Science Why The Healthiest People Drink Cockroach Milk, According To Research

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Why The Healthiest People Drink Cockroach Milk, According To Research​

This is just in from science: cockroach milk is the new superfood.

That's right, go directly to your cabinets full of quinoa and coconut oil, and kale (which should be in the fridge, btw) and set it on fire. Let that fire burn and burn until all your nutritious snacks have been devoured by the flames.

We're only drinking cockroach milk from here on out.

Healthy people drink cockroach milk now​

Take a swig and savor the health benefits.

Hmmmm, tastes like insect legs, vomit, and despair, doesn't it?

Let's try to shove all innate terror at the prospect of feasting on a cockroach to one side for a moment and really break this down. Yes, it sounds disgusting, but so are Brussels sprouts and people eat those anyways.

A group of scientists in India has discovered that cockroach milk is four times as nutritious as cow's milk, containing a protein the likes of which this world has never seen (lol, grandiosity for the win). Could this be a new alternative to milk people can put in their coffees?

Scientists at the Institute of Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine say that this protein (produced by the mama roaches for their babies) is high in calories and releases sustained energy over a period of several hours.

You know, like a Cliff bar, but instead, you are drinking actual cockroach milk.

But don't worry too much. Rather than trying to milk cockroaches (an image that is both disturbing and adorable), scientists plan to find a way to replicate the proteins in a lab.

This is one of those things we never needed to hear the science behind.

Do you know how much more likely I would be to try a newly invented protein "inspired by nature" than to sample cockroach milk? The answer is EXTREMELY LIKELY, GUYS.

Cockroaches have been touted as being high in protein before, and while I respect the thinking that turning to them as food will help preserve the planet I am not ashamed to say that I'm just not a good enough human being to make that kind of sacrifice.

I mean, I'll be real, I've even got a hard time eating just regular vegetables.

So make of this news what you will. I for one, will be trying to forget it so that when the new super protein is released upon us all, I can maybe start using it without remembering that it comes from nature's most horrid beastie.
 
I think it's cat (civet) shit. Although if you tell me there's another kind of coffee that they get from bird shit I'm not going to be surprised.
As if I needed another reason to not drink coffee. It really is the pretentious drink when you think about it. It's naturally bitter, it's scalding hot that can potentially melt your skin, people will pay around $5 for one with the Starbucks logo, and if it's got gross stuff in it, it makes it a luxury brand. All done so that they can tell you their literal shitty beverage is fancy and expensive.

There are simply better options for actual stimulants or beverages.
 
I think it's cat (civet) shit. Although if you tell me there's another kind of coffee that they get from bird shit I'm not going to be surprised.
I've heard of the cat shit coffee, but bird shit? I don't even want to know.

Funny, I hadn't heard about the cat shit coffee before this. The bird one is from the Jacu birds in Brazil.
 

Why The Healthiest People Drink Cockroach Milk, According To Research​

Roaches could shit out literal alchemical elixir of life and I still wouldn't drink it. Go ahead and let your inborn fear of death turn you into a whore for popsci fads: You can spend hours explaining how your motivations are normal, but at the end of the day you're still a whore.

This is just in from science: cockroach milk is the new superfood.
(Sigh.) How'd all those other "superfoods" go? There's got to be thousands of them by now.

Not past the opening line and I'm already too disgusted to continue. I'm a bloody lightweight tonight.
 
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Look at all the "former" outlets in her bio. The only consolation of the age is that these "journalism," enterprises are going broke at incredible speed as their VC money dries up in the post-ZIRP wastelands. Between AI and vaporized capital, she'll be a cockroach farmer before we know it.
Any one of those outlets listed on your resume should be a red flag. The fact that she has contributed to all of them is an immediate concern to anyone with any sort of common sense.
Is it still in vogue to drink coffee using beans found in bird shit?
Jacu bird coffee, and Kopi Luwak (civet coffee) are among the highest price per weight coffee in the world. Again proving that, along with things like escargot, caviar, and whatever the latest "superfood" is, the stupid rich people will pay a ridiculous price for anything if you can attach a good story to it, and convince them that it's worth it.
 
As if I needed another reason to not drink coffee. It really is the pretentious drink when you think about it. It's naturally bitter, it's scalding hot that can potentially melt your skin, people will pay around $5 for one with the Starbucks logo, and if it's got gross stuff in it, it makes it a luxury brand. All done so that they can tell you their literal shitty beverage is fancy and expensive.

There are simply better options for actual stimulants or beverages.
Please don't malign people who drink coffee by associating us with the consoomers of corn syrup and burnt ass that inhabit Starbucks. We don't deserve it.
 
Feel like there's more to nutrition than calories per gram.

Also, fat, and less followers than Jake Alley:
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I'd try it but wouldn't buy it again if it tasted any less good than real dairy milk. Impossible Meat is not anywhere close to real meat. Plus it sounds like it's just a recreated, isolated protein made in a lab and not like they're milking cockroaches somehow.
Yeah...I'm not taking health advice from anyone who pays $1,900 to COOM.
That seems so implausible and unscientific. Offered by the same clinics that do PRP microneedling which also doesn't work.
 
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I was skeptical but when this dumb cunt compared brussel sprouts to cockroach secretions I knew she was not just ugly but crazy as well.

If she had an e-mail address I'd link her to this thread. I think all "journalists" who write terrible shit that ends up as KF thread should read what people who don't give a fuck about their weird politics, think about what shit they are shoveling.
 
Yet another goddamn lie to get people to eat ze bugs. Roaches have no milk, its literally their innards. Not to mention the bastards play host to a whole slew of pathogens.

Invest in chickens.
 
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