Megathread SRS and GRS surgeons and associated horrors - the medical community of experimental surgeons, the secret community of home butchers

[OttoWest]

Oh that's right, my bad. I haven't had to push out a baby since last century.

But anyway, can someone make a shitty MS paint diagram of ace bandages, Q tips and condom pretty please?

Can’t do a MSPaint but I’m guessing she’s surrounding her weenie with the Q-Tips (think at 12-3-6-9 o’clock), wrapping the ace bandage around the structure, and then securing it all under the condom poncho.

The other possibility involves Q-tip sounding which dear god no.

 

[Chub Rub]

It will be "interesting" seeing the young trans of today age.

Pretty to assume any significant number of them will make it to Alzheimer's age.

 

[Aunt Carol]

But anyway, can someone make a shitty MS paint diagram of ace bandages, Q tips and condom pretty please?

Call me an optimist, but my theory is that she meant to say Coban instead of ACE bandage.

There have been multiple pooners documented here who shore up their rotdogs with a couple of layers of Coban. Covered with a condom, of course--imagine the friction!

 

[p0mm3rz]

Can’t do a MSPaint but I’m guessing she’s surrounding her weenie with the Q-Tips (think at 12-3-6-9 o’clock), wrapping the ace bandage around the structure, and then securing it all under the condom poncho.

I'm sure that's exactly what it is, and it cannot possibly feel good for either party. There's no way the wife is getting off on this, and lil dood is only getting off emotionally from it. The sole purpose of this homemade dick splint is to be able to do what men do by putting her "penis" inside her wife, without realizing that any actual man with erectile problems would probably just use his fingers or mouth to satisfy her rather than joylessly stuff an uncooperative penis inside her.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Can’t do a MSPaint but I’m guessing she’s surrounding her weenie with the Q-Tips (think at 12-3-6-9 o’clock), wrapping the ace bandage around the structure, and then securing it all under the condom poncho.

The final size is going to be an old Coke can, if her own girth is already 7” (~17, 8 cm)
As a woman folk, that sounds unpleasant

The other possibility involves Q-tip sounding which dear god no.

Don't worry, she doesn't have a urethra in her dong, so Q-tips as an improvised stretcher is the only option.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

He strikes me as a CSA survivor. We have plenty examples of girls here who are dead set on eradicating their genitals due to CSA so we're bound to find examples of the male equivalent eventually.

He seems very different to most of the TiMs that's for sure.

Maybe, but I get strong incel vibes from the way he discusses circumcision. I think he's one of those guys who thinks he could have been a contender if it weren't for his having been circumcised as a newborn.

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

Maybe, but I get strong incel vibes from the way he discusses circumcision. I think he's one of those guys who thinks he could have been a contender if it weren't for his having been circumcised as a newborn.

I hate it when anti circ activist men mislead and make people think they were sexually abused as an infant when it was really medical circumcision. They also call it MGM and if you say it's not comparable to the barbarity of FGM they will piss their pants.

 

[afternoon_tea]

The propping the flesh sock up with q-tips and a condom is killing me. How the fuck do you get to a point in your life where you do something like that and tell yourself "this is fine"? That's absolutely bonkers!

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

The propping the flesh sock up with q-tips and a condom is killing me. How the fuck do you get to a point in your life where you do something like that and tell yourself "this is fine"? That's absolutely bonkers!

The real kicker I agree with is that impotent man would not strained his dick with ropes and sticks to have penetration for the sake of it, and use fingers/mouth/toys instead and still feel like a man because he is. This is just weird version of cargo cult.

 

[batteredpancakes]

Looked into u/The_trans_kid, a commenter I see alot on r/phallo due to this interesting post she made:

link | archive

Spoiler: Text

Sex Ed for Phallo

Something I thought about was that there should be some kinda sex ed for post-op phallo folks. For example can you still get STDs and STIs with a phallo dick. Even tho you can't ejaculate semen should you still use protection. General post-op care guide? That kinda stuff could probably be useful.
I got to think of it cause my group home was talking about doing some kinda sex ed at some point but the thing is last time it was very cis-het normative and there was nothing queer so I felt very left out :/ So I got to think of how there should be sex ed for whenever someone's had phallo. I haven't had it yet but it'll be useful for when I do

Group home?! Turns out this 18 year old is autistic enough to be institutionalized?
Despite her mental incompetency, she's already had top surgery

Spoiler: Images

Surgeon was Alexander Kamali in Stockholm (Sweden).
She has posts on r/FTMfeminity, r/actual_detrans, r/agender, r/suicideWatch. Seems to be very immature. Has Autism and Sexual abuse in childhood.

