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Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter
pat states multiple times that he's gonna sue gibney. now that will be a lolsuit. View attachment 5295206
fucking amazing that the judge looked at all this and went View attachment 5295209
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE that Defendant Patrick Tomlinson will ask the Court to
continue Plaintiff's Motion for Contempt Hearing set for August 24, 2023 until such time as
Defendant is able to secure counsel. Please be further advised that Defendant will ask the Court
to reset this hearing for remote video conference, close the proceedings to the public, and further
continue this matter until Plaintiff identifies themselves for the record. Due to the quickly
approaching August 24, 2023 hearing date, Plaintiff will seek to hear this matter on an
emergency basis and will seek relief from the Court as soon as possible.
Am I reading this right? First fucking paragraph and he's asking the court to shut it down until the court forces Quasi to dox themselves via videoconference, you know, just "for the record", before the hearing can proceed.
4. The hearing for Plaintiff's Motion for Contempt currently set for August 24, 2023
should be continued. First, it should be continued to allow more time for Defendant to
secure counsel Second, it should be continued and reset for a remote video setting
and be closed to members of the public to protect the safety of the litigants and the
integrity of the proceedings. Third, it should be continued until such time as Plaintiff
has identified himself for the record.
Edit:
Did this nigger really put a citation to 4 different links? That little 1 is just hangin' out like a stealthy clowncar of poor drafting. It's probably not even close to the worst thing about the document but it really stands out.
He somehow avoids making a citation to anything after that until page 8, as he describes the harassment and threats he and others have allegedly received, except for 2 directly relating to his filings in his case. I'd think you'd want to have perhaps some exhibits cited to show evidence of this felony behavior you're attempting to allege even if it is all pointless because he can't re-litigate anything here...
He then cites tweets and texts related ONLY to the debtor's exam. I'm beginning to wonder if he doesn't actually save anything...or if he somehow lost a treasure trove of evidence when he took a dip in the sea with his $1800 foldy-screen phone.
Next non-inline citation: PAGE 19. It's to a blurb describing what Singh did but cites none of her tweets or anything she's said so it's even MORE fucking useless than actually properly citing to her.
77. Finally, now that Plaintiff's identification has been made public, many arguments that
Plaintiff could possibly argue in favor of anonymous litigation are moot. He cannot
argue that he could potentially be harmed by this disclosure because his identity has
already been disclosed.
Even taking his logic as sound (it's not), and his assertions about the law as true (highly questionable), his specious argument seems to hinge almost entirely on Singh's faildox.
Do you think Patso recognizes the reference in the name Abdul Alhazred? Of course not.
It is funny, the coincidence, given that Patso's own delusional screed has come to light. It's not Necronomicron levels of madness, but it is definitely madness. Let's have a moment of sympathy for Sosnay's clerk who had to read this first without any warning about its contents. Imagine Lawyer Meghan's reaction when she read it and realized just what she was dealing with. Quasi's lawyer knew what he was dealing with and was mentally unscarred.
The gun sperging can stop. Patso will never use the P90 for home defense or anything else unless he gets a bayonet for it from wish.com, his source for the aftermarket parts for the *glock*. He cannot afford the ammunition.
I'm wondering if he got a bunch of credit and is later planning on claiming identity theft.
g. Plaintiff and/or his website's users have stolen Defendant's identity and social
security number to open dozens of fraudulent credit card and loan applications
to attack his credit rating.
This is why Patrick is the thinking man's lolcow. There are so many layers of stupid in this motion that you have to sit back and analyze it to truly appreciate it.
He asks for a delay to secure council but his document does almost nothing to explain his inability to do so, it's just him complaining about how the plaintiff and his friends bullied him.
He provides evidence (if you can call it that) for like 3 of the 78 points of his manifesto, everything else is just "trust me bro".
The topic of 90% of the document is "plaintiff and his friends were mean to me", which, to him, means that he shouldn't have to pay his debt and his stalkers should be immediately arrested and given a life sentence. Unfortunately even in an alternate reality in which the pig successfully convinced the judge with his manifesto it wouldn't help him because this is a motion for continuance and it has fuck all to do with his debt or prisoning children.
Baseless SWATTing (hopefully one of his interviewers will one day ask him what the second T stands for) accusations. One could argue that it's reasonable for him to believe his trolls are the ones doing it but maybe don't accuse people of federal crimes in your legal document with, again, zero proof.
Someone (probably indian and very fat) convinced Patrick that he can blatantly lie as long as he starts the sentence with "Upon information and belief".
