I caught myself wishing I was a girl
For the past few days now, I’ve been thinking about what I like and what I don’t like. For example: in bed, my partner says gender affirming things to me that before I used to love, but now whenever they do so, I feel off about it. It feels like either I’m a fraud or I’m not man enough or it’s just plain out wrong.
Whenever I’m called he/him/my name I feel this slight discomfort and I don’t understand why. Because if I’m called she/her I break down but they/them doesn’t feel good either. I tried he/they before and I never liked “they/them”, so I stopped identifying as a demiboy a long time ago now and have been just a man. But recently I caught myself wishing I was a girl. I wanted to be able to wear girly clothes and enjoy things girls do. I also started to miss my childhood because everything I owned was pink and girly and fun, but then again even as a kid I wanted to be a boy, just a pretty boy.
I don’t think I’m a girl, but sometimes I wish I was okay with being one. I never understood how girls were just okay with being girls, and even now I don’t. I never felt satisfaction with being a girl when I was younger, but I’m 20 years old now and I want what they have.
Another thing is, I can feel super masculine and super manly and refer to my parts in a typically masculine way, but then the next minute when my T dick is called a T dick/dick/penis it feels wrong. Idk what to do and im really worried cuz in a way im scared I was wrong this whole time.