There's Waaayyyy to much shit on her reddit to post everything but here's some posts and comments. TBH most of it deserves to be posted on the Trannies taking L's thread.

Spoiler: Comments excerpts

For some context I have a lot of childhood trauma both with molestation/sexual abuse whatever you wanna call it and death related trauma. And I think the reason I literally fee's om the grotesque is because

"if I've seen it all I can never be surprised again. I can never be caught off guard and I can thus never be hurt again" which makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

I like to disturb people as well. Like describe graphic gore or other disturbing things or obsessively rant about idk the stages of decomposition. Partly because I do have a genuine fascination with it but also partly because I want them to dislike me.

I have this overwhelming urge to so everything I can to make people dislike me, but at the same time if they actually do I will get upset. I know that makes no sense and it's frustrating for me as well.

Whenever I meet new people I tend to throw everything dislikeable about me in their face immediately. Both partly because I actually want them to get away from me but also because if they for some reason look past that it must mean they accept me as a person? Or something like that?

Or well that raises the next concern, what is wrong with them then? What do they want from me? Because typically if they do that there's either something wrong with them or they want something else from me.

At least it's something that I can recognize my trauma and these things may be linked but just cause I know I have a problem doesn't mean I know how to fix it. Sometimes I feel unfixable. Which leads me to think I don't deserve anyone. Because if I know I'm broken it wouldn't be fair to subject someone else to that knowingly. That's like if I had Covid and only I knew and I let everyone hug me because I selfishly wanted physical contact, that's not fair to everyone else.

The whole topic of love is so conflicting. I want it but I don't want it. I get the urge to have love but I know it's not good for me at the same time. Not to mention BEING in love. Absolutely horrible. Best way I can describe it is like pissing yourself, it's uncomfortable and extremely embarrassing. Besides love is those flimsy unpredictable unstable thing that could go one way or the other just like that. I think after my last relationship which lasted over 3 years and ended abruptly without warning I simply can never trust anyone ever again.

If I can know someone for 4 years and have them act so genuine but in reality be such a psycho I'll never be able to tell when someone is genuine or not. So either I can assume everyone are genuine or no one are. I'd rather miss out than risk this ever happening again.

---

If I end up keeping my junk I don't intend on using it which some people have a hard time understanding which leads me to believe I could end up being raped because " are you sure you don't wanna use it? Just let me know if you'd use it. Just tell me if I should put my pp in there. Just let me know cause I'd really like it. When you're comfortable I'd love to put my pp in there" like just stfu. It's not happening never ever.

---

Idk how much sense this is gonna make but here we go. So first I thought I was lesbian but then I transitioned and thought ah I'm trans and into guys. But something I've noticed is it's only really women who turn me on. At least in terms of fantasizing. Gay porn doesn't do anything for me, not even the cringy yaoi type stuff that are actually intended for women.

Now where it gets complicated is when I then look at how I react irl, I crush on guys all the time and one to one find them attractive irl. Romantically I tend to always fall for guys. Not so much girls.

Looking back the only girls I've fallen in love with have been tomboys or trans guys who hadn't come out at the time but I'm open to the idea. It's just me and irl women haven't really had any spark but I think it's cause I'm sadly still read as some kinda quirky butch/tomboy

So I think i may be heterosexual and homoromantic...? Or something like that? I'm honestly still discovering shit but this is complicated.

Also in terms of sexual stuff I could imagine myself "doing" someone, but not them "doing" me... does that make sense? Idk at least as of rn I'm so uncomfortable with my junk I think I'd have a panic attack if someone irl tried to have anything to do with my junk.

---

So I live at this "LGBT friendly" institution. People usually don't quite understand what that's about. It's like a place where you live when you can't live with your parents for whatever reason. The government placed me here so it's not like I can just walk out the door and go "bye bitches". Or well theoretically I could cause they aren't allowed to lay me down or anything but oh boy that would cause a shit storm But I suppose best way I can describe it would be like an orphanage¿? Well except you get to see your parents on the weekends/ every other weekend depending on whenever you wanna see them. Some people here just said fuck that shit and don't see their parents unless they gotta sign stuff.

Anyways tho with that context in mind one of the others here had talked suggested we go to the public pool sometime. Everyone were super hyped about it but then I kinda brought up what about me and changing rooms. Cause I don't think there's a handicap toilet other than inside one of either changing room.

