How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Betonhaus]

I hate how I have a very short period of time between "oh, I have to pee now" and "oh I have to pee NOW"

 

[Brain Power]

There's a fucking ghost in the house, it's haunting everywhere I go, not letting me progress with my life, travelling to annoy my relatives at another city, and I know exactly who it is. Get out of here, you caused enough long-lasting damage to the whole family while you were alive with your narcissism and manipulative behaviors.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I've had such a haunting, desolate pain lately. I have no family to go back to if the economy shits the bed, which it will... and no real skills, trade or education to make enough to survive the decay going on. I also have almost no one to truly live for that would make my existence matter. All I have are past regrets and future worries, while existing in an unpleasant present. I know I'm not alone in this, but it's weird how fucked things became and so fast.
I know everyone here loves AI because it's making artists seethe. But I do feel this existential crisis where drawing might have been one of the only things I could do with my life that would give me any validation or happiness. I wonder what the point of trying anything is if in ten years I will essentially be obsolete.
That's the best way to put it. I'm not going through conflict, but I am obsolete. I for all intents and purposes don't exist anymore.
I know I've tried sharing advice and wisdom on here and talked about how I've improved. But sometimes I think I'm just fooling myself.
It seems like there's very little I can do to make a future I can be happy in. And I refuse to just be another slave to the system, never fulfilling any of the things that would make me human.
I'm being garnished for a suicide attempt years ago. A quarter of my paycheck just gone, because I dared to try to end my life.

I don't want to sound melodramatic, but suicide does sound like the right option most of the time. Everything everyone's told me to function in this world right now sounds like a cope. I'm sure there's people who can obtain some peace of mind. But I don't think I'm one of them.
Things might turn around and get better, but let's be honest... realistically, why would they?
Living in an age where automation is advancing rapidly and the economic opportunities are dismal doesn't really help someone with a low image of themselves already. Sometimes I wonder if that's also part of the plan.
Maybe there is no real fucking plan. Maybe everyone's just pants shittingly retarded and this is the way things would be playing out without malicious intent. I don't know.
The only thing I could see doing of any value is taking my life in protest or doing some gay 13 Reasons Why shit to at least raise some awareness for people that there are millions like me and it's an actual problem. I refuse to become some fedposter who does awful shit to innocent people like it's expected. But I also don't feel like having a nothing life with nothing to look forward to.
This site and the blackpill shit I've seen recently haven't been helping with all of this at all. Maybe I need a break. It just hurts too much being reminded of reality all the time.
I'm not trying to gain sympathy or fish for attention, but there's a real possibility I might be dead soon. But if that ends up being the case, I should just accept it as something I've wanted for a while and not treat it like it's this big thing. I hate saying that. I really want to love life. But I haven't in a very long time.
I'm sorry if this is too much. I'm just honestly describing where I'm at.

Jesus I need a break from this shit.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

@(((I am NOT a jew))) As always your feelings are normal. A man is defined by his usefulness. I've found stuff to keep me limping along in real life until I'm old. It's just so bleak out there. The modern world tries to stomp your average man under foot. Like I said, don't tie in your dreams and vision of success with the approval of other people.

I'm tired of being isolated as fuck but I can't get along with other people. I can barely use the internet these days besides Kiwifarms because everyone here is so based.

I feel like I'm alive and living in hell, and just trying to survive it. There's so little good in our society I'm often at a loss what to do. I don't know what to do with my own future because I don't know what to even value anymore. When you've pulled away from other people as I have it gets hard to define yourself.

I'm sleep deprived, tired as fuck, and itchy all over from eczema.

 

[Anonitolia]

I've had an insane streak of good luck in the past week. Loads and loads of minor things went excellently and tons of major ones did, too. The most important thing of note is that I FINALLY HAVE A FUCKING JOB and a great excuse to get off my ass and make some money. Hell fucking yeah.

 

[AnOminous]

Doing pretty okay. Went to Thanksgiving dinner with family, always fun. There is nothing better than a holiday solely about eating. We spent a few minutes mocking the horrid cunt one of my uncles dumped and sharing anecdotes about what a fucked-up nutcase she was.