"Plaintiff never attempted to schedule a second debtors exam after I filed an amortization plan that I never had any intention of following through with in order to avoid my first one."
Point 35 through 38 (4 points out of 78 ) are the only ones that have anything to do with his inability to secure council. He blames it on potential lawyers fearing the threats and harrassment that Goldberg and Resto received (no evidence to be found, shockingly) and the recent media attention which he knowingly brought upon himself and desperately begged for.
Point 40 through 47 and 70 through 78 are completely worthless because they're based on a dox provided by a fat streetshitter with the only evidence provided being a joke post from Quasi and the fact that he didn't deny it.
God and Norm Macdonald have blessed us with so much entertainment, just yesterday alone was a gift. I went to bed thinking about Pat having an adult tantrum in the court house, having to have his attorney calm him down like a child. My girl rolls over next to me, "what are you laughing about"? she asked me, "Oh, just internet stuff" I said. I've only recently started to dive into Pat, I've known about him for a while but, holy shit is he comedy gold. He's losing a holy war against a bunch of guys on the internet laughing at him, WTF is going to happen if he goes after the family of a federal court judge? A genuine "protected class" of people? Please god, please do whatever it takes for fatty to declare war on a federal court judge.
The Ark, Chapter 14 is here... and it deserves no fanfare. what i'm about to write will contradict me.
i intended to do Chapter 14 and 15 for this post, but Chapter 14 struck my nerves a powerful blow and i need a break. i legit have to stop and put this down for a day or two. i'm glad that the chapter summaries seem to be an effective tl;dr for some, but i very strongly recommend anyone who thinks they have patience to read the overview of Chapter 14. i said Chapter 1 of this novel and those first five awful pages were enough to 1-star this book or dumpster it completely, but i was not prepared for the insane shit i have read in Chapter 14. this chapter is what really kills the story of the The Ark. takes it out back and Old Yellers it, with extreme prejudice. the collapse of the narrative is plain for all to see.
i have been reading this blindly and sticking to my guns on that. i always engage with something before i criticize it, and i feel that's more important than ever these days. it's because i've been genuinely engaging with Patrick's writing that i can grasp how phenomenally bad this story is. Starship Repo was hot garbage with blatant left-wing politicking in it, but what unfolds in this chapter is so much worse than anything @ShinyStar relayed to us that you have to see it to believe it.
it's not always unfair to judge a book by its cover, especially if you're experienced, if you live and breathe a particular niche. it's easy to say Patrick's books are shit, and they really are. scrutinizing and analyzing them, however, makes you wonder just how the fuck he got published, how anyone could have read this.
the answer, at least to me, is that nobody fucking read this. it's not possible.
without further ado, here is the bottom of the barrel for The Ark. i can't imagine it will get any worse than this. we're halfway through so maybe i'll be surprised by how much worse it can get regardless.
Chapter 1 | Tor Link | Page 2014
Chapter 2 & 3 | Tor Link | Page 2018
Chapter 4 | Tor Link | Page 2033
Chapter 5, 6, 7 | Tor Link | Page 2046
Chapter 8 | Tor Link | Page 2051
Chapter 9-13 | Tor Link | Page 2079
==Characters Introduced in Order of Appearance; Character Status==
Bryan Benson,
A police(?) detective and our leading man, a gigasaurus who loves sports and evading responsibility, possibly taxation too.
Chao Feng,
The First Officer (of what?), and a douchedrinker according to Benson. Inherited stolen artwork from his criminal dad.
Lau,
The captain of Patrick's favorite Chinese sports team.
Edmond Laraby,
The missing geneticist whom the plot revolved around, found dead and dumped in space.
Avelina Pereira da Silva,
Science Director; Head of Environmental Research & Development. Got her full name in Chapter 3. Is probably the mastermind of the conspiracy.
Vasquez,
Not to be confused with Vasquez from Aliens; a player in Patrick's favorite sports game.
Lindqvist,
A sports player not even worthy of description by Patrick. Must be a PCJ caricature.
Theresa Alexopolous,
A lieutenant, and a Duty Officer (of what?), sidekick to the Chad Bryan Benson.
Vikram Bahadur,
Chief Constable of the Chinatown District, on par with Bryan Benson. Definitely not a Sikh.
Nibiru,
Not a character, but a black hole on the edge of a solar system. Probably the best character, though, if it's anything like Black Hole Sun.
Devorah Feynman,
Curator of the Museum, wants to preserve humanity's culture by locating and securing authentic works of art. Possibly a facsimile of Patrick's mother.