So I got following options:

1. Go into the men's changing room and risk people getting mad at me or even best case scenario an awkward "sorry miss wrong changing room"
2. Go into the women's changing room and die inside cause of gender dysphoria
3. Just not go there
4. Or secret option 4 go in there with one of them dick sleeves on my botom groeth [the hot rod] so I got tits and a dick and confuse tf out of everyone (okay jk I don't got enough balls to do that no pun intended)

Regardless tho when I said I just wouldn't go everyone got mad at me and Essentially went "why can't you just suck it up and go into the women's changing room you got a FeMaLe BoDy anyway" to which my response is thanks but I'd rather die.

People be talking about how public bathrooms are bad but changing rooms... that's a whole other can of worms

---

Atm I'm in the process of finding out if I got any kinda mental illnesses and one if the doctors I talked to said she thought it's be a good idea to find our before I transition further with surgeries because "what if your gender dysphoria is actually caused by some other underlying issue" To me that sounds like bs. I've never ever heard of any mental illnesses invalidating a transgender identity. So I guess I wanted to ask if there are any mental illnesses that would actually invalidate a transgender identity. Cause if there is I've yet to hear about it

Also another thing, the doctor I talked to said she thought I might have a personality disorder so I'm gonna get screened for that soon ( by soon I mean probably after new years ). If I got diagnosed with a personality disorder would that make it harder for me to go through the system in terms of trans Healthcare or dtraight up gatekeep me ( I live in Denmark if that's helpful at all )

---

Hey y'all So a while ago I'd vented to someone in my life ( let's just say a social worker) about my dysphoria and their response was " well that's just life when you're trans. Because of this CHOICE you've made you gotta deal with the CONSEQUENCES of your actions"

Because you know being trans is a choice. Just like how gay men could just CHOOSE to suffer in a straight relationship

---

Spoiler: being stealth is "bad" r/SuicideWatch (9 months ago)

I visited a potential new school today and it was horrible. They had to know I'm trans cause of my social security number saying I'm female. So then I tried to explain how I wanted to be stealth and the adult from my institution who'd gone with me said so much shitty stuff to me I honestly want to kill myself after hearing it.

When she first met me she thought I was a girl, I look like a girl, I don't pass, I don't have a deep voice, I'll never be naturally masculine, I'm short and feminine. And I can't keep "hiding behind the LGBT" whatever tf that's supposed to mean. And then I got a whole speech about how it's bad for me to be stealth and I should be open cause I'm gonna go crazy hiding myself I need to "get out in the light". They simply don't respect my choice to be stealth.

They wanna be able to identify "trangenders" so they make sure to treat then differently. I'm lil over 4 months on HRT so being told I don't pass at all and that one staff member thought I was a girl really fucking hurt. And honestly I'm considering if I should just kill myself. They said it, I'll never pass, no matter what I do ilk never pass. I'll always be female. I was told to embrace that I'll always be female and I just I can't.

There's a reason I've been avoiding school for so long because I am fragile right now. If some transphobe irl came up to me and said "pfft fucking tranny go kill yourself" I would go and do exactly that ir at least attempt to. Every time I'm misgendered I think about it for the rest if the day. In fact it ruins the rest of my day. I was also told I have to accept homophobes and transphobes. Basically if someone Basically verbally attacks me I shouldn't do anything because they have a right to their opinion and if they wanna misgender me that's apparently fine.

Like literally, I was told "you can't expect people to be able do the whole pronouns thing right away " bro... I've literally been out for over 2 years to my family and other people I gotta live with and I really try to pass. Only thing I "don't try to pass with" is my hair because apparently half long hair is girly but I like my hair and I don't wanna have a fucking ugly pixie cut, I don't want to please those assholes when in their opinion I'll never pass anyway.

I just- I don't wanna do this anymore. Sometimes I consider if I should just be a girl cause that's what they want me to be so bad and it's apparently the only thing I know how to do I'm honestly highly considering just ending it all.

Spoiler: I think my bf is an egg? (8 months ago)

So I (trans-masc enby, he/him, masc terms) am dating my boyfriend (enby/trans-femme/questioning, she/they, masc terms like bf but likes fem compliments) and she's experimenting with she/they pronouns. She says she's enby but she's questioning too. Idk how to explain but the way she acts and talks and all that stuff just feels very womanly?

Like she seriously feels like a girl who just appears as a guy... you know? We also found out she actually got boobs. Not man boobs but like proper breast tissue. She's not on E btw- and she doesn't wanna go on E either but she's grown her own boobs like damn. We measured and we found out she's actually an A cup and she's really happy about it and I'm really happy for her too.

