Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

LAZY MAN'S ICE CREAM​

(08.11.23)

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This nigga made the trout yogurt from Earthbound

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jack is BIG MAD that his complete failure to have anything to do with an actual roulette format in his "Recipe Roulette" videos is causing constant blowback, and of course it's the viewers and not the Idiot Crippled Manbaby who are wrong. Neck down Tammy with the flabby guns out, looks like you crossed a middle aged punk with a third grade teacher. Jack insists on ONE TABLESPOON of instant pudding powder, but because he's a godforsaken boulder with a dead arm, he can only sort of approximate the measurement. A clever fade hides the fact he can't tighten the lids on his mason jars, and of course with his fat-clogged coronary system he can't muster the strength to properly shake the jars, leaving aside the fact that protein powder is a terrible choice to hand-shake into anything. Straightedge Tam finally breaks in and uses the blender off screen, but despite that, Jack's abortion dessert has the worst texture possible. Jack takes a taste, suffers yet another mini stroke, then focuses long enough to deliver his sum-up.

"Ungh. I promise. I PROMISE you. This is mind-blowing," Jack lies.

Edit: Rob is a good enough home cook to know how grainy and awful that shit is just on sight.

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"If you don't understand what the restaurant roulette is now you are never gonna understand, ok?"

Such a condescending dickhead. We can say the same thing about Jack and his understanding of stroke risk factors and prevention.

 

[beautiful person]

LAZY MAN'S ICE CREAM​

(08.11.23)

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"Tammy's going to help me out."

Rob, AKA Liquid Jack, is really getting into his head, lol.

 

[anliteralidiot]

"Tammy's going to help me out."

Rob, AKA Liquid Jack, is really getting into his head, lol.

I don't know... Jack looks like he's melting, so who's the true Liquid?

 

[Kulee Baba]

If you have a fancy juicer Frozen Bananas actually make fantastic faux ice cream. Take your Banana, shove it in the juicer, out comes a very creamy mashed banana. This is also why Frozen Bananas are an excellent base for Smoothies.

Put a little cinnamon or chocolate syrup (obviously not keto friendly) and you it's pretty much as healthy as a desert gets. This recipe sounds and looks revolting.

A fat close to death fatty like Jack should only eat Berries to get a sugar kick. But frankly and I said this years back if I were Jack I'd be making Kahlua & Ice Cream milkshakes until the grim reaper finally brought me to peace.

 

[ZipDisk]

Salmon Slush.

My mom bought one of those "yo nana" fruit mixers at a goodwill, and ended up throwing it in the garbage because of the abominations it shit out.

Those crimes against god looked better than Jack's Salmon Shebert.

I like how people in the youtube comments are outright accusing Tammy of crimes. It's fantastic. (DO NOT DO THAT IF YOU POST HERE)

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Fat fuck needs to rename his channel "The Cooking With Tammy Show" because he doesn't do a goddamn thing anymore. Literally every recipe is a lazy man recipe when you don't do anything and just watch while your wife does all the work:

"Okay guysh we're going to do a lazshy mansh five coursh Thankshgiving dinner. Heresh all our ingredientsh..." Jack points to an enitre table full of various ingredients, picking each one up to read the label out loud to the camera because the dumb fuck can't remember what anything is. "Come on in closh!" A quick jump cut and most of the food is already prepared. Jack stands awkwardly to the side as Tammy prepares mashed potatoes, sweat soaking through her shirt and wearing a double batch of resting bitch face. Another jump cut and Jack is now front and center with a plate full of turkey. "Wow guysh thish is amazing! Home run! So eashy, I didn't even break a shweat! Definitely give thish a shot! Lazy mansh Thankshgiving dinner! Love you guysh, see you on the nexsht epishode!" Total video run time: 3 minutes and 40 seconds.

 

[AnOminous]

Holy shit... even if someone competent made that, I'd still have a hard time being polite and giving it a try. Vanilla pudding and watermelon? Straight in the trash it goes.

It's also just the worst imaginable way to make watermelon sorbet.

Freeze cubed watermelon, or at least refrigerate it in the freezer until semi-solid. Crush it in a blender. Add some lemon juice. Not even sugar (the watermelon has plenty). You're done. Also use seedless watermelon and you don't even need to mess with seeds, with or without a "SEEVE." I think pronouncing the word that way pissed me off even more than anything else.

 

[Rabid Weasels]

He's said it more than once about restaurant roulette: the thing that makes it random for him is that "nobody told us about it." Shows a complete lack of curiosity on their part. Many people wander into new experiences out of curiosity or to avoid boredom - that is not a game of random chance. This man has shown zero curiosity for decades. Even when he does something out of the ordinary like go off on a freeze dried tangent, its because some prepper he admires has told him what to do and how. I wonder if his wendigo is doing it to him and he ended up posessed by the least creative demon in existence.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

It's also just the worst imaginable way to make watermelon sorbet.