Constable Pavel Korolev,
Theresa sent him to back-up Benson; a rookie that's greener than grass. A true comrade.
Chef Takahashi,
Probably Japanese. Probably a chef.
Magistrate Boswell,
Probably king of the douchedrinkers.
Salvador 'Sal' Kite
Old guy with "war stories"; criminal scum who paid the court a fine and/or served his sentence for participating in a massive art heist.
Old Benny
Criminal scum who has violated the law.
Director Hekekia,
Engineering genius or something. Big Samoan guy who speaks better than Benson.
Dr. Jeanine Russell,
Medbay staffer on the Ark. Dreams about touching Benson's athletic body.
Captain Mahama,
Maybe the Captain of the Ark's crew. Strong old African womanboss.
Sahni,
Another nondescript *Zero Finals* player lol. Still noting her just in case they become relevant.
Madison Atwood,
Bryan Benson's PE Teacher; works as a constable in Chinatown. Didn't make an appearance when Chao Feng was arrested for some reason.
Magistrate Jindal,
A judge that appears to have a perverse desire to do his job properly.
Duty Officer Hernandez,
Another constable belonging to Benson's cadre. Raised concerns about Benson being a nepotist.
Celine DiMaggio,
An art thief. Has Alzheimer's in the future where such diseases should have been wiped out.
--E1: Chapter 14 begins with a walk of heroism and shame for our protagonists and the antagonist respectively. By now, all of the Ark's populace know the First Officer of the Crew has been arrested. Benson and Bahadur take Feng to the Chinatown stationhouse where Captain Mahama is already waiting for them.
Whether or not it is technically appropriate, I can't get over the use of 'Sir' to refer to a woman. It's gendered language, and Patrick, for God's sake: it's MA'AM! I had no problem with the use of 'Ser' in Dragon's Dogma as a respectful address of men and women, but 'Sir' reads stupidly and shouldn't be done - remember, Mahama is an old Zimbabwean woman.
Imagine if we called the First Lady of the United States 'Sir'. Well, then again, Michelle Obama was definitely the least womanly First Lady I'd ever seen...
Back on topic: Mahama is here to drop some steaming bullshit on the case yet again by raking the chief constables over the coals very deliberately. She appears to be very concerned with the concept of 'face' - and more than that, the way she talks is stupid. Patrick writes dialogue the way he himself talks.
"Quiet, Chao. You're in deep enough, don't you think?"
To me, that reads a little like...
"Quiet, Quasi. You're in deep, deep shit."
In a contemporary story, writing how you speak would be fine. Authentic, even. But not in a work of fiction.
--E2: Captain Mahama informs Benson and Bahadur that she has temporarily disabled everyone's *Plants* and all monitoring devices so that they can have their conversation in private. Benson remarks it is a severe breach of protocol. It's also extremely suspicious; however, I'm still not convinced that Mahama is in on the murder plot at all. My eyes remain fixed firmly on Avelina like Sauron's seething gaze.
As a brief aside, and to reiterate once more: all of the characters in this story are dull, bland caricatures of people whom Patrick sincerely believes would occupy positions of responsibility and authority. Neither subtext nor subtlety exist. Only Devorah Feynman can be argued to resemble a human being. Because all the characters are flat and one-dimensional, I'm simply confident that Mahama isn't a suspect. Her talk with Benson after he got out of sickbay from his dumbass stunt recovering Laraby's body established that she's what Patrick thinks a wise elder is: an individual that spouts vagaries while flexing their greater status while slapping on a band-aid at the end, like a "Go get 'em, sport!" moment.
Benson sounds off, and to his surprise, Mahama doesn't flinch. Yet another small reason I'm convinced she's innocent in the matter. It's alright, actually. I'm starved for conflict, drama and action and now that we have an arrest and clear link to the murder of Laraby, it does feel warranted. I'm also happy that Benson alludes to Laraby's files being tampered with and we haven't just forgotten that.
I'm frankly perturbed by the word 'Cattle' as a means to refer to the majority of humanity. There is nothing endearing about it, nothing immersive or informative. It's a terrible label in every way, and I can't shake the feeling that Patrick means more by it. In American politics, it was the Libertarians who coined the term 'sheeple', and it's only the Libertarians who use the word. Libertarians believe they're the only ones fit to govern, making them de-facto authoritarians.