She also got a feminine body fast redistribution (like she got almost an hour glass shape compared to cis guys) and again she's not on E her body just did that. Idk how cause she doesn't got the other signs of high E/low T like erectile dysfunction or fatigue ( or well she is fatigued but that's because of anemia ). So I suppose this is both a celebration on her behalf because yay she's happy about having boobs

But also I feel like she might be more trans femme than she really wants to admit/is aware of? Idk she just gives off woman vibes in a way I can't describe. So I suppose if she is actually a binary trans girl and haven't discovered it or just heavily trans femme leaning how do I well... help? Cause I don't wanna shove transition down her throat or anything but I also don't wanna come off as not supportive enough...? Does that make sense?

Spoiler: How come we just have to accept being disrespected? (8 months ago)

Something I've noticed is when you tell people you're trans you suddenly lose the right to get upset over misgendering. Say for example a feminine cis guy gets misgendered by someone and says "oh hey sorry I'm not a girl, I use he/him" the person immediately shifts to the correct pronoun. But if a trans guy (passing or not) gets misgendered and says "hey I'm trans I use he/him" then that person will just continue misgendering you. Idk if this is just something that happens in my area or what but I've noticed a continuous pattern of disrespect towards trans people like that.

I usually tell people I just have a late puberty and that's why I'm a bit feminine and then I don't get any more questions about it. But literally I get more respect as a cis guy with a late puberty than I otherwise would just saying I'm trans. And the funny thing is if I tell someone I'm trans and they continously misgender me and I end up getting pissed off I'm suddenly the one being unreasonable.

Because I "chose this myself" so therefore being misgendered is just "apart of the deal". Even straight up had someone tell me "you can't seriously everyone to use your preferred pronouns". I feel very alone in this shit hole. Because even the people in my life who are supposed to support me literally kick me when I'm down too.

An example of this was I was feeling down a few days ago cause of dysphoria. So I went to someone (let's just say a social worker person who's supposed to talk with me about stuff) and told him I feel really dysphoric about my chest cause I have to bind all the time, and that I feel really dysphoric cause I have to jump through all these hoops to just feel normal, meanwhile some people are just born in the right body.

His response was to just get over myself cause I chose this myself so therefore I have to live with the consequences of my actions. As if it was some kinda punishment. Another thing of the same flavor happened at my work (which I don't go to anymore) where I'd tried to be as stealth as possible. However my social security number ( idk if yall got that over there but we have this thing called a CPR number and if your number ends in an even number you're female and an odd number if you're male )

So since I haven't gotten mine changed since I literally can't before I'm 18 my boss would see my CPR number when signing the papers with my paycheck or whatever you call it. So I had this very nice thing happen (sarcasm) So she was telling someone else something and mentioned me and used she/her pronouns so I corrected her and said I'm a he/him.

And her and the other lady ( manager I think) just laughed at me and went "right... he" at the time I was really confused as to why they were acting like that cause I think I pass for the most part. 2 cis guys at my work thought I was a cis guy and I even got a bit of sideburns and a faint mustache coming in. I think what's happened is my boss might have outed me to some of the other managers.

Again this shows that as soon as you got the trans label on you it basically means people are allowed to disrespect you because if you get upset over being misgendered or not taken seriously you're suddenly a woke SJW attack helicopter simply because you didn't wanna sit back and be misgendered

Another wonderful thing that happened (sarcasm again) was my mom went and spent Christmas with one of my aunts she haven't talked to in idk 20 years because they literally despise each other which is why it's such a wtf moment when she then does a 180 and decided to spend Christmas with her. Whatever the case she decided to out me to that part of the family without asking me.

And then described in detail how they reacted (aka laughed at the idea of me being trans, rolled their eyes, asked deeply invasive questions about me to which my mom answered again without my permission ). The thing I don't understand is she knows these people already despise me cause they're deeply racist and because I'm mixed race is of the opinion I should've been an abortion.

It's almost laughable that my mom will sit and be like "yeah I know when I'm not there your aunts say you're mentally ill because of your dad and that you should've never been born and blame me for having kids with a [insert racial slur for middle Eastern people]" yet still hang out with these people and tell them invasive details about me. At this point I feel a fucking circus clown that's literally just there for My family to mock and laugh at.

I just feel very alone cause I can't really talk to anyone irl about this cause I'll just be brushes off and told "well you chose this life yourself so deal with it and stop complaining" so I just die inside

 

[Dancing Axolotl]

Spoiler: Top surgery euphoria

Been awhile Kiwis. I offer horror.

