"Mad at the Internet" - a/k/a My Psychotherapy Sessions

[Ralph Barnhardt]

<Be Null
<Dunk on Amerimutts for their extensive variety of the world's most popular cheese
<Flex that you have unsliced bread
<Talk extensively about your love of beet soup
<Put runny, extra eggy mayonnaise on your pizza
<Still fat

>Be Ralph
>Go to any farmer's market and get cheese curds in at least 10 different flavors and put in order for 1/4 of a cow
>Go to any chain store and get perfectly sliced whole wheat bread because that's something that's offered in America and banana peppers by the gallon
>Go to any deli anywhere and get whatever cheese I want sliced how I want with whatever lunch meat I want sliced how I want
>Go to kitchen and make pretty tasty sandwich using almost any combination of meat and cheese imaginable because this is America, fuck yeah!
>Still fat

Which way, western fat man?

 

[BarberFerdinand]

literally hundreds of coast-loving city-slickers writing me messages about how their obscure chain store not available outside of large cities and only found in certain states has a fucking cheese counter and bakery, when literally every rinky dink piece of shit store in europe has real bread and cheese.

Kroger(one of the biggest grocery chains in the US) and pretty much all of its subsidiaries has an uncommon cheese area and a fresh bread area. I can remember every Kroger owned store I've ever been to for the last decade having these. True, they also have the wall of cheddar, but options are available, it really isn't that uncommon.

Edit: I've never been to a Kroger in Florida.

 

[Null]

Kroger(one of the biggest grocery chains in the US) and pretty much all of its subsidiaries has an uncommon cheese area and a fresh bread area. I can remember every Kroger owned store I've ever been to for the last decade having these. True, they also have the wall of cheddar, but options are available, it really isn't that uncommon.

Kroger is the most dumpy ass shit store I've ever been to and when you people talk about how Kroger is great you need to clarify what state because I've been to a couple and to compare their deli section to Walmart is doing Walmart a disservice.

 

[toothless_banana]

literally hundreds of coast-loving city-slickers writing me messages about how their obscure chain store not available outside of large cities and only found in certain states has a fucking cheese counter and bakery, when literally every rinky dink piece of shit store in europe has real bread and cheese.

If you ever get the opportunity, I hope you take a road-trip and spend some time visiting smaller towns in fly-over states. Skip out on most of the areas built-up by interstate travel, and stay clear of "urban environments." The rural areas are fairly self-sustaining, are very inviting, and have a lot of charm. Florida is an aberration, and that weird wigger zone in particular that you seemed to have been raised in isn't an accurate reflection of most of the nation.

 

[Lidl Drip]

When Americans talk about how they actually have great cheese and fresh bread to Europeans it's kind of like when Africans are like "Uhmm.. we have roads and cars like everyone else???"



It's okay, the only way to stay happy and content is to not know what you are missing.

 

[Rungle]

Do Americans have like young cheese and old cheese? Or is that like a specific Netherlands thing?
Basically old cheese is a bit harder and saltier, while young cheese is very soft.

Might be that you fellers have a different name for it

 

[Null]

Do Americans have like young cheese and old cheese? Or is that like a specific Netherlands thing?
Basically old cheese is a bit harder and saltier, while young cheese is very soft.

Might be that you fellers have a different name for it

Americans know what parmesan reggiano is but that's about it.

Americans have Moz, Cheddar, "Swiss", Bleu, and Parmesan. The #1 cheese consumed in the United States is unregulated artificially colored dairy byproduct that is sold under various trade names like Velveeta and Craft Singles.

 

[SargonF00t]

Clearly this is a road trip that Joshie would have loved to have been on. I have sync'd the video to the exact spot.

 

[MooseGump]

Having worked at Kroger I can confirm that it's also the dumpiest store you can go to because corporate is running management to the ground and let their inventory rot despite the few employees that care complaining about it and nothing gets changed

If you think your Kroger is decent just wait a few months and that'll change unless the management is made of steel

 

[CognitiveDeficiency]

Americans know what parmesan reggiano is but that's about it.

Americans have Cheddar, "Swiss", Bleu, and Parmesan. The #1 cheese consumed in the United States is unregulated artificially colored dairy byproduct that is sold under various trade names like Velveeta and Craft Singles.