Freeze cubed watermelon, or at least refrigerate it in the freezer until semi-solid. Crush it in a blender. Add some lemon juice. Not even sugar (the watermelon has plenty). You're done. Also use seedless watermelon and you don't even need to mess with seeds, with or without a "SEEVE." I think pronouncing the word that way pissed me off even more than anything else.

I do frozen berries blended with greek yogurt and it's good or blend together frozen berries with unsweetened homemade green tea and it makes a slushy type cool drink for the summer. There are tons of good options Jack just seems to always go to the most repulsive.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

He's said it more than once about restaurant roulette: the thing that makes it random for him is that "nobody told us about it." Shows a complete lack of curiosity on their part. Many people wander into new experiences out of curiosity or to avoid boredom - that is not a game of random chance. This man has shown zero curiosity for decades. Even when he does something out of the ordinary like go off on a freeze dried tangent, its because some prepper he admires has told him what to do and how. I wonder if his wendigo is doing it to him and he ended up posessed by the least creative demon in existence.

Yeah, to him it's "roulette" because it's a random chance on whether it is gud or not gud. i.e. whether they serve giant plates piled up with meat for suspiciously low prices. He really thinks his critics don't understand, and it's true that we don't understand, but only because he's not honest about what he's actually doing. His narcissism blinds him to his audience's point of view.

 

[Adamska]

LAZY MAN'S ICE CREAM​

(08.11.23)

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Oh gross he's using a big batch of protein powder in this trash fire of something he stole from TikTok. It's not going to remotely taste like actual ice cream. Also not the biggest fan of watermelon in general, so even if this was made competently it's not going to be something I'd particularly enjoy.

It was probably the more interesting of the two awful ideas he had for making videos, so there's that. It's dinged by the fact he spent a good 20% of the video reeeing and bitching over people telling him his method of "roulette" is dogshit too.

Also his newest intro music choice is horrid. Even more babyish and nightmarish than the previous one, and his new logo is very much something you can slap together into MSPaint.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

LAZY MAN'S ICE CREAM​

(08.11.23)

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Well that looked like shit.

Here's the thing though... ice cream is dead easy to make. Cream, sugar, egg yolk, flavoring. Then if you don't have an ice cream maker but you have a stand mixer, get yourself some liquid nitrogen. Turn the mixer on medium and slowly pour that stuff in. It will freeze and because it freezes so quickly you're left with some incredibly creamy ice cream.

Also him getting pissy about the roulette is really funny.

This is also why Frozen Bananas are an excellent base for Smoothies.

And that's their primary use in my house. Once they get too ripe they go into the freezer and ready to pull out to whip up a smoothie with berries, yogurt and some protein powder. It's also a great breakfast if you're pressed for time.

 

[AnOminous]

Oh gross he's using a big batch of protein powder in this trash fire of something he stole from TikTok. It's not going to remotely taste like actual ice cream.

This is a really simple one that actually does taste somewhat like ice cream. You don't just shake it up like a retard, though, you use a hand mixer or a stand mixer for a long time.

Ingredients​

• 2 cups (16 fl oz/450 ml ) heavy whipping cream (cold)
• 14 ounces (1 can/ 400 ml) cold sweetened condensed milk (fat-free or regular)
• 1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Instructions​

• Place sweetened condensed milk in the fridge to keep cold for at least 4 hours.
• Using an electric hand mixer or stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, whip the cold cream on medium/high speed until soft peaks form.
• Turn off the machine and pour the cold condensed milk into the whipped cream.
• Turn the speed up to high and whisk until the mixture is thick and stiff peaks form. Turn off the machine and stir in vanilla extract (optional).

This gets really stiff. It's still not as good as using a machine.

 

[Harambe]

This is a really simple one that actually does taste somewhat like ice cream. You don't just shake it up like a retard, though, you use a hand mixer or a stand mixer for a long time.


This gets really stiff. It's still not as good as using a machine.

Chef John here does a variation on the no churn ice cream with a bit of cream cheese and stewed carrots to create a really, really delicious carrot cake ice cream.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

The Fat man hasn't gotten around to deleting comments yet it seems.

 

[Not At All A Lizard]

I wonder to what extent his crippled brain just doesn't understand he's being trolled. The fact that he gets very little interaction outside of it must make it worse.

 

[indomitable snowman]

I don't know if anyone noticed but he's using another new bottle of heavy cream in this video compared to the cinnamon roll hack video. Both appear to be quart bottles. Very healthy jack. I'm sure the fat content helps the blood flow smoothly through the dead arm.

 

[AnOminous]

I don't know if anyone noticed but he's using another new bottle of heavy cream in this video compared to the cinnamon roll hack video. Both appear to be quart bottles. Very healthy jack. I'm sure the fat content helps the blood flow smoothly through the dead arm.

The question now isn't whether he has too much fat in his bloodstream, it's if he has any blood at all in his fatstream.

 

[Comma]

What in the holy fuck is this?

He's letting AI do the editing for him, isn't he?