How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I'm mobile so I'm going to try putting on my airboot and doing a decent clean of the house. I broke my leg before we got the last bit of stuff out of the storage unit and my housemate has been busy with school and hasn't been able to unpack his shit or organize the storage room. Looking forward to it.
 
Definitely 100% caught whatever my kids had last week- they’re still a bit sick, but much better, whereas I feel feverish and my throat feels like I swallowed some powdered glass or something. The pain radiates into my ears but I don’t think there is anything going on there, it does feel linked to my throat pain. Lots of coughing, my husband is a saint for not smothering me with a pillow. My nose and sinuses are clear despite all other symptoms (my kids’ weren’t) so I’m not sure what kind of illness this is.
Feeling really proud of how responsible and thoughtful my kids are- I woke up early with them and was really miserable, and my two eldest set me up a bed on one of the couches and brought me water so I’m just resting whilst they’re playing nicely and pretty quietly and checking up on me. It’s funny because I’m noticing that they’re just repeating the things I tell them when they’re feeling off verbatim, children really are sponges in that sense. I’m probably going to stay here another 30ish minutes and then make them actual breakfast beyond the feast of fruit they’ve had so far today.
Daughter just came to me sad because her brother took a bite of her clementine thinking it was his, so I told her she can either keep that one for herself or go pick a brand new one that I’ll peel for her. She thought about it for a minute, said “I’ll just go and get myself a fresh new orange, but I’m still sad.” And I reminded her that she’s gaining extra orange by making that decision and she thought about it for a minute, her face lit up, and she said "oh yeah, that’s true. " and I just want to say I love this age and I’m going to miss problem solving being this easy when they start having big kid issues. A fresh new orange, lmao. Cute.
 
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Is your coworker a toddler? Because this is what toddlers do.
Speak of the devil, she quit today! I didn't need to say a word!

Loooooks like I'm going back to working 5 12hr shifts a week!!!!
It’s funny because I’m noticing that they’re just repeating the things I tell them when they’re feeling off verbatim, children really are sponges in that sense.
It's good you notice this...
When my sister got her first job around 17, she'd come home and say things like "I am just too tired to deal with anything!" And then our mom would say, "I can't believe she would act like that! Doesn't she know she has it easy?" But.... she verbatim was saying the same things my mom said after work- "I'm so overwhelmed, I can't do anything. I'm so tired."

And the crazy part is when I first moved out and got a roommate.... he'd ask me how work was, and I always said "I'm just tired..." Finally one day he said "Why are you always so tired after work?" And it struck me I was doing the exact same thing. I wasn't really that tired- it was just this inherited defeatist attitude from mom.
I think if I didn't have this sudden realization, and instead went "I say I'm tired all the time because I really am!", I'd have developed depression.
 
It's good you notice this...
I try to be really careful and intentional with the way I word things to them, sometimes I don’t do as well as I should I’m sure, the bickering-with-each-other age is very trying at times, but I figure the way we speak to them is going to inform the way they perceive us, themselves, the world, and even their inner dialogue so I don’t want it to be a harsh or demeaning voice. They’ll be getting plenty of that from outside our home and I don’t want to have a negative impact on their self-confidence or on their sense of security. I only ever yell for danger and it’s served us well because they immediately respond to that, I’ve seen some kids being so desensitized to shouting that they don’t even stop playing. Really upsetting to me to think of what goes on at home, whether it’s the way those kids are spoken to or the relationship they see being modeled by their parents.
 
