Culture Ask Amy: We told him not to come to the wedding, but we still wanted his money

Dear Amy: Four months before my daughter’s wedding, she told me that her uncle (my brother, “Dave”) would make her feel unsafe if he was a guest. She asked me not to invite him.

My daughter is very politically progressive, as are many of her friends, and although she and Dave have always had a good relationship (I thought), he is a conservative voter and has supported candidates we all abhor.

Dave has always been very nice, so my daughter’s request surprised me.

I wrote Dave a very nice note, telling him that we would not be comfortable with him at the wedding and that he would not be invited.

Dave did not respond and did not attend.

Afterward, I sent him a card and pictures from the wedding, all in an effort to make him feel like he was not being totally left out.

I have not heard from Dave since then. When my siblings found out what I had done they were angry with me.

That is just one problem.

Another problem is that Dave has not sent my daughter and son-in-law a wedding gift.

In the past, Dave has given family members wedding checks in excess of $1,000.

She says she was counting on receiving the same type of gift.

My husband says I should drop it – but I can’t. Dave’s behavior is upsetting and embarrassing to me.

How can I get my brother to recognize and change his petty behavior?

Please don’t tell me that I’m the one who started this by not inviting my brother to the wedding. After all, he’s a grown man, while my daughter is young and just starting out.

– Angry in Philadelphia

Dear Angry: Let’s recap: Your delicate daughter is too frightened to be near a conservative voter to allow her uncle “Dave” to attend her wedding.

She then asks you to do her dirty work for her, and (of course) you do!

Fine – so far, we have only a bride’s prerogative to create her own guest list, and her mother’s choice to protect her from any consequences, which is your prerogative.

You then rub the excluded guest’s nose in this wedding by sending him photos of the event to which he has pointedly not been invited.

But it’s your second “problem” which I believe will enter the Bridezilla Hall of Infamy.

In short: Brides who are too afraid of family members to invite them to a family wedding don’t then get the pleasure of receiving their money.

You seem almost as afraid of your daughter as she is of your brother, but I hope you’ll find a way to courageously tell her that the Bank of Uncle Dave is closed, at least to your branch of the family.

So far, your silent brother is the only family member who is behaving appropriately. He’s steering clear, which is exactly what you have asked him to do.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/advi...0230629-tdz3lad4a5dthgi5d35v4lsgzq-story.html (Archive)

 

[JosephStalin]

Can believe this happened, some people are that fucking stupid.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

It's made up, you porch monkey. All these columns are.

Given how many women I've met with the same attitude and they're literally, cognitively unable to comprehend their hypocrisy and double standards, I wouldn't be surprised if this was real. Why would that be strange? We have a society that validates everything women think at every turn. Modern progressive politics is basically woman-led which is why that tranny shit is so popular. I've known feminists that say one thing and then bitch about the death of chivalry the next. They simply want it all and they don't dwell on a single thought that there's something wrong with their behavior.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I don’t know if this particular story is fake but I’ve seen many instances post-2016 where wrongthinkers are purged from family gatherings but get pissed when they’re not there to hand a check over for weddings, graduation, etc. The shitlord is just expected to be the “bigger man” and just let their leftist family members throw tantrums. So that’s why I think this situation might actually be real.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

I wrote Dave a very nice note,

then

telling him that we would not be comfortable with him at the wedding and that he would not be invited.

Hilarious.

It's made up, you porch monkey. All these columns are.

Maybe. On the other hand, I have actual relatives who behave this way, so it's quite possibly real. In a libshit city like Philadelphia, I'd have no trouble at all believing it, especially the sense of entitlement from the daughter.

 

[Bakarina]

I've seen this kind of thing happen and have had it done to me so while this exact scenario might be fake, this shit does happen.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

This exact letter might be fake, but everyone here knows that there's people like that out here.

The interesting thing that is being glossed over by the yells of "FAKE!" is the fact that the second half flat out lays it out that the 'writer' was the asshole in this situation.

That they were rude in telling them not to show. That they rubbed it in with the pictures. That the daughter is an entitled bitch who might have wanted to consider what she was doing. That the person uninvited isn't obligated to give Bridezilla there ANYTHING.

Five years ago, it would be the brother who was the asshole.

That's the interesting part that makes this worthy of a few seconds of your time.

 

[KittyGremlin]

1000 bucks wedding gift? Damn.