 

[batteredpancakes]

Been awhile Kiwis. I offer horror.

The unusual TiF beard patterns and inclination for these girls to cultivate them into proper neck beards is wild.
Millennial girls were absolutely brutal about their hatred for that beard style back in the day.
So weird to think some Zoomers like it. There's gotta be some major self-hatred going on for these girls to aspire to be the most unattractive loser-looking man imaginable.

 

[Tard Whisperer]

Jeeze this is a really dark one. Here are some other excerpts

Mastectomy recovery posts:
past eating disorder, several suicide attempts, and rationalizing why it's okay if she's infertile even though she doesn't say she doesn't want kids.

Also by the way, yesterday I talked with my psychologist about well, everything. But we got to talk about how I've been considering getting my ovaries removed. I've mostly been thinking about how it would affect my body right here right now and all that but she asked a question that should be rather obvious. "What about getting kids"

Now that's complicated. I've already had a suspicion that I could be infertile even before I started T because I used to have an eating disorder (trigger warning going forward)

But when I was around 12-14 was when it was most severe and at one point I'd managed to stop my period for 3-4 months by not eating right. And after that was when I started having severe period pains. It was so bad I'd have a fever and vomit every time I had my period and I'd basically be bedridden for 3 days.

It kept going like that until I was put on birth control to help with the pain which it did. However at one point my brand of birth control got changed. I don't know what brand I had or what it changed to since I wasn't in charge of my pills at the time cause I was living in a group home where the staff was managing my medication.

All I knew was that the new brand was bad. I'd usually take it before bed and then I'd wake up and puke multiple times a week. So eventually I got tired of it and stopped taking them. Anyways I went off on a bit of a rant there. But basically I've already kind of come to terms with probably being infertile even before I started T.

I don't want biological kids because looking at both my moms and my dad's family history there's a lot of mental illness as well as other not nice things. So the chances of any bio kids I'd have getting some of that as well is high, and well, I have issues as well and I simply don't think I'd be equipped to properly take care of a kid with issues like that.

So I think it'd be unfair for me to still get a biological kid when I know I wouldn't be able to properly help if they end up having schizophrenia or something (that's in my family for example). Even if I imagine that in 10-15 years I feel differently, the idea of being pregnant makes me feel absolutely horrible.

I don't think I could do it. It'd feel like having a parasite sucking the life energy out of me and making me miserable. Another thing is if I've had bottom surgery with UL by then my front hole would then be more narrow to the point just penetrating might be difficult. I read that you can dilate but I think if I had to give birth the "traditional way" so to say, it'd actually destroy my body.

It's just really not something I want. I was kinda thinking I'd just adopt but my psychologist and her partner who's enby (afab) had tried to and she said it's incredibly hard in denmark. She said the fact I'd lived in a group home at all could disqualify me.

Since they'd probably look through all my medical stuff to background check me my many suicide attempts, my transness and well all other issues like that would probably disqualify me So that leaves surrogacy/donor sperm as the last option. If I by that time have an amab partner it'd be surrogacy and if afab and they're comfortable being pregnant then donor sperm.

doesn't even have a gender identity decided on yet they cut off her breasts

So I had to shower even tho I showered the day before ( I usually do it every other day). I've gotten a bit back into drawing, I haven't properly been regularly drawing since like… before October 2022… I sorta miss it but I usually either have no ideas or get overwhelmed by too many ideas and ultimately end up not drawing anything.

I would usually doodle in school but since I pass as a guy it might come off strange if I'm sitting there drawing female characters 24/7 or well, whatever I usually draw which is usually strange to say the least.

I've generally noticed there's a lot of things I like or that I do that wouldn't be socially acceptable as a guy where it otherwise would be as a girl which is really interesting. Which further confirms my suspicion of being either Agender leaning or some form of trans masc enby.

she was picking the scabs off her nipples with tweezers

I visited my mom after and ended up getting home pretty late. Also today's the day where I have to change the brown tape on my nipples. I'll post pictures of that as well but not on this post. Also I know it's really dumb but I've been carefully taking off the black stuff (scabs?) Cause it's mere presence is bothering me. I've removed as much as possible with tweezers.

I accidentally found some of the string in the stitches while doing that. Stuffed that right back where it came from. Oops… I'm excited for tomorrow cause tomorrow I'll get to take off the vest for 12 hours a day. It needs to be washed tomorrow too so that's perfect.

more ruminating about how she she have her ovaries removed even though she doesn't want to and seems sad about not being able to have kids

Lately I've been thinking about the idea of getting my ovaries removed and on one hand I am sad about the idea of losing a body part. I mean I was a bit sad about losing my tatas too but it's more the kind of feeling I get in terms of not wanting to throw out trash in case I could use it some day, except with my body.