Been there. Done that. Nobody can save people from themselves. Done that at least three times with identical endings. Every human on earth has autonomy once they reach adulthood, and you can't puppet them into doing what they should. It's very easy to be manipulated into taking on a parental role with their depression that removes their obligation to work with you on their issues. You become the enabler of their dysfunctional coping mechanisms because you feel sorry for them and you take on responsibility for their state. If they cared about more than themselves, they would. I gave the last dude three years of my life to pull himself together and he never did, just sat on his ass eating shit food and playing video games while making every excuse in the book to not work and will never, ever own up to avoiding his responsibilities. It's a respect thing when you share a house and utilities to keep getting up when you fall down so you are not implicating the welfare of others in your misery. In the end, if they don't accept boundaries and consequences, it's time to cut them loose, for your sake and theirs. Some people need to be out on their ass for a reality check. Most of them come back pleading for another chance and make effort all of a sudden when they feel the effects of you putting your foot down, but if that happens, you know they're only doing it because they're inconvenienced and want their gravy train back. If they cared about you, they would get up and keep trying in some way or other. You don't need to pay this kind of price for companionship. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and follow through with consequences; not for them, but for you, because you are actually bearing the weight of their problems as well as theirs when they don't take steps to own it and deal with it appropriately.
 
I'm sick and tired of being alone. It fucking sucks and I feel like a fragment of a real person.
I don't know if you mean romantically or socially, but either way is there anything you can do to help build up a new friend group? It can help with the former to. Maybe some social activity you can sign up for in your local area. The hardest part of building a social life is usually the first few friends or groups. After that it can start to snowball.
I am so tired.

Home life has been hard for a long time now. Mr. Varis is on a record stretch of bad luck, bad decisions and just plain incompetence, and although I try to be his rock, his suffering is chipping away at my well-being. He has reached that Johnny Cash's "Hurt" point in his depression where he doesn't want to even try because he knows he's just going to fail. He obsesses over money (namely lottery) and despairs at how little he has achieved in life, and I try to remain sympathetic, but I'm nearing my limit. Sometimes I want to tell him "motherfucker, if you had gotten off your procrasting, undiagnosed ADHD ass and actually worked hard at something other than map games, you would have more to your name," but... it rings hollow coming from someone who inherited all their wealth.

My femoid brain wants to internalize the blame. I should have helped him less. I shouldn't have shouldered his responsibilities, even if other people would have suffered for it. If I just had forced him to do the things he finds uncomfortable, he would have grown accustomed to them and gotten over the discomfort. I'm starting to infantilize him.

I want to think that there is still hope. He isn't fighting my attempts at improving his life. I'm pushing him forward with the hope that, somehow, I can build enough momentum to get him to move on his own again, but at the same time I wonder... Am I just fixing his problems for him again?

So fucking tired.

Thanks for the therapy. Check is in the mail.
I can almost feel your weariness through your words. This is an awful situation. I really don't believe that it's your responsibility that he's like this, no matter how much your brain tries to blame you for it. Only you can make the judgement call whether you're just pushing a car that wont start or if it's going to kick into life again. But if you've given what you've got, you shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to go down with the ship.

Self-help books are usually patronizing and often just a mask for what you know you need to do anyway, but there's one called "Tiny Habits" by BJ Fogg which is quite practical and has some techniques that might help him if you want to try that. I mean, for him to help himself if he does them. May be worth a go. I'm 100% certain the author is someone I couldn't stand, mind you.
 
Sorry to post again but the first real wave of grief and guilt has hit me about my cat passing yesterday, and I am alone at home. Did adopting another kitten/cat help others to cope and recover? I don't want to replace him and adopting another is not intended to do that but I'm in fucking agony, dude. This is the first time in my life I've never had a friend waiting for me at home, no softness in my otherwise solitary life. When my first kitty died, this one was here to help me recover. It's a strange and unwelcome feeling. I don't know what to do with it.
If you need a cat get yourself a cat, or at least go to the shelter to look around

Some people wait a while between pets, I've known other people who don't wait 48hrs because they need a cat/dog at home (and are ready to take care of a new one.)
 
I regret what I studied at University, if not having attended University altogether.

I hate my career, it's a big, stinky pile of shit. I've done absolutely anything worth a dime but stoicly suffering hysterical, irrational girlbosses deluded into thinking they're brilliant, independent, strong, empowered females fighting a patriarchy that hates hem just because they're women despite the fact they're allowed a degree of ineptitude and incompetence a white man would never get away with.

I hate office culture, and I hate the insistence on office 'culture'.