 

[draggs]

How in the *fuck* did you get to that conclusion!?

Good thing Amy here called her out

She's lying when she says she did that to try to make "Uncle Dave" feel not entirely left out

She did it because it's textbook passive aggressive behavior, and passive aggressive behavior is a woman's bread and butter. The way plain old aggressive behavior is a man's bread and butter

And if it is fake, it's literally fake but accurate lol, people do this shit all the time over any and every kind of dispute in the family

 

[The Lizard Queen]

Reddit shut down, so it is spilling out into the real world.

 

[Big moth tiddies]

I'm shocked at the number of you who think this is fake and gay but see shit way worse than this on a daily basis.
I have seen people in real life do shit like this with the same sense of entitlement and the same shock and surprise when they don't get their way.

Gonna do a minor PL just as a quick example, My cousin's sister trooned out after going to college. Then she started calling her parents fascists for not supporting her mental delusions despite paying for her college tuition and giving her a card that they refill with 250$ every month. After having some kinda row that I wasn't given details on, their daughter said she was disowning them. In turn they stopped filling the card and then the daughter started harassing them so much they got a protective order.

After typing all of this out, I just realized I could have just said "Dave Muscato" and moved on, but this is fine too.

 

[Otterly]

If I was dave, I would send the daughter a nice wedding card, and a note that he was very sad not to be invited, he wishes them all the happiness in the world and he has given the thousand plus bucks to the most conservative but worthy campaign, charity etc he can possibly find. Something she can’t really object to without looking like an utter cow. Something like a nice charity that grants wishes to terminally sick children.
And then I would chuckle.
ETA: whether this specific one is fake or not, I’ve seen such behaviour around weddings multiple times. Weddings suspend reality and morality for many women, it seems to drive them insane.
I was once a bridesmaid at a wedding and we were forced into super high stiletto heels, forced to stand to for hours on end in them. I found it extremely painful, but the worst thing was that one of the bridesmaids was recovering from spinal surgery and wanted to wear flats - bridezilla had a tantrum like I have never seen an adult woman throw.
We all got quietly drunk after

 

[Yet Another Wanker]

Jeez and I thought the groom's family drinking beer before the wedding was white trash. Fucking FIBs go die in a gang shooting losers.

Here's my dream wedding we go to the Church. One hour later since true Catholic Weddings last an hour we hand the priest 200 bucks and go home drink in the backyard guest leave at 9 and we consummate the marriage at 10 and then go to bed.

 

[The Mass Shooter Ron Soye]

It's real, I'm Dave.

 

[rel=alternate]

Fake because its fake.

Gay because a gay dude probably cooked this up to make himself feel better about being gay.

tl;dr fake and gay.

This story did not happen and is just rage-bait to farm clicks. Yawn.

This.

This is so retarded, it's just not realistic at all. There are stupid people on both sides, but if you can write, you know enough to realize how crazy this would sound to any reasonable person.

 

[Staticness]

This sounds fake in that it’s made up, but real in that we all actually know someone like that and it’s entirely plausible.

Women are fucking vipers, man.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

Jeez and I thought the groom's family drinking beer before the wedding was white trash. Fucking FIBs go die in a gang shooting losers.

Were you at the same wedding as me a month ago?

While I am with the people calling this fake, since it is all too perfect, this approximate scenario is probably playing out somewhere every week. Family members are not invited because "wah, I disagree with them politically" followed after the wedding with "they gave my sibling/cousin/whatever a wedding gift, where's mine!!?" Not realising that when you cut off your family that goes both ways, you can't have the benefits from them while refusing to have contact with them.

 

[Retink Retunk]

Imagine having the audacity to be upset you didn't get paid by the person you told to fuck off and not attend your wedding.

 

[SiccDicc]

Fake or not - I'm inclined to believe it because family law has ruined me as a person - I'm just shocked the Chicago Tribune decided to take this stance with the answer.

 

[AnOminous]

Imagine having the audacity to be upset you didn't get paid by the person you told to fuck off and not attend your wedding.

I've seen so many redditors act exactly like this I have no problem believing it's real. Maybe it's made up but I wouldn't assume it.

 

[anustart76]

I've seen so many redditors act exactly like this I have no problem believing it's real. Maybe it's made up but I wouldn't assume it.

I can see this posted on that "am I the asshole" subreddit or whatever it is, with responses all going "oh no you're totally right sweetie, he's such a bigot"