And mocked a couple other lolcows of the extended family and other in-laws.

And my from-scratch cheesecake turned out well and I liked that. I'm going to make it again for Christmas, and then just for myself so I get to eat some of it.

My family generally has a no politics allowed rule because we're all completely crazy. If you do bring up politics everyone is allowed to make fun of you.

 

[Second Sun]

@(((I am NOT a jew))) The days are bad my friend, but death solves nothing. A few years ago I felt truly doomed and realized I had only 2 options left, suicide or trying. So I applied for hundreds of jobs and luckily actually got a good one. I've barely lived, but worked and saved enough for a depost on a house.

Now I'm on the dating apps and find it similarly doom inducing. It's entirely possible I won't find anyone, but I refuse to give up. I've suffered too much to quit now.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

@(((I am NOT a jew))) The days are bad my friend, but death solves nothing. A few years ago I felt truly doomed and realized I had only 2 options left, suicide or trying. So I applied for hundreds of jobs and luckily actually got a good one. I've barely lived, but worked and saved enough for a depost on a house.

Now I'm on the dating apps and find it similarly doom inducing. It's entirely possible I won't find anyone, but I refuse to give up. I've suffered too much to quit now.

After you date enough women, you realize they ain't shit. It'd be nice if a decent one existed, but they pretty much don't. Instead focus on building up skills. Skills for hobbies, practical skills. Don't let yourself stay in place.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

The days are bad my friend, but death solves nothing. A few years ago I felt truly doomed and realized I had only 2 options left, suicide or trying. So I applied for hundreds of jobs and luckily actually got a good one. I've barely lived, but worked and saved enough for a depost on a house.

Thanks man. I guess the thing about suicide that people don't understand is the fact that it "isn't the answer", it's that it's not ANY answer. That sounds like some mumble rap fakedeep shit but what I mean is when you're relatively young but not young enough to feel like you're just starting your life, you're sometimes so overwhelmed by the possibilities that you don't really want to decide. It's the equivalent of the "falling leaves of possibilities" in The Bell Jar. You see so many leaves, all with amazing possibilities. But they're all so amazing that you fail to even pick one.
In the next five years I could be vagabonding around the country just letting the world fall down around me as I enjoy my own journey.
I could be going to college to meet people and make a first short film.
I could be learning a trade that could keep me secured and give me the ability to support myself and own whatever I want.
I could be making videos that entertain people.
I could meet a nice girl and live out in the country somewhere.
All of these are amazing possibilities, but by doing one I'm negating a thousand others. I could try them all at once, or try some later, but ultimately you're working with time. And there's so many things that could go wrong or halt progress on any endeavor, that you just stop and recoil and choose nothing, ultimately becoming an adult version of the kid who couldn't pick between any treats the parent offered to get them if they only could decide on one.

Death kind of makes that all seem really easy. Before you go down a path that might be the wrong one, you're cucking yourself out of any decision making. You can maybe get a girl eventually, or you might not. So you don't want to wait around and have life actually give you a choice that isn't really what you wanted but something you settled for. For someone who can't decide on anything, who doesn't want to see just how bad things get before they get better, and who feels like even the things they want in life but not even be in their grasp, it makes sense.
In a couple of months if I can really overcome this hell life will be a LOT better for me. But it won't be nearly as good or as bad as what I think it will be and it will be an actual reality I'm dealing with instead of the dream/fear of what it may be. And for some reason that shit scares me. Still, getting through this mostly by myself and dropping the people who put me in this state over the course of years is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. I hope it's all worth it.

Good job on the deposit though mate. I would avoid the dating websites as they seem to be very disheartening for more people than less. If you have any friends I'd ask to hang out with them, as having people around you will attract more people. If not, maybe going out to interesting places like the beach. I don't know man. Dating seems even harder now as opposed to three years ago. I wish you the best though.