Bitch, I don't fucking give a shit about this company or its purported values. I don't fucking want to be your fucking friend nor I want to team-build nor I want to relationship-build nor anything like that. All you whores are going do dinners together while backstabbbing each others, and you're asking me for a fervent identification with this shitty ass company that doesn't pay me enough to live a decent life while your fatass jew bastard overlords are somewhere bathing in gold and pondering how to replace me with a dumb, smelly, rapist pajeet.

Don't come and talk shit about our goals, how we take care of each other, mental health, we're a big family or shit like that. I just do this because I'm not attractive enough to sell my ass to rich perverts.

Fuck off the whole of you.
Was gonna say this, so I'll just say "not great"
 
Sorry to post again but the first real wave of grief and guilt has hit me about my cat passing yesterday, and I am alone at home. Did adopting another kitten/cat help others to cope and recover? I don't want to replace him and adopting another is not intended to do that but I'm in fucking agony, dude. This is the first time in my life I've never had a friend waiting for me at home, no softness in my otherwise solitary life. When my first kitty died, this one was here to help me recover. It's a strange and unwelcome feeling. I don't know what to do with it.
it might be too soon to adopt a new one, rebound pets dont get as much love because they get compared to the old one. it might help to have a ritual like a mini funeral to help grieve, or get their faivorite bed or blanket made into a stuffed toy. when the pain has subsided a little it will be fine to adopt
 
Sorry to post again but the first real wave of grief and guilt has hit me about my cat passing yesterday, and I am alone at home. Did adopting another kitten/cat help others to cope and recover? I don't want to replace him and adopting another is not intended to do that but I'm in fucking agony, dude. This is the first time in my life I've never had a friend waiting for me at home, no softness in my otherwise solitary life. When my first kitty died, this one was here to help me recover. It's a strange and unwelcome feeling. I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry for your loss fren. My mom always adopted new pets when old ones passed away, and to be blunt it did help us cope. I can't go back to being pet-free, like you said, coming home to no pet is heart breaking after so many years of having that. But new pets don't ever replace old pets, you'll never forget your old friend, so don't feel guilty if you do decide to adopt.
 
I am alone at home. Did adopting another kitten/cat help others to cope and recover? I don't want to replace him and adopting another is not intended to do that but I'm in fucking agony, dude.
Personally, I would wait a little to process the happening.
 
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I am so tired.

Home life has been hard for a long time now. Mr. Varis is on a record stretch of bad luck, bad decisions and just plain incompetence, and although I try to be his rock, his suffering is chipping away at my well-being. He has reached that Johnny Cash's "Hurt" point in his depression where he doesn't want to even try because he knows he's just going to fail. He obsesses over money (namely lottery) and despairs at how little he has achieved in life, and I try to remain sympathetic, but I'm nearing my limit. Sometimes I want to tell him "motherfucker, if you had gotten off your procrasting, undiagnosed ADHD ass and actually worked hard at something other than map games, you would have more to your name," but... it rings hollow coming from someone who inherited all their wealth.

My femoid brain wants to internalize the blame. I should have helped him less. I shouldn't have shouldered his responsibilities, even if other people would have suffered for it. If I just had forced him to do the things he finds uncomfortable, he would have grown accustomed to them and gotten over the discomfort. I'm starting to infantilize him.

I want to think that there is still hope. He isn't fighting my attempts at improving his life. I'm pushing him forward with the hope that, somehow, I can build enough momentum to get him to move on his own again, but at the same time I wonder... Am I just fixing his problems for him again?

So fucking tired.

Thanks for the therapy. Check is in the mail.
I'm sorry your mister is /has been struggling and apparently not able (or willing) to fight his way through a downturn...but the odds of playing mommy to a man and getting a functional adult are exceptionally low (kind of depends on what he's really made of; a stumble isn't a fundamental flaw, but sometimes a fundamental flaw gets papered over as if a mere stumble, particularly by helpful, strong, and optimistic Captain Save-a-Hos (been there, trust).)

Do look out for yourself while undertaking this effort, and I mean both emotionally and pragmatically.

Don't know how long you've been together or your views on relationships in general (obviously, internet stranger), but I also encourage you to look inward and consider your responsibility to yourself as well as your love and hope for him.
 
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