Like, it feels like a loss but when I then reevaluate the pros, cons and what exactly I'm losing I'm not really loosing anything, in fact I could argue I'm gaining. For example with my tatas. I don't have to wear a binder anymore, can go shirtless if I so please, masculine chest, hardly any dysphoria anymore at least chest dysphoria. The only cons are healing process, potentially loosing feeling in them and well… I think that's it?

Same for getting my ovaries removed. Sure I am loosing the ability to get biological kids but I've already had a suspicion I was infertile to begin with because of an eating disorder back when I was in my early teens. I mean fuck, I don't even want biological kids for various reasons so there's literally no reason to not get them removed cause I'm only gaining from it both physically and mentally.

she wants a girly tattoo but isn't going to get it because it'll make people think she's a girl

Anyways, on a lighter note. On my 18th birthday I got a tattoo gift card and I've been thinking really hard about which tattoo I'd want. I know I'm not required to get one ( I myself asked to get it for my birthday so there's no pressure or anything). But at first I thought about getting one to cover up my self harm scars and I'm still really into the idea of getting something to cover it up. Tho I don't know what that'll be yet.

But the other day when I was playing sims I had a girl who had one of those chest tattoos of a butterfly above her boobs. It looked good in so many different outfits and it really made me think "damn those chest tattoos be looking fine as hell"

Tho most I was able to find online "for men" were either hyper masculine or simply not my style. Most I happen to like are considered women's tattoos which makes me uncomfortable. I know I should pick what I like most but I won't be happy with it if it gets me misgendered or gets me weird looks.

she didn't follow post-op instructions at all, didn't wear the vest like she was supposed to and went to the beach when she wasn't supposed to be sweating or anything. she also doesn't like how it looks, but DOESN'T regret it

I also had this very interesting problem. I'd gotten this paper at the clinic with specific surgery instructions like how long I had to wear the vest 24/7 and how long I'm supposed to wear it 12/7 and all that stuff. Tho the paper had gotten lost. But I remembered it as 3 weeks post op I had to wear it 24/7 and then after that until I'm 8 weeks post-OP I'd have to do it 12 hours a day.

I remembered that wrong apparently cause I looked back at one of my old posts and I'd luckily written all this stuff down. But it's 4 weeks I have to wear it 24/7. Well in 2 days I'm 4 weeks post op and well the past 5 days I've been wearing it 18/7 or something. Oops…

I hope it'll be okay. Besides I'm not allowed to sweat and the past few days it's been up to 22 degrees so it's really hard to not sweat especially with the vest. So usually what I've been doing is take it off in the morning before school at 7:30am ish and then whenever I get home from school at 1-3pm depending on the day I put it back on.

I hope it'll be okay- I'm worried it won't be okay. Also I think post-OP depression is starting to hit me. I don't regret getting top surgery cause it definitely had improved my life and such. But I am a bit sad about how it looks. The nipples are way smaller than I wanted.

My surgeon had originally suggested 18mm but I changed it to 20mm hoping it'd stretch to 23mm or so but I think I should've maybe gone for 22mm or 23mm instead cause this is really really small and I'm starting to be sad about it.

Another thing that's been bothering me is that my left side is completely fine but my right side is a lot more swollen and it almost looks like I still got boobs. The right side also still got hard lumps on the side/near the bottom of the pec(?) Idk it's just been bothering me and I've been feeling sad about it. And in terms of the nipple I can of course go and get the nipple tattooed a bit bigger but I really wish I'd chosen a bigger areolar size cause personally I find this too small.

her posts in actual_detrans:
she made a model of her breasts to remember them

It made me so dysphoric I just went home and straight to bed. I recently made a model of my chest since I'm having top surgery in April to remember them. Cause I don't hate them. I just hate them on my body and it felt like transferring them instead of removing them which was nice. However ever since the adult who helped me make it has started misgendering me as well as some of the other people whom I showed the model. https://archive.ph/UOXv7

