if their sleepy franchise store even gets that much traffic in the first place - I know of one in an even smaller village RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO AN ALDI which is always pretty empty. but it's big probably because real estate is cheaper...
turns out germans get their daily groceries from there and that's it.

besides, germany is small as fuck, how long does she think mail takes? 2-3 days is usually the maximum unless the store in question posts it later (although her bumfuck location might add another day).

Can any German Kiwis tell me some insults for fatties like the articles op? I want to have a sample of what this landwhale (probably didn’t, in all honesty) got called.

some things are so basic there's not much difference, most likely a "lol fetti" (fett=fat, so fatty), or if you're more boomer maybe "fette sau" (fat pig). most people don't care about that tho unless you annoy them.

however those are pretty in your face, which most besides some "new german" teens won't do. older ones are more about passive aggressiveness and a reaction when suddenly talked to that's more like "the fuck you're bothering me?" which won't improve much if they think you're wasting their time, not blatant curse words (which germans don't really use that much anyway, not like english where "fuck" and "shit" are considered superlatives). small talk in the shopping line for example is often frowned upon, unlike the anglosphere (not that it won't happen, but it's usually pretty short). guess that makes krauts look colder than they are not engaging in somewhat meaningless dialog and stuff (which apparently burgers are pretty notorious for)

I assume that's what burger euphemize as "being reserved", but as @Manul Otocolobus mentioned the french are way worse in that regard... but then check which country is right next door, meaning you get a lot of mixed german/french in those border areas, and possibly a worse combination of both.

 

[Traummaschine]

Not too surprising that a bunch of old people in a tiny town near an american army base aren't too amused by americans.

 

[WelperHelper99]

I lived a decade in the Bay Area, i.e. silicon valley an hour outside SF.
It absolutely drops below 0 celcius at night there during winter.
I also recall telling my wife when we first arrived there "hmmm, seems to be an awful lot of pine trees for a place supposed to be this warm".

Then I moved back to the tropics where it is too hot for pine trees to survive and the coldest night in winter never drops below 10 Celcius.

Also, fuck all californians. They are faggots. All of them.

Had one in trade school that had never seen snow. Thought 100 degrees F was a nice day. Californians are nuts when it comes to tempeture. 68 degrees F is the best temp

 

[mold]

You're complaining that you get endless hours of language learning for only $500 a course? Back in your native California that would buy you about 5 minutes of instruction. Maybe if you weren't a "freelance marketer who also runs a travel blog" (translation: unemployed Honorary Negro) you could invest a little in your future.

you can hire someone online for a fraction of that cost and get personalized instruction, she's an idiot

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

I'm willing to bet there was a shopping center five minutes walk away filled with local produce at a reasonable price, yet the bitch wanted her imports from half the globe away (while talking on how her massive EV is good for the environment).

 

[CuzinEd]

One thing I find odd is her complaints about language. She probably should have learned some German before she decided to go there. From what I have heard most Europeans under the age of 50 can speak English pretty well. All the ones I have encountered on the internet speak English well. They usually speak better than most Americans because they are taught how to speak English. So much so that if they don't have an accent I think they are might be Americans. If you actually listen to them you can tell they aren't. Usually there is a slight hint of something odd about how they talk. It's like hearing Canadians talk. They start pronouncing some words in odd ways. It's kind of like hearing someone from the Midwest talk.

She should have just stuck to an English speaking country. Though that would limit her to Canada the UK Australia and New Zealand. It's best to just stay in your own country. She must have money because going to another country isn't cheap. Even leaving their own state is out of the reach for most Americans.

 

[AnOminous]

One thing I find odd is her complaints about language. She probably should have learned some German before she decided to go there. From what I have heard most Europeans under the age of 50 can speak English pretty well.

The fact she's complaining about the language means to me that she's such a raging cunt that people deliberately pretend not to speak English just not to have to talk to her.

 

[HackerX]

Lol sounds like husbando is not in a TESA role and has to pay German taxes. (I.e., job doesn't require particular skill and/or experience.) Get rekt

There are expat communities if you bother to look, but this fatass can't even bother to shop somewhere other than Amazon. There's no reason someone can't thrive as an expat, you don't need access to military resources. Hell, the only real benefit to having access to those resources is AAFES.

She's just a complaining, fat woman and her life will be functionally identical no matter where she lives. Imagine having her mindset as an expat, rofl.

 

[AnOminous]

She's just a complaining, fat woman and her life will be functionally identical no matter where she lives. Imagine having her mindset as an expat, rofl.

I hate people like this because they're why any time you travel as an Amerilard you're assumed to be this kind of an asshole. I mean, I'm an asshole but not this kind of whiny, self-righteous fat cunt kind that is completely insufferable. If I'm in someone else's homeland I'm going to respect that and not shit up the place with imperialistic, American supremacist bullshit.