Velveeta isn't a dairy product, it is vegetable oil and chemicals. I think Kraft Singles are still "American Cheese" which is just milk curdled with chemicals instead of rennet.

 

[Asian tech support]

Having worked at Kroger I can confirm that it's also the dumpiest store you can go to because corporate is running management to the ground and let their inventory rot despite the few employees that care complaining about it and nothing gets changed

If you think your Kroger is decent just wait a few months and that'll change unless the management is made of steel

I've seen ONE Kroger that was not the bottom of the barrel. One. Somewhere in central Ohio.

 

[Null]

Velveeta isn't a dairy product, it is vegetable oil and chemicals. I think Kraft Singles are still "American Cheese" which is just milk curdled with chemicals instead of rennet.

"It was reformulated in 1953 as a "cheese spread",[4] but as of 2002, Velveeta is labeled in the United States as a "pasteurized prepared cheese product".[5][6]"
Kraft Foods lists Velveeta's ingredients as: milk, water, whey, milk protein concentrate, milkfat, whey protein concentrate, sodium phosphate, and 2% or less of salt, calcium phosphate, lactic acid, sorbic acid, sodium citrate, sodium alginate, enzymes, apocarotenal, annatto, and cheese culture.[8]

p.s. yes I obviously know about Publix, but I can't remember their cheese selection, and it's only in the American SE. Generally publix beat the shit out of everything else in quality because it was employee owned and even the little guys had crazy good upwards mobility and had stock options.

 

[Unique User Name]

American ex-pats have the dumbest wine and cheese takes. I've been all around the world and all across America. Good wine and cheese is real easy to find anywhere in the civilized world.

Americans just choose to eat shitty American food and simply aren't allowed to eat shitty Eurotrash delicacies like sheep stomach, pig lungs, or prion filled cow brain.

 

[MooseGump]

I've seen ONE Kroger that was not the bottom of the barrel. One. Somewhere in central Ohio.

That may be the only one, but you would have to go through Ohio to get to it like it's lord of the rings

 

[CognitiveDeficiency]

"It was reformulated in 1953 as a "cheese spread",[4] but as of 2002, Velveeta is labeled in the United States as a "pasteurized prepared cheese product".[5][6]"
Kraft Foods lists Velveeta's ingredients as: milk, water, whey, milk protein concentrate, milkfat, whey protein concentrate, sodium phosphate, and 2% or less of salt, calcium phosphate, lactic acid, sorbic acid, sodium citrate, sodium alginate, enzymes, apocarotenal, annatto, and cheese culture.[8]

p.s. yes I obviously know about Publix, but I can't remember their cheese selection, and it's only in the American SE. Generally publix beat the shit out of everything else in quality because it was employee owned and even the little guys had crazy good upwards mobility and had stock options.

View attachment 5459023

We have an employee owned market in town and the prices are really good. They do the whole profit sharing thing and buy from local farmers all the time. They also stock the local creamery's cheese but, you guessed it, it is almost entirely varieties of cheddar. They do make a pretty good knock-off of this dutch cheese with caraway and cumin called Leyden.

 

[PonderosaPete]

These last few pages reminded me of this

 

[JustSomeDong]

Americans know what parmesan reggiano is but that's about it.

Americans have Moz, Cheddar, "Swiss", Bleu, and Parmesan. The #1 cheese consumed in the United States is unregulated artificially colored dairy byproduct that is sold under various trade names like Velveeta and Craft Singles.

"It was reformulated in 1953 as a "cheese spread",[4] but as of 2002, Velveeta is labeled in the United States as a "pasteurized prepared cheese product".[5][6]"
Kraft Foods lists Velveeta's ingredients as: milk, water, whey, milk protein concentrate, milkfat, whey protein concentrate, sodium phosphate, and 2% or less of salt, calcium phosphate, lactic acid, sorbic acid, sodium citrate, sodium alginate, enzymes, apocarotenal, annatto, and cheese culture.[8]

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as LinuxCheese, is in fact, GNU/LinuxProcessed Cheese Product*, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus LinuxNuCheeze.

called it.

 

[Null]

These last few pages reminded me of this

that show was so far ahead of its time. black people hated it cuz there was an episode about MLK waking up from a coma and calling black people niggers a thousand times over.

 

[August Levasseur]

Cheese is a shit food item tbh. Way too much effort for way too little result.

 

[Tour of Italy]

Mad at the Dairy Aisle.