she hates the impact of T on her body

I'm starting to feel that now. I feel like a fake man. The other day I felt particularly self loathing. I usually avoid mirrors but I decided to look at myself in it's entirety and it's.. horrible. Pre T I used to be attractive by woman standards now I'm unattractive by both women and men standards.
All my fat has decided to go straight to my stomach, which isn't that much of a surprise I knew that much. But combined with my deflated breast I look like a woman in her 30's who's not only pregnant but I look like I've had 5 kids. I've also gained 10kg since starting T and I've started going to the gym once a week and I'm upping it to twice. I've tried to eat healthier as well and I don't feel like I eat outrageously unhealthy but I just keep gaining weight.
I'm just incredibly dysphoric. I'm on the edge of being obese (159cm tall, 75kg ). So I don't pass, in fact I'm so fat I look like a pregnant woman who's had multiple kids, I apparently also have an infection in my junk and my acne is so bad I've been prescribed antibiotics for it cause just acne cream hasn't helped.
This body I'm in wants to be a woman, wants to be fat and trying to transition it to be a guy has just further uglified it. I almost feel like T has ruined this body. Sure I'm happy about the minimal voice dropping I've had and the more body hair but I just feel disgusting cause its still a woman body. I don't pass so people will inevitably see me as an unattractive fat woman.
I've been seriously considering offing myself cause it feels like I'm in this pit and no matter what I do I can't get out. There is no way out. The only way I thought I could get out and at least have life be manageable was T... but T isn't working on my body. I'm 8 months on T and I feel like I'm still on square one. I just don't wanna do it anymore. https://archive.ph/UOXv7

more about not wanting to get rid of her breasts

It just makes me that feeling of belonging in a community? And well in this case the "community" is being a guy as a gender. It just feels right. Now the next thing I have worries about is top surgery. I'm scheduled to have top surgery in April.

I feel excited but also a bit unsure. Whenever I look at my chest in the mirror I don't despise them. In fact I think they are pretty. I just don't like that they're on my body. If I could take them off and place them on idk a mannequin and look at them I think they'd be quite nice.

It's just when I look at myself as a whole my boobs just feel… out of place? I don't feel disconnected with them. However the idea of losing them is what gets me a bit scared. But on the other hand whenever they're gone I don't think I'll miss them in the slightest.

I saw a program with a trans guy and he'd made a model of his chest pre-OP. I'm thinking of making one of those as well. That way it'll feel more like I'm transferring my boobs rather than removing them. I don't know if it's just the idea of something new and unfamiliar scaring me.

I felt really unsure about starting T as well because of the fear of making a mistake or not liking the changes. But now I'm almost 8 months on T and I love all the changes I've had and don't regret a thing. I don't know if it's just general "normal" worriedness or what.

I can't describe how but I do feel like I'm losing something whenever I get top surgery. I am a little sad about saying goodbye to them. But at the same time I won't regret not having them anymore once they're gone. It feels like having to break up with a toxic s/o. It's not easy but you'll be happier once they're not in your life anymore.

details on the abuse

Ehhh that's a bit of a stretch, for me I do actually have experienced sexual abuse/assault when i was 4 (whatever you classify it as, it happened multiple times but I don't think I was penetrated if so I don't remember cuz uts like theres a hole in my memory ) So it's not "oh some guy cat called me once" even tho that's ofc not okay either but you know what I mean. https://archive.ph/vvL6m

This is making me feel nauseated to read, it's so sad and cruel. She had just turned 18 when she got the mastectomy.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Oh that's right, my bad. I haven't had to push out a baby since last century.

But anyway, can someone make a shitty MS paint diagram of ace bandages, Q tips and condom pretty please?

We had the sketch artist down at the precinct put something together from the description.

Spoiler: at your risk

 

[Gengar]

So first I thought I was lesbian but then I transitioned and thought ah I'm trans and into guys. But something I've noticed is it's only really women who turn me on. At least in terms of fantasizing. Gay porn doesn't do anything for me, not even the cringy yaoi type stuff that are actually intended for women.

Now where it gets complicated is when I then look at how I react irl, I crush on guys all the time and one to one find them attractive irl. Romantically I tend to always fall for guys. Not so much girls.

I've generally noticed there's a lot of things I like or that I do that wouldn't be socially acceptable as a guy where it otherwise would be as a girl which is really interesting. Which further confirms my suspicion of being either Agender leaning or some form of trans masc enby.