 

[Triple Flutz]

I'm doing great! We had a wonderful celebration Sunday and I always love to get as many family members as possible into one location, it tires me out in the most rewarding way to spend a day of making sure everyone has a good time. My husband and I then had a bit over 24h to ourselves and made the most of it, a quiet and unremarkable life of domesticity really does suit me better than I could ever have thought, but having young children can be exhausting if you don't take the time to maintain your relationship and exist beyond your role as parents and I'm thankful that we make it a priority and that the people around us are trustworthy and kind enough to make sure we get to do that every few weeks. You'd be surprised at how revitalizing it is to go to the market at night with your spouse dressed up for the theater just because and take as long as you want, occasionally making fun of tryhard hot sauce names.
My close associate who got a terrible diagnosis has started treatment and is tolerating it very well, thankful for that as well. I'm just going to keep on praying for a good resolution and if it isn't possible, for at least peace and lack of pain, be there in whatever capacity I can, and ensure I nurture our relationship even more than usual.

My family generally has a no politics allowed rule because we're all completely crazy. If you do bring up politics everyone is allowed to make fun of you.

Great rule, we do the same and I end up feeling almost put upon when visiting with people who don't. I forget that it isn't universal and I surprised pikachu face when someone asks me about the freedom truck convoy or some retarded shit when I'm just trying to cook or enjoy someone else's home-cooked meal. It's uncouth and enhances the experience for absolutely no one other than people who like to regurgitate takes they've read somewhere else.

 

[Xenomorph]

I think men are starting to wake up to the fact that women, intellectually speaking, have very little to offer men. All a woman has is her body.

Have you ever considered that you might just be a giant asshole?

 

[Blamo2000]

I tried to check back to some old places I used to frequent online. They are so dead.
The internet feels so empty and lonely, especially if you don't want to be a social media user.

One of the reasons I got back here. This place feels alive. There is activity and it's not a small and declining hivemind. Cozy stuff.
I find it fascinating that the community here is so at risk of being doxed etc. that the discussions stay on the site, instead of being absorbed by Discord and whatnot.

Thanks jurnoscum and trannies, you basically made it sure there is at least one active and healthy forum on the Internet.

 

[The Cunting Death]

I think men are starting to wake up to the fact that women, intellectually speaking, have very little to offer men. All a woman has is her body.

Lol fag

 

[Blamo2000]

The red pill has some good ideas, but it absolutely ignores the human element. We are animals but we can act against our programming somewhat.

 

[Betonhaus]

I think men are starting to wake up to the fact that women, intellectually speaking, have very little to offer men. All a woman has is her body.

Yeah the social dynamics have changed a lot. A hundred years ago marriages were between two half's of a whole where each gender had its own roles and expectations, but nowadays it's very muddled with everyone for themselves - and if you try to put your partner before you they'll take everything you have and leave you with nothing. There's not a lot of ways to fix that

 

[Kalsarikännit]

There's a fucking ghost in the house, it's haunting everywhere I go, not letting me progress with my life, travelling to annoy my relatives at another city, and I know exactly who it is. Get out of here, you caused enough long-lasting damage to the whole family while you were alive with your narcissism and manipulative behaviors.

Oh, that’s me. Sorry about that.

 

[LonesomeDud]

I'm listening to music and I've taken edibles. I feel very stupid, but pleasantly social, so many shitposts to follow. Good day, Kiwi bros.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I'm listening to music and I've taken edibles. I feel very stupid, but pleasantly social, so many shitposts to follow. Good day, Kiwi bros.

At 4pm my time, I shall pack a cone and hit the Joshcore. Git me mah head right for MATI, as has been my new tradition the last couple streams.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

I'm having margaritas to deal with the inevitable pre-thanksgiving fights my family picks every year over the dumbest bullshit. It's also 4:20 so I might throw some weed into the mix

 

[Blamo2000]

I'm listening to music and I've taken edibles. I feel very stupid, but pleasantly social, so many shitposts to follow. Good day, Kiwi bros.

Hope you are having a good time.

Oh, that’s me. Sorry about that.

Spooky if true.