The use of 'cattle' to refer to humanity's remaining viable population is NOT balanced out by referring to the minority of the Ark's Crewmembers as turds (floaters). Every single character uses 'cattle' blithely, and there's not an ounce of remorse in anyone's voice. Nobody ever stops and thinks, "Wait, why am I doing this?" It is so internalized that I can only assume the author is venting about something... like a society of ignorant stalker childs punishing his criminal behavior. It would be one thing for a few elitist assholes to dismissively refer to their fellow man as "Cattle", who, as the book described, will have no purpose but to toil and breed, but again: EVERYONE is doing it. It's an endemic issue and seriously damages the tone of writing and the verisimilitude of this world.
--E3: "You have been warned many thousands of times..."
Sorry, got distracted. Even Officer Frank Tenpenny would subscribe to Mahama's newsletter after this segment: Mahama explains her position: she's focused entirely on the upcoming landing on Tau Ceti G and reiterates once again she wants no distractions to the work that will be taking place. On one hand, I get it. This is truly a monumental period for them all and this murder and investigation is the last thing ANYONE wants to deal with.
It's her response that is insane. Trying to poke holes in the investigation by questioning how Devorah suddenly got a lead in the matter of the Heist, then trying to discredit Benson for getting that same lead from a convicted felon... a convicted felon who was a literal participant in the crime and knew his fellow criminals. I've seen this bullshit trotted out many times in cartoons and crimes-of-the-day shows that I facepalmed all the way to fuckin' orbit. Illegally-obtained evidence is fruit from the forbidden tree, but Benson's pursuit of the truth has not, in fact, been illegal by any stretch of the imagination.
This is really just poor writing and execution that a proper editor would have thoroughly engaged and amended.
Mahama continues jabbing some speed holes in Benson's sails and here is a very Speshul bit of writing. Mahama questions how a 3-year old Chao Feng would be trafficking in stolen art - then changes tactics and bluntly states that the information pointed to his father being the original buyer and that Chao didn't *KNOW* the relics were stolen when he received them.
Chao Feng asserts that he inherited the art from his father when he died and was never told they were from the Heist, ergo the relevant Code of Law he's in violation of suddenly does not apply.
I'm not going any further than that, because I have a couple important things to say: FUCK OFF, BOOK. This is the most infantilizing, ridiculous, fucking dumbass idiotic contradiction that I have read in a long time. I promise you that I have been reading this blind, and I'm comfortable saying the entire story of the Ark falls apart at this moment.
Let me recount to you why this is insane and retarded. This shit right here is the reason I subject myself to anything before formally criticizing it.
1) Ever since the Heist occurred, Devorah Feynman has had detection algorithms snooping the Neuralink Implant network that EVERY SINGLE LIVING HUMAN is wired into, to pick up on any stolen artwork. This is how she was introduced when Benson was investigating Laraby's apartment and stumbled upon the Monet. As soon as he glanced at it and thought about the fucking thing, she stormed into his God damned brain like a one-woman Spanish inquisition to get answers.
2) It was CLEARLY EXPLAINED that everyone on the Ark has a Neuralink Implant, and that CHILDREN ARE GIVEN THE IMPLANT. NOBODY HAS ANY PRIVACY, EVERYTHING IS MONITORED. Sure, there wasn't any indication of WHEN children are given *Plants*, like what age they receive it, but humanity is also grown in tanks in this setting so I'm guessing it's much earlier than THREE YEARS OLD.
3) Chao Feng continues to assert he had no idea of what he possessed despite having obviously looked at it many times in his life, including his family and their servants. In ALL THOSE YEARS, Devorah's surveillance algorithms just happened to never fire? Not when Feng hid these priceless artifacts in his FUCKING CLOSET? Not when we have characters in the present griping about how much power and reach the Curator has?
I said from Chapter 1 that those first five pages were so bad that it would be an instant 1-star review and dumpstering of the novel, but to come this far and see this unfold before my eyes is something else entirely. It is a crime against humanity that this shit was given greenlight to publish, and I am now fully convinced that Patrick's metrics on Amazon and Goodreads are fake. Nobody read this book before it was shat out into the world. It's not possible.
--E4: And because Patrick doesn't realize the catastrophic logic error he has introduced into this plot, Benson gets cucked by Captain Mahama when she invokes Emergency Operational Authority - basically, becomes a dictator who rules by fiat - and orders the release of Chao Feng to ensure the success of the landing operation. Even if a Council inquiry eventually overturned this action, it would take MONTHS to push it through, and nobody would because they're an incestuous ruling class as it is.
What we have in the Ark is a mystery that has been stretched more bloodily than Halo: Infinite's barren battlepass. It's not a complex web of intrigue, it's very straightforward: our first real conundrum was the missing Laraby having authentic, stolen artwork in his home, then Laraby turning up dead. We've been drawn into the mystery of the Heist and stolen cultural relics, and then we find out that one of the few people who purchased some of the same stolen artwork was the father of the Crew's First Officer Chao Feng. We don't have a motive for Laraby's death yet or why he had the art, but it's lunacy to insinuate that something as grave and severe as missing art in a post-apocalypse scenario like The Ark's is circumstantial evidence. Everybody that Sal Kite - an actual participant in the crime - named NEEDS TO BE INVESTIGATED, and for Mahama to pull this shit is so tremendously illogical that I can only castigate the author.
--E5: Mahama drops a line that should incriminate her but knowing Patrick, it won't be the token Zimbabwean captain who goes down for murder: the missing artwork is going to be anonymously returned to the museum within the day. Uhhh, why? The fuck do you know about it? There will never be an answer to that question, of course.
Mahama carries on that she can't have the chain of command being questioned at this critical junction, telling us (but not providing any evidence, weirdly!) that "dissent is trending up", whatever the fuck that means. Reminder that we've gone through assloads of exposition detailing that everyone on the Ark descends from people who showed genetic signs of committing the least amount of crime and shit. Guess we're throwing that out the window now, too.
Bahadur goes full retard as well and chides Benson for being too hasty in going after Feng, clearly unable to parse the impenetrable singularity of stupid they all exist within. Then, however, he says he'll do anything to help as long as they keep their coordinations *off the grid*. The two friends shake hands and the chapter ends.
Mercifully.
Chao Feng was arrested in the previous chapter for possession of stolen artwork per the longstanding case of the Heist several decades back. This represented a real break in what is honestly a straightforward mystery.
Dr. Edmond Laraby was reported missing at the start of the book, and that he was "off the grid", which is impossible - nobody can remove their Neuralink Implant, and he was hooked into the system. We get absolutely nothing about Laraby to start with, save for him owning an authentic Monet portrait that was stolen long ago. We're gradually pulled into this sub-story about the missing art, and it's all we have.
Dr. Laraby's corpse is found floating in space, and is retrieved. It's ruled a suicide to prevent distraction from the upcoming landing on Tau Ceti G. Benson's only lead is Salvador Kite, who promises to name buyers of the artwork in exchange for a trip to the Museum. Benson makes good on his promise and gets a list of names, including the father of Chao Feng, the Ark's First Officer.
Chao Feng inherited all the stolen artwork from his father, which some-fucking-how, never got detected in all the years leading up to the present story. He was rightfully arrested and brought in, but Captain Mahama pulls rank and activates the Ark's tyranny protocols, going full dictator and ordering his release until the upcoming landing succeeds because the case of Laraby's death is causing too many distractions. I strongly recommend you read this chapter and the relevant tangents. It is too stupid to be believed how we have a real break in the case being thrown out for nothing.
I'm not even going to entertain the insipid notion that "dissent is trending up" on the Ark either. We have seen NO EVIDENCE to that. It isn't obvious to anyone that there's any major turmoil brewing just beneath the surface in this plot. We're halfway through the book, too. That's totally unacceptable.
I was under the impression that any help Piggy might get from his in-laws was because Wisconsin is a community property state so Nikki is on the hook for 100% of Patso's debts.
I just have to say Fatrick’s pro se motion could be the most hilarious and jaw dropping pieces of cud any cow has produced.
He actually implicated a Federal judge in multiple felony crimes using the fail dox of schizo Jackie and her wild ‘John Nash-like connecting the internet dots‘ and put that into an official court document?
Baseless SWATTing (hopefully one of his interviewers will one day ask him what the second T stands for) accusations. One could argue that it's reasonable for him to believe his trolls are the ones doing it but maybe don't accuse people of federal crimes in your legal document with, again, zero proof.
Aside from all the other circumstantial shit, one of the main reasons I personally think patrick is behind at least a majority of SWATs is the fact he's unwilling to even entertain the idea that someone else could be behind them. He's thoroughly uninterested in actually finding out who's SWATting him, he just wants it to be pinned on the people he aready hates.
That pat document has got to be one of the most retarded things I have ever seen in my life, I knew he would do something absolutely moronic but he's actually insane to think that would somehow work. He's completely lost his fat fucking mind.
Man it would suck to be the representative who had to explain to fat that they're not gonna be relitigating the ruling and instead agreeing to pay Quasi.