I came here for shits and giggles but this just fucking hurts man. This girl is:
- Clearly a misled dyke or at least bisexual, and is too autistic to recognise that being a tomboy and liking a masculine appearance doesn't equate evidence of being a troon
- Unable to fathom that it is not shameful to be a woman, it is okay to like traditionally masculine things as a woman and it does not make anyone less a woman
- Has deeply-rooted internalised misogyny with autism liking labels combo to think that women has to be XYZ and men has to be XYZ, therefore if I can't fit either box I must be non-binary
- Does not inherently hate her breasts due to gender dysphoria, but actually hates them because it makes her look fat, which is a body image/self esteem issue mistaken as evidence for being a troon
- Clearly and very typically tomboyish but never had the chance to be a girly-girl, and is mistaking alienation from traditional feminity as evidence for being a troon
- Struggling to understand her own emotions due to autism and relying on everyone else to tell her what's good for her (see: posting on Reddit)

So they're just out here butchering young, vulnerable and autistic (and likely gay) women, who could've just had some counselling for her trauma and her body image issues. Fuck. Fuck the fucking world man.

Spoiler: PL

This one hit me hard specifically because this girl's circumstances were almost 1:1 with my younger self and it's quite eerie. The difference is that I grew out of the cult and had adult guidance who loved me but shook me up and told me that there was nothing wrong with being a woman, and trying to absolve my "unladylike" appearance/interests as a man's trait is to imply that a woman can't do or be anything a man is - except for being a man. I deeply understood what she felt about her breasts and I was even able to overcome this by losing weight - being fat and short  and having substantial breasts just make you look like a fucking blob, of course you're going to have body image issues - especially that young. But nevermind - all of this is evidence that I'm a man, heh. As if women can't like masculine things and feel shit about their body and still be a woman.

Troondom has done more to roll back years of women's activism by re-establishing traditional gender roles faster than the patriarchy has ever done. You cannot convince me otherwise.

 

[Geranium]

This video is about a year old but, from a quick search, it doesn't appear to have been posted to the thread.

Amy Tishelman, the lead author of the Child chapter of WPATH's SOC-8, said they removed the minimum ages for hormones & surgery from SOC-8 to give legal cover to doctors who were medically transitioning children.

And then we were thinking, and it was scary for me, about the potential uses of the chapter for legal and insurance contexts.

Again, what we didn't want to do was create a chapter that would make it more likely that practitioners would be sued because they weren't following exactly what we said. We wanted there to be some clinician judgment without being at risk for being held in court, for not sticking completely to these standards.

So we did write them, in a way, I think, so that there is leeway that we recommend things, but then we suggest that clinicians use their judgment about what to do in therapy situations and in assessment situations so that you can use individualized clinical judgment and not face malpractice suits.

On the other hand, we didn't want it to be so loose that insurance wouldn't cover things because they'll say they're not necessary. So we tried to bridge those considerations, and we didn't want overtly general standards that would dilute their meeting and importance.

Via Colin Wright on Twitter: @SwipeWright, tweet 1571999221401948161 (archive)

Written up in the Daily Wire here: WPATH Explains Why They Removed Minimum Age Guidelines For Children to Access Transgender Medical Treatments: So Doctors Won’t Get Sued | The Daily Wire (archive)

 

[Peaches Demure]

Spoiler: Top surgery euphoria

View attachment 5283078

Been awhile Kiwis. I offer horror.

Just a funny typo, or a Freudian slip?

 

[Geranium]

View attachment 5283618

Just a funny typo, or a Freudian slip?

She’s nope’d herself out of any litters all right.

Two litres (4 units) of blood though, Jesus.

 

[Tau Tack]

This last page is provoking too many feels for this nasty old cynic.

So I’ll just say that 4 units of blood is clinically a huge transfusion especially outside of emergency trauma surgery. Give blood, folks!

 

[Positron]

I like to disturb people as well. Like describe graphic gore or other disturbing things or obsessively rant about idk the stages of decomposition... Whenever I meet new people I tend to throw everything dislikeable about me in their face immediately. Both partly because I actually want them to get away from me but also because if they for some reason look past that it must mean they accept me as a person?

Yup if you can see past the gross, antagonistic façade I'm actually just a hurt little bunny rabbit who just wants a hug. C'est très tsundere! Which anime did she pick that up from?

If I can know someone for 4 years and have them act so genuine but in reality be such a psycho I'll never be able to tell when someone is genuine or not.

You talk about gore and rotting corpses all the time and you are surprised that the only people attracted to you are psychos?

The government placed me here so it's not like I can just walk out the door and go "bye bitches".

Of course she can! She is 18 for godsake! All she needs is a job and an address but oh it is so so hard!!!!!!! Better suck on the government's teats some more.

And honestly I'm considering if I should just kill myself.

The problem with all these people is that they are forever "considering". When will MAiD come to Sweden?

BTW I won't bet on her childhood sexual abuse story; every